It was already 4 am . The sky was still cloudy from the rain . My hands shook as I frantically dialed Yin Xuan’s number . But her phone was off . I left a voicemail, but the unfamiliar, strange tone of the machine left me uneasy .

In the end, I grabbed my keys, and wearing only my pajamas, rushed out the door .

Outside, the cold, damp atmosphere chilled my hands . Yet, I almost couldn’t feel it . I just didn’t want to be by myself . It felt like a foreign soul was residing in my body, and it wanted to get rid of me .  

I ran on in the empty streets . In my heart, I could only think of how frightening my past self was . I felt angry, remorseful, and at a loss . I didn’t understand myself, and nor did anyone else . No one knew what I was like .

The wind whistled past my ears . I wanted to run faster, so I could arrive sooner at that familiar door .

Almost without thinking, I sprinted to Yin Li’s house . I didn’t know where I had lost my slippers along the way . I stood outside, yelling his name . My voice was rough and filled with sorrow . The light in Yin Li’s bedroom on the third floor finally lit up .

“Yan Xiao?!” When Yin Li made his way downstairs, he finally saw my tear-streaked face . He looked panicked . Seeing the wounds on my feet, he didn’t say a word . He simply picked me up and brought me inside .

A blanket was wrapped around me, and a soft towel covered my head . Yin Li gently wiped off the dew on my hair . Then he shoved a cup of hot tea in my hands and looked searchingly into my eyes .

“What’s wrong?” He wrapped his two hands around my hands, which were holding the tea .

Staring into the teacup, I noticed the surface was smooth, with no ripples . I was no longer shaking . I was sitting on the sofa, and Yin Li was crouched at my feet . If I just looked down, I would be able to see his gentle face . Finally, I calmed down and forced myself to clearly tell Yin Li all that had happened .

“So, Xuan Xuan wants to come clean to everything this afternoon at the press conference? No wonder she’s so well behaved these days . So it was to trick me . ”

I thought Yin Li would become angry . However, he was surprisingly calm .

“Ever since last night, I’ve been unable to reach her . She disappeared . I couldn’t find her . I thought that she just needed some personal s.p.a.ce to reflect on the movie . ” The tone of his voice was flat and inscrutable . “But if she’s decided to do something, she won’t let others’ dissuasion stop her . She’d even go so far as to hide from the world until she finishes what she set out to do . ”

Yin Li had already removed his hands from mine . He furrowed his brows and started dialing numbers, dispatching people to find Yin Xuan and giving a heads up to his friends in the media . On the other hand, I started feeling cold . My lips started trembling . I didn’t look Yin Li in the eye . It was too awkward . Just a day ago, it was him who had owed me, and I could hate him without regard . But now, the circ.u.mstances were unclear .

Unexpectedly, he gave me a hug . He brought me into his embrace, and patiently kissed my bangs . He rested my head against his chest so that my nose pressed into his s.h.i.+rt .

“Don’t be afraid . It’ll all be fine . This isn’t your fault . ”

“You aren’t mad? If we can’t find Yin Xuan…”

“You don’t know how happy I am . ” His hands cupping my face, Yin Li quickly cut me off . His expression was earnest . “Hearing that Xuan Xuan didn’t purposely hit you is the best news I could ever hear . It’s like an unexpected gift . I’m very happy . Really, I am . ”

“You’re not at fault . And you never wrongly blamed me . Yan Xiao, you don’t ever need to tell me ‘I’m sorry . ” Xuan Xuan has always been overly spoiled . That’s why she willfully, recklessly, and drunkenly vented her emotions . Regardless, after the accident, it’s because she hid to avoid punishment that we ended up with this mess . Moreover, I’m not a good person . I overprotected her . I sheltered her, took care of the accident’s aftermath, and secretly brought you back from France . ”  

I looked up at Yin Li . His eyes were a beautiful black, just like the first time we met .

“Our selfishness changed your life . You were never at fault . Don’t feel guilty . This punishment is only right for us . Let us experience the horror of losing what we hold most dear . I’ve said it before . You are my punishment . ”

“Do you want to be free from this punishment?” I tugged a corner of the blanket and bit my lip . Feeling a bit awkward, I continued, “I feel like my past self wasn’t necessarily a good person . ”

Yin Li smiled . “I don’t want to be free of this . ”

“I feel ashamed for what I have done . But I don’t regret it . Only because I’m a bad person did I get the chance to meet you . ” Yin Li looked at the clock on the wall . “I will go out to look for Xuan Xuan now . What I need you to do is just sit here quietly . Believe me . All will be well . You aren’t at fault . And don’t think about the past . You said it was suicide, and that makes me very worried . Let’s resolve it when I come back, okay?”

I nodded . As if by magic, the enchanted vines that had tightly bound and choked me grew docile under the power of his words . The vines withdrew their tendrils and slowly fell into slumber .

Yin Li put on his jacket and finally left the house . As he was shutting the door, I clearly saw his expression harden .