"Simply," says he, "in putting the first premiss, I used the old formula, viz., that the point in question was as clear as that two and two make four."

"Good Heavens! have I been disputing _that_ with you?" I almost shout.

"What else?" he asks, astonished.

"Why ... I ..." I really cannot speak, I am so annoyed. I've lost a whole morning, and whole day, perhaps, and a jolly party, and--and--and--

"What's the matter?" asks Mrs. Boodels, handing her instrument of torture to the Professor. "What does he say?"

"He says--" commences the Professor ....

_Je me sauve!_ (_Exit myself, hurriedly._) I rush to the stable.

"James! Where are they gone?"

"They said, sir, as they were gone to the meet. 'Ounds is out near 'ere."

[Ill.u.s.tration: "GONE TO THE MEET."]

CHAPTER IX.

A WET DAY.

RAIN--THE MEDFORDS--CONVERSATION--A PROPOSAL--ACCEPTED--THE TRICK-- THE LECTURE.

Provoking! "I do believe," says Miss Adelaide Cherton, "it's literally set in for rain."

Mrs. Boodels, without troubling herself to raise her ear-trumpet, smiles blandly and proceeds with her knitting.

_Happy Thought._ A deaf person can always talk to herself, and obtain a hearing.

Miss Bella exclaims, "Oh, what shall we do if it rains?"

Whereupon Miss Medford observes that the gentlemen will amuse us.

[Miss Medford is an addition to our party. She was brought by Mrs. Orby Frimmely, and Mr. Frimmely subsequently came down with her brother Alfred Medford, a celebrated musical amateur, "of the n.o.bility's concerts." "A very interesting looking young man," Mrs. Boodels observes aloud when he arrives, but she is a little afraid of him on finding that he can do _a_ conjuring trick. He only has one.]

[Ill.u.s.tration: MISS MEDFORD. _Happy Thought._--"j.a.panese Tommy" style.]

I continue reading the newspaper. I determine to withdraw presently to my own room, where I shall lock myself in and ....

_Happy Thought for Wet Day._ Write letters. Jenkyns Soames observes that he shall devote his day to correcting his great work on Scientific Economy for the press. Mrs. Orby Frimmely says, that "it's wonderful to _her_, how Mr. Soames thinks of all the clever things he writes."

[Ill.u.s.tration: MRS. ORBY FRIMMELY. _Happy Thought._--The Anyhow style.]

Soames remarks upon this, modestly, that "he has made the one subject his study, and all his thoughts are given to its development."

Mrs. Boodels requests that the Professor's last observation may be repeated to her.

Solo on the Ear-trumpet by Miss Medford. Milburd strolls in, then Boodels. Mrs. Boodels suddenly informs everyone that she is deeply interested in Mr. Soames' work, and, as it is a wet day, will he read some of it aloud to amuse us?

The ladies look at one another and smile. Mrs. Orby Frimmely exclaims, "Oh do," and laughs.

Milburd says it's just the thing to while away a happy hour, and instances the Polytechnic as being his favourite place of amus.e.m.e.nt in London.

Mr. Soames replies to this that the Polytechnic and himself are different inst.i.tutions.

"All right," says Milburd; "go ahead!" Whereupon Milburd rushes into the library. Silence during his absence. It is broken by Medford asking Boodels if he's ever seen the trick with the shilling in the tumbler?

Boodels replies that he has, but would like to see it again. Medford is just producing his shilling when the Professor returns. The Professor, who has been searching for something in his note book, now asks if they (the ladies) really wish to hear some of his new book.

"Oh! do!" enthusiastically everybody.

"I will fetch it down," says the Professor, much pleased, and leaves the room.

Medford holds up the shilling and says, "You see this shilling." Boodels begs his pardon for a minute, and, referring to the Professor, asks, "I say, haven't we let ourselves into too much of a good thing?"

Mrs. Frimmely observes "that it'll be something to do."

Miss Adelaide says, "I hate lectures."

Miss Bella strikes in with, "Well, if he bores, we can ask him questions."

It appears that he's going to have a lively time of it.

Milburd re-enters; he has arranged the library, and begs us to "Walk up!" as if it were a show.

Medford observes that there will be time before the lecture begins to show his conjuring trick with the shilling.

Cazell interrupts him with the gong from the hall, and Chilvern plays a march on the piano. Medford pockets his shilling and observes that "he'll do it afterwards."

The Professor appears on the scene. He requests that there may be no Tomfoolery.

I say to him, "No, of course not," as I really do wish Milburd would show some consideration, and treat the matter seriously.

Milburd apologises for his fun, and we attend the Professor to the library. There we find a black board, a gla.s.s of water, and a piece of chalk.

"I propose," commences the Professor, "dealing with the Pleasures of Wealth." "Brayvo!" from Milburd. Immediately frowned down by everybody.

"I have reduced the calculation to a simple formula, intelligible to all intellects of more or less cultivation."

Medford asks me in a whisper if I _do_ know his trick with a shilling. I return "hush" and look serious.

Winks between Byrton and Chilvern.