Happy-Thought Hall.

by F. C. Burnand.

CHAPTER I.

THE IDEA--ADVICE--t.i.tLE--PLAN--ON PAPER--SUGGESTION--COST--BOODELS-- OLD FRIENDS--JENKYNS SOAMES--DESIGNS--STAIRCASES--BAYS--OBJECTIONS-- ORDER OF ARCHITECTURE--STABLES--PRICE--GIVEN UP--CAZELL'S IDEA.

_Happy Thought._--To get a country house for the winter. To fill it with friends. To have one wing for bachelors. Another wing for maidens with _chaperons_. To have the _Nave_, as it were, of the house, for the married people.

"I'll tell you what you ought to do," says Cazell to me. "You ought to build a nice little snuggery in the country."

I object to the cost.

"Cost? Bah! that's nothing. You can always get a Building Society," says he, enthusiastically, "to advance you _any_ sum."

I ask how these Building Societies proceed.

[Ill.u.s.tration: CAZELL.]

"Simply enough," says Cazell, who invariably knows everything about anything, only if you act on his information and go wrong, he generally denies warmly afterwards that "he ever said such a thing." "Simply enough," he continues. "You go to the Society, you give 'em some security,--any security will do, and you could get _that_ easily enough." I nod cheerfully, more to encourage him to proceed, than from any feeling of certainty as to the means of obtaining the security.

Then, having, satisfactorily to himself, disposed of this difficulty, he continues:--"Well, your security in this case would be your t.i.tle-deeds of the house and land."

_Happy Thought._--t.i.tle-deeds.

"Then," he goes on, as if he'd been accustomed to do this sort of thing every day, "you say how much you want. Then they ask you" (it's becoming quite dramatic), "where's your house? You say .... wherever it is, you know." Cazell puts it in this way, as impressing upon me that before the Building Society I _must_ tell the truth and not pretend to them that my house is in Bedfordshire, for example, when it isn't. "Well," he resumes, "then they ask you what sort of a house do you intend to build?

Then, you lay your plan before them."

_Happy Thought._--The Plan of my House.

"They examine it, that is, their architect does ... they inquire about the land ... and then they decide, whether they'll buy it for you, or not."

("_Not_" I should think, but I don't say so.)

"Then," he goes on. "You make the purchase, and hand over the t.i.tle-deeds. Pay them a rent and a per-centage every year until the whole is paid off, when it becomes yours."

"In fact," I put it, bluffly, to him, "I can build a house without having any money; I mean, by getting the money from the Building Society?"

"Precisely. Any day."

I hesitate. It really is--if Cazell is correct--much better than hiring a house ... or taking lodgings. And what does Cazell think the cost will be?

"Well," says he, "put it at 2,000, the outside." I reflect that the inside, too, will be a considerable expense. "A good, strong house. Why, I knew a fellow build one for 1,500. Just what you want. Then, there's the ground--say at another two. And there you are. Four thousand altogether. Well, you'd pay 'em a mere rent for that, and so much tacked on, which would, each time, reduce the princ.i.p.al. And when you pay your last year of rent and interest, it ought to have come down to a five-pound note."

This is admirable. What a glorious society is the Building Society ...

_if_ Cazell is only right.

I will draw out plans at once.

Will he come down with me, somewhere, and choose the land?

"Certainly. Why not try Kent?" he asks. I have no objection to Kent.

"But," I suggest, "wouldn't it be better, first, to settle the sort of thing wanted?"

_Happy Thought._--Put it down on paper.

A billiard-room, _absolute necessity_.

Stables. _Do._

"Bath-room," adds Milburd, to whom, on his accidentally looking in, we appeal for a.s.sistance.

[Ill.u.s.tration: MILBURD.]

_Happy Thought._--"While I _am_ about it" (as Milburd says), "why not a Turkish bath?" In the house. Excellent!

What after this?

Milburd suggests smoking-room, and library. Yes. That's all.

Not _all_: Milburd thinks that a Racquet Court wouldn't be bad, and _while I am about it_, it would be scarcely any more expense, to have a Tennis Court; and, by the way, a positive saving to utilise the outside walls of both, for Fives.

_Query._ Won't this cost too much?

"The question is," says Boodels (he has been recently improving his own house), "What is your limit?"

"No, I argue, let's see what an imaginary house will cost, and then _I'll have so much of it as I want_. Say," I put it, "a house is to cost two thousand----"

"Can't be done for the money," says Boodels, positively.

This is rather damping, but, on consideration, it's just what Boodels _would_ say in anybody's case, except his own.

[Ill.u.s.tration: BOODELS OF BOODELS.]

I pa.s.s over his opinion and continue.

"For argument's sake, let's say the house costs four thousand----" (This I feel sounds very pleasant, but what will the Building Society say, and how about the security? These, however, are details for subsequent consideration. One thing at a time: and these extras rather hamper one's ideas. So I say 4,000, and leave it at that.)

"More," says Boodels, "but you _might_ do it for that."

I repeat "For argument's sake." Formula admitted.

Well then, I suppose it to cost four thousand, I can only spend two thousand. Very good, I'll only have, as it were, two thousand pounds'

worth of house.

"Half a house, in fact," says Milburd.

This is not the way to put it, but I am, I feel, right, somehow.