"Dear me!" at last exclaimed the sportsman, "but the birds seem exceptionally strong on the wing this year."

"Not all of 'em, sir," was the answer. "You've shot at the same bird about a dozen times. 'E's a-follerin' you about, sir."

"Following me about? Nonsense! Why should a bird do that?"

"Well, sir," came the reply. "I dunno, I'm sure, unless 'e's 'angin'

'round you for safety."

_An Inspiring Model_

Little Johnnie, having in his possession a couple of bantam hens, which laid very small eggs, suddenly hit on a plan. Going the next morning to the fowl-run, Johnnie's father was surprised to find an ostrich egg tied to one of the beams, and above it a card, with the words:

"Keep your eye on this and do your best."

_When the Honeymoon Began_

A minister in a Western town was called upon one afternoon to perform the marriage ceremony between a negro couple--the negro preacher of the town being absent from home.

After the ceremony the groom asked the price of the service.

"Oh, well," said the minister, "you can pay me whatever you think it is worth to you."

The negro turned and silently looked his bride over from head to foot, then, slowly rolling up the whites of his eyes, said:

"Lawd, sah, you has done ruined me for life, you has, for sure."

_And She Kept on Smoking_

"Aunt Chloe, do you think you are a Christian?" asked a preacher of an old negro woman who was smoking a pipe.

"Yes, brudder, I 'spects I is."

"Do you believe in the Bible?"

"Yes, brudder."

"Do you know there is a pa.s.sage in the Scripture that declares that nothing unclean shall inherit the Kingdom of Heaven?"

"Yes, I'se heard of it."

"Well, you smoke, and there is nothing so unclean as the breath of a smoker. So what do you say to that?"

"Well, when I go dere I 'spects to leave my breff behind me."

_Doubtful a.s.surances_

"Do you think they approved of my sermon?" asked the newly-appointed rector, hopeful that he had made a good impression.

"Yes, I think so," replied his wife; "they were all nodding."

_A New Use for an Apple_

The tailor's sign in a little inland town was an apple, simply an apple. The people were amazed at it. They came in crowds to the tailor, asking him what on earth the meaning of the sign was.

The tailor with a complacent smile replied:

"If it hadn't been for an apple where would the clothing business be today?"

_It Looked That Way_

"Is Mike Clancy here?" asked the visitor at the quarry, just after the premature explosion.

"No, sor," replied Costigan; "he's gone."

"For good?"

"Well, sor, he wint in that direction."

_Music Touched His Heart_

A thief broke into a Madison Avenue mansion early the other morning and found himself in the music-room. Hearing footsteps approaching, he took refuge behind a screen.

From eight to nine o'clock the eldest daughter had a singing lesson.

From nine to ten o'clock the second daughter took a piano lesson.

From ten to eleven o'clock the eldest son had a violin lesson.

From eleven to twelve o'clock the other son had a lesson on the flute.

At twelve-fifteen all the brothers and sisters a.s.sembled and studied an ear-splitting piece for voice, piano, violin and flute.

The thief staggered out from behind the screen at twelve-forty-five, and falling at their feet, cried: