"You know I wasn't," Laura said. "Does that bother you? Am I doing something wrong?"

"No! No, that's my point. You aren't doing anything wrong. Christ, you're doing everything right, more than right...but...but I was...I was just...oh, bloody hell!" Toni yelled, frustrated at her own stumbling.

Laura smiled. Months before, if Toni had shown the least bit of aggravation because of something Laura had done, she would have tried to calm Toni's nerves and apologize, but tonight, Laura didn't have anything to apologize for...and they both knew it. Amused by Toni's sputtering, Laura decided to save the woman from herself. "Is this because I give good head?"

It's one of the most natural reflexes, and a thousand times a day a person does it without even thinking, but occasionally a body can forget the most natural. Choking on saliva that had slipped down the wrong tube, Toni coughed and sputtered for almost a minute before her breathing cleared. Giving Laura an evil eye as the woman continued to titter at the other end of the sofa, Toni couldn't help but laugh. "Yes."

"I'm thinking that was meant to be a compliment?"

"You know it was," Toni said, settling back on the sofa. "But honestly, Laura, you just never seemed to have any issues with...with being with me."

"You mean about making love?"

"Yes."

"And the fact that I...that we're good together bothers you?"

"No, of course not. It's not that it bothers me. It's just...it's just that-"

"Spit it out, Vaughn. You're wasting moonlight here."

Narrowing her eyes, Toni said, "Would it be rude to ask what book you read on the subject?"

"I didn't read any book," Laura said as she sat up and swung her legs off the sofa.

"Then a video perhaps?"

"No, I didn't watch a video, either. Toni, you forget that I had a long time to come to terms with what I feel for you, and once I realized I had fallen in love with you, the other stuff...well, I guess you can say it just came naturally."

"Yeah?"

Laura paused, trying to find the words. "Sweetheart, being with you is different than it was when I was with a man."

"Let's not go there, shall we?"

"No, that's not what I mean. Look, taking the fact that I'm in love with you out of this equation, you and I are both women. Even though everyone has different erogenous zones, different turn-ons, wouldn't you say that most of ours are the same?"

"I suppose."

"And you've got to know how much I enjoy what you do to me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," Toni said through a knowing smile.

"So why wouldn't I want to do the same for you? I love you, Toni, and I want to make you happy. It didn't take a book or a video or anything else to show me how to make love to you because I'm in love with you...and that's all the instruction I need."

"Tell me about crowds."

Toni looked up from her coffee. "They're large groups of people, normally found on busy streets or in shops running sales."

"Tell me about why they bother you."

"Besides the fact that they're normally made up of strangers, you mean?"

"Yes," Abby said, putting down her coffee. "Is this a tough subject?"

"No tougher than the others."

"Then tell me why you're so afraid of crowds."

Taking a deep breath, Toni leaned back into the sofa. "There were only about forty of us on the wing, and with three levels to wander around, there should have been enough room for everyone, but the only thing I had in common with the other cons was my gender. They were in for a multitude of crimes, some of passion and some of...some of pure hatred, and even though they weren't deemed insane by the court, trust me, they were. I mean, how can you kill your own children or mutilate or abuse someone and still be considered sane? And those women...they just seemed to feed on pain."

"What do you mean?"

"It was like a narcotic to them," Toni said, scowling as she shook her head. "I'd watch from across the way as they talked about what they had done and their eyes...I swear their eyes glazed over like they had just snorted crack. They got off on it. They got off on talking about the agony they had caused, and when talking wasn't enough, when their past no longer amused them, they'd look for new victims, so they'd have something else to brag about."

"And you were one of their victims?"

"They'd only strike when the wing was crowded, like during unlock in the morning or when the screws were herding us out to the exercise yard or to the servery, and sometimes I would just be in the wrong place. They were great at backing you into a corner and giving you a punch or two, but they really got off on it if they could stab you."

"What?"

"Maybe stab is too strong of a word," Toni said quietly. "They didn't have knives, just shivs made out of anything they could find, and when they got the chance, they'd use them. The first time it happened, I almost called a screw, but then I remembered where I was. Grass on another con and my days were numbered, that much I knew, so I just covered it with my hand until I could get back to my cell to repair the damage."

"How long did this go on?"

"How long was I in Thornbridge?" Toni asked, looking up.

"Wait, I don't understand. If you were stabbed, surely you went to the infirmary. Why didn't the doctors tell the guards?"

"I tried not to go to medical."

"Why not?"

"Because it was staffed by a bunch of incompetents, and the only doctor was an arrogant son of a bitch who caused more me pain than what I walked in with. I was never given a painkiller or anesthetic. He'd just pour on some alcohol, put in a few sutures and send me back to my cell. So, eventually I learned to take care of myself. The only time I went back was when I was almost beaten to death, and all I got then was an IV with some fluids, clean sheets and a mattress slightly thicker than the one in my cell."

"Okay, but you still went a few times. Why didn't they at least someone what was going on?"

"You don't get it, do you?" Toni snapped. "It wasn't just the screws or the cons. It was everyone. They all wanted a piece of the pie, and as long as they kept their mouths shut, they got it."

"What do you mean by a piece of the pie?"

"Lucrative career."

"Sorry?"

"That's what the governor said he had, remember? In one of our first sessions, I told you about-"

"Oh...when he showed you those photographs?"

"Yeah, and whenever I thought about that day, all I could remember were the pictures of those poor women, but then one afternoon out of nowhere, his words popped into my head. What the hell did he mean by his lucrative career? I was fairly certain someone in his position couldn't take home that much money, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure out what he meant until late one night, it became crystal clear."

"What happened?"

"Earlier in the day, one of the cons had cut me, so I was standing near the window, trying to use the light from the courtyard to view the damage, when I heard a truck pull into the yard. My cell was one of the closest to the main gate, and I was forever hearing delivery trucks coming and going during the day, but never at night. So, I looked out my window and then watched as the screws filled it with the prison supplies."

"They were stealing food?"

"Not just food."

Pausing for a moment, Abby said in a breath, "They were stealing drugs."

"Yes. Judging by what they gave us to eat, I'm sure they took food as well, but it was mainly about the drugs. Thornbridge was first and foremost a prison for the criminally insane and violent psychopaths sometimes require-"

"Heavy-duty medication."

"Exactly, and that's the reason no one in medical said a word to the screws. They knew what was going on, and they didn't care."

"And that's the reason you don't like doctors?"

"You asked me once what was the first thing I thought of when I saw a man. Do you remember?"

"Yes. You said that you wondered what kind of belt he wore."

"So tell me, Abby, what do you think I see when I see a crowd or a doctor?"

Letting out a long breath, Abby said quietly, "Pain. You see nothing but pain."

Chapter Thirty-Six.

"Hi there," Krista said as Toni opened the door. "Sorry I'm late, but traffic was a bugger."

"No problem," Toni said as she leaned over to kiss her on the cheek. "I just put dinner on the table."

"Speaking of dinner, what the hell is all over your shirt?"

Looking down, Toni laughed. "I had a battle with the tomato sauce, and it won. Why don't you pour the wine, and I'll be down in a minute."

"Um...okay...sure," Kris said, watching as Toni ran up the stairs.

A few minutes later, Toni returned to find her glass filled with wine and her plate practically overflowing with lasagna. "Thanks," she said, sliding into her chair.

"No problem," Kris said, regarding Toni quizzically for a second. "Sorry Robin couldn't come over."

"You know, this is the second lasagna dinner she's turned down. She's going to give me a complex if she doesn't show up soon, and Lord knows I don't need any more of those," Toni said, smiling.

"Trust me, she wanted to be here, but it was her mum's birthday, and her brothers insisted she make an appearance."

"Without you?" When all she received was an eye roll in response, Toni laughed. "Don't tell me that Chloe still hasn't accepted you yet?"

"Nope," Krista said, shaking her head. "Robin and I have been together for over seven years, married for five, and the woman still can't come to terms with the fact that her daughter is a lesbian."

"Technically, it's a civil partnership."

"True, but as far as Robin and I are concerned, we're married. Of course, as far as Chloe is concerned, we're housemates."

"Who shower together," Toni said through a grin.

"Exactly."

"I'm taking Chloe doesn't visit often then?"

"Oh, she pops in now and again, but never ventures past the first floor. I think she's afraid she'll see some lesbian paraphernalia lying about," Kris said, diving her fork into the lasagna.

The room got quiet as both continued to devour their dinner, and pausing to take a sip of wine, Krista asked, "And what about Laura? Where's she tonight?"

"On her way back from Runcorn."

"Runcorn?"

"Yeah, she and John had an appointment with the Department for Education to go over Calloway's numbers for the year, and they've got more meetings scheduled this week with some of our supporters."

"Problems?"

"No, nothing like that. It's basically a wine-and-dine thing. They thank them for all the money they gave us last year...and then they ask for more for this year."

"Oh, I see."

They returned to their meal, and after a few more minutes had passed, Toni pushed away her empty plate. Looking up to see Krista smiling back at her, Toni asked, "What's that for?" Quickly wiping the corners of her mouth with a napkin, she said, "Did I miss something?"

"No, but apparently I did."

"Huh?"

"Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but the last time I was here, you lived downstairs. So, I'm trying to figure out why you went upstairs to get a new shirt."

Toni's mouth fell open, and after fidgeting in her chair for a moment, she said, "Oh...right...well, there's been a few changes since last you visited."

Krista's first reaction was to jump out of her chair and shout out with glee, but first reactions aren't always the wisest, and as quickly as the thought entered her mind, it exited. This wasn't a conquest to giggle over or one where ratings would be applied. This was her closest friend in the world taking an unbelievably large step. Not wanting to jump to any conclusions, she cautiously asked, "Are you okay?"