"What?"

"Growing up like that. I mean, Mum and I did all right, and I don't know that I wanted for anything as a child, but it sounds like you were a bit better off than most."

"I guess you could say that, and when I was young, I had no idea that other kids didn't have their own horse or tennis courts. I just thought everyone did."

"You had your own horse?"

"Actually, I had a few."

"Do you miss it?"

"My horse?"

With a laugh, Laura said, "No, silly. That kind of lifestyle."

"Oh...um...no, not at all. It was nice to have all that stuff, but once I was disowned it didn't take me long to realize I didn't miss it. I mean, family, yes, but not all the other crap."

"So, you do miss them?"

"At times, yeah, but it passes," Toni said. Pausing to take a sip of coffee, she looked back at Laura. "I envy you, your relationship with your mum. There doesn't seem to be a day that goes by when you're not talking to her or emailing."

"Speaking of my mother, I told her we'd be coming up for Christmas."

"Yeah? How'd she take the news that you were bringing your weird friend with you again?"

"You're not weird, and she was ecstatic. And she knows that we're more than friends."

"She does? You told her?"

"Yes, but she actually figured it out for herself when we were in Scotland."

"How?"

Smiling, Laura said, "She knows her daughter."

"And she's okay with it?"

Thinking back to their chat in the garden, Laura said, "Yeah. She just wants me to be happy, and she knows you make me happy."

"Good to know."

"Like you didn't already."

Toni's nervousness didn't reappear until they left the restaurant, and the cab ride home was quiet and introspective. Knowing that Toni had stepped way outside the boundaries of what she deemed familiar and safe, anxieties were bound to show, so Laura left her to her thoughts until they arrived home.

Walking in the door, Laura flicked on a few lights. "I'm going to make some tea. Would you like some?"

Placing her coat on a chair, Toni said quietly, "No, none for me. Thanks."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just...just tired, I guess."

"I'll bring it to your room, if you'd like," Laura said as she walked closer. "It's the least I can do after tonight."

"You don't owe me anything."

"I didn't say I owed you, Toni. I had a marvelous time tonight, and I just want to make sure you know it."

Lowering her eyes, Toni said, "I do and...and so did I."

"Good, because I'd hate to think our first date was our last."

Toni took a deep breath and then slowly raised her eyes. "Normally...normally dates end in a kiss."

All of a sudden, Laura understood Toni's nervousness. "Is that why you got so quiet when we left the restaurant?"

"I...I just didn't know what you expected and-"

"Toni, I expected to spend tonight at home, eating take-away and reading a book with you in one corner of the sofa and me in the other. I didn't expect to be taken to The Reading Room, or for you to arrange everything, and with that being said, how could I possibly expect anything else?"

"I guess you're right about me being a lousy second-guesser, huh?"

"Finally, she sees the light," Laura said, raising her hands up in the air.

Grinning, Toni ran her fingers through her hair. "Well, then, I guess I'll say good night."

"Good night, Toni. Sweet dreams."

Toni walked from the room, but before she made it halfway across the lounge, she stopped and closed her eyes. Taking one long breath and then another, she clenched her fists, opened her eyes and headed back to the kitchen.

Looking up as Toni walked in, Laura held up the tea kettle. "Change your mind?"

"Yes, but not about tea."

In the time it took for Toni to stride across the room, Laura's heartbeat went from normal to thundering, and when Toni came to a stop only a few inches away, Laura's eyes were drawn to the lips lowering to meet hers. Closing her eyes, she waited. Toni's cologne filled her senses and when their mouths touched, every nerve ending Laura owned sparked.

The kiss was soft and chaste, with just a hint of doubt, but as far as Laura was concerned, it was the best kiss she had ever received. Toni's lips were soft and full, tasting of coffee and mint sorbet, and even though she wanted the kiss to go on forever, when Toni pulled back, Laura didn't try to lean in for more.

Torn, her body craving the taste of the woman in front of her while her fear ordered her to run, Toni stood still for a moment, her eyes closed as she savored the flavor of Laura on her lips. Inhaling deeply the scent of Laura's perfume, Toni basked in the fragrance for as long as she could before giving in to her anxieties.

Opening her eyes to find Laura smiling back at her, Toni's face reddened ever so slightly. "Good night, Laura," she said in a breath.

"Good night, sweetheart," Laura said, lightly touching Toni's sleeve to acknowledge what Toni couldn't put into words.

Chapter Thirty-Two.

While Laura hadn't had any expectations about the evening, Toni had, and as she shut her bedroom door, she growled under her breath, "Fucking coward!"

Since seeing Laura standing nude in the bathroom, desires that had remained dormant for years awakened with a vengeance, and Toni's libido refused to remain silent any longer. It had become impossible to look at Laura and not remember the feminine curves of ivory or the swells with dark pink centers, and digging deep Toni had finally managed to find the courage to kiss the woman she loved, but it was all she could do. Fear had won out again, so Toni did the only thing she could. She escaped to the safety of her bedroom.

Angrily getting undressed, Toni yanked on a pair of blue pajama bottoms and a white T-shirt, then stomped to the bathroom where she glared at herself in the mirror as she scrubbed her face clean of makeup. After making sure every speck of cosmetics had been washed away, she walked back to her bed and slumped on its edge. Looking around the room, she shook her head in disgust. This wasn't what she wanted.

Just like she had with her flat, Toni had turned the small bedroom into a sanctuary. She could close the door against the terrors of the world, but Laura was no longer a terror and Toni no longer wanted to shut her out. She wanted nothing more than to make love to Laura, to touch her, to taste...to feel, but she needed nerve for that. She needed a backbone not warped by memories of a filthy prison and despicable guards, and while over the past week, she had convinced herself that she could take the next step, she just couldn't.

With a sigh, Toni got up and opened her bedroom door a crack, hoping that the soft sounds of classical music could somehow ease her pain.

Lying on the sofa, her ankles crossed and her hands behind her head, Laura came to the conclusion that it was pointless. She had tried for the better part of an hour to rid herself of the smile she was wearing, but nothing had worked, and she was tired of trying.

After changing into her pajamas, she had poured herself a cup of tea, turned on the CD player and settled on the sofa. Believing that between a not-so-good book and the melodic tones of Bach, the nervous energy that filled her being would diminish, after an hour Laura gave up, tossed the book aside, stared up at the ceiling and let out a quiet laugh. She had never felt like this. Like a child high on sugar, Laura felt as if she could a run marathon or climb a mountain, and it was all due to one simple, delicate kiss.

Breathing deeply, Laura thought back over the evening and mentally patted herself on the back. She hadn't had any expectations, at least not any about a good night kiss. She had assumed that sometime during the night she would have to come to Toni's aid, helping her order food or drink, or possibly with a visit to the ladies', but that hadn't happened. And while her thoughts had drifted at times, and her body had quivered, Laura had pushed those feelings away, never once allowing them to intrude upon the evening. Memories of their first date were much too precious to ruin by pushing too hard or asking too much.

When Laura felt another flicker of awareness between her legs, she chuckled to herself and climbed off the sofa. Deciding she needed to burn off some energy if she planned to get to sleep before dawn, she headed to the kitchen. Putting some water on to boil, she went about rearranging the pantry, but when she saw a jar of heather honey on the shelf, her plans for tea changed. Spooning a bit of honey into her mug, she added a healthy measure of Scotch, and then filled it to the rim with boiling water. The scent of heather filled the room, and breathing in deep, Laura hesitantly tasted the drink and sighed at the familiar toffee flavor.

Carefully carrying her nightcap back to the lounge, when Laura noticed Toni's door was now open a crack, she debated for only a moment before going over and tapping lightly on the door frame.

Hearing the knock, Toni looked up to see Laura standing in the doorway dressed in gray and pink pajamas and once again, a ripple of desire ran through Toni's body.

"I thought you were asleep," Laura said, stepping into the room.

"No, I'm not tired."

"Me, either. A bit wound up from dinner, I guess. I made myself a hot toddy," Laura said, holding up the mug. "I can make you one, if you'd like."

Shaking her head, Toni returned her gaze to the floor. "No, that's okay."

Walking closer, Laura asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"It's nothing, Laura...really."

Believing that Toni needed reassurance, Laura said, "Toni, I was telling the truth. I wasn't expecting anything else tonight. I really wasn't."

"Maybe I was," Toni said in a whisper.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing."

"Please stop saying that it's nothing, and tell me what you're talking about."

Looking up for a split-second, Toni's heart skipped a beat when she found herself staring into Laura's eyes, and quickly returning her gaze to the floor, she blurted, "I love you, Laura. You're gorgeous, and I love you...and...and I want you, but I can't...I just can't find the courage. Do yourself a favor. Go find someone else to love, because I can't take the next step. I honestly can't."

With Toni's words ringing in her ears, Laura placed the steaming mug on the nightstand. Time seemed to stop as she stood there, watching the woman sitting quietly on the edge of the bed, and while Laura had told herself a hundred times that she'd never make the first move again, she was about to do just that.

All Toni wanted was for Laura to leave so she could sulk in privacy. Refusing to look up, Toni waited and waited...and waited, and just when she was about to demand Laura's exit, a gray and pink pajama top floated to the floor in front of her.

A shockwave of want shot through Toni's body at the sight of the fabric on the floor, and the sound of her gasp filled the room. An eternity passed as she stared at the rumpled top, and even though she had told herself, convinced herself that her fears would always win out, they were about to be bested by an intangible thing called desire. With her heartbeat pounding in her ears, Toni slowly raised her eyes.

Laura was watching for any sign from Toni that she had made a mistake. Her palms were sweaty and her heart raced, but Laura didn't move an inch. Although a wee bit unnerved by her own nudity, when Toni looked up and their eyes met, Laura let out the breath she'd been holding. There was a need in Toni's eyes...and it was carnal.

They were perfect. In Toni's head, over and over the words kept repeating as she gazed upon Laura's breasts. Round and firm, with peaks taut and dark, they were absolutely the most beautiful breasts Toni had ever seen, and swallowing the moisture building in her mouth, she cautiously reached out and cupped one in her hand.

Laura had never added up the times she had made love, but over the years, she had experienced the pleasures of sex with several different partners. They had kissed her, plunged into her and made her moan. They had groped. They had licked. They had tasted, and a few had even made her come, but none of them with one touch had ever made her body rush with want. Feeling Toni's hand on her breast, Laura liquefied instantly.

Her hand surrounding the swell, with fingers split so as not to touch the hard and erect tip, Toni marveled at the plump softness beneath her palm. Caressing the fullness ever so slowly, she raised her eyes, and when she saw the desire in Laura's, something deep inside of Toni let loose.

She had never believed that she would ever find the strength to escape the tomb that had become her life. She had never imagined that she'd ever be desirable to another again, and she had never allowed herself to dream. She had never had a reason until now, and the reality of it, the deep-down truth that was unfolding in front of her caused Toni's emotions to erupt.

Her jaw trembled as her eyes filled with tears, and leaning forward, Toni rested her forehead between Laura's breasts and began to weep. She cried for the pain and the shame, and for the scars inside and out. She wailed for the loneliness and abandonment by family and for a bottle of vodka that she once believed would be her end. Tears flowed freely, falling from her eyes onto Laura's belly, and as she wept, Laura held her close.

Her body wracked with sobs and sniffles, it took Toni a while before she could pull herself together. Sitting back, she looked up at Laura and let out a ragged breath.

"You okay?" Laura whispered, wiping a tear from Toni's cheek.

Nodding, Toni looked at the near-naked woman standing in front of her. "You're gorgeous."

"So are you," Laura said, running her finger down Toni's jaw line.

Laura was in an odd place. While she had never been with a woman, she was smart enough to know she didn't need any instructions, but Toni had the experience and that fact caused butterflies to form in Laura's stomach. Part of her wanted to take the lead. To love this woman like she had never been loved before, but another part, the novice part, wished Toni would make the next move and teach Laura what she longed to learn.

Laura breathed deeply once and then again, hoping it would help settle her nerves, but when she looked into Toni's eyes for guidance and saw desire staring back at her, it was all the guidance Laura needed. Her eyes never left Toni's until their mouths were millimeters apart, and as their lips met, Laura slowly closed her eyes. The kiss was cautious and light, Laura allowing her lips to touch Toni's for only a few seconds before pulling away and starting again. Over and over she kissed her, and with each touch, their passion grew. In the back of her mind, Laura was preparing herself for when Toni would pull away, but when she felt the tip of the woman's tongue against her lips, Laura's center pulsed again.

When Laura had bent down to kiss her, fear caused Toni's heart to skip a beat, but then instinct and desire took hold. Her passion for Laura so strong that it squelched fears and annihilated doubts, Toni found herself wanting more. Sliding the tip of her tongue across Laura's lips, she asked for it, and when Laura opened them and invited Toni in, the silence of the room was broken by a sensual rumble snaking its way up Toni's throat.

Toni had never imagined Laura could taste so sweet. Her own flavor mixed with that of heather honey and Scotch whisky, it swirled like blended liquor and permeated Toni's entire being. Tongues danced, darted and teased as the kiss deepened, both women absorbed in the other's essence as they took from each other what both wanted to give. Finally, with lips swollen by passion they parted, and as they pulled air into their lungs, Toni's eyes lowered once more.

Laura couldn't move. She almost couldn't breathe. She was being devoured by Toni's eyes, and it was the most erotic thing Laura had ever experienced. She could feel her nipples harden, tightening at the want growing inside, and when she saw Toni reach out to her, desire flowed thick from Laura's core.

Toni sighed, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she cupped Laura's breasts in her hands. They were to die for. She couldn't help but squeeze and fondle, for breasts this perfect were made for adoration, and unable to wait any longer, Toni ran her thumbs over the dark coral centers. Hearing Laura's throaty purr, deep inside Toni's psyche a leer was born.