"Well, you may have your chance."

Refilling their glasses, Toni handed one to Laura. "What do you mean?"

"Mum thought...well, she suggested that we spend our Christmas break in Scotland. I've been a bit lax about visiting, and I know she'd be thrilled if we accepted."

"Oh," Toni said quietly as she relaxed into the cushions.

Sensing Toni's hesitation, Laura leaned over and touched her on the leg. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I haven't celebrated Christmas in quite a while. That's all."

"But you're not opposed to it, are you? I know that...I mean...at least I think I know...that is I'm fairly certain-"

"I thought I was the only one with a stuttering problem."

Playfully glaring at the woman, a hint of added color crept across Laura's face. "It's apparently something I just recently developed, and you didn't answer the question."

"Laura, I haven't celebrated anything in a very long time. There weren't any Christmases or birthdays where I was, and it's hard for me to imagine having them again."

"You won't have to imagine if you say yes."

Toni was torn between listening to her head or listening to her heart. In the shower, she had told herself that the feelings heating her blood were wrong, but with Laura's hand on her knee, those same urges returned in force, and when she looked into Laura's eyes, all her strength seemed to disappear. "Exactly what would Christmas entail at your mother's?"

"Well, she told me she'd like to go all-out. And if I know my mum, that means we'll spend our days putting up lights and garland, and our nights making biscuits for the family and her church group."

"Biscuits, eh?"

"Don't tell me you don't like Christmas biscuits."

"I've got a confession."

"Okay?"

"I've never actually baked a biscuit."

"You've got to be joking."

"Nope."

"Not even when you were a child?"

"Rich family, remember? The staff baked. The Vaughns did not," Toni said. Taking a sip of wine, she looked at Laura. "I'll go if you want me to."

"I want you to do what you want to do, Toni."

"And if I say that I want to stay here, but you can go. Will you?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"On whether or not you can give me a reason."

Already annoyed that she couldn't keep her eyes from traveling to the plunging neckline of Laura's sweater, when Toni heard Laura's question, she erupted, "Here we go again," she shouted, jumping off the sofa. "You and your goddamned reasons!"

Sitting up straight, Laura placed her glass on the table. "Toni, it's just a question."

"Yes, it is, and it's one that you've asked a dozen times. Isn't it?"

"Yes, I have, but there's no need to get upset. Like I said, it's only a question."

"Well, let's turn the tables, shall we? Toni barked back. "Stop answering my question with a question and give me a reason!"

"For what?"

"Tell me why you want to spend all your time with me instead of the good doctor?"

"Because he's a bore."

"Oh, and I'm the life of the party?"

"No, but you're getting better," Laura said, displaying a devastating smile.

"Don't flash that bloody smile at me, Laura. It won't work."

"Sorry," Laura said, trying to hide her amusement.

"Tell me why you took me to Scotland."

"Because I wanted to show you that the world isn't as gray and dark as you think it is."

"And why did you want to do that? Why do you want to waste your time on someone as fucked up as I am?"

"You're not fucked up!"

"Oh, trust me, Laura...I am."

"Toni, we've gone over this before. You have every right to be afraid of strangers and the like. That doesn't make you fucked up. It makes you human!"

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"No? Then explain it to me."

Turning toward the hearth, Toni stared into the flames. "Laura, look...things are just starting to get a bit muddled for me. Okay?"

Going over to join Toni by the fireplace, Laura looked up at her. "In what way?"

"It's nothing. I...I just need to sort something out."

"Have I done something wrong?"

"You haven't done anything, Laura. It's me. Like I said, I'm fucked up."

Tugging on Toni's sleeve, Laura forced her to turn around, and cupping her chin, Laura looked her in the eye. "Please stop saying that. You're scaring me."

"That makes two of us."

"What are you scared of?"

"Do you want a list?"

"Stop being flippant and answer the question. Why are you so down on yourself tonight?"

"I'm just having a bad day. I'll be fine in the morning," Toni said as she walked away.

Grabbing Toni's hand, Laura spun her around. "What did you mean by things are getting muddled? What things?"

"Laura, I'm tired. Please, just drop it. Okay?"

"Tell me."

Shaking her head, Toni sighed. "I miss who I once was, and I just realized that I can never be that person again."

"Why not?"

"Because she's dead, and there's nothing I can do to make her come back from the grave. I just need to stop trying."

Moments before, Laura had been scared, but now she was terrified. Fearing that she was about to watch Toni plummet back down the rabbit hole of despair and darkness, Laura didn't think about consequences or consider the passage of time. She listened to her heart and acted on her feelings. Pulling Toni's face to hers, Laura kissed Toni squarely on the lips.

Stunned, for a split second Toni stood with her eyes open, staring back at the woman whose mouth was pressed against hers...and then instinct took over. Slowly closing her eyes, Toni savored the moment, allowing it to continue even though she could feel rage growing inside her.

Laura knew that there wouldn't be a difference between kissing a man and kissing a woman, so there was no hesitancy in the pressure she was applying to Toni's lips, but Laura had forgotten one thing...and it was important. She had never been in love with the men she had kissed, but she was totally and unequivocally in love with Toni Vaughn.

The flavors of their meal swirled between them as they separated for a second and then their lips met again. Laura could taste the Cabernet, oaken and spicy on Toni's lips, and the mellow nuttiness of the Scottish Cheddar blended with something new and wonderful...the taste of Toni. Unique and heady, her flavor blended with the others to form a combination that Laura could live on for weeks. She could smell the sandalwood soap she had placed in Toni's shower. Purchased on a whim months before in a shop promoting all things natural, its scent brought back the memories of a field in Scotland, and Laura breathed it in. It was glorious.

The only sound in the room was that of their breathing and the occasional crackle of the fire, and losing herself in her dreams, the tip of her tongue touched Toni's lips. In an instant, Laura's dreams were shattered when Toni jerked away. Seeing the anger in her eyes, Laura said, "Toni, I'm...I'm sorry."

Taking another step backward, Toni almost tripped over a chair as she tried to put space between them. Angrily wiping the back of her hand across her mouth, she glared at Laura. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"Toni-"

"Why the fuck did you do that? What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"I'm sorry, Toni. I made a mistake."

"Yes, you did, Laura. Yes, you bloody well did!" Toni yelled, storming into her room and slamming the door before Laura had a chance to say another word.

Laura sat alone in the kitchen, nursing her second cup of coffee and feeling absolutely horrible. Unable to sleep, she had tossed, turned and paced for hours. Finally dozing off at four in the morning, she woke up two hours later feeling more tired than she had when she'd fallen asleep. Resting her head in her hands, Laura closed her eyes and waited for the painkillers to take away the ache between her temples.

Hearing Toni's bedroom door open, Laura looked up just as she came into the kitchen, but instead of their usual exchange of morning greetings, there was nothing but silence. With a sigh, Laura lowered her eyes and stared at the mug in her hands.

Toni poured herself a cup of coffee, and turning around, she leaned against the counter and stared angrily in Laura's direction as if daring her to look her in the eye. Seconds turned into minutes and as each passed, Toni found her annoyance returning.

Fueled by anger, frustration, and hormones that seemed to have a mind of their own, Toni had spent the better part of the night trying to convince herself that what had happened-hadn't. She had silently berated, audibly scolded, and stomped about her room for hours, but as hard as she tried, she could not get the memory of the kiss out of her head...or out of her heart. Never daring to dream that she'd ever know what it was like to kiss Laura MacLeod, the thought of it was now etched in Toni's soul. She would never forget the tenderness of lips so pink and smooth or the hint of a perfume, earthy and crisp, but what lingered and filled her body with warmth was the flavor of the woman before her, and knowing that she'd never taste it again filled her with rage.

Deciding that an apology might break the ice, Laura looked up. "Toni, about last night-"

"I thought you were straight!" Toni yelled, taking a step toward the table.

Flinching at the anger in her voice, Laura said softly, "I thought I was too."

Setting her jaw, Toni leaned over the table and growled, "If you ever fucking do that again, I'll move out. Do you hear me? I'll quit Calloway, and you will never see me again!"

Standing straight, Toni glared at Laura for only a moment before she strode from the room, and seconds later the front door closed with a bang, leaving Laura alone with her tears.

Chapter Twenty-Four.

"You did what!"

"You heard."

"You kissed Toni?"

"That's what I said."

"When did this happen?"

"Abby, I really need you to pay attention here. I told you, last night."

"I'm not talking about when you kissed her. I'm talking about..." Abby stopped for a moment, trying to find the words. "I'm talking about when you started playing for the other team, because the last time I checked, you were heterosexual."

"Oh."

"Laura, I'm serious. What the hell were you thinking? The woman is damaged enough without you deciding it was time to experiment!"

"I wasn't experimenting!"

"No?"