"I'm sorry about pushing you so hard yesterday. I really didn't mean to upset you."

"What? Are you saying that you don't like women ripping their clothes off in front of you?"

"Well, I have to admit that was definitely a first."

"For me, too," Toni whispered. "And I'm sorry you had to see them."

"They're just scars, Toni, and you have nothing to be sorry for."

Feeling the slightest quiver of emotion beginning to start, Toni blurted, "So, what's the plan? For the room, I mean."

"I thought we'd get up early and clean, and then go out and pick up some paint."

"I haven't painted a room in forever. I'm not sure I remember how."

"Well, it's your room, so if you fuck it up, just remember you're the one who has to live with it," Laura said, her eyes squinting with amusement.

Letting out a laugh, Toni said, "And as far as decorating goes, I wouldn't even know where to start."

"That's simple. What's your favorite color?"

"Black."

"Do you want to live in a cave?"

"Not particularly."

"Then pick another."

Thinking for a second, Toni said, "Blue."

"There you go."

"Doesn't it matter to you that I could go pick out the most atrocious blue there is? I mean, after all, this is your house."

"Paint's cheap enough, and besides, I don't think you'll do that."

"Why do you say that?"

"Just a feeling."

Their eyes met, and for a second, Toni got lost in the ones looking back at her. "Thank you for not asking any more questions tonight."

"We've got all the time in the world to talk, and I know that when you're ready, you will."

"May be a long wait," Toni said quietly as she closed her eyes and rested her head on the sofa.

"You as tired as you look?"

"Must be the wine."

"How about I fix us some tea and then let you get some sleep. You can use my bed if you'd like. I can use the couch," Laura said as she got to her feet.

"No, I'll be fine here," Toni said, patting the sofa.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"That light in the corner has a low bulb so if you'd like to leave it on, feel free."

"Thanks, I might just do that."

"Oh, and if you need something to read, those books on the desk match a few of yours that I boxed up."

"You've thought of everything, haven't you?"

"I'm just trying to make you as comfortable as possible. I know you don't like change."

"You're right, I don't, and I can't promise you I won't wig out again," Toni said quietly.

"Well, if you do, I put the paper bags in the pantry."

"Now you tell me."

Chapter Eighteen.

The low wattage of a tiny bulb across the room provided just enough light to see the shapes and shadows in the lounge as Toni lay awake, telling herself that it was possible. Minutes ticked by as she thought about colors and patterns, new clothes and pristine books...and about spending the entire day with Laura.

They had spent afternoons over coffee and evenings over quiet dinners, enjoying light conversations about safe subjects like the weather, literature and work, and at first, that had been enough for Toni, but that was changing. Ever so slowly, that was changing. Nerves had given way to a soft smile and a Scottish lilt, anxieties squelched by a woman who needed no reason and offered words of encouragement with nothing expected in return. But Toni wanted to give back, and she had no idea why.

Her closest friend in the world hadn't been able to extract information about the hellish years at Thornbridge, but with Laura, Toni felt compelled as if somehow this woman, this stranger would make things better...and she had. Speaking of the horrors of starvation had eased Toni's nervous stomach and now more than one portion could be consumed before fear took hold. Not always, but it was a start.

Toni had been content in her life before Laura, complacent to a point of hermitage, and it had suited her. She hadn't wanted to know. She hadn't needed to discuss, and nothing and no one had held her interest. Krista was all she had needed, her lifeline to the world, but suddenly the world was getting bigger. Toni was becoming curious, intrigued by a woman with green eyes and auburn hair, and she found herself thinking about that woman...a lot.

Around Laura's home were framed photographs of friends and family, and Toni wondered if those people knew just how special Laura MacLeod was. Could they see past her beauty and brilliant emerald eyes? Had they discovered how her smile seemed to take away fear, or how a lighthearted comment could cause a grin to appear where tears had just traveled? Did they have a clue?

Lying in the darkness, Toni's thoughts moved to what tomorrow would bring, and a nervous excitement took hold. She wanted to do this. She wanted to spend the day with Laura, doing normal things and suddenly the idea of congested sidewalks and crowded shops didn't cause her heart to race. She wanted to purchase blues like they were going out of style. She wanted new silks against her skin, and new styles and smells. She could do this, and she went to sleep dreaming of things blue, of things new, and of things Laura.

"Feeling better?"

"I feel like a bloody fool," Toni growled as she opened her eyes.

"It wasn't that bad."

"No? You think customers always run out of paint stores in a panic?"

"I don't know. Some of those colors were beyond hideous."

Toni couldn't help but chuckle, and then shaking her head, she said, "How do you do that? How do you manage to make me laugh after I just acted like a total nutcase?"

"Toni, you asked to leave the store, and I brought you out here. I doubt anyone noticed, and if they did, so what?"

"Easy for you to say. You weren't the one with a sack over your face a minute ago."

Smiling, Laura folded the bag, returned it to her purse and pulled out the paint cards she had stuffed inside a few minutes earlier. Handing them to Toni, she said, "Why don't you take a look at these and pick out a color you like. I'll go back and get it, and then we can either go home or go find some bedding. Your choice."

Glancing at the strips, Toni said, "You really want to go through that again? Department stores are much larger than the one we were just in and my legs are longer than yours. You might not be able to catch me if I take off running. I might not stop until I reach the Thames."

"Stop being so hard on yourself."

"It's a habit."

"Break it."

"I'm trying."

"Good, now pick out a color."

Fanning out the cards, Toni perused the blues and finally pointed to one. "I like this. It kind of reminds me of blueberries."

"Blueberries?"

"Yeah, the color on the outside. The light hazy one."

Looking one more time at the small swatch, Laura said, "You know, you're right, and I like it. Are you still planning on painting the trim white?"

"Yeah, something bright to offset this."

"All right," Laura said as she took the card. "You going to be okay out here while I do this?"

"I'll be fine. I'll just lock the doors and take a kip."

Laughing as she climbed out of the car, Laura said, "I have no intention of being that long."

Intentions were just that. Goals that you set for yourself to complete a task in a timely manner or an orderly fashion, and while Toni's objective had been to go shopping that day, their first stop had almost become their last.

By the time they reached the paint store, Toni was nervous and not in a good way. Finally finding the courage to climb out of the car, she stayed by Laura's side and cautiously followed her into the store. It smelled of paint and thinners, and with only a few customers roaming the aisles, she strolled with Laura to a wall covered in paint chips, displaying hundreds, if not thousands of colors. Moving to the rows of blues, they began scanning the selections.

"See anything you like?" Laura said as she looked over her shoulder, feeling like Toni was more a parrot than a person at that particular moment.

"There're so many. I don't know where to begin."

"I always find it easiest if you just eliminate those you can't stand and then go from there."

"Okay," Toni said as she stepped around Laura to get closer to the display. Running her finger down the cards, she stopped every so often to remove one while leaving others behind. In a few minutes, she held a fan of blue in her hand.

"Are we doing the trim in the same color?"

"No, I was thinking white. Why?"

"Well, if you're going with white trim, you might want to stick to darker blues, so there's a contrast."

"Good point," Toni said, returning several strips to their holders.

"Can I help you two ladies with anything?"

When Laura heard the masculine tone, she quickly glanced at Toni and frowned. Toni's posture had turned rigid and worry lines were now creasing her forehead.

Turning to the store clerk, Laura grinned politely. "No, we're fine. Thank you. We'll call you if we need you."

"Okay, love, but if you need anything, anything at all, the name's Fred and I'll be right over there," he said, casually putting his hand on Toni's shoulder for a second before walking away.

Waiting until the clerk walked away, Laura whispered, "You still with me?"

Swallowing hard, Toni shook her head. "Barely," she said, handing Laura the paint cards. "But I think I'd best get out of here before I make a scene."

Sitting alone in the car, Toni had a decision to make. Crawling back into her shell and disappearing was tempting, but no longer easy. Her appetite for life was returning, and the zest was sweet. The flavor was erasing the foulness that had tainted her for so long, and the message it was sending was clear. Feed me life. Try again. You can do this.

Opening her eyes, she saw a familiar face smiling in her direction, and shoving her anxieties aside, Toni climbed out of the car.

"Least I can do is to carry those," she said, taking the cans from Laura's hand.

"So what did you decide?" Laura asked, opening the boot and dumping the supplies inside.

"I don't think sleeping on a bare mattress is an option, is it?"

"No, it's not."

Letting out a long breath, Toni shut the boot. "Well, I guess that means you'd better make sure you keep that paper sack handy."

"It's right in here," Laura said, patting her handbag.