Give Me A Reason - Give Me A Reason Part 20
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Give Me A Reason Part 20

"Well, I'm out of here. You have fun alphabetizing, and I'll see you later. Okay?"

"Yeah, and I hope you have a great time tonight."

"Thanks," Laura said, heading to the door. "Don't wait up."

"Don't worry, I won't."

Laura was duly impressed with Duane's choice of restaurant, and as they were led to their table, she couldn't help but admire the award-winning Reading Room. Located in Shoreditch, the restaurant was known for both its ambiance and its international cuisine. Set in what used to be an old book depository, the owners had spared no expense in making the upscale eatery true to its name. The walls were covered in bookcases, overflowing with volumes old and new, and the martini bar set off from the entry was filled with overstuffed sofas and chairs where patrons could sip their gin or vodka while they nibbled appetizers served to them on silver platters.

The main dining area was spacious and filled to capacity, but the noise of the busy restaurant was absorbed by the stately bookcases lining the walls and the domed skylights two stories above their heads. Simple, yet elegant tables covered in white linen filled the room, and atop each were crystal goblets standing proud near polished silverware, all reflecting the flickering light coming from candles set in glass globes in the center of the tables.

After the waiter had taken their drink order, Laura asked, "How did you ever manage to get a reservation? I heard this place was booked for months."

"It's all about who you know, babe. Besides, nothing's too good for my girl."

"Is that right?" Laura said, sitting back in her chair.

A gurgle of laughter escaped Duane's lips as he held his hands up in mock surrender. "All right, the truth is the reservation belonged to one of my mates, but his girlfriend dumped him last week. Since he wasn't going to use it, I asked him if I could because I wanted to take you somewhere special. Somewhere we could have a nice quiet chat and talk about our future."

"Our future?"

"Laura, you've got to know that I love you, but this isn't working. You need to get rid of your lodger so we can get back to having a life together. I'm tired of just crumbs, Laura. I want it all. I want you to be my wife."

"What are you talking about?" Laura said, leaning closer to keep her voice low. "Duane, the only reason I started going out with you again was because you promised all you wanted was casual. And as far as Toni's concerned, I have no intention of asking her to leave. I like having her around."

"So where the hell does that leave me?"

Carefully carrying a cup of coffee into her bedroom, Toni placed it on the nightstand and glanced at the stack of boxes in the corner. Scratching her head, she knelt on the floor, opening the first and peering inside to see what secrets it held. Smiling at the familiar titles, she began stacking the volumes on the floor, deciding that sorting by author instead of title would be easier. The first box was emptied in no time, as was the second, but as she came upon the next in line, she stopped and stared.

It was different in shape and color, and the tape sealing the lid had been yellowed by age. Tilting her head, Toni tried to remember what it contained, and after taking a quick sip of coffee, she began picking at the brittle cellophane until it gave way. Opening the flaps, she looked inside and the silence of her room was shattered as she drew a quick, hissed breath. She didn't notice the minutes slipping by as she sat cross-legged on the floor. She didn't feel her legs begin to cramp from the position, or the dryness of her mouth as she sucked in air through parted lips. And if blinking hadn't been a reflex, Toni's eyes would have turned to dust, for in the box were her ruins from Thornbridge.

She had been on the block when it happened. Men dressed in long, heavy coats and wearing angry faces, arrested the guilty and gathered the convicted. Those too violent or crazed were put into strait jackets, while others were placed in shiny cuffs and escorted to vans lined at the ready, and personal effects were packed, sealed and labeled with the names and numbers of inmates, so they could be shipped to a holding area to await redistribution. Within weeks, prison records were corrected, and the packages were sent to the appropriate prisons or mental facilities, but in Toni's case, hers had been shipped to Krista's where it had been stuffed into a closet and forgotten.

Mixed in with other boxes of Toni's belongings, it had travelled from Krista's house to Toni's flat, where it had stayed on the top shelf of her closet until Charlie had found it while boxing up Toni's books. Taking it upon himself, he brought it to Laura's, and now it was at Toni's side, gaping and showing its contents like an open wound.

A clear plastic bag was on the top. Sealed with a zip, it contained the wallet taken from her when she entered Sutton Hall to begin serving her life sentence. Pulling it from the bag, Toni paused. The leather was smooth and rich, and she had forgotten she ever owned anything so fine. The license inside had long since expired, and hearing a clink of change, she opened the side pouch. A few coins fell out, and she watched as they rolled across the oak floor, weaving back and forth until they disappeared under the bed as if trying to hide. With a sigh, she dropped the wallet to the floor, and it opened to a photograph that had been taken when she and Kris had visited Spain on holiday. Snapped by a stranger, it showed them posing on a beach, arms wrapped around each other with smiles broad and bright, seeming to have not a care in the world. As Toni stared at the photo, tears began to form.

Tossing the bag aside, she fingered the T-shirt she found underneath. Discolored by foul soaps and dried blood, the collar was ragged and thin from too many times worn and too many times washed. Wincing at the ugliness, she moved it aside and then all the air her body contained came out in a whoosh when she saw a tattered book. The acrid odor emanating from its yellowed pages so vile that she choked on the smell, she gingerly lifted it from the box and tossed it aside, and one by one other scraps of Thornbridge were discovered. A sliver of soap meant to last for weeks, a crushed pack of fags, non-filtered and cheap, a bit of powder, and the remaining pieces of clothing that she had worn over and over and over again. There was no stopping the tears now. They came so violently that her shoulders heaved at the intensity, and as she wailed, the breaths she tried to take were becoming frightfully painful.

"Laura, answer the bloody question. Where does that leave me?"

In an instant, Laura knew she had made a mistake, because when she heard his question, the answer came to her far too quickly. She didn't want to make more time for Duane in her life. She didn't want to marry him. She didn't want to live with him. Their relationship was over, and her mistake was not ending it months ago...permanently.

Laura placed her napkin on the table as she pushed out her chair. She needed time to find the right words to let Duane down easily, and sitting across from him while he glared back at her wasn't helping. "I'm sorry. I need the ladies. I'll be right back."

Before Duane could say a word, Laura grabbed her clutch bag and was out of her chair. Halfway across the lobby, she changed her mind and slipped outside instead. Standing just off the entrance, she breathed in the warm August air, trying to think how to answer Duane's question honestly, but without starting a fight in the middle of the restaurant.

Five minutes later, Laura still didn't know what to say, and with a heavy sigh, she turned to go back inside, but as she did her mobile chimed from inside her bag. Pulling it out, when she saw the number on the display, she blanched and quickly answered the call.

"Toni?" she said in a rush, covering her other ear with her hand to block out the sounds of the busy street. "Toni?"

Laura waited for a second, but when she heard Toni gasping for air, a chill ran down her spine. "Toni, talk to me. What's wrong? Answer me, Toni. Please, answer me."

"Can't...can't..."

"Okay, you need to calm down. Just listen to my voice."

Suddenly, the street noise became louder. Whipping around, Laura glared at the group of people jabbering nearby. "Will you please shut up?" she shouted. "I can't hear a bloody word!"

Ignoring the dirty looks they sent her way, she turned her back on the crowd as she pressed the phone against her ear. "Toni, please just try to relax. I'll be there as fast as I can. I promise. I'll be there as fast as I can."

Hearing a click, Laura looked at her phone, frowning when she saw the call had ended. Dashing back into the restaurant, she paused long enough to ask the doorman to call her a taxi, and then slowed her walk only slightly as she headed to the table.

"I'm leaving," she said, as she picked up her wrap. "Toni needs me."

Duane's entire body stiffened. "Excuse me?"

"I said I'm leaving. Something's wrong with Toni."

"Oh, for Christ's sake, she's a grown woman, Laura. Sit down and let's talk about us."

Although Duane's voice had raised a notch in volume, Laura's did not. Leaning closer, she looked him in the eye. "Duane, I'm sorry, but there's nothing to talk about. I don't love you. I can't give you what you want, and we both have to stop thinking that things will change, because they won't. It's over, and it has been for a long time. I just refused to see it. I'm really, really sorry, Duane, but please don't call me again because I won't be calling you back."

Chapter Sixteen.

Rushing into the house, Laura slammed the door behind her and screamed, "Toni!"

Getting no answer, she tossed her handbag and wrap on a chair and ran into the lounge, but finding it empty, she hurried to the guest bedroom, bursting through the door as panic began to set in. One quick glance told her that Toni wasn't inside, and after checking the bathroom, she darted from the room and headed to the kitchen. Seeing Toni sprawled on the floor near the table, Laura's heart practically stopped. "Oh, shit," she said, dropping to her knees by the woman's side. "Toni? Toni, can you hear me?"

When Toni didn't respond, Laura glanced at the phone on the wall, debating on whether to call emergency services. Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, she looked around the kitchen. Dried dishes were in the rack and a bottle of wine, the cork still in place, was on the counter, and then she noticed the junk drawer. Pulled open as far as it would go, its contents now littered the floor.

Hearing a soft moan, Laura returned her attention to Toni and carefully rolled her to her back. "Toni, can you hear me? Are you all right?"

"Laura?"

Letting out a sigh of relief, Laura said, "Yeah, Toni, it's me. Are you hurt?"

Struggling to sit up, Toni said, "I...I don't think so."

"Wait," Laura said, coaxing her back to the floor. "Give yourself a few minutes to get your bearings."

"I'm fine."

"Did you hit your head?"

"What?"

Wrinkling her brow, Laura said, "Open your eyes. I want to see them."

"I'm not pissed if that's what you think."

"I want to make sure you haven't got a concussion."

"You a doctor?"

"No. Can I call one?"

"No!"

"Then stop being a pain in the arse and let me look at your eyes!" Laura said, wincing instantly when she realized she had raised her voice.

It was pointless to argue, and Toni knew it. Opening her eyes, she stared defiantly back at Laura. "Satisfied?"

Tickled by Toni's tenacity, Laura leaned closer, easily seeing that Toni's eyes were reacting to the light in the room. Getting to her feet, Laura said, "Stay there. I'll be right back."

"Laura-"

Stopping in the doorway, Laura turned around. "Do we have a problem here?"

Any argument Toni had brewing was trumped by Laura's tone. Resting her head on the floor, Toni closed her eyes. "No. I won't move a bloody muscle."

"Good. Be right back."

When Toni heard Laura return a few minutes later, she opened her eyes. "Needed the loo, did you?"

"Actually, I did, but I went up to get this," Laura said, holding up a small wicker basket. "It's where I keep all my first-aid stuff."

"I told you, I'm fine," Toni said, sitting up. "See."

"And what about that cut on your cheek?" Laura asked, helping Toni to her feet.

Touching her face, Toni flinched. Staring at the blood on her fingers, she asked, "How'd that happen?"

"I don't know, but let's get you into the lounge so I can look at it."

After slowly guiding Toni to the couch, Laura returned to the kitchen and poured two glasses of Scotch. Returning to the sofa, she handed one to Toni. "Here, take a sip."

"What is it?"

"It's Scotch. It'll take the edge off."

Toni took a taste of the amber liquor, and immediately welcomed its warmth as it made its way to her stomach. After a few more sips, she rested her head on the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. When the cushions to her left dipped, she didn't acknowledge it, but when she felt Laura touch her face, Toni's eyes flew open. Pulling away, she said, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I was just trying to take a look at that cut."

"It's fine."

Drawing in a long breath, Laura let it out slowly as she grabbed a throw pillow and put it on her lap. "Toni, just lie down and put your head here. I'm not going to hurt you, and you know that. Now, how many times am I going to have to say it before you believe me? I have all night, if that's what it's going to take."

Too tired to argue, and well aware that Laura wasn't about to back down, Toni swung her legs over the arm of the sofa and rested her head on the pillow in Laura's lap.

"Good girl," Laura said in a whisper. Opening an antiseptic wipe, and moving slowly so as not to put any undue stress on her patient, Laura lightly dabbed at the scratch on Toni's cheek. More a graze than an actual cut, it only took a few minutes before Laura was satisfied it was clean and not in need of a bandage. Tossing the wipe on the table, she said, "This doesn't look bad at all. Do you remember what you hit it on?"

When Toni didn't answer, Laura was about to repeat the question when the sound of Toni's breathing stopped her. Glancing down, the smallest of grins appeared on Laura's face. The woman who hated to be touched had fallen asleep in her lap.

For almost two hours, Laura sat there in silence, sipping her drink and finding it impossible to look away from Toni. She was at peace. Her brow wasn't furrowed with worry or panic now, and her breathing was steady and strong. The comfort of sleep had erased her rigid edges, and in their place was softness and beauty. Unconsciously, Laura ran her fingers lightly over Toni's short black hair, pushing strands about and marveling at the silky texture, and then suddenly, as if burned by her thoughts Laura snatched her hand away, and the abruptness of her movement caused Toni to stir and open her eyes.

"Hiya," Laura said. "Feeling better?"

Shocked to see Laura gazing down at her, Toni scrambled to sit up. Moving to the far end of the sofa, she said, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good," Laura said, placing her empty glass on the coffee table. "So, do you mind if I ask what happened?"

"I passed out."

With a chuckle, Laura said, "I figured that part out, what with finding you on the kitchen floor. I was actually going for what brought on the panic attack. I'm assuming that's why you passed out."

"I just...I got nervous."

"Nervous? Toni, when you called me at the restaurant, you couldn't even talk."

Staring back at Laura for a moment, Toni said, "Christ, your date. I must have ruined it. I'm sorry."

"You didn't ruin my date. Trust me."

"Oh, well that's...that's good, I guess," Toni said, staring off into space.

Sensing Toni's exhaustion, Laura decided any further questions could wait until morning. "I think we need to get some sleep. How about I make some tea and bring yours to your room?"

"No!" Toni shouted. "No. I can't...I can't...I can't go in there!"

Rattled by the absolute panic in the woman's voice, Laura asked, "Toni, what's wrong? What do you mean?"

"Don't...don't ask me to go in there. I-I-I can sleep here," Toni said, patting the sofa. "I can sleep here tonight and...and tomorrow you can find me a place. Any place will do. I-I don't even care if it's a hospital. I just can't go in there. Please don't make me go in there."