"You talked to Krista?"

"Yeah, I called her this morning."

"Why?"

"Oh, I don't know," Laura said, carrying the food to the table. "Maybe because she's your friend, and she's worried about you. I wanted to let her know that you were doing okay."

"And she just happened to mention that I liked lasagna?"

"No, I asked her what your favorite food was."

"Why?"

It would have been easy to make up a story, but lying to Toni would never, ever be an option and Laura knew that. "Because I wanted to fix you something that you wouldn't be able to say no to. That's why."

"Why are you doing this?" Toni asked, but remembering Laura's patented response, she held up her hands. "I know. I know. Give me a reason why you shouldn't."

Positively beaming, Laura motioned for Toni to sit. "It's nice to see that you've been paying attention."

An hour later, Laura covered the barely eaten casserole, picked up her glass of wine and went to the lounge where she found Toni sitting in the corner of the sofa, staring off into space. "I guess you didn't like it."

Slowly, Toni looked in Laura's direction. "No, it was good."

"You hardly ate anything."

"I'm fine."

Abby had cautioned her not to push Toni too hard, but Laura's heart told her she needed to push. So, remembering that anger was definitely an emotion, she said, "You certainly like playing the martyr, don't you, Toni."

Toni's head snapped up, and jumping off the sofa, she glared at Laura. "What the fuck gives you the right to say that? You have no idea what I've been through! You've got no fucking clue!"

Storming to her room, Toni slammed the door and began gathering clothes, emptying drawers and hangers like a dervish out of control. Tossing everything on the bed, she didn't stop until the door opened and Laura came in. "Talk to me, Toni."

"No!"

"Toni, please-"

"No!"

Seeing the pile of clothes on the bed, Laura asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving!"

"You can't."

"Why the fuck not?"

With her face filled with sadness, Laura looked at Toni and waited until reality struck home.

It only took a second, but then Toni she remembered she had no other place to go. "Fuck!" she said, collapsing on the edge of the bed. "Fuck!"

"Toni, please talk to me."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts!" Toni shouted, glaring in Laura's direction.

Laura's heart broke when she saw the anguish in Toni's eyes. Quietly, she said, "It can't possibly hurt more than holding it in."

"Leave it be, Laura. Please, just leave it be."

There it was. Laura couldn't believe it when she heard it, but there was the slightest inflection of wavering in Toni's voice. A hint of maybe, a sliver of yes, an octave change telling Laura what she needed to know...Toni was no longer sure she could hold it in.

Hesitating for only a moment, Laura whispered, "Tell me why you ration your food?"

Toni's lungs emptied in a rush. Bowing her head, she said in a breath, "Please...please don't do this."

In that instant, something changed between them. Laura was a hair's breadth away from getting Toni to talk, and they both knew it...and they were both scared.

Unsure of what to do or what to say, Laura didn't move. Twice she opened her mouth to speak, but the words weren't there until Toni raised her eyes. Darkened with despair and glassy with tears, they told Laura what she needed to know. Going over, she sat on the bed and without hesitation, placed her hand over Toni's. "Talk to me, Toni. Make me understand."

"Oh, God...please. Please, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can, Toni. Yes, you can."

Toni swallowed hard. Her mind was a hurricane of thoughts, of reasons why and of reasons why not, and the barrage was dizzying. She took a deep breath and then another, trying to decide. Could she do this? Did she dare? Was it worth it? Would it help? Glancing at Laura for a moment, Toni lowered her eyes, and in a voice soft and calm, she did what Laura asked.

"It was one of their mind-fuck games. It was one of their many mind-fuck games. There were a few like me, put there because they had pissed off the wrong guard, but we weren't insane and the screws knew it. They had ways of getting to all of us, trying to break us, to make us like those poor women in the padded cells...the ones that screamed all night long. The guards would watch us, wait for us to make the tiniest mistake, and then they'd send us down the block." Looking up, Toni asked, "Can I smoke in here?"

Without giving it a second thought, Laura said, "Sure. Hold on." While Toni quickly lit a cigarette and hungrily pulled the smoke into her lungs, Laura got up and opened a window. Retrieving an ashtray from the kitchen, Laura rushed back into the bedroom, handing it to Toni as she sat down.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Taking another drag, as the smoke slowly exited her nose, Toni said, "You're supposed to get three meals a day on the block, at least that's what it said in the rule book, but they made up their own rules in Thornbridge."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes I'd only get two, and sometimes only one. There was no pattern, so there was no way of knowing when I'd get my next meal, or if I'd get my next meal. There were days when I'd get breakfast and dinner, but they'd skip lunch, and other times I'd get lunch and dinner, but no breakfast...and then they started skipping entire days."

"Jesus Christ," Laura said under her breath.

"At first, it was only a day, but then one morning I woke up to find a pitcher of water in my cell, and I didn't see anyone for two days. It didn't take me long to realize I had to ration what they gave me, so I'd separate the food into small piles. Things that would spoil quicker, I'd eat first, but stuff like bread and vegetables, they'd last longer. Sometimes I was wrong and I'd get sick, but after a while, I got pretty good at it."

Toni stubbed out her cigarette and looked Laura straight in the eye. "You don't know how it feels to think you're going to die. To count the hours, knowing that as each one passed, you're getting closer and closer to death...and there's nothing you can do about it. I was in a place where no one could hear my screams. Surrounded by stone walls, damp with mold, and toilets that didn't work, and silence that was so fucking deafening, so deadly...and each day I'd make my peace with God, expecting it to be my last, but it never was."

She had spoken as if she had been reading from a book, refusing to allow emotions long since buried to appear, but when Toni saw the tears in Laura's eyes, her resolve was destroyed. Choking back her tears, Toni said, "I'm afraid that if my belly gets filled, someone will take away the food again."

"Oh, Jesus," Laura said, her eyes overflowing with tears. "Oh, my God, Toni. I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"I know what happened was a mistake. I know that I'm free and cleared of everything, but I keep thinking that someone's going to change their mind, and I'm going to be sent back to that place...and I have to be ready."

"Toni, they closed Thornbridge. I thought you knew that."

"I know it's closed, but it still exists up here," Toni said, tapping her head. "Every day and every night and every meal...it's still there."

"So, are you saying that what you ate tonight is enough for you? I mean, that you're not still hungry?"

"I'm always hungry, Laura," Toni said, wiping the tears from her face. "But it's enough to keep me alive."

Taking a shuddering breath, Laura squeezed Toni's hand. "Come on. Let's go get you something more to eat."

"I know you mean well, but it's not that easy. It's like my stomach's full, and I can't...I can't take another bite. I just can't."

"Well, then how about you keep me company? I'm still a bit hungry, and I hate to eat alone."

"I won't be having any more."

"Okay, but you can have another glass of wine, can't you?"

"I know what you're doing," Toni said, getting to her feet. "Like I said, it's not that easy."

Smiling, Laura stood up and walked to the door. "But there's no reason why we can't try, is there? Besides, we have a bottle of Chianti to finish."

Chapter Thirteen.

If it had been up to Toni, she would have remained locked in her room thinking about a life she didn't have, but that wasn't to be. Craving coffee, she quietly opened her door Sunday morning, intending to sneak to the kitchen without waking Laura, only to find the homeowner busy cleaning the lounge.

Looking up from the stack of magazines she was straightening, Laura's face lit up. "Good morning. Did you sleep okay?"

As normal as it was, Laura's greeting caught Toni by surprise. Staring blankly back at the woman, she scratched her head. "Sorry, I'm not used to waking up with someone."

Laura's smile widened at the look of befuddlement on Toni's face. "If the truth be known, neither am I. There's coffee in the kitchen, if you're interested."

Giving Laura a quick nod, Toni went to get some coffee, and after pouring a cup, she noticed the dishes still stacked in the strainer. There were two plates, two glasses and an empty glass casserole.

When they had returned to the kitchen the night before, Toni wasn't surprised when Laura put more food on both of their plates. Frowning at the gesture, Toni sat down and immediately pushed the plate away. She was only there to keep Laura company and have a bit more wine, but the Chianti flowed easy, and the aroma of her favorite food was too hard to resist. It took two hours and almost two bottles of wine, but when Toni stood on wobbly knees to return to her bedroom, the casserole was empty, and for the first time in years, her belly was full.

Laura grinned as she followed Toni to her bedroom, making sure the tipsy woman didn't trip or run into any furniture, and when they got to the door, Laura said, "Thank you. You did good."

"It's just one meal, Laura. It doesn't change anything."

"It's a start, isn't it?"

"Are you always this optimistic?"

"Give me a reason why I shouldn't be."

Putting the last dish in the cupboard, Toni refilled her mug and then walked quietly to the doorway, watching in silence as Laura rearranged knick-knacks and photos in the lounge.

Toni didn't know if it was because she hadn't woken up hungry or the fact that the sheets on her bed were soft and smelled of roses. She didn't know if it was because the house was warm and lived-in, or maybe she just enjoyed starting out her day seeing Laura, but standing there in socked feet and wearing her favorite red pajamas, Toni felt more normal than she had in forever...and she felt safe.

Getting to the mantle, Laura struggled to remove the items above her head, and when she turned to get a chair, she ran right into Toni. "Shit. Sorry. I didn't know you were there."

Taking the dust cloth from Laura's hand, Toni said, "Why don't I get the high spots?"

Smiling up at the woman who was at least six inches taller than herself, Laura placed her hands on her hips. "Is that a short joke?"

Laura's mood was infectious and Toni's face brightened. "Me? Make a short joke? I know which side my bread's buttered on."

"Whatcha mean?"

"You've offered me a place to stay for two weeks, haven't you?" Toni said, handing Laura some photographs from the mantle.

"Yeah. So?"

"I'd hate to have my arse booted out on the second day just because I made a short joke."

"Oh, I don't know," Laura said, checking out the woman dressed in red flannel. "I think I'm going to like having your arse...um...you around."

Placing the photos on the coffee table, Laura disappeared into the kitchen to refill her coffee. Standing at the counter, she felt her cheeks flame. Why did she just flirt with Toni?

By the middle of the next week, a routine had been born. Fixing coffee and toast, Toni would wait in the kitchen for the arrival of a very sleepy woman. With puffy eyes and auburn hair uncombed and wild, Laura would shuffle into the kitchen yawning like there was no tomorrow, and after handing her a cup of coffee, Toni would bid her farewell. At Calloway, they'd see each other occasionally, and then at night they'd eat their dinner and go their separate ways. Toni's comfort level had expanded to include Laura's home, but at night when Laura put her work aside and flipped on the television, Toni would disappear into her room, content to spend her night reading alone. It was a comfortable co-existence for a woman who hadn't felt comfortable anywhere or with anyone in a very long time.

Late on Friday afternoon, Toni stood in her classroom until she was sure the hallways were clear. Making her way down the back stairs, she walked outside only to turn around and walk back in. Forgetting that she had carpooled with Laura that morning because her Jeep had a flat tire, Toni acknowledged Irene with a weak grin as she went over and knocked on Laura's door.

"Come in."

"Hey," Toni said, sticking her head in the door. "Is it all right if I stay in here until you're ready to go?"

"Yeah, just give me a minute," Laura said, gathering her things.