If the bank doesn't give her a loan or she can't come up with a major source of income between now and then, she may be forced to put her home on the market. She's lived in this house for twenty-five years. Her kids grew up in it. Of course, she's been thinking about downsizing since they went away to college and only come home for holidays, and not even full summers anymore. She doesn't need all this space. But what if she were to get grandkids?

The court had granted her title to the house free of all encumbrances on top of almost a million dollars. John could afford it. He owned a software company. Still does. The settlement allowed Bernadine to quit her job as a controller at the real estate investment company where she'd worked for years. And rather than start the catering business she'd thought about having one day, she used a good share of the money to open a cafe: Bernadine's Sweet Tooth. She invested the rest. But that was fifteen years ago. Before James/Jesse.

She doesn't miss her cafe. For fourteen years, Sweet Tooth thrived. She'd served the finest coffees and teas and personally baked most of the soulful specialties: blackberry cobbler, peach cobbler, sweet potato pie, bread pudding, banana pudding, rice pudding, lemon meringue pie, Seven-Up and Sock-It-to-Me and Red Velvet cakes.

After James/Jesse, her attitude toward Sweet Tooth changed. The baking became monotonous. There was no more joy, no delight in running the cafe. It was hard work. There was also no room for variation: a sweet potato pie was a sweet potato pie. A peach cobbler had to be a peach cobbler. As much as she was grateful for all the years it was profitable, Bernadine closed the cafe four months ago. Business had been steadily falling off. With four years left on the lease and the rent at $3,800 a month, it no longer paid for itself. Times had changed. People were more conscientious about what they ate. She was selling sugar.

When she gets home, Bernadine is surprised to find the girls already gone. Onika has left a note: "Mom, thanks for understanding about me and Shy. You have no no idea how good this makes me feel. After you left my room last night, we were both blown away by your very cool attitude about us. I love her. And she loves me. We'll see you later. Love, O." idea how good this makes me feel. After you left my room last night, we were both blown away by your very cool attitude about us. I love her. And she loves me. We'll see you later. Love, O."

What the hell is she talking about? I love her. And she loves me. I love her. And she loves me. Bernadine is wondering if she went into Onika's room last night, what in the hell it was she witnessed. She honestly couldn't remember anything except getting up this morning to go to the lender. She'd seen their backpacks and assumed they made it in okay. Yesterday evening, when she hadn't heard from Onika by seven, she remembered taking a sleeping pill and lying down to take a nap so she'd be awake by the time they got there. Bernadine is wondering if she went into Onika's room last night, what in the hell it was she witnessed. She honestly couldn't remember anything except getting up this morning to go to the lender. She'd seen their backpacks and assumed they made it in okay. Yesterday evening, when she hadn't heard from Onika by seven, she remembered taking a sleeping pill and lying down to take a nap so she'd be awake by the time they got there.

It was that fucking sleeping pill.

Now she feels shaky. Apparently she'd acknowledged to her daughter she was fine with her being a lesbian-which she is. Bernadine has suspected it for years, but didn't want to ask Onika. She always felt if it was true, then Onika would tell her when she was ready. Now she has. And Bernadine missed it. All because of a stupid sleeping pill?

Bernadine is ashamed and afraid because all this self-medicating has turned her into a different person. Where's she headed if she keeps living like this? She does not want to entertain that thought. She wants her life back, that much she does know. The one she's in charge of. She's tired of keeping the pain of the past present. Doesn't want to keep missing out on the good things. Bernadine begins shaking her head back and forth until she feels dizzy. When she stops, an image of John Jr.'s stupid guinea pigs pops into her head. The ones she accidentally left out in the sun. They spend their whole lives running in place. Bernadine shakes her head one last time. She has no intention of ending up like them.

Fourteen Years

On the morning her doorbell rang, Gloria was in the backyard, on her hands and knees, pulling weeds and digging in dirt. She removed her cowhide gloves, wiped the sweat from her brow, took a sip of her Pepsi and yelled, "Be there in a second!"

Gloria whistled and skipped up the three steps because she was happy. It was her and Marvin's anniversary. For the past fourteen years they were guilty of filling each other's lives with so much love they often thanked each other for it. And no matter what day of the week their anniversary fell on, Gloria always took two days off from Oasis-her hair salon-and let Joseph and the girls run things. Right now, Marvin was over at Clarkson's Nursery buying flats of ocotillo, red yucca and baja ruby fairy dusters along with mulch and Bumper Crop. For at least a decade, they marked their anniversary by planting a single hue of flowers indigenous to the desert. This was their red season.

The soles of her rubber boots were caked with mud so Gloria kicked them off before entering the kitchen. She could smell the oxtails beginning to stew in the Crock-Pot she'd filled with water and garlic, onions and celery, and probably a dozen spices. This was Marvin's favorite dish. On their anniversary, she always gave him what he wanted. Last year Gloria gave him an iPod and since Marvin loved him some Marvin Gaye, she had Joline-the little white girl who does weaves down at Oasis-load it up with every song he ever made. Lately, he'd gotten addicted to John Legend so Joline was about to add all the songs from his CD except number five, which was about cheating. Marvin didn't agree with that one.

Gloria walked through the family room. Thanks to Marvin-with the help of Savannah's handy husband, Isaac-the two had brought this fifty-year-old (as of 2005) ranch-style house complete with one-foot-square tiles and skylights, white oak floors and distressed wood cabinets, along with plenty of smooth granite tops. The house was small, not big enough for more than one adult houseguest, since only a daybed fit into one of the three bedrooms. Gloria had fixed up the other room for her three grandkids when they slept over.

Before she reached the front door, she could see a few long-stemmed birds of paradise and pink ginger peeking through the glass. Gloria was tickled. Marvin always had them delivered early. Wanted her to know she was still being wooed. It's definitely date night. They'll have dinner around six. By candlelight. A couple of glasses of champagne and a bubble bath. By candlelight. Then they'll turn the lights on to read their cards to each other since neither of them can read without their glasses. Gloria will wear a pretty nightgown. She's thinking about the crimson one, since she's managed to maintain the size fourteen she walked her way down to from an eighteen. She'll spray his favorite cologne in the air and then walk through it. Marvin will wear his plaid cotton bottoms and a white undershirt. By nine o'clock they'll most likely curl up under the covers and watch Titanic Titanic-or try to-since they've never managed to make it to the end. Over the years, Gloria has thought about fast-forwarding it, but then that would feel like cheating. Besides, they know how it ends.

Gloria opened the door and glanced over the delivery boy's shoulder. She smiled at the boat parked in the driveway. As soon as Marvin had left this morning, she called Tarik to drive it on over. He had hidden it in his backyard for two days. The small Mexican boy didn't look a day over fifteen and couldn't be an inch over five feet. There was a hint of black peach fuzz below his nose and he was the one driving that van, so what did she know? "You are Gloria Matthews?"

"I am, indeed."

"Bueno. These flowers for you." He handed the tall vase to her but it was obvious it was too heavy. "I take in for you?" he asked, first with his eyes. These flowers for you." He handed the tall vase to her but it was obvious it was too heavy. "I take in for you?" he asked, first with his eyes.

Gloria stepped aside. "Thank you."

"Happy birthday to you," he said, as if he'd memorized it.

"Oh, it's not my birthday. Anniversary!"

"Si!Concrashulations!" he said proudly.

"Muchas gracias!" She ushered him across the room to the nook, where he set the vase in the center of the white table. The tissue paper around the base was wet but she didn't care. She ushered him across the room to the nook, where he set the vase in the center of the white table. The tissue paper around the base was wet but she didn't care. "Muchas gracias," "Muchas gracias," she said to the boy again, and signed the delivery receipt. As he turned to leave, Gloria reached into what she called her everything drawer and pulled out a ten-dollar bill. "Wait! Tip for you!" she yelled as if he were deaf. she said to the boy again, and signed the delivery receipt. As he turned to leave, Gloria reached into what she called her everything drawer and pulled out a ten-dollar bill. "Wait! Tip for you!" she yelled as if he were deaf.

The young man looked shocked when he saw it was a ten. He took a step forward as if he wanted to hug her but knew it was inappropriate. This woman had made his day. And night. He knew he had made hers, too.

After he'd gone, Gloria remembered she'd forgotten to take her blood pressure medication again. She took her daily aspirin before she went to bed. She'd had a heart attack back in '89, right after she met Marvin. This was when he became her personal trainer and nutritionist. He saw to it Gloria walked almost daily and ate wisely. The only time she cheated was during holidays and their anniversary. She was looking forward to having a little gravy this evening.

As she lifted the top off the oxtails, Gloria knew it would still be a couple of hours before she could add the carrots, tomatoes and butter beans. Butter beans? She didn't see any of those cans on the counter because she hadn't taken any out of the cabinet. Shoot. She called Marvin.

"What's going on, baby?" he said, singing it like Marvin Gaye.

"Yes, Mr. Gaye, would you mind picking up a few cans of butter beans on your way home?"

"I thought you were my butter beans?"

"I am, but I'm not in a can. How soon before you think you'll be finished?"

"Are you rushing me, woman?" he asked, trying to sound harsh, which was almost impossible. "I'll be there when I get there!"

Gloria tried to hold back her laughter. "You know Tarik and Nickida are planning to stop by for a hot minute in about an hour or so with the kids. They made us something."

"I hope she didn't have to cook it."

Nickida doesn't have any cooking skills. Gloria and Marvin haven't been able to figure out how they're all still alive. She refuses to follow a recipe, and Gloria has tried to teach her the basics since her own mama apparently forgot. Nickida still can't make a decent tuna sandwich. Even eggs give her problems.

"The kids made it," she said while stirring. "Something out of clay. Again."

"Then make some room on the shelf by the fireplace. It's funny how these masterpieces never seem to break, huh, baby?"

"I'm telling you the truth, but they're our grandbabies and our house is their museum. So there you go."

"Didn't you hide that volcano that looked like a perforated green penis?"

"I sure did," Gloria said, and started laughing. "I have to find it. It was too hard explaining to folks. I keep forgetting to pull it out when they come over. But they don't seem to notice. Anyway, that beige eruption that sat on the tip of it fell off and broke into so many pieces I cut my toe on it. I cannot for the life of me remember where I hid it. Anyway, baby, are you finding some pretty ones or is that a silly question?"

"It's a silly question, Lady Glo. It is truly amazing how many different shades of red there are. God wasn't joking when he made flowers. And you, Baby Girl. Happy anniversary one more 'gain. Anyway, I'm about to start loading the truck. I have one more little stop to make, and do not ask me where that might be. I'll swing by the grocery store right afterward. I should be home in the next forty-five minutes to an hour, tops. If that's okay?"

"That's fine. Marvin, I hope you remember what I asked you not to do?"

"I can't hear you!"

"I'm not kidding, Marvin. Don't you spend a dime on me! Do you understand?"

"I can't hear you! Did you say you're gonna drop a dime on me?"

Gloria stomped her foot. She knew she was too late. This just meant he wouldn't be so mad at her for going a little overboard and getting him that twenty-six-foot day cruiser he'd been fantasizing about for the past three years. He needs to fish. And they need to know what it feels like to sleep below the deck on a lake and rock with the waves. Marvin was going to flip. At first he'd be upset. She could hear him now. "Have you lost your mind, baby?" And she would simply say, "Yes, and so what?" And he would say, "It's beautiful and it's a dream come true, but I can live without this. We could use this money on a lot of other things." And she would say, "I know that, but this is what I spent it on. It was my money. Now go on out there and touch it and then stand at the helm and be quiet." She already had a berth, and this boat was going to get parked in it.

Plus, Gloria could afford it. The past four years at Oasis had been quite profitable. Since she hired Joline to do weaves for white hair, business jumped. Adding a few more braiders who specialized in natural styles also made a big difference. They'd just recently started cutting and dying men's hair, since they seemed to spend as much time primping as women did. Metrosexuals is what Joseph said they're called. Hot-lather shaves had become so popular Gloria had Monique and Twyla specially trained.

It's taken almost ten years to update her services and Gloria still can't keep up with requests for spa treatments. Everybody wants everything waxed. They don't want hair on their bodies. They live to exfoliate. Crave glycolic peels. They want to be touched, which is why deep tissue, shiatsu and hot stone massages top the list. Cellulite treatments aren't far behind. And then there are body wraps, scrubs and polishes. Folks want to glow, to leave their worries and dead skin behind.

For months, Marvin had been helping her search for a bigger space, one that wouldn't require much work. They knew plumbing would probably be the most extensive thing they'd have to do. Marvin was excited he and Isaac could build those "treatment rooms" with their eyes closed. They thought of them as walk-in closets. However, if Gloria was finally going to have a full-fledged day spa along with her hair salon, they wanted to do it right. Her lease was up in August, eight months from now. So they had a little time. No more strip malls for Oasis Hair & Beauty. Gloria wanted it in a nicer area, one with healthy palm trees and expensive landscaping. Next to a boutique or a hip new restaurant serving food that needed to be explained. Even a Starbucks wouldn't hurt. So far, no luck. This was just one of many reasons why she bought Marvin that boat. He'd been looking out for her ever since they met.

Gloria was back outside when she heard her grandkids running on the gravel walkway along the side of the house. They didn't know how to walk. They sounded like little ponies.

"Slow down, Blaze!" Nickida yelled. Blaze is four. Nickida yells a lot. She's six years older than Tarik, which puts her at thirty-eight. She gets on everybody's nerves except his. Gloria doesn't know if it's because she's so pretty that he tolerates her or because she acts like she needs him for everything. Tarik is forever rushing her to the emergency room. She is such a phony. Even Marvin can see right through her. "What's she got now?" he always asks her after Tarik explains how Nickida couldn't breathe or she thinks she's getting an ulcer. She thought she had cancer on her scalp once but it turned out to be dandruff. It's always something. Gloria has tried to love her but Nickida makes it difficult. Millions of people hate her because she works in the collection department at the IRS. Tarik is her second husband. She also has a son by her first. Brass is twelve. He lives half-time with Nickida and Tarik and the other half with his dad, Luther, whom Gloria has never met. Brass is cocky, acts more like he's fifteen, which is why Gloria and Marvin are glad when they come over without him.

Considering Tarik is a police officer, Gloria wishes he'd apply the skills he uses on the force in his marriage. He never questions anything Nickida does, believes everything she tells him. She certainly knows her power. It's both sickening and sad for Gloria to see how docile her son acts around his wife. Even Marvin, who has a very high tolerance for bullshit, finds her hard to take in large doses. For this reason, whenever they're around her, they pretend she's really sweet and just having a bad hair day.

"Hi, Gawa!" Blaze yelped.

"Easy now, Blazie," Gloria said, draping her arms around this little pint-size person. Blaze, of course, was wearing a blue dress because everything she wears is blue. She refuses to wear pants-and only wears shorts when the temperature is over a hundred.

Gloria didn't see Tarik, probably because he was lugging stuff out of their brand-new Sequoia. Next to appear was Stone. He's six. The oldest of the three. His afro looks like black cotton. He has the nerve to be wearing a wifebeater, baring muscles that look like chocolate Easter eggs. Diamond's cheeky face hides behind a cascade of braids. She's almost three and doesn't talk. She did up until a year ago, then she just stopped. She's a sweet little devil. Says everything with her eyes, especially "no." She was diagnosed as autistic, but Nickida refuses to believe it. "She'll talk when she has something to say."

"Hi, Gawa," Stone said as he tried to hog a hug from Gloria. He's tall for his age, and a little on the pudgy side. "Where's Grandpa?"

"He's at the nursery, buying flowers for us to plant."

"Can we plant some?" he asked. He's a mini-me of Tarik, even down to a mole on the left side of his neck. He's also smart, smarter than Tarik was when he was little.

"Let's wait until Grandpa gets here and see what he has that might be easy for you. How's that?"

"Okay." He plopped down on the bottom step of the deck and already looked bored.

"Happy anniversary, Mom," Nickida said. Those three-inch heels slowed her down. Nickida doesn't look like she's had three babies in four years. Her stomach is flat but Gloria suspects that Tarik gave her money to have a tummy tuck and her breasts lifted, because they look the same as when she breastfed.

"Thank you, Nicki." Gloria pushed her hand into the soil and struggled a little to stand up. The kids rushed to help her. They immediately started giggling, digging their hands in the dirt and throwing huge clumps at one another.

"Stone! Blaze! Stop that right now! You know better! Now go over there and turn on the hose and wash your hands."

"It's okay," Gloria said.

"It is not okay. Anyway, Tarik's getting the things out of the truck, Mom. We have a big surprise for you and Pops!"

"Shouldn't we wait for Marvin?" Diamond walked over to Gloria, looked up and smiled. Her little teeth are so perfect they look like baby dentures. Gloria picked her up. She couldn't weigh more than thirty pounds. Gloria rubbed her nose against Diamond's-something Gloria knows she loves-and sure enough, she laughed.

"Well, sure. But we can't stay long because the kids are going to two separate birthday parties. One starts at noon and the other starts at one."

Tarik finally appeared with two grocery bags. He's as tall and black and handsome as he ought to be. He walked over to Gloria, bent down and gave her a warm kiss on her forehead. He kissed Diamond, too, or she'd have had a fit. "Happy anniversary, old woman! Where's Pops?"

"Thank you, sugah. He's still at Clarkson's."

"You guys sure like to live by the book, huh?"

"But it's our book, baby."

"That is the honest-to-goodness truth, Mom. Stone and Blaze, turn that hose off! You're getting all wet and dirty, and you cannot go to your parties if you're not clean!"

Tarik smiled, as if Nickida were such a great mom. He was starting to look so much like his father, David. It's funny how that works. The father who turned out to be gay, and to whom Tarik has not spoken to or about for more than fifteen years. David had tried reaching out to him but Tarik jumped back, said he couldn't handle having a dad who was a fag. Gloria told Tarik his dad was homosexual, not a fag. That he wasn't gay because he chose to be. He was born that way and had simply fought it for years. The last Gloria had heard, David was still living in Seattle.

"Mom, do I smell oxtails?"

"You know what you're smelling."

"Are they ready to be taste-tested?"

"They need another hour or so. When Marvin gets here I can add the butter beans and tomatoes. But go ahead and taste 'em if you just have to." She untied her bibbed apron and tossed it into a wheelbarrow. "Don't get too close to me, because I'm dirty and stinky!"

The kids ran up behind her and yelled, "Stinky Gawa! Gawa's dirty and stinky!"

"Gawa's been gardening. She smells like the earth and that is clean dirt on her, not the other kind," Ms. Martha Stewart said. "Come inside where it's cool and help get your Gawa and Pops's anniversary presents out of the bags!"

Off they went. Her wonderful grandchildren. Stone. Diamond and Blaze: human rock, carbon and fire. Although she wasn't one to criticize, Gloria couldn't help but ask what some of these parents are thinking about when they name their children. Years ago, black people gave them African and biblical names but then they just seemed to stop and started making up the most ridiculous combination of sounds and syllables, most of which didn't make any damn sense. They were just tongue twisters.

Nowadays, parents were naming babies after anything and everything: numbers, letters of the alphabet, trees, spices, flowers, the weather, seasons, colors, perfume, cars, designers, alcoholic beverages and a slew of other inanimate objects. Gloria's friend Robin was no better. She named her daughter Sparrow. So now there are two birds in their house. White folks have gotten worse than black people, as if they're trying to outdo one another to see who can come up with the weirdest names ever. Pets are the ones getting all the human names: Jake, Jo, Bo, Max, Romeo, Juliet, Chloe, Annie, Lizzy, Bill, George, etc., etc. Gloria feels sorry for some of these kids although she's gotten used to and has even grown rather fond of her grandkids' names.

"Nicki didn't tell you our good news, did she?"

"What good news?" Gloria asked, praying to God Nickida wasn't pregnant again.

"I haven't had time to tell her about your promotion or our winning the trip to Hawaii."

Tarik, who was dipping the ladle into the Crock-Pot and scooping out a small oxtail, just gave her a look. "Well, maybe next time I have a surprise, I might be able to tell it."

"I didn't tell her!"

"Who got a promotion?" Gloria asked. "And what kind of raffle was it that you won a trip to Hawaii?"

"I made lieutenant, Ma."

"Oh, my Lord! That's just wonderful, baby," Gloria said without having to fake her enthusiasm. "When?"

"I've known for a few months but it became official yesterday."

She walked over and gave him the kind of hug she used to give him when he made the honor roll or after the first time he played his saxophone in a parade. "I'm so proud of you, Tarik. So proud."

"I know you are, Ma. Anyway, Nicki bought five dollars' worth of raffle tickets from the kids' school, and we just found out a couple of days ago that we actually won! An all-expenses-paid trip to Honolulu. Can you believe that?"

"I guess you two need to pinch yourselves to make sure this is real, then, huh? This is fantastic! I've never won anything in my life."

"Neither have I," Nickida said.

"I think I won a case of Pepsi once at a picnic, but I left because the grass was killing me. Anyway, Ma, we went online and got the hookup, and it looks like we can both get off the second week in June, and we were wondering if you think you and Pops might be able to watch the kids for us that week. Actually, it's ten days all told."

"Don't give it a second thought."

"You know we've never been on a honeymoon?" Nickida asked like it was a statement. Gloria did know. They were broke back then. Tarik was paying off the last of his student loans and had finally decided he might not ever be any Branford Marsalis or Kenny G, and sold his saxophone.

"I do recall that being the case," Gloria said. "Just e-mail me the exact dates so I can give Joseph a heads-up."