"Anyway, I just think there's stuff that happens to us that throws us off center and we have to figure out how to get through it the best way we can," Savannah says.

"Oh hell, are you ready to hear this speech, Bernie?"

"Shut up, Robin. It's true. We get divorced, we get conned, someone we love dies, or we can't find anybody to love us or somebody breaks our heart and we realize this fairy tale ain't ain't fair. So we suffer. We feel like shit and we want it to hurry up and be over, but there are no shortcuts. I think a lot of folks take this stuff hoping it's a panacea, only to find out it's not." fair. So we suffer. We feel like shit and we want it to hurry up and be over, but there are no shortcuts. I think a lot of folks take this stuff hoping it's a panacea, only to find out it's not."

"Well, they've helped me. Otherwise, I might not have been able to get out of bed in the morning."

"But you're still harping on the ordeal like it happened last week," Robin says. "I never liked him anyway."

"Me either," Savannah says. "I thought he was pompous and phony and I never trusted his ass."

"Since we're finally coming out with it," Robin says, "how could you fall for this guy in like breakneck speed when you didn't know shit about him?"

"Because after my marriage fell apart I felt like an empty parking space, and James just pulled into it. Anyway, fuck you guys, okay? I'm doing the best I can."

"No, you're not. We want you to do better so you feel better," Savannah says. "We're on your side, girl. You know that, don't you?"

Silence.

"Bernie." Savannah sighs.

"What?"

"We didn't mean to hurt your feelings or piss you off."

"Yes you did. But it's okay. Points well taken. After all, what are friends for?" Bernadine says this with no sarcasm in her voice. "So. On a lighter note. Robin, how is Ms. Sparrow doing these days?"

"Getting on my last nerve. Ever since they started this texting thing on cell phones-I made a big mistake and got her one so she wouldn't be able to come up with excuses about her whereabouts-I betcha these kids are gonna have carpal tunnel or arthritis in their thumbs by the time they're old enough to drink."

"When does she get her license?" Savannah asks.

"Next month-God willing. It took three tries for the written. I just pray the driving test is a one-shotter."

"What's she gonna drive?" Bernadine asks.

"She wants that ugly Prius. And since I'm getting my bonus next month, I think I can swing it."

"I can't believe a sixteen-year-old wants a Prius," Bernadine says.

"She doesn't want to contribute more pollutants to the ozone. Okay, enough about my daughter! The reason I called you guys was to see if we could figure out something we could do together since Gloria's DVD guys have been MIA."

"Hey, wait a minute! We forgot all about Gloria!" Savannah says.

"But I can only do a three-way."

"Well, how about we try to narrow down the options and then one of us calls her. She probably won't care or won't want to come anyway," Bernadine says.

"If we have to drag her out of the house, she's coming," Savannah says. "Let's hear some of your bright ideas, Robin."

"We could drive up to Sedona and have dinner and turn around and come back."

"It's beautiful but boring. After you look at those red mountains, there's nothing to do," Savannah says. "When are we talking about anyway?"

"I don't know. Let's decide where we want to go first and then find out everybody's schedule."

"Mine's wide open," Bernadine says. "I haven't been to Sedona in years, which is shameful."

"Bernie, now that Sweet Tooth is closed, what is it you do all day?" Savannah asks.

"Paperwork," she says.

"How long before you finish?" Robin asks.

"However long it takes. Wait. In all honesty, I surf the Internet looking for everything I can on successful catering companies. The most prestigious culinary programs. I read about top chefs all over the world, and the best restaurants, including their menus, to see what makes them great. And most recently, I'm learning how to stage a progressive dinner party. This is some of what I do all day."

"Right on, Bernie," Robin says.

"What's a progressive dinner party?" Savannah asks.

"I knew you were going to ask. It's a party where each course is eaten at a different person's home."

"What's the point?" Robin asks.

Bernie lets out a long sigh. "It's a very cool way of spending time with friends and meeting new people."

"Then let's have one of those!" Robin says.

"Yeah, since we're trying to come up with something interesting to do," Savannah says.

"I need a lot more time to plan it in order to do it right. And before you ask, Savannah, it's not like a frigging potluck, okay? I'd put a different spin on it. Come up with a kick-ass menu, send invitations to you guys, who in turn would invite a friend or two-folks the rest of us don't know: in our case, a few single friends wouldn't hurt. Anyway, I don't have it all figured out, so let's talk more about it another time."

"Sounds like it could be hecka fun," Robin says.

"Sure does. I'm game," Savannah says.

"Okay," Robin says. "This may sound like a stupid question, but when was the last time anybody went to the Grand Canyon?"

"I am not going to anybody's Grand Canyon," Savannah says. "I've been a million times with Paul Bunyan. I could probably give tours."

"I always got carsick," Bernadine says. "Think of something else."

"How about going to a casino?" Robin asks.

"And get lung cancer?" This is Savannah.

"I agree. You can't breathe in those places let alone talk," Bernadine says.

"Who said anything about talking?" Robin asks. "Oh, never mind. How about a spa?"

"That would be kind of insulting to Gloria," Savannah says.

"She hasn't even found a place yet," Robin says.

"Look, Robin, why can't we just go to a cool restaurant and have a good meal?" Bernadine asks.

"You mean like dinner?"

"Yeah, and we could use like a knife and fork, too," Savannah says.

"You go straight to hell."

The three of them laugh.

"We need to get Gloria in on this conversation. It doesn't feel right excluding her," Bernadine says.

"I just thought of something!" Savannah says. "I can call her on my cell and put her on speaker."

And she does. There's no answer.

"She's probably asleep," Bernadine says. "Call her back in a few minutes."

"I will. Oh, by the way, girls, the station won an award for best news program and I got one for the show I did on teen pregnancy." Savannah continues to dial Gloria's number over and over, hoping it'll get on her nerves and she'll pick up.

"You got a what?" Bernie asks.

"An award."

"Why didn't you tell anybody?" Bernie asks.

"I didn't think you guys would be interested in coming to the dinner. They're pretty boring."

"Let us be the judge of that," Robin says. "I already told you how good I thought the program was."

"I Tivo'd it," Bernadine says. "I'm embarrassed to say I haven't watched it yet. But I will!"

"What in the world are you huzzies talking about?" Gloria asks. "And why are you all calling me so late?"

"It's only ten o'clock, so wake your old ass up," Savannah says.

"Savannah got an award for the show she did about the rise in teenage pregnancy in Arizona and didn't tell any-damn-body," Bernadine says.

"Oh, I saw it. And so did everybody at Oasis. It was on target and right on time. But I told you that, Savannah. I need to splash some cold water on my face. I'll be right back."

"And be quick about it!" Savannah yells, loud enough for her to be heard in another room.

"Stop being so bossy," Bernadine says. "And the next time you get honored for anything be considerate and give your friends a heads-up."

"I will. It's not like I get them all the time."

"Speaking of being awarded and not to change the subject but I'm changing the subject: How long before your divorce is final?" Bernadine asks. "Or are you keeping that a secret, too?"

"July first."

"And how do you know the exact date?" Robin asks.

"Because I agreed to give him an extra couple of months so he'd have time to get health insurance coverage." Of course she was lying about this. She also didn't feel like explaining how the divorce process works in Arizona.

"Well, that was awful nice of you," Bernadine says.

"I'm just glad you guys aren't acting like they did in War of the Roses War of the Roses," Robin says. "Want us to come to court with you?"

"It's not fun," Bernadine says. "I'll be there for you."

"Thanks, you guys, but it's not going down like that. We've signed the papers, agreed to the terms, so we don't even have to be there."

"Get the hell outta here," Bernie says. "Times have sure changed."

"What are you gonna do about your house?" Robin asks.

"Live in it."

"Isn't it like creepy being in there all by yourself?" she asks.

"Why would it be creepy?"

"You're up there in those dark hills with wild animals everywhere."

"I live up here in these same hills and the only time I've ever been afraid was right after . . . never mind. Anyway, I've never been bitten or eaten by any wild animals, Robin."

"Wait a second. Savannah, does it sound like Bernie is slurring?"

"I was just thinking the same thing. Are you over there hitting the bottle?"

"No! And I'm not slurring. I'm tired."

"From doing what?" Savannah asks.

"I've been running around all day."

"Well, join the rest of the real world," Savannah says. "You're on something. What is it?"

"I'm not on on anything." anything."

"We can hear it in your voice. I don't know who you think you're fooling."

"Okay, so I took half a Xanax."

"And we're supposed to believe that? Come on, Bernie," Savannah says.