She watched as the tension ebbed onto his shoulders. "Who was it then?"
"Is it true, Jason? You paid Sabrina?"
His normally tanned face blanched by varying degrees. Both of his hands raked though his wet hair. "It's not like she made it out to be."
"Then what is it like, exactly?"
"Izzy-"
"Because right now it sounds like you lied to me."
A long breath escaped his lungs. "Sabrina's been blackmailing me."
Some things you couldn't take back. Jason knew by the shock on Izzy's face, this was one of them. Part of his brain screamed for a recall button as he watched Izzy's lithe, naked form gather her clothes and retreat into the bathroom. He couldn't lie. Couldn't evade. Couldn't pretend.
No more hiding.
"I didn't lie to you at first."
"Just in the end." She shook her head. "She said you went back to campus to see her. Is it true?"
"I didn't go back to see her, I went back for you."
"Bullshit. You never came back for me."
He reached for her hands, but she pulled away from him. "I did. I'd heard from Coach about how you'd had a hard time, and-"
"So you came back to see me after I cracked up on the court. But then you accidentally fell into Sabrina's bed?"
"It wasn't like that."
"Right. And how do you account for the fact I never saw you?"
Hot, fierce shame washed over him. "I went by your place and ran into her before I ran into you. She told me you were dating some guy, Bryce or something. Pre law guy."
"Bryce? He's gay."
His back stiffened. "Yeah, I guess it wouldn't be the first time she lied."
"So you couldn't find me, so you jumped in the sack with Sabrina just for shits and giggles. For old time's sake?"
"I know. It's the dumbest thing in the world I can say. I was so rotten drunk. I was happy you were happy, but I wanted to punish myself because I'd let you go."
She shrugged. "I don't give a shit how it happened, it still happened. And even if that's old history, the fact is, you've had a million opportunities to tell me the truth, and you haven't."
"I was young and stupid. I tied one on that night at some stupid house party. I got so drunk I couldn't see my own feet. Sabrina was there and-"
"So what? Sabrina asked you for money to keep it quiet, and you forked it over instead of telling me the truth?"
Shit. "No. At first I told her no. But after what happened at your place, she said things would get worse for Nick if I didn't give her the money. I just wanted to protect you."
"Protect me? You were being Jason Cartwright, selfish prick. You talk about not wanting to be that selfish asshole who only thinks about himself, but that's who you are. Sleep with Sabrina, lie to me, pay Sabrina off, it's all about protecting yourself. You always take the path of least resistance."
"That's not who I am, Izzy."
"Then who the hell are you? Because I don't know."
Why hadn't he told her? Why had he lied? Why hadn't he told her earlier? Had he sensed her growing attachment and, in typical fashion, needed to shake her off before it got too sticky? Too messy? Or worse, had he feared he'd fallen so irreversibly in love with her, he wouldn't be able to escape with his heart intact if she left him and not the other way around?
He cleared his throat, choosing to interpret her question. "Izzy, I'm sorry, I can do better, be better. What can I do to make this up to you?"
"That's just it, Jason, you can't go and wave your magic wand and make it all better. Simple fact-I can't trust you. Another simple fact, Sabrina has some hold on you, you can't seem to shake free. If you'd just told me when we first started, this wouldn't have been that big a deal. Just a blip. I would have forgotten it."
Shame gave way to defensive anger. "Are you so sure? You wear your pride like a fucking badge. You've been looking for an excuse to run, and I just gave you one so you're out the door."
"You can pull that reverse psychology shit on me all you like. It doesn't change the fact you're a coward."
She went into the bathroom, presumably to get ready. The soft click of the bathroom lock signaled the irreversible closing of the door on their relationship.
Chapter Thirty-Three.
"So when do you plan on coming out of this funk? The whole broody, depressed, jilted lover thing is so last year."
Izzy's head snapped up from her task to glare at Jessica in her newly blonded form. "This coming from the woman who changes boyfriends as often as she changes hair color."
The biting words escaped her lips before she could wrestle them back into their prison cell at the back of her throat. The stabbing pain in her chest, fear clutching at her belly, constant state of nausea, and pure as spring water rage-none of those were Jessica's fault. If she needed to blame anyone, she'd blame herself. Then she thought better and added Jason on the list.
Jessica deflected the jibe with aplomb. "I'll let that one slide, Muff. I know you're pining." Jessica plunked herself into the overstuffed beanbag chair in Izzy's office. "I told you not to fall in love with the guy."
Izzy shoved the proofs in front of her aside. She didn't need to review them anymore, she had the perfect ones for the SI shoot and for her editor. She was too distracted to focus on getting the gallery pieces out to their new owners, so she tried for busy work. "Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I've just been..." Unable to find the right words, she spread her arms. "I'm sorry."
Jessica gave a brusque nod of her head. "Forgotten. I get it. He's a bastard. But I'm worried about you. You look a hot mess."
Izzy cringed as she sat back to take in her outfit and wondered where she'd gone wrong this time. "I'm a little wrinkled maybe, but hardly a hot mess."
"No, not your clothes, though they could use a little color. I'm talking about you. You've been walking around like a zombie for the past week. You've dropped a few pounds..." She paused and frowned. "Though, I'd love to know your secret for that. And don't think I haven't noticed you've made yourself sick with worry. You're drinking tea and eating saltines like it's your job to stave off nausea. Frankly, if I'd known what kind of effect he'd have on you, I never would have suggested you get together."
Izzy shook her head. "I'm fine." When she realized Jessica wouldn't accept that answer, Izzy added, "I'm upset, sure, but I'm not heart broken or anything." She tasted the lie on her tongue and decided to swallow the bitter flavor.
Jessica worked her lower lip. "Okay, Slim. If you say it's not a heart problem, then what gives? The distracted, snippy, forlorn-looking Izzy isn't much fun at all. I'd like the other one back, please. She may have also been distracted, but at least she was also fun and witty."
Izzy considered. She didn't want to have to relive the exhausting disappointment or the heart-shattering pain, but maybe if she shared, she'd stop feeling so miserable and be able to let some of it go.
"Jason slept with Sabrina."
Jessica's movement to her feet was so fast it caused a draft to wisp hairs into Izzy's face. She picked up a paperweight. "I'm gonna kill that mutha trucka." Jessica tossed the paperweight between her hands. "Then I'm gonna go after that skinny, coked out bitch, and show her what it really means to hurt. Withdrawal's got nothing on me."
Izzy couldn't help the laughter that skipped out of her mouth. "Damn, remind me not to piss you off, okay?"
Jessica's lips curled in a baring of teeth, but her tone lightened. "You like? I've been practicing my sassy black woman routine." She tossed the paperweight again. "That doesn't mean I can't do murder. That fucking prick. I figured he'd get bored, or stop calling, but to sink lower than a pile of ant shit and sleep with that, that..." She gesticulated wildly while she searched for the right word. Jessica's eyes widened when she found it. "That Cu-"
Before she could complete the phrase, Izzy jumped in. "Easy does it. What would the Mormon rocker say?" The intricate pain of resentment, nausea and jealousy coursed through her as she spoke the next words. "It wasn't recent. After he left for the pros. He came back to school. They got together."
Understanding there was no longer a need for the imminent bashing in of Jason's head, Jessica put down the weight. "Okay, maybe we need to back up. I'm confused."
"Yeah all right. You already know he left that night fifteen years ago."
Jessica plopped back down in the beanbag chair and grabbed a handful of jellybeans from the candy dish on Izzy's desk. "God, I heart a good soap opera. Go on."
"Well, apparently he came back about six months later. To see me." She sighed. "Or so he claims."
"Hmm. Guy comes back to see girl. Guy doesn't see girl, but somehow finds he accidentally-on-purpose got naked with girl's best friend?" She blew out a breath. "So Mr. hot-enough-to-melt-in-your-mouth thinks you're moron enough to drink this brand of Kool-Aid?"
Izzy shook her head in exasperation. "I don't know. Sabrina never told me he'd come to see me. He never made the effort to see me. But I wouldn't put it past her to deliberately not have told me."
"So you know what I'm gonna ask you next right?"
Already on the same page, Izzy nodded. "Is Jason Nick's father?" Izzy massaged the bridge of her nose. "I honestly don't know. I've considered before, but the timing was all wrong. And, even now, with what I know, the timing is still iffy. Nick was born a month early according to Sabrina. Only she would know for sure."
"Honey, I'm sorry. I can only imagine what you're dealing with."
Izzy's lips trembled into a semblance of a smile. "I appreciate it. I wish I knew what to do now. I don't even think Jason's considered Nick in the equation. If he's Nick's father..." She grabbed a tissue from the dispenser on her desk. "I don't know what I'll do if he wants custody."
Jessica frowned and appeared not to hear her. "Wait, so how did you find this out? He just blurted this all out?"
Izzy blew her nose and recounted Sabrina's call. When she was done, she slouched in her seat, exhausted from the effort.
For several moments, Jessica sat and said nothing, merely blinking. Every few seconds or so, Izzy could see the brilliant blue of Jessica's eyes disappear behind the purple plumage of plum shadow, only to reappear again, scarcely a moment later.
Finally, she spoke. "No wonder you're full of piss and vinegar, Sweetie. I would have killed that bitch by now."
Izzy blinked back. "I'm too tired to kill anyone. Trust me, I thought about it. Besides, I'm too cute to go to jail."
Jessica considered. "Good point." She gave Izzy a pointed look, she added, "So are you going to tell Jason he might be Nick's father?"
Chapter Thirty-Four.
How had her life gone from zero to shit so quickly? One day Izzy had hum drummed along in an uneventful life. Now she had hot tennis players, paparazzi, and a drug-addicted crazy woman in her life. Though, to be fair, the drug addicted crazy woman was more of a staple.
All she needed was some good old fashioned Bravo to take her mind off of everything. As her brain left the world of reality for the world of reality TV, she heard the scrape of a key in the lock. Had Nick forgotten his new set of keys again? "You gotta learn to remember your keys, Nick."
Swinging the door open, Sabrina, not Nick met her on the other side. On reflex, Izzy swung the door closed, but Sabrina used her foot to block it from shutting.
"Izzy, wait. I need your help."
She didn't feel like she had the strength to not kill Sabrina, so Izzy just stared in wonder at Sabrina's audacity. "You want my help. After everything you've done to me, to this family, why should I help you?"
"Look, I'm a mess. I've made some horrendous mistakes, and I have no way to get out. You're all I have left."
"I thought you had Jason."
Sabrina tried for her best expression of contrition, but Izzy could see through it. "Would it help if I said how sorry I was? I never should have gone to Jason. Never should have blackmailed him. I had nowhere else to turn. Tony would have hurt Nick if I didn't pay."
Izzy shook her head. "We had a deal, Sabrina. You could stay here as long as you were clean. I thought it was healthy for Nick to see you, but I was wrong. You bring destruction and lies everywhere you go. You're permeated with it. You honestly can't help yourself."
Sabrina sniffed and clasped her hands together. "I know. I know. I screwed up. I thought I could get the money and pay Tony, and he'd leave me and Nick and you alone. I thought of everything I could. I should have just stayed away. I'm a user, but I'm not all bad, Izzy. I'm not. I wanted custody of Nick for the wrong reason. B-b-but I only wanted to put things right. I need help, okay?" She used the back of her hand to swipe at the trail of liquid that pooled on her upper lip.
Izzy shook her head, vehemence written on her face. "No, not okay. You try to exploit him for his trust. You blackmail Jason. You vanish for days on end. You show up at his tennis match high. You. Hit. My. Son." She put up her hands. "Not this time. You can't wipe those things off with a simple apology. Get off my property."
Sabrina lifted her face, tilting it to a bruise on her cheek. "He's going to kill me. He said he'd kill Nick too." She sniffed and clamped her hands together.
Izzy stood in front of her, arms folded, not budging. She saw the signs. The twitching. The pinpoint pupils. Sabrina was high. "Sabrina, I'm sorry, I've had enough. You can't do this to yourself or to Nick. I'm not going to do it to him."
"Look, I know." She bit her lip. She took a deep breath before she shoved past Izzy. "But I'm serious about needing your help. I can't do this by myself. I've got to pay, or we're all in trouble."
Izzy shifted her position, but it was too late, Sabrina was already in the house. She clenched her jaw. "I'm not giving you money. I haven't got it. From the looks of it, you need to get back into rehab."
"Shit, Izzy. I need money. Bad things will happen if I don't pay."
"Then you need to find a way to pay on your own. I won't to enable you anymore."
"Izzy, c'mon-"
"And while we're at it, you've got some things to come clean about. We're calling Jason."
Jason's stomach flipped over with nerves. She'd called. It meant she wanted to see him right? Missed him. If he could just see her and explain. Maybe she could forgive him. Or at least not hate him entirely. Shit. Who was he kidding? He missed her like crazy, and he would do anything to see her. Even have her shoot him off her front steps. The doorbell rang, and he knew this was the moment of truth.
Unprepared for the need that clawed at him when she answered the door, he reached for her in an automatic gesture. As if touching her, holding her would put it all right again. "Izzy, I'm so sorry. I-"
She shifted away from him. He thinned his lips and shrugged, making his way inside the doorway. It was too soon. Through his mind, a thousand different apologies ran. He searched for the best one, but none of them were good enough. He settled on, "I've really missed you."
"This isn't why I called you over."