Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a packet of Persil?

A: Persil contains no bleach.

Q: What word isn't in an Essex girl's vocabulary?

A: No.

Q: How do you drown an Essex girl?

A: Put a mirror at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Q: What does an Essex girl keep in her handbag?

A: Her knickers.

Essex Man: If I'd known you were a virgin I'd've taken more time.

Essex girl: If I'd known you 'ad more time I'd've taken me tights off.

Q: Why does an Essex girl ask her boyfriend to shut his eyes during oral sex?

A: So he can't see her roots.

Q: Why is an Essex girl like a long-distance hitch-hiker?

A: They both go all the way.

Q: Why does Essex girl shave her pubic hair?

A: She thinks designer stubble looks good on a man's face.

Q: What's an Essex Girl's mating cry?

A: God I'm pissed!

Q: Why aren't there human sacrifices in Essex any more?

A: Have you ever tried finding a virgin in Essex?

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a Kit Kat?

A: You only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.

Q: What have Essex girl and Oliver Twist got in common?

A: Both asked a man for more.

Q: Why don't Essex girls wear knickers when speeding round the M25?

A: They like to be picked up by the fuzz.

Warren: Cor, I couldn't arf giver 'er one!

Tracey (overhearing): What d'you mean, ONE?

Q: How does an Essex Girl relieve stress?

A: Changes hands.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a computer?

A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: Why is an Essex Girl like a party political broadcast?

A: Both are just clap-trap.

Q: What does an Essex Girl have stitched on the front of her knickers?

A: Please replace when you've finished.

Music Shop Customer: Excuse me, have you got 'Air on the G String?'

Essex Girl Assistant: Nah, I always shave me pubes.

Q: What's the similarity between Essex girl and an envelope?

A: Both need a good licking before they shut up.

Q: Why did Essex girl take all her clothes off while on the phone?

A: Cos her boyfriend said he'd visit her if had nothing on.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a bus?

A: You have to wait for a bus to come before you jump on it.

Q: How does an Essex girl know if a bloke fancies her?

A: He sticks one hand up her skirt to see if she's wearing knickers.

Q: What's the difference between Santa and Essex Girl?

A: Santa only comes once a year.

Tracey: Would you take an advantage of a girl who'd 'ad too much to drink?

Wayne : No, luv.

Tracey: That's it, I'm off.

Q: What is the difference between Essex Girl's clitoris and a pub?

A: Essex Boy can find the pub.

Sharon: Wayne, if I told you this was my first time, wot would you say?

Wayne: April Fools Day was last month Sharon.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Rubiks Cube?

A: You need both hands and more than 5 minutes to do a Rubik's Cube.

Essex Man: 'Allo, luv it's me.

Sharon: Who's that?

Essex Man: The guy that had you behind the pub last night.

Sharon: Was that the Rose & Crown, Red Lion or the Rising Sun?

Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a Christmas Present?

A: You always get what you want from an Essex Girl.

Q: What do you call an Essex Girl who screws ten men a day?

A: An underachiever.

Q: What's the difference between the Old Kent Road and an Essex Girl?

A: Not everyone has been up the Old Kent Road.