Q: An Essex girl asks her boyfriend to kiss her somewhere wet, warm and smelly A: He took her to Canvey Island.

Q: Why did the Essex girl complain of sexual harassment in the office?

A: The boss asked her to get down to some hard work.

Q: What is the difference between the Titanic and an Essex girl?

A: Only 1500 men went down on the Titanic.

Q: What is the difference between Essex girl and the Moby Dick?

A: The Moby Dick swallowed less seamen.

Q: Why is an Essex girl like an old washing machine?

A: They both drip when f*cked.

Essex Couple at a Southend United football match: Kevin: Great tackle!

Sharon: An' a neat arse.

Q: Why did the Essex girl fail her driving test?

A: She forgot to check the mirror before going down on the examiner.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a carpenter?

A: Essex girl has longer nails.

Q: Why does an Essex girl grow her nails long?

A: To get to the really difficult bogeys.

Q: What happened to the Essex girl who bought a vibrator?

A: She knocked all her teeth out.

Q: What is Essex girl's idea of sophistication?

A: Malibu-flavoured condoms.

Did you hear about the Essex girl who thought Harvey's Bristol Cream was a bust-enlarging lotion.

Q: What do Essex girls like best about policemen?

A: Their shiny helmets.

Q: What's the best chat-up line when picking up an Essex girl?

A: Me motor's outside.

Q: What is an Essex girl's favourite position for sex?

A: The mercenary position.

Q: How does an Essex girl turn off the light after having sex?

A: She closes the car door.

Q: How did Essex girl know it was all over?

A: Her friend said she was on the Wayne.

Q: What does Essex girl say before sex?

A: Me name's Sharon.

Q: What does an Essex girl say after sex?

A: Do you all really play for the same football team.

Q: What makes an Essex girl's eyes light up?

A: A torch shone in her ear.

Q: How do you know if an Essex girl has had an orgasm?

A: She drops her bag of crisps.

Essex couple go for a walk: Essex Man: Are you comin'?

Essex girl: Nah, it's just the way I'm walkin'

Q: Why don't Essex girls like Father Christmas?

A: Because he only comes once a year.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board?

A: An ironing board's legs are difficult to get apart.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a washing machine?

A: You can dump your load with a washing machine and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: Where do Essex girls do their shopping?

A: Boys R Us

Q: Why don't Essex girls vote?

A: They can't spell 'X'

Q: What's an Essex girl's favourite hymn?

A: O Come All ye faithful.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Snow White?

A: Snow White didn't slept with more than 7 men at once.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex Man and an Essex girl?

A: An Essex girl has a higher sperm count.

Q: What does an Essex girl do with her arsehole after sex?

A: She takes him down the pub.

Q: What's the difference between meeting an Essex girl and a Club 18-30 Holiday on the Costa Del?

A: There's only a 99% chance of sex on a Club 18-30 Holiday.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a Walrus?

A: One is big, fat, ugly with a moustache and smells of fish.

The other is a Walrus.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a plate of spaghetti?

A: The spaghetti moves when you eat it.