A: Cos he didn't pay for her chips.

Q: Why does an Essex girl keep her feet out of the bath?

A: So her ankle chains don't get rusty.

Q: How do you know when Essex girl's got her period?

A: She stays in to wash her hair.

Q: How does an Essex girl get dinner for her guests?

A: Hello? Is that Pizza-to-go?

Q: What's the difference between an Essex Girl and a gerbil?

A: An Essex Girl doesn't stand a hope in hell of getting a date with a Hollywood star.

Q: Why did the Essex girl join a golf club?

A: She wanted to become the inter-course champion.

Q: Why do Essex girls love snooker?

A: They like men who go in off the pink.

Kevin: 'Ere Trace, fancy trying something from the Kama Sutra?

Tracey: You know I don't like Indian food, Kev.

TV Interviewer: What do YOU think about the Green Belt?

Essex girl: You shouldn't wear it with a pink frock.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Mount Everest?

A: Fewer people have been up Mount Everest.

Q: What's the difference between dating and Essex Girl and travelling on the Star ship Enterprise?

A: The Star ship Enterprise only goes where no man has gone before.

Q: Why does an Essex Girl wear earrings?

A: She wants to look like her dad

Fact: An Essex girl is the only person that can trip a guy up and be on the floor before him.

Did you hear about the Essex girl who thought the Gulf Conflict was a new Volkswagen convertible?

Q: Why is an Essex girl like an anchor?

A: She goes down so quickly.

Essex Man : D'you know why I love you?

Essex girl: I give in.

Essex Man : Tha's right.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Heinz Tomato Soup?

A: There's no artificial colouring in Heinz Tomato soup.

Q: What is the Essex Girl attachment on a Swiss Army Knife for?

A: Getting feet out of steering wheels.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a turkey?

A: A turkey doesn't gobble at night.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl's pussy and a tube of glue?

A: You might consider sniffing a tube of glue.

Q: Why does an Essex girl where patent shoes?

A: To check she's still got her knickers on.

Q: Why doesn't Essex Girl snort coke?

A: The bubbles get up her nose.

Q: How do you find an Essex girl's G-spot?

A: Promise her a weekend in Marbella.

Q: How do you find an Essex girl's clitoris?

A: Turn left at the handbrake.

Q: How do you confuse an Essex girl?

A: Take her out in a left hand drive car.

Q: Why does an Essex girl where cheap perfume?

A: To keep the flies off her kebab.

Q: How does an Essex girl hold her liquor?

A: By the ears.

Q: Why did the Essex girl give up aerobics?

A: She couldn't put her legs together.

Q: What is the difference between an Essex girl and a table?

A: A table only gets laid 3 times a day.

Q: Where does Essex girl get together with her friends?

A: The VD clinic.

Q: An Essex girl told her boyfriend that lights must flash and bells must ring when he made love to her.

A: So they did it on a Pinball machine.

Q: What is the most essential item in Essex girl's make-up kit?

A: Clearasil.

Q: What is the difference between a supermarket trolley and an Essex girl?

A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl's knickers and Alton Towers?

A: You have to pay to into Alton Towers.