Q: Why doesn't an Essex girl say much on her first date?

A: She doesn't like to talk with her mouth full.

Q: Why did the Essex girl stand for Parliament?

A: She heard the House of Commons had a lot of members.

Q: Why do Essex girls only eat one third of their Mars bars?

A: Who needs to work or rest?

Q: Why do Essex girls prefer cars with adjustable steering wheels?

A: More headroom.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and Spud-U-Like?

A: Spud-U-Like has fewer fillings.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and Directory Enquiries?

A: You can sometimes get through to Directory Enquiries.

Q: Why did the Essex girl enter for Wimbledon?

A: She thought the mixed doubles was a cocktail drinking contest.

Q: What do you get if you cross an Essex girl with a computer?

A: A system that will always go down on you.

Q: Why does Essex Girl shave her armpits?

A: To stop her sticking to the Velcro fastenings in Wayne's shell suit.

Q: What is an Essex girl's idea of a really classy meal?

A: A wooden chip-fork with her takeaway.

Q: What's an Essex girl's idea of romance?

A: A lift home afterwards.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and the England Cricket Team's bowling?

A: Most men wouldn't catch anything off the England Cricket Team's bowling.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl's tights and a window cleaner?

A: A window cleaner has fewer ladders.

Q: Why is an Essex girl like a cinema-foyer hot dog?

A: You wouldn't want your friends to catch you eating one.

Q: What's the difference between and Essex Girl and the doggie on the parcel shelf of a car?

A: The doggie doesn't nod its head as much.

Q: Why do Essex Girls always lose at Chess?

A: They can't get over the fact that there isn't any cocktail sauce for the pawns.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and the River Thames?

A: You're less likely to catch something in the Thames.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and the Man from Del Monte?

A: The man from Del Monte sometimes says No.

Q: Why are an Essex girl's legs like margarine?

A: They spread easily.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a carpenter?

A: Essex girl has handled more tools.

Q: What's the difference between Essex and Mars?

A: There might be intelligent life on Mars.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a 20 Watt light bulb?

A: The 20 Watt light bulb is brighter.

Q: Why do Essex girls get married?

A: So they can appear in Readers' Wives.

Q: What's the difference between Essex Girl and a mirror?

A: You can't see through a mirror.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and a condom?

A: You only use a condom once.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and Hells Angels?

A: Hells Angels wear originals.

Q: What's the difference between Essex girl and an apple?

A: An apple is harder to eat.

Essex girls fixing their make-up in the ladies loos: Tracey: 'Ere, Shaz, d'you fink I'm gettin' crows feet?

Sharon: Keep yer shoes on,Tray, then no-one will notice.

Q: What's the difference between an Essex girl and a pine table?

A: It's harder to strip a pine table.

Q: Why do Essex Girls dance round their handbags?

A: Have you ever seen an Essex Boys?

Q: What's the difference between getting piles and breaking off an engagement with an Essex girl?

A: When the piles clear up you get your ring back.

Q: What is an Essex Girl's favourite TV Program?

A: Open All Hours.

Q: Why does Essex girl wear a bra?

A: She likes a little foreplay.

Q: Why didn't Essex girl go all the way on her first date?