A: Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Q: Why did the chicken walk onto the football pitch?

A: The referee whistled for a fowl

Q: Why do you call your dog Metal-worker?

A: Because every time he hears a knock he makes a bolt for the door.

Q: Why was the Turkey in the pop group?

A: Because he was the only one with drum-sticks!

Q: Why did the lettuce blush?

A: It saw the salad dressing

Q: Why was the belt arrested?

A: For holding up my pants

Q: What kind of nut has no shell?

A: A Doughnut

Q: What has teeth and can't bite?

A: A comb

Q: What keys can't open doors?

A: Monkeys, Turkeys and Donkeys

Q: What is the quietest sport?

A: Bowling you can hear a pin drop

Q: What kind of room has no doors or windows?

A: A mushroom

Q: What do you throw away when you use it and collect when you don't need it?

A: An Anchor

The Italian government is considering installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

The reason?

What good is it to have the inclination if you don't have the time?

Q: Why isn't your ear 12 inches long?

A: If it was, it would be a foot.

Q: Why is a calendar so popular?

A: Because it has a lot of dates.

Q: Why do cows wear bells?

A: Because their horns don't work.

Q: What part of a car causes the most accidents?

A: The nut behind the wheel.

Q: Why was the broom late?

A: Because it over swept!

Q: Why is any compliment from a chicken be an insult?

A: Because it's a fowl remark.

Q: What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a goat?

A: A stuck-up kid that's hard to handle.

Q: Why are spiders like tops?

A: Because they are always spinning.

Q: Did the people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?

A: No but the ice cracked up.

Q: Why are mummies good secret agents?

A: Because they are good at keeping things under wraps!

Q: What do you call a country, where all the cars in it are pink?

A: A pink carnation

Q: What did Frankenstein say after his brain transplant?

A: I think I changed my mind.

Q: Why did humpty dumpty have a great fall?

A: To make up for a lousy summer

Q: Why did the farmer plant old car parts in his garden?

A: He wanted to raise a bumper crop.

Q: What bird never goes to a barber?

A: A bald eagle

Q: What does a dancer usually drink?

A: Tap water

Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?

A: Bacon would go up.

Q: Why is a bride always out of luck on her wedding day?

A: Because she never marries the best man.

Q: What the fortune teller say to the saleslady when she went cloths shopping A: I think I'm a medium.

Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud.

Well, sir, it was ground only five minutes ago.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pastry chef with a soft drink.

A: Baking soda.