Chapter Thirty-Three.

Helena "Turkey on white okay?" I call out to Asher as he works on my leaking showerhead.

He calls back from the bathroom, "What the f.u.c.k ever." His New York accent thickens when he spouts, "I'm starvin' here."

Nat laughs at something on TV, sitting on my sofa, eating chips from the bag, while I go ahead and work on feeding her apparently famished husband. How famished he is, I couldn't tell. It seems Max, Ash, Nik, and Trick eat almost all day long. I'm not even sure how Mama Leokov wasn't eaten out of house and home.

As I grab the Turkey and mayo from the refrigerator, I side-eye Nat, biting the inside of my cheek. I know I shouldn't say anything, that it isn't my business to tell, but the longer I think about it, the faster my heart beats. It beats faster and faster, when suddenly I blurt out, "I need to tell you something and it's important, but you're likely to overreact, and I'm sure she would just tell you if she was sure you wouldn't overreact and blab to Mom and Dad, but we know you, and you have a tendency to overreact, dammit."

Nat turns to me slowly, searching my face. "What the h.e.l.l are you talking about, Cheech?"

I slap the bread on top of the sandwich and growl, "You're so slow. I actually can't believe you don't know this already. Granted, I shouldn't know, but I did some detective work and found out, because I f.u.c.king care." I glare at her. "Don't you care?"

Her brows rise to her hairline before she calls out to the bathroom, "Ash, baby, I think we need to take Helena to the hospital or some s.h.i.t."

He calls back, "She bleeding?"

Nat looks over me. "No, but she's talking crazy."

He grunts, "She is crazy."

I glower at the bathroom door. "Crazy like a fox!"

Nat chuckles before asking, "What are you talking about, Lena?"

I make a sound of exasperation. "Nina." Nat's face tells me she clearly doesn't know what the eff I'm talking about. I roll my eyes, throw my arms out by my sides, and boom, "She's gay!"

Her eyes widen in disbelief a moment before she bursts into laughter. She laughs and laughs and coughs then laughs some more. But I'm not laughing. I look at her with a firm eye, and slowly, her laughter dies. After a moment, she sputters, "Are you joking? You're not joking, are you?" She chuckles humorlessly. "Why do you think she's gay?"

I look her in the eye and utter, "The simple fact she has a girlfriend."

Nat's eyes widen comically a moment before she jumps up from the sofa and paces, clearly shocked. "A girlfriend? What the f.u.c.k? How do you know this?"

I tip my head to the side. "Like I said, I did my research."

She turns to face me with her hands on her hips, looking more hurt than I've ever seen. "And she would hide this from me? Like I'd give a flying f.u.c.k if she preferred tuna to a hot beef injection? Why would she hide this?"

Leaning my hip against the counter, I purse my lips. "I think she'd hide this, because of Mom and Dad."

Nat looks up at me, determined, but her voice is small and unsure. "Mom and Dad wouldn't care. They love her. They love us."

My mom and dad are from Eastern Europe, one of the only places left in the world that is still ridiculously h.o.m.ophobic. I love my mom and dad, but on this issue, I'm not sure they would be okay with it. I raise my brow. "You so confident that you would put money on that?"

At that moment, Ash walks out of the bathroom, wiping his hands on a rag. "Done. Now feed me, woman."

Smiling, I hand him his plate. "Thank you, best brother-in-law ever."

Taking a bite out of his sandwich, he raises it in the air in acknowledgement and jerks his chin at me, but Nat stands there looking more confused by the minute. She turns to Ash and asks, "Did you know about this?"

He swallows before scratching his brow. "That Nina's a rug-muncher?" He nods, completely oblivious. "Yeah. So?"

Oh my G.o.dfather, Ash. Has no one taught you anything about women? Deny, deny, deny!

Nat's turns to her husband in false calm. "You didn't think I should know about this?"

Sitting on the sofa, he reaches into the bag of chips and shoves some into his mouth, then garbles, "If she wanted you to know, she'd have told you, baby."

Face turning a nice shade of p.i.s.sed-the-h.e.l.l-off, she reaches into her back pocket, pulls out her cell, presses a few b.u.t.tons, and then holds the phone to her ear. My eyes widen.

Uh oh.

After a few seconds, she screams into the phone, "You like taco and you never told me?"

As Nat continues to hurl weirdly supportive abuse at Nina through the power of telecommunication, Ash chuckles at me. "Oh, now you've done it."

I wince. Yikes. Reaching for my own cell, I type out a quick message, hoping she won't be p.i.s.sed.

Me: Um...surprise?

A moment later, my display lights up and I mope.

Nina: You are so f.u.c.king dead, bro.

Nat paces, flailing her arms animatedly and rambling, "...because, hey, I know lesbians! I'm totally cool with lesbians! What I'm not cool with is my lesbian sister hiding her s.e.xuality from me like I'm a G.o.dd.a.m.n anti-lesbite!" She pauses in her tracks, listening, before her brows narrow dangerously and she fires back, "It totally is a word! Google it!"

I look over at Ash and mutter, "You think she really didn't know?"

He looks over at me, brows raised, before looking at the scene his wife is making, then looks back to the TV, reaching for more chips. "She really didn't know."

Nat sighs. "I'm not going to tell them. Relax, Max. But it would've been nice for you to tell me yourself and for me not to have found out through the youngest Kovac sp.a.w.n." She smiles softly and I know Nina is apologizing to her, probably by calling her a moron for not working it out sooner. "So I hear you've got yourself a girl, huh? What's her name?" Nat laughs. "Amelia. Nice. Sounds like she's a real lady." She grins. "So does that make you the man in the relationship?" Her smile falls. "h.e.l.lo? Nina?" She holds up her cell, looking irate. "b.i.t.c.h hung up on me!"

I shrug and tip my head slightly. "Calling a woman a man will do that."

Nat stares down at the phone as if it offends her, and even though she's acting like a t.u.r.d, I know she's happy to be in the know. Maybe Nat finding out isn't so bad. Pushing her cell back into her pocket, she mumbles through a pout, "Sensitive beaver-eating mole."

Uh, yeah. Okay. Maybe not.

Helena When Max told me he and I were going out on a date, I prepared myself for the best date ever. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was building it up in my head. And when I say I built it up, I mean I made it into the freaking Eiffel tower. Then he came to pick me up dressed in dark jeans, a black b.u.t.ton-up shirt untucked, his white sneakers, and his too-long-to-be-tamed hair carefully tousled, and my heart let out a long, dreamy sigh.

By that point, my engine was already revving. I sashayed over to him, smiling innocently, like a wolf in sheep's clothing, hoping for a taste of what was to come later in the night. His bright smile faltered when I pressed myself against him, leaning up to kiss under his jaw, letting my hand linger on the silver belt buckle at the waist of his jeans.

He cleared his throat before he rasped, "What are you doing, cupcake?"

Of course he could see right through me. I wasn't hiding what I wanted from him. Not in the slightest. My light jeans a contrast to his dark ones, I pushed my b.r.e.a.s.t.s into his chest (thank the lord for high heels), my silky tan tank brushing deliciously over my stomach, spurring me further, and breathed, "Having dessert."

His arms went around me then, one firmly wrapped around my back, pulling me devastatingly close, while the other hand slid down my body, over the curve of my hip to cup my b.u.t.t. He made a low noise of arousal in his throat, and the hand splayed on my cheek squeezed. "We're gonna be late for dinner."

I pouted, looking up at him with what Nat calls my Bambi eyes. I had practiced this look growing up. The time spent practicing clearly paid off. There was little I would ask for that my parents would say no to when I pulled these babies out. I lifted my fingers, s.p.a.cing them an inch apart. "Not even a little play?"

He looked down at me with those liquid golden eyes and I knew I had him. He sighed dramatically before kissing my mouth, and he didn't do it half-a.s.sed. He never did. He kissed me deep, taking his time, tasting me. "How can I say no to you?" Grinning, I lowered myself, slow and s.e.xy, 'til I knelt in front of him. He looked down at me questioningly, and then I reached up to undo his belt. His eyes widened a moment before he broke into a grin. "Rock'n'roll, baby."

He lifted his shirt a little to help me out. It took no time at all to unb.u.t.ton him and lower his zipper, and then with a swift yank, his jeans and boxer were around his knees. He was only semi-erect, but still looking too big and much too thick to fit entirely in my mouth. I wrapped my fingers around him, ignoring Max's hiss, then looked up into his eyes.

I knew men liked that. I had been friends with a guy in college, a total horn-dog, who once told me that guys loved when a woman was on her knees, looking up at them innocently. Even more so when the woman was wearing lipstick, apparently any color would do. He also told me that men loved when a woman maintained eye contact during a b.l.o.w.j.o.b. I was about to test that theory.

Max looked down at me, eyes hooded, mouth slightly parted. It was always like this with him. He had no poker face. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and I loved that.

I loved him.

This was still not something I was willing to put out there. h.e.l.l, I didn't know if I ever wanted to put it out there. I knew it was too soon. I knew it would freak the f.u.c.k out of Max. I decided to work on him slowly. If I spooked him, he'd run. I couldn't lose him. He was already part of me. So was Ceecee. I was done fighting it.

Max was my one exception. He was likely one of the only men out there who would not only support my work choice, but also be proud of me for doing it. And if long hours and weekends were shot, I know he would understand. After all, his work at the club was not during the most convenient hours either. But I was willing to deal.

I was happy keeping my secret, and would do whatever it took for it to remain that way. The only person I would have to careful around was Nik. The man saw everything.

Max gently reached down, cupping my cheek with one hand, while lifting my long hair over my shoulder with the other. I looked up once more, holding his heavy c.o.c.k, gently kissing the head. Blinking, I whispered, "So big."

He gripped my chin, his lips twisting into a small, s.e.xy smile as he rumbled, "You like it, baby? Say you like my c.o.c.k."

It wasn't really a request. It was a demand. My core clenched and I licked the sensitive underside. Speaking against his throbbing length, I sighed softly, "I love it." I love you.

My lips parted, and with him guiding me by his hold on my chin, I took in what I could of him. But it wasn't easy. For the amount of smart-a.s.sing and s.h.i.t-talking we manage, my sisters and I have quite the small mouths. Curse it to heck.

Opening my mouth wide, I took in a little more, sucking him deep. Max threw his head back, one hand at my chin, the other now fisting the hair at my nape. At the slight pain, I moaned around him, and his fingers tightened around the loose strands of my hair as he gently thrust in and out of my mouth.

At one point, he thrust a little too hard without meaning to and I gagged. Imagine my shock when that only fueled Max's fire. The dirty f.u.c.ker.

I knew the exact moment he lost control. His hooded eyes trained on where my mouth wrapped around his c.o.c.k and he growled, a low, animalistic sound I was starting to love to hear, and I heard it every time I put my hands on him. I was wetter than I should have been. Giving head shouldn't be that much of a turn on, right? Regardless, I was soaked, and even though I wanted him inside me, I would settle for watching Max lose control, because watching Max lose control was becoming my most favorite thing to witness.

The hand in my hair loosened before both of his hands cupped my cheeks. He made low rumbling noises in his throat as he quickened his thrusts, his brows furrowed in concentration, watching me closely. He was almost there. He stopped his thrusting and I began stroking him as I kept sucking as deep as I could. Breathing heavily, he cursed. "f.u.c.k, baby, I'm gonna come."

When he tried to pull out, I tightened my fingers around him and sucked harder, willing him to understand I wouldn't be letting him go this time. His eyes snapped open. "Are you sure?"

Jeez, Max. I'm kinda busy here. You mind saving the questions 'til after?

Not willing to take my mouth off him, I sucked deeper, faster. His chest heaved with every breath he took, groaning in pure pleasure. It almost sounded like a purr. He released my cheeks to run his thumb over my bottom lip as I bobbed my head onto him. He muttered, "So pretty. You're so f.u.c.kin' pretty."

That was that. When he came, he came fluidly. This was not hot, harsh s.e.x. This was pure intimacy, made more intimate as I swallowed every spurt of the warm saltiness of my reward. His pleasure was my reward. We stayed that way for a long while. His throbbing c.o.c.k now softening, I gently released him, running my tongue along his still impressive length. He shuddered, blinking down at me drowsily.

I had to smile. I'd done that to him. I loved that so d.a.m.n much. So when Max opened his mouth, I'd expected something just as intimate as my act to follow.

I was wrong.

He helped me up, pulling me to him, then he squeezed me tight.

This is nice, I thought. I buried my nose into his neck and breathed in the subtle scent of his cologne. Pulling back, he kissed my cheek before tucking himself back in and smiling down at me. "Thanks, cupcake." He sighed, contently. "I needed that."

My face fell. I blinked. It took a moment to register what he'd just said. Obviously I had misread what this was. This date was not a step forward in our non-relationship. This was nothing to him. This was the reason I needed to hide my feelings. This was the reason I'd likely be single forever.

And that f.u.c.king sucked.

Pun intended.

Max The moment I said what I said, I saw the look on her face. The disappointment, the sadness and hurt. Did I really just thank her for one of the best b.l.o.w.j.o.bs in my life?

This is why I'm going to be single forever.

I'm a coward, and a royal f.u.c.k-up.

Chapter Thirty-Four.

Helena I manage to paste on a smile and quell down my stupid emotions enough to fake my happy, take Max's hand, and walk down to his car with him. As we drive, he holds my hand. I look down at our entwined fingers and my chest pangs. What that simple gesture means to him and what it means to me are two different things. It means everything to me. To him, it's just a sure sign he's getting laid later. I clench my teeth and roll my eyes as I turn back to look out the window.

You're so stupid. He doesn't care about you. He cares about Ceecee. You're being used.

Am not.

h.e.l.lo? Dignity? Where the h.e.l.l are you?

We made a deal. I knew what I was getting into. I shouldn't be so shocked, and truthfully, I'm not. Max never promised me anything. I was the one who let herself get lost in false hope. I knew better than to do such a thing. I'd never have the sweet love that Tina and Nik have, or even the pa.s.sionate love that Nat and Asher have. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I'd be content without it.

Then why is your heart aching just thinking about it?

I look over at Max, and as if he senses it, he turns to me. He searches my face, eyes narrowed before asking softly, "You okay, babe?"

"Of course," I lie easily.

His fingers squeeze mine. "If you don't want to do dinner, it's okay. We can just get something to go and take it back to your apartment. Mom's got Ceecee for the night." His dimple pops out with his smile. "I can undress you and rub lotion into you. You know, give you a ma.s.sage."

I smile at that. Why does he have to be so clueless in some ways, make me angry, then say something sweet. It's almost impossible to stay mad at him, d.a.m.n it right to h.e.l.l. I hide my smile by biting my lip. "Rub lotion into me? Ma.s.sage me? Whoa. I wouldn't dream of putting you through something like that."

Max sighs, bringing my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles. "I admit it would be a trial, but I know together, we'll get through it."