Did you live with this girl? I hoped his answer was no.

Yes. He gave me a firm look when he said it.

On that bed?

Yes.

The only good thing about this conversation was his honesty. I never feared he would lie to me.

Ill get rid of it if you want.

Why did you guys break up? I asked.

He sighed. Does it matter? Weve been broken up for years. Im over her if thats what youre worried about. I wouldnt ask you to move in with me if I wasnt serious about you.

I thought we tell each other everything. I doubt you wanted to hear about Kyle but you listened anyway.

He rested his feet on the coffee table. We did a long distance relationship for a while because we were both in school. When we were finished, we got back together and lived with each other for a while. I loved her so I wanted to make it work, but I quickly realized I was forcing it. We were both different people and just grew apart. We ended the relationship on good terms. The last time I heard, she still lived in the city. He turned his gaze on me, watching my reaction.

Im sorry.

Sorry?

That it didnt work out. I meant it. I knew that must have been painful for him.

Im not, he said seriously. The relationship I have with you is perfect. I wouldnt change a thing. You think Im moving too fast, but I knew my perfect partner when I met her. Its you. I dont need extra time to think about it. At the time, I was happy with her and couldnt imagine being with anyone else, but theres no comparison. Youre the clear winner, Hazel.

I wasnt expecting the declaration of love. It made everything else he said not so horrible. Im sorry for making a big deal about it You dont need to apologize. I understand. He reached for my hand and held it. Honestly, Ive never felt this way about anyone before. Youre very special to me, Hazel. When I picture my wife, I see your face.

What? I asked, emotion in my throat.

Ive pictured my wife since I was little. Her appearance changes as time goes on, but she never really has a face. Now she does"its yours.

I didnt know what to say to that. You can picture me as your wife?

Can you picture me as your husband?

I knew my answer. It was innate and true. I nodded my head, unable to speak.

I already knew thatd be your answer. He smirked. Because Im cocky like that.

I smiled, feeling the flood of emotion in my heart. I crawled into his lap and rested my head on his shoulder. I love you.

I love you too.

And your parents were wonderful.

I told you, he said.

Now I know why you turned out so wonderful.

My parents are pretty awesome. Ive wanted to be like my dad since I was little.

Youre doing a good job.

He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair. We looked out the window at the skyscrapers of the city, the lights twinkling like a thousand stars. A raging fire burned in the city, dancing for us to watch.

Ill get a new bed tomorrow. Tonight, well sleep on the couch.

I knew it was immature but thats what I wanted. I wanted to be the only girl on that bed, not one of the hundred who he fucked without any meaning. I wanted to be as special as he claimed I was.

10.

Cortland I met Hazel for a drink. She knew what was going on with Monnique the entire time, so I figured it would be easier to talk to her about my problems than anyone else. And once everyone else found out what happened between us, they would rush to me and suffocate me.

Hows it going with Flynn? I asked.

Great, she said. I met his parents the other day.

It went well?

They are really nice. His brother is an ass though.

Well, at least his parents are cool. I sighed while I looked at my empty glass.

Whats bothering you? she asked.

I knew she would spot my unease. Its a long story.

Oh no. She eyed me while I told her the entire ordeal with Monnique and how Ryan thought she cheated on me.

Did she? she asked.

No. It was someone else.

She breathed a sigh of relief. Oh, thank god.

She and I have been having problems, but I just couldnt see her doing that, even if she was drunk.

Im glad you were right. So, what happened?

I sighed. Ive beenreally struggling in this relationship.

I know, she said gently.

So much has happened and its happened so fast and I just cant take it anymore.

Did you break up?

Yes.

Wow She grabbed my hand on the table. Im sorry.

But, well get back together. I just told her I needed some space to clear my head. She quit her job at the magazine and she wants to work on this relationship. I rubbed my temples. If I didnt love her so damn much Id throw in the towel.

Sowhat are you then?

Were friends"for now. She respected that request and hasnt called me. I just need some time to get over everything, you know?

I do. She rubbed my hand. Im here for you.

I know you are. It was nice to feel the affection of someone. Ive felt alone for a while.

Everyone else know?

No. Ryan has called me a few times but I havent answered.

Theyll come after you eventually.

I know, I said with a sigh. Its easier to talk to you. You were there when we broke up the first time.

Yeah She and I drank our alcohol and talked about other things. She seemed to be happy with Flynn. He was a good guy and I couldnt refute that. And he seemed to treat her right.

He asked me to move in with him.

What did you say? I asked.

No.

Really? I raised an eyebrow. Why?

I dont want to ruin that. Its so perfect right now.

I can understand that.

I just want to be this way forever. Its nice.

It sounds like youre scared to get too attached. I watched her face, looking for a reaction.

No Youre afraid hes going to leave you, and leaving his apartment would be a lot harder than just staying at yours.

She didnt look at me. I dont know Dont be scared, Hazel. Hes serious about you. And honestly, youre risking that with anyone. And he seems like a good gamble.

Hes justeverything Ive ever wanted. I dont know what I would do if I lost him. It would be way worse than what happened with Kyle.

I gave her a sympathetic look. Shes been through more pain than she should. I understood her ordeal. She was just trying to protect herself. But you need to be in the relationship completely, not partially. It seems like hes giving it everything he has and youre only giving him a part of you. That isnt fair to him.

I know She wouldnt look at me. Hes been very patient with me.

Just do it, Hazel. I can tell you want to.

She played with her coaster.

And if it doesnt work out, you can live with me and recover"with no cockroaches.

She smirked at my words. It would be nice to have an apartment free of disgusting, slimy insects.

Slimy? I asked. Ive never seen a slimy cockroach.

Well, they exist, she said firmly.

She and I ordered another round when my phone rang.

Its Ryan, I said. Hes been blowing up my phone all week.

Talk to him.

I let it go to voicemail. Nah.

Her phone started to ring so she looked at it. Its him.

Dont answer it.

She took the call anyway. Hi.

She listened for a while. Yep. Hes here. And yes, hes avoiding you.

I glared at her. You back-stabber.

She smirked. Were at Stellas. Come get him. She hung up.

What are you doing?

You cant avoid your friends forever, Cortland. They care about you and know something is going on.

I sighed. I dont want them to feel bad for me.

Why? They love you.

I remember how shitty they felt when Monnique broke up with me. I hated being the reason they were in pain, especially Scarlet. Every time I cried, she cried with me. I dont want to hurt them She touched my hand again. Thats what families do. I know youve done the same for them.

But thats different. I dont mind being in pain. But I cant stand it when they are.