Chapter 27.

DAY 6-NIGHT.

O. M. G. Mark. Our date. Or nondate. I had totally forgotten that I was supposed to meet him at 8:00 at Umami Burger, where we first laid eyes on each other, and it was 7:45. AND I WAS STILL ON PCH AND FREAKIN' OUT OF GAS!!!! At least I was just a block from a gas station and had a bit of CHANGE left from Mr. La Salsa. After I put in as much gas as I could afford, I texted Mark.

Sooooooooo sorry. Got stuck in traffic on west side. Would 9:00 be ok?

He texted back right away, but all he said was K. That's the problem with texts. There's no emotion, no innuendo. If I heard him, I could discern if that was a, "Sure! No problem!!" K or a "I'm totally fucking annoyed and already over you" K. But at least it was a K.

When I finally sputtered up to my apartment and ran in, I had seven minutes to shower, dress, and make myself look fabulous which, really, would take about seven years. FUCK, I didn't factor in walking the dogs. So I texted Mark again.

Soooo close. But really 9:15 if that's ok.

This time he didn't answer back right away, but when he did five minutes later, as I was cleaning up Toupee's shit with a plastic bag (BIODEGRADABLE, that's right!) it was another simple K.

I felt so bad for not being around much lately and leaving the dogs home alone for long periods of time. But I was on a tight schedule and only had a minute or two to feel bad. I could spend hours doing so later.

Luckily S.H.A.R.I. was blow-drying her hair when I got back. That meant she'd be in the bathroom for a good half hour, and I wouldn't have to see her life-jacking, plumped-lipped face. I took off my hunt shirt and stuffed it in my backpack along with all of Mr. WTF's tapes.

THE TAPE. In the mad rush to get home, I had forgotten about the new tape. Whitney could be miles ahead of me by now. But that would have to wait, too. No way could I watch it in the apartment with the Smacktress here. I washed off in the kitchen sink, put on a cute vintage dress, and freshened my makeup.

It was time to switch gears. To forget about Whitney being my competition, Coco possibly moving, Jason sleeping with S.H.A.R.I.-even Mr. WTF and the hunt, and focus on the present.

I headed out to see if Mark was really K or not.

Chapter 28.

DAY 6-NIGHT.

"Nothing for me," I said to the waitress since now I had exactly zero cents until payday on Friday.

"Aren't you hungry?" Mark asked.

"I had this late lunch meeting in Malibu." It wasn't really a lie, though four tortilla chips would hardly count as lunch, and several minutes with a giant hombre hardly a meeting.

He ordered a Manly Burger, which involved something called lardon, that of course made me laugh, and "smushed potatoes." When he asked if I had ever tried their onion rings, and I said no, he insisted I had to taste them so he ordered those, too. THANK GOD. Our date/nondate was off to a great start.

And it kept getting better. Mark had a way of making everything easy. We talked, laughed; he touched my arm when emphasizing a point.

"Seriously," he said, examining my hands, "those nails you did for my show were amazing. But these are off the hook."

After Coco's and my heated debate over my sweetener obsesh, here's what I did while listening over and over to Sylvia's cryptic recording last night: "They're so Worship the Brand," Mark said.

"What's that?"

"A website where people share arts and crafts they make using brands. And fan art, too. You should check it out-they have contests and give away cash."

"I like the sound of that!"

"Well, then...."

He pulled out his phone, took a picture of my nails, then uploaded it to: www.WorshipTheBrand.com We looked through the site. It was chock-full o' amazing art-crocheted Dunkin' Donuts, a Pepto-Bismol sculpture, a bronze can of Spam covered in Swarovski crystals, killer paintings of Katniss and the Avengers in wet t-shirts. And they even co-opted my fave pink packet for the banner!

"They also have advice from art pros and important curators give video feedback on certain pieces. Maybe your nails will get you into MOMA!"

"Yeah, right!"

Mark gave me some other suggestions on how to get my work out there. (UH, IF AND WHEN I HAPPEN TO MAKE ANYTHING NEW, note to self!!) We were sitting outside and, once again, a parade of happy couples strolled by like extras cast in a movie with the sole purpose to torture me. Mark mentioned something about his ex. Curious, I asked more.

"We were together almost three years," he answered. "She's an actress and dancer, and even though that was a really different scene than mine, we managed to intersect somewhere in the middle. Well, until she was on location shooting a film and had an affair with the assistant choreographer. And then she came home and announced she was leaving me and moving in with him."

"Ouch. That had to be devastating."

"Pretty much. But what can you do but try to move on?"

I nodded, without going into my own sordid story.

His food arrived and he pushed the onion rings toward me. "Go ahead..."

I would have shoved the entire plate in my mouth in seconds flat but didn't want to scare him, so I took my time savoring each bite. "Umm... delish! Here, have some."

"Nope, they're for you. I have plenty."

Sweet. Thoughtful. I could fall for a guy like that. "So, it must have been weird not having your ex at your show."

He looked at me deeply. Like maybe relieved that I understood him?

"Yeah, it was."

He took a sip of beer. A fancy beer that he had ordered by name-something like Allagash Black, with a number even. Impressive. I could fall for a guy like that.

"But she never fully got my work anyway. And at my shows, and anywhere else we went, it always felt like she had one eye out to see if there was someone more important around who could help her career."

"Do you believe in soul mates?" I boldly asked. "Do you think there's one person out there for you?"

Before he could answer, I heard a laugh. An annoyingly familiar laugh. Walking into the restaurant. S.H.A.R.I.

Of course she was not alone. She was WITH JASON.

I felt a hot flash flush all over again. They spotted me, and I couldn't help myself. All of a sudden I leaned over and kissed Mark. Hard. Long. As seemingly soulful as possible. Like in Pretty Woman when the hooker with the heart of gold who won't kiss her clients finally lets go with Richard Gere. And I kept doing it until I made sure Jason saw. He walked past us giving me a fuck-you glare.

Once they were out of range, I gently broke away from Mark.

"I'm sorry."

He smiled. "I'm not."

"My ex hooked up with my roommate and I just had to let him know I'm moving on."

"Are you?"

I shrugged. "Let's try again and see." We kissed some more. And I let myself get completely into it, despite the fact that I had onion ring breath.

Chapter 29.

DAY 6-NIGHT.

Mark didn't want the night to end, and after seeing the Jacktress and Jason out together, neither did I. Even though I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I hadn't yet watched the new tape from Mr. WTF, and now I was really in a race with a Victoria's SecretS modelS.

"Want to come back to my place and hang out?" Mark asked, as we walked out of the restaurant.

"I'd love to, but I've been gone a lot lately and I have two dogs."

"Well, then, let's go hang out with them," he suggested.

And we did. Toupee and Boo took to Mark right away. They sat in his lap and licked his face. And he petted them and loved on them right back. I could fall for a guy like that.

We talked, he asked to see my art and I showed him whatever I had. I made him a Drambully, and we kissed some more. I usually don't hook up with someone on a first date (this was officially no longer a NONDATE!), but why not be that girl, I thought? All I wanted to do was exorcise Jason out of my head and body, once and for all.

There's something very intimate about having sex on a twin bed. Mark was more muscular and taut than Jason; his hands more adept, with an artist's touch. We took our time exploring every inch of each other's bodies, also different from Jason, who pretty much liked things fast and hard. I was trying to not think of my ex, doing my damnedest not to compare, but when you have sex with the same person for one and a half years, it's like they leave an imprint on your body at a cellular level.

The moment I finally let myself go and be present, I heard S.H.A.R.I. coming into the apartment. Of course she was with Jason, and of course they were laughing. If I were a guy, I would have lost my hard-on in a second flat. But Jason having the nerve to come to MY apartment with MY roommate just fueled my hot fire. I started writhing and moaning more passionately than I ever did with Jason, so much that it scared Toupee and Boo, who started barking. I don't know if I came harder than I ever did before, but definitely louder, which turned Mark on even more, so he came right along with me at the same time. That was something Jason always wanted to do, but he always beat me to it.

Afterwards, Mark and I were curled up in each other, our bodies glistening with sweat and sex.

"You OK?" he whispered.

"Yeah. I am." I think I actually meant it.

The rest of the night was spent in an unwitting fuck-off contest to prove which room was having better sex. Unfortunately the deck was stacked as the Stacktress gave an Academy Awardwinning performance, having the edge on whose moans were the loudest.

At least mine were real.

Chapter 30.

DAY 7-MORNING.

SHIT. I like Mark. SHIT. I should never have slept with him. Men can just have sex and that's it. Me? It's hard to keep my heart out of my vagina.

Mark was spooning Boo while Toupee, true to her name, was asleep on his head. He opened his eyes slowly and sort of laughed. "That was quite an interesting night."

"I just want you to know that I had an awesome time with you. It wasn't all for Jason's benefit," I said.

"I know. Me too."

Mark went with me to walk the kids (the same thing Jason would do every time he spent the night-TAKE THAT!), and I turned him on to K & C Donut, which he loved (and thankfully paid for coffee and donuts). While we sat outside in front, I made this for him, and then posted it to my Instagram. Come follow me-@Mags Marclay! (www.instagram.com/magsmarclay) Mark walked us back home, stopped outside, and said, "Sorry, you're on your own now!" We kissed goodbye, then he kissed both Boo and Toupee on their heads, then me once more. "I'll text ya later."

Slowly and as quietly as possible, I climbed the stairs to my apartment. Then I dashed in, and before I could run into Jason, grabbed my backpack, a washcloth, towel, soap, and my video camera, then sprinted out. I could have stopped at Coco's and showered there, but I didn't want to walk in on the possibility of her and Blake fighting. So I went to the nearest gas station to do a full-on sponge bath. Why do gas station bathrooms reek no matter the time of day, and why are the floors always so sticky in the LADIES' room? But I had to just suck it up because it was the only safe place I could think of to FINALLY WATCH THE TAPE!

Just as I turned on the camera and inserted the new tape, my phone rang. It was Narcie. I almost didn't answer it, but what if she had news about Cooper?

"Hey, Mom, what's up?"

"I haven't talked to you all week. I'm worried about you."

"What? Me? You never were before."

Just because I was hiding in a gas station bathroom falling for a potential rapist/killer while I just slept with someone on our first nondate date who might not be over his ex, to get back at my ex who I'm not over who was fucking my roommate in the next room, why are you worried, Mom?

"You should be focusing on Cooper, not me. How is he doing?"

"How would I know? He never talks to me. Will you check in on him?"

"Of course." The stench in my confined prison of urine was starting to get to me. I opened the door. "I gotta go, Mom. Talk to you later."

I hung up and did some deep breathing with my head out of the door. I saw an elderly woman pumping her own gas and thought of Grandma Dotty. THAT WAS IT! GRANDMA DOTTY!! I texted Cooper.

Call me after school. Figured out how you can get $$$.