That day, I spent nearly half of the day in bed.

I was originally the type that woke up refreshed pretty early in the morning and never slept for long on holidays either.

Even this morning, I wanted to sleep only for a little bit because I was tired. Well, because that kind of thing happened, I must've been quite exhausted mentally.

By the time I woke up, the suns.h.i.+ne was…tinged with neither orange nor the yellow color of the afternoon. It was past 3 o'clock so it was almost evening.

Here, no matter how much I nap, n.o.body will wake me up. 'Wow, it's heaven!' is what I thought at first, but when thinking about how it would be allowed at any time, it was unexpectedly hard to overcome the laziness.

Without anybody criticizing me oversleeping, they helped me change my clothes at a slower pace than usual.

I inquired about Lilia's absence with my eyes.

The three hesitated, but as a result of mutual concessions in front of me, who was still waiting quietly, Julia opened her mouth.

"She is conducting an investigation about Princess' failed poisoning attempt."

Finding out that the Clam Bloodshed Case had turned into a『Case of Failed Poisoning Attempt of Crown Princess』, I felt like bursting into laughter because of its stupidity.

But next, I panicked.

Because I thought that if the case of failed poisoning attempt was confirmed, the person who made that dish would get suspected.

I know firsthand that it definitely wasn't a failed poisoning attempt.

(Calling it failed poisoning is an exaggeration….)

I tried to somehow convey all that, but then, I looked at Julia, who was still acting strange, in wonder.

Apparently, there is a distinction between the maids and in the old days, only official ladies-in-waiting were allowed to talk with n.o.bility. Even now, there is a remnant of that and I and the girls who are learning manners through apprentices.h.i.+p never talk directly.

Among my maids, only Lilia is a lady-in-waiting, so she's the one who always speaks to me.

According to the etiquette, it's forbidden for the subordinates to be first to start talking, but if that rule was upheld in everyday life, n.o.bles wouldn't be able to do anything, so that part has been ignored through an unspoken agreement. 

Julia, who was helping me dress up, seemed to be looking down and enduring tears. Her eyes were also slightly red and looked as if she had exhausted herself from crying. 

(Julia?)

"Please forgive me…It is already past noon so I will simply do your hair up."

I didn't know…that the real incident had happened while I was asleep.

"I must inform you of something unfortunate."

After getting ready, I sat down in the usual chair.

Lilia, who had arrived somewhat restlessly, bowed once before me and ceremoniously opened her mouth.

I tilted my head at Lilia's somewhat tense words. It was also because I hadn't properly woken up yet.

But Lilia's next words woke me up at once, just like as if ice-cold water was poured on my head.

"Your Royal Highness, Ellelucia has pa.s.sed away." 

Julia powerlessly shook her head at my gaze, which was hoping for her denial.

"The cause was the breakfast this morning."

Maids serve my meals while poison-tasting it.

This is the manifestation of the royal family's vigilance, unable to trust this place even despite it being my parental house…no, it might actually be *because* this is my parental house.

It seems that the maids are each eating different dishes in order to find out which meal has been poisoned. The problem turned out to be the clam soup and the stir-fry of s.h.i.+meji and vegetables. I was told that Ellelucia started complaining about a stomachache after about an hour of having tasted those two for poison.

"It was already too late by the time a physician was called and after complaining about a stomachache for about two hours, she took her last breath in the afternoon."

Lilia's words resonated somewhere in the distance.

I was supposed to have been sitting on a chair, but I didn't know what I was doing.

I felt like all of my five senses were robbed at once.

"We still do not know what kind of poison was used yet, but according to the doctor, it was most likely a slow-acting poison."

(I'm not a doctor and even I would know that.)

I suppressed myself from almost las.h.i.+ng out and calling them "useless". It's not Lilia's fault.

I took several deep breaths to calm myself down.

I have to be calm.

Anger clouds one's mind.

I told myself over and over…but my clenched fists still trembled.

(…I know.)

This anger wasn't right.

I was aware of it myself.

The anger towards the culprit which took Ellelucia's life definitely existed. But that wasn't all.

I…couldn't forgive myself for sleeping while Ellelucia was suffering.

It's not like anything could be done just because I was awake.

But still…I was p.i.s.sed off at myself for lying in bed without knowing anything.

(Why…)

Anger and sorrow swirling in my heart…and a hopeless resentment.

Why did something like this happen? I asked myself over and over again.

Seething anger and heart-wrenching sorrow were messily jumbling together inside of my mind.

…However, miserably enough, that wasn't all.

(If it weren't for that clam accident, I might've also eaten it.)

I know that the clam soup wasn't poisoned. I mean, I'm alive and kicking like this, after all.

Although I was made to throw up, as long as that soup was poisoned, even if it didn't kill me, it would have some kind of lasting effect. In that case, it was the stir-fry of s.h.i.+meji and vegetables that was poisoned.

If that ordeal hadn't happened, I would have probably eaten it.

Because usually, I try to taste every dish.

….Somewhere in my heart, a part of me was relieved

I'm glad I didn't eat it.

Noticing those terribly egotistical feelings made me want to cry.

Even though Ellelucia died because of it, I was still happy that I survived.

It might be natural to rejoice about one's own safety. But I found such myself shameful and pathetic.

(I'm sorry…)

There was no reason for Ellelucia to have died like this. There should have been no reason for her to be killed.

(I'm sorry, Ellelucia.)

I thought that being my maid was what drove her to her death. 

I opened my eyes wide…and the tears spilled.

"Princess…"

The maids, including Lilia, looked at me with astonished expression.

Probably because Alterie had never cried in front of people before.

Still, I couldn't stop my tears.

I remembered Ellelucia, which I had only know for about 4 days.

Her face when she was smiling at me, her surprised face, her troubled face…her various faces. I've only known for 4 days, but I remembered it all.

And yet, she wasn't here anymore.

"Ellelucia is fortunate, because she was able to protect Princess…"

The maids didn't cry.

But their eyes were red, so I realized that they must've already cried a lot.

I rubbed my eyes.

(I mustn't cry…)

I, the Crown Princess, shouldn't shed tears at maid's death…is what my heart was telling me. I know.

I know. I know, but I can't stop my tears.

So I turned away. To not show my crying face to anybody.

One of the knights standing outside the veranda was looking at me, but he hurriedly turned his back.

I bit my lips…and looked down.

I'm not crying.

Joining my hands in front of my chest…I hang my head down.

I'm only praying. That's why, please overlook the droplets falling on the floor.

For the first time, I felt in the truest sense that I had arrived very far away…to another world.

In this world, life could be stolen so easily.

"……going home"

Words came from my mouth.

"Princess, your voice…"

Lilia and the maids opened their eyes wide.

"I'm taking Ellelucia and going home."

Hearing my precisely a.s.sembled words, Lilia looked at me.

Raising my face, I looked back straight into her eyes.

This was probably the time when I decided. It wasn't like I thought so clearly, but, still, I decided to keep on living in this country.

"As you will."

Lilia kneeled and bowed her head very deeply.

—

Notes:

Phew, managed to release a chapter of this before the month was over.

I'm generally the type that never drops the work I've started, so there's no way I would drop any of my ongoing projects, but I also understand that I'm not exactly breezing through chapters, especially for this novel. And I'm sure that there must be people who'd rather have faster releases instead of waiting for my grandchildren to finish the translation of this story. That's why, if there are any translators who: 1. Want to see this story translated; 2. Promise that they would work at a faster pace than I (basically one chapter a month) and 3. Will put out higher quality than mine (if you can't do better than a MTL what's even the point), I don't mind letting them take over. If anybody's interested, you can contact me on email (just give me a headsup that you did though or I might never find it in the mountains of spam) or find me on discord. Otherwise I'll be continuing at my pace.

女官 lady-in-waiting

行儀見習い was literally "learning good manners through apprentices.h.i.+p (to an upper-cla.s.s family)​" in dictionary

救いようがないことに  beyond redemption, beyond saving

Notify me about all mistranslations, typos and awkward/weird grammar so I could fix it asap.