151.

Her intentions were better than her efforts. She addressed the letter but got no further. Where did one start? What did one say? Each time Lorri thought about the emptiness for them, she felt as though she were dying inside. She didn't know what Clarence's beliefs had been. She didn't know if his family had comfort about his eternal whereabouts or not. And if they did comfort themselves that Clarence was in heaven, was the comfort based on belief in Jesus Christ, or were they under the false impression that because he was a good person, that must count for something?

Ruth came through the kitchen about 20 minutes later to find Lorri pacing around the table, anxiousness written all over her.

"What's going on?"

Lorri handed her the letter.

Ruth read it and then looked to the table.

"You don't know what to say, do you?"

"No, I don't. You have me. You have me here to tell you about this and answer your questions. They don't have anyone. How much do they want to know? And where do they believe he is?"

Ruth sighed. These were all very good questions, but she had no answers.

"I wish Grandpa were here to ask."

/"Why don't you hold the letter until he returns?" Ruth suggested.

Lorri looked to be considering this when the phone rang. Ruth answered it and was on the line for a time. When she got back to the kitchen table, Lorri was nowhere in sight, so she went back upstairs to work.

"Mother," Lorri called to her, and Ruth went to the top of the stairs to see her. "I'm going for a walk. I'm taking Buddy. m.u.f.fin is in the backyard."

152.

Lori Wick "Did you want me to come along?"

"No, I'll be all right."

Ruth waited only until she heard (he front door close. She moved down the stairs and to the kitchen table. Lorri had not added a word to the paper.

You know all about this family. You know their hearts and needs. I can only tell them what I know and that I'm praying for them. Please help me to word the letter gently. Help me to be clear and kind. Clarence was very brave. I just want them to know that.

Lorri had walked all the way to the park and now sat on a bench to pray. Silent tears rolled down her face as she asked G.o.d to help her. Buddy sat quietly at her feet, but Lorri wished he were on the bench so she could hide her face in his coat.

A couple walked by with a baby stroller, and Lorri felt vulnerable and exposed. She started the long walk home, unaware of the way her mother paced in the living room, guilty of worry. Ruth met her at the door, looking relieved and upset aH at the same time.

"You were gone so long" Ruth said, her arms still around her.

"I'm sorry. I didn't keep track of the time."

Ruth looked into her face. "Did the walk help?"

"I think so. I'll let you read the letter when I'm done."

Ruth nodded, ashamed of how fearful she felt but thinking she knew why. Lorri had just come back. The thought of losing her was almost unbearable. There was no excuse for worry, but if she was going to offer one, that would be it.

153.

153.

Max came in the door from school to find the kitchen empty. She was ready to run upstairs to find her mother when she spotted her in the backyard.

Stretched out on two loungers were her mother and sister. Her mother was reading a book, but Lorri was sound asleep, m.u.f.fin curled in the crook of her arm. Max let herself quietly out the door and sat at the foot of her mother's lounger.

"I didn't hear you come in," Ruth said.

"I just got here." She glanced at Lorri. "Is she feeling all right?"

Ruth reached for the letter. "She wrote this today. I wrote my own copy of it, so if you're riot up to reading it, I can show you mine later."

Max started on the letter. The details she had already imagined, but when Lorri spoke about Clarence Fuller's bravery and kindness, Max's heart felt broken. Her words were kind but frank about his death and burial. She talked about all the flights they'd shared together over the years, always landing safely until this time when the elements rose up against them. Max felt drained after reading it and understood why Lorri was sleeping.

"What did you think?"

"I think they'll appreciate all she said, but it won't be easy to read."

"Easier than not knowing," Ruth said.

Max had to nod. "Yes, that's true."

"How was school?" Ruth had forgotten to ask.

"All right."

"Tell me something that happened today that you loved."

Max thought a moment.

s 154.

"We had a pop quiz in science and I got 100 percent."

"On only the third day of school? I'm impressed. Now tell me something that wasn't so fun."

Max made a face.

"I think there's this boy who's getting serious about me."

"Do I know him?"

"Johnny King."

Ruth frowned. "I thought he had a girl."

"He's had many, but word is out that Arlene and I have sworn off boys. I think he sees it as some sort of challenge."

Ruth had to smile. When Arlene and Max had first come up with their plan, everyone gave it a week, but they'd been true to their word. There was very little talk of who was cute and who was dating whom. And Max had been correct: life was much easier without all of that.

"So what will you do?"

"Just keep being kind and saying no."

"Good."

Mother and daughter exchanged a smile before Max proclaimed she was starving. When she returned to the patio, she had a snack, a pitcher of lemonade, and three tall gla.s.ses of ice. Ruth joined her daughter in the refreshments, but Lorri slept through the whole thing.

1.

Ruth stared down at her pillow that night, seeing the note and a little box. She saw that it was Lorri's handwriting and wondered when she'd had time to do this. Ruth sat on the edge of the bed and read the note.

155.

155.

1.

Mother, Josie bought this for you about six months ago. I found it in my trunk I don't know why she never sent it. Maybe she was saving it for your birthday.

Ruth opened the box and found a brooch inside. It was shaped like a gold bow with a gold locket hanging beneath. It so perfectly fit her taste that for a moment she didn't think she was going to survive.

How will I do this?she asked of G.o.d.How will I possibly keep on without my Josie? She knew me so well and loved me so sweetly. I want to hold her once more, Father. I want to kiss her soft brow and tell her how much she's loved and missed.

Ruth couldn't think any longer. Holding the brooch close and rocking a little with the pain, she sat on the bedside and begged G.o.d to help her through the agony. Her words were incoherent and rambling, but she knew G.o.d understood.

She prayed until she was too tired to sit up and then laid her head down on the pillow. Placing the brooch on the nightstand where she could see it, she fell asleep with the light on, her mind full of her oldest child.

"Another week has pa.s.sed," Ruth announced, addressing Max and Lorri on Sat.u.r.day morning, "and we stilt haven't talked about Josie's service. I want to know what you want."

"What do you want, Mother?" Max asked, realizing Ruth had never said.

"I don't think I want a memorial service with many people talking. Pastor Higgins knew Josie for about two years before she left, and I just want him to speak."

156.

"I'm okay with that too, but the thought of an empty casket bothers me," Lorri admitted. "If everyone wants that, I can get used to it, but it still seems strange to me."

"I was getting used to the idea," Max said. "I mean it wouldn't be open, but it could still have Josie's picture on top, that pretty one in her blue dress."

"What do you think, Lorri?" Ruth asked.

Lorri rolled her eyes.

"I was thinking the casket would be open. I don't know why, but that's what was bothering me."

"So that's not going to bother you so much?"

"No, it's fine."

"What day does Grandpa come back?" Max wondered.

"Thursday or Friday. He said he'd send Word."

"Do we know what day we're having the service?"

"No, I was going to wait for Dean to decide. He just wanted us to talk about some of the details ahead of time."

So she would remember everything for the next week, Ruth wrote down all that they talked about. A feeling of unreality crept in from time to time, but she made herself concentrate. When the list was complete, she had the girls read it over and note any additional ideas.

That done, it was time to get to the grocery store. Lorri offered to go with her. Max stayed home. Arlene was coming over, and the two of them were scheduled to work on a big project for English cla.s.s.

"Are you in the mood for grapes or cherries?" Ruth asked Lorri. "Cherries."

157.

157.

"Bing or Royal Ann?"

"Bing."

"Wow, you're easier than Max. She has to think about things until I tell her I'm moving to the next aisle."

"Maybe she's had too many choices."

"The war took care of that. She's just indecisive," Ruth said. Then she asked, "How was the food in Australia?"

"It was good but different. I'm sure they would say the same about ours."

"I haven't told you this, but you have an accent."

"Do I really?"

"Yes, it's very slight, but certain words take on a life of their own."