if it meant living again.

I'd be him.

"Keep most of the lights off,"

Krista tells Mickey

as we enter our cousins'

beachfront condo,

where our family has stayed

since I was fourteen.

"That way I can still see Logan."

"I'll get you a towel.

And do you want a dry-"

He looks away

from her sodden T-shirt.

He has a girlfriend,

after all,

a girlfriend he's barely touched

in 233 days.

He heads down the hall,

but she lingers by the front door,

checks that it's unlocked.

"He won't hurt you," I tell her.

"I know," she whispers.

"But after that Cindy girl died

at spring break,

my parents gave me the Talk.

They said,

'Just because you graduated a year early

doesn't mean you can't be stupid.'"

We go to join Mickey,

passing the open door

of Siobhan's room

and the closed door

where my younger brother Dylan and I

used to stay.