She watched her mate hold their son, praying she hadn't made a mistake by letting him come back. Their enemies were out to get them, people were dying, and yet in this small room, her greatest fear was she wouldn't be strong enough.

Chapter 17.

It still wasn't working. No matter how much Bay wanted it to, it wasn't. Adam tried to be warm, but he couldn't do it. She didn't know what he was thinking. Did he love her? No, that couldn't be it. He'd told her that he couldn't love again, and she was starting to believe it. The stupid woman inside her had clung to hope of something more. But, even though he was warming up to her, doing all the right things, and saying all the right things, she couldn't quite believe it.

He didn't love her. She knew that. But she didn't think he loved Micah either. And that was something she couldn't handle. She'd come to the den for protection and even some comfort, not to be shut out and watch the man she loved try too hard for something that wouldn't come.

Micah turned in her arms and nuzzled her breast. She gave a tired smile and unbuttoned her blouse so he could have his breakfast. Her little boy was a machine when it came to eating. Every two hours, on the dot, he had to eat. Apparently, it was a Jamenson trait. Pat had told her that all of her boys had been the same way. They had to eat all the time so they could grow as big as they were. Bay was not a small woman by any means, but she had a feeling her little boy would be bigger than her in no time.

She rocked back and forth in the rocking chair Jasper had made for her. She looked around the freshly painted nursery and tried not to let her heart beat too fast. Her new family had decorated it and made it look like new, essentially cleaning out the tomb of Adam's lost child. He hadn't said anything about it, and that worried her. Even though they slept together, made love, if she could call it that, and they were trying to raise a baby together, she didn't know much about him. They didn't talk. She didn't know about his past. Most of the time they sat in silence across from each other, and she would fret away on the inside and had no idea what he was thinking. When they did talk, it was as if they could only fight. She hated it. The only time she felt at peace was when they played music together. And even then, she didn't really know if he felt as if he was in the same room with her. For all she knew, he was reliving his past with Anna through her.

They needed to talk. But she didn't know how to broach the subject. If they were going to make it, and, oh, how she really wanted that to happen, they would have to talk. They would have to cross that line and talk about Anna, the baby, his past. Even she hadn't opened up completely to him. Yes, she'd talked about her nomadic lifestyle, her mom, and her job. But she hadn't disclosed her hopes and fears. Because if she did that, she would feel as if she were opened up and raw, while he was steady as stone.

Micah whined again, and she lifted him up to her shoulder to pat his back. He let out a belch so loud she was afraid her eardrums had popped.

"Dear Lord, Micah," she said with a laugh.

"That sounds like a Jamenson, all right," Adam commented from the doorway.

She froze then quickly buttoned up her blouse. She hadn't felt or heard him come in. Damn, she was so messed up and deep into her thoughts, she couldn't think of anything else. What if Caym had come in while she was deep in thought? She had to stop. She had to talk to Adam and figure out how to move on. If she didn't, it would be dangerous for all of them.

She juggled Micah so he lay cradled in her arms. Bay got out of the chair and walked over to the crib. He closed his little eyes sleepily, and she smiled. He was so precious. A perfect blend of Adam's and her features. If only everything else would blend just as well.

She didn't fail to notice that Adam hadn't walked into the nursery. Nor did he offer to help her hold their child. No, he stood off to the side as always and watched with a torn expression on his face. Every time she saw him, a little piece of her fell apart. She didn't want to be this emotional, weeping woman. She had to be stronger than that.

"Is it his nap time?" Adam asked as he backed away from the door.

She nodded and walked out of the nursery, the baby monitor attached to her hip. She closed the door partially and walked out to the living room.

Steeling herself, she took a deep breath. "We need to talk."

Adam gave that annoyingly charming smile then said, "Why is it that whenever someone says that, there is always something bad to say?"

"Because there is."

"I thought we were doing okay. I mean... we're trying." He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked genuinely confused.

"When is my birthday, Adam?"

He scrunched his brows and shook his head. "I don't know. Did you ever tell me that? What's that have to do with anything?"

She let out a sigh and paced the room. "It has to do with everything. We don't know each other. Yeah, we have sex, but what does that mean?"

Adam narrowed his gaze and clenched his fists. "We're still learning. Give it time."

"But we're not doing anything to learn. Do you understand that? We know nothing about each other, and yet we're not trying to move on." She took a deep breath, closed her eyes then opened them. "I want to talk about Anna."

"No." His voice was low, cold.

And with that, her heart broke again. She hadn't thought she even had any left to break.

"Why not? She's as much a part of this relationship as I am. You know what? I think she had an even bigger part."

"She has nothing to do with us, and I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't want to talk about a lot of things. But that doesn't really fucking matter right now. I'm losing you when I never really had you to begin with. Anna is as much a part of our lives as you want her to be. Do you understand that? Unless we talk about her, she's always going to be the ghost in our relationship. She's always going to be the one taking you away from me."

"Anna was my mate. You have no right to say anything about her."

"I am your mate now," she growled. "I'm not asking you to forget her. Quite the opposite. I want to know more about her. That way I can know more about you. She is such a part of your life that until I know who she was, I can't know who you are. How are we supposed to act like mates and be together if I don't know you?"

"I'm trying, Bay."

"That's not good enough. Not anymore. That little boy in there is our son. Yeah, you came home and held him that one time. That's it. You barely even look at him."

"I'm trying."

"Stop saying that when you aren't. You're as much of a ghost as she is. I need to know you're here. I deserve to know, Adam."

He rubbed his hands over his face and shifted from foot to foot, anger radiating off him.

"I'm here, aren't I? You came waltzing into this place, my home, pregnant. I opened my door for you to stay here. I like you, Bay. You know I do. You also know that I can't love again, and you said that was okay. You said that we could be mates and live on like we were. I can't talk about Anna."

"You won't."

"Fine, I won't. She's gone, and no good will come from talking about it."

She looked up at him sadly and shook her head. "Even if you don't talk about her, she's still here. I know she's more important to you than I am. But I don't know if I can live with that."

With that, she walked back into the nursery and closed the door behind her. She leaned against it as she sank down to the floor, tears pooling in her eyes. She deserved more than what she had, but she knew she wouldn't get it. Not when Adam was so firmly lost in the past that he couldn't even see his present.

Adam walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He stormed to the backyard, through the forest to the area behind it, and ended up at his hidden meadow. Jesus, Bay was asking for everything. She wanted to be part of his life, to know every little piece of him and his past.

Though she deserved it. He knew, even though he tried not to, he was falling in love with her. Day by day, it felt a little bit less like a betrayal to do so. Anna had been gone for two decades. He needed to move on, and he had thought he was doing that with Bay.

He could see Bay in his future, standing by his side as they watched their pups grow. He could see her act as an Enforcer's mate and hold her own. He could see her with him...and he liked it. He loved it.

He loved her.

God, he loved her, didn't he? How the hell had that happened? Yes, his wolf had wanted her from the start, and fate had brought them together. He hadn't thought he'd fall. What scared him most was the fact that he wasn't scared about loving her. He was just scared about letting go of the past.

But it was time.

Despite what he had said to Bay, he had been thinking about saying goodbye to Anna. It'd been on a loop in his mind since he had met Bay in that bar that fateful night. He'd fought tooth and nail, claw and fang, in order to hold onto what he thought he needed. But he'd been wrong.

He stepped onto the soft grass and knelt before the stone grave marker. The cool breeze drifted over his shoulders and into his hair. It felt as if someone had slightly brushed their fingers across his face.

Anna.

He'd buried his mate himself in this hidden meadow, marked with a sole gravestone amongst the wildflowers on a grassy knoll. He traced his fingers over the letters and closed his eyes.

Anna Jamenson Mate, Mother, Heart Jessica Jamenson Too early for this world His wife and daughter were buried beneath him, long gone from this world. He came out here weekly, to tidy up the grass and flowers, to clean the stone. Bay had been right. He'd created a tomb in his home, not a site of remembrance.

Tears leaked out from his eyes as he traced his finger along the edge of the stone.

"I don't have anything for you today, Anna. I came here in a moment of decision; though it's been a long time coming."

He swallowed hard and clenched his fists. "I'm so sorry for letting you die. I shouldn't have left you alone and unprepared. You were most at peace taking care of others, not fighting for them. And yet I didn't do my duty as your mate to make sure you could protect yourself and our child. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me."

The tears flowed freely now, washing away the sins.

"I'm never going to forget you. You have to realize that."

A twig snapped behind him, and he turned quickly. He didn't smell anything out of place since it was downwind, but it must've been a dear or other animal.

He turned back to the grave and dried his tears. "I know you probably already know, but I've met someone. Her name is Bay. She's amazing, Anna. I think you would've liked her. She's strong, capable, and has a fiery temper just like her red hair. I made a mistake at first because I didn't think about the consequences. Now that she's living with me, I love her, Anna. I couldn't, no, I wouldn't let myself think about it because I love you. But just because I fell in love with her doesn't mean I love you any less. You're part of my past, part of me, and I'm never going to forget you. But I'm going to try to move on and try to be happy."

He could swear he felt that wind hug him and caress him, and he leaned into it. "I have a son, Micah. He's so tiny that I don't know what to do. I'm almost six-and-a-half feet tall, but you know that. He's so little in my hands that I feel like I could crush him. That's why I'm nervous to be around him. But I think Bay thinks it's because I don't love him. But as soon as I saw the little green eyes, I couldn't hold back. They're my family, Anna. You were my family and you'll always be part of me, but I'm ready to move on."

The wind hugged him again, and he closed his eyes. His wolf rumbled in pleasure, and he said goodbye to his lost mate for the first time-no, the last time. He stood and started walking back toward his home. To his and Bay's home. He was ready to start a new life. He just needed to tell Bay that.

Bay clutched Micah closer to her, and she rushed back into the house. She'd been an idiot to follow Adam. Just watching him kneel at Anna's grave saying he would never forget her made her want to weep. It was a lost cause. She'd lost him. No, she'd never really had him.

Micah squirmed and squeaked a cry. She held him closer as tears streamed down her face. She'd have to leave. She'd find a way to protect her son, but she couldn't stay here. Not anymore.

The door opened and closed, and Bay quickly sniffed and wiped away her tears. She couldn't let him see her crying. That would only hurt her more.

"Bay?" Adam called out as he walked closer to her. "Hey? Were you crying? I'm so sorry, baby, for leaving like that. I shouldn't have left without saying anything."

She gave a stiff nod and put Micah back in his crib. "It's just hormones. Don't worry about it."

He brushed his thumb along her cheek, wiping away trail of tears. "I'm sorry. We can talk about anything you want. Okay?"

She bit her lip and shook her head. "It's not important now."

"But it is. I want to know everything about you."

It's too late.

"I'm just all hormonal because of the baby. Just give me some time and I'll be okay."

He looked as though he didn't believe her and pulled her into his arms. She stiffened then melted into him, furious at herself for doing it. Their mate bond pulsed between them, calming her wolf and making her feel loved. Dammit, he didn't love her. Why was fate so fucked up?

He rubbed his hand up and down her back, little tendrils of sensation flooding her with each fingertip and caress. He rubbed his cheek on the top of her head and held her tighter.

"I'm sorry again."

"Don't be," she whispered. It wasn't his fault that he was the love with another woman. It was her fault for believing he could change.

He shifted and led her toward their bedroom. He cradled her face in his hands and looked down at her. She gazed into his jade-green eyes and hated herself for loving this man. He slowly lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers. His tongue tentatively traced her lips, and she opened for him. He tasted of man, coffee, and Adam. He groaned into her mouth, and she sighed. Why did this feel different? Why did it feel like he wanted this more than anything, and yet she felt as though it were a goodbye?

She was weak and wanted him if only for a moment.

He wrapped her hair around his fist and tugged. Pleasure shot down her spine at the slight pain, and she rubbed herself on him. Wanton and needy, she ignored their problems and deepened the kiss.

He pulled back, his eyes dilated and glowing with arousal, his chest moving with deep frantic breaths. "I'm going to make love to you, Bay, and then I'm going to fuck you hard. I've missed being with you."

She raised a brow. "It hasn't been that long."

"It's felt like it." He nibbled up her jaw and her ear lobe, and she shuddered. Because she was a wolf, she didn't have to wait the normal amount of time after having a baby to have sex. Thank God. She needed to have this at least for a reminder of what they could have had before she left.

He pulled on her hair again, forcing her head to the side. He nibbled over the mate mark, and her pussy clenched. She'd always heard it was an erogenous zone, but, dear God, she could come with just his licking. His hand cupped her breast, and she started.

"I'm nursing, so you're going to have to be careful."

He kissed her, and then quickly and efficiently unbuttoned her blouse, removing it from her body. "I love your breasts, Bay. I loved them before, when they were plump and overfilled my hands. Now they're so full and swollen, I slowly can eat them all up. Do they hurt?"

She shook her head. "My nipples are supersensitive, but other than that, they're just like before. Well, except for the fact that they may shoot milk at you." She blushed and tried to hide her face against his chest. His very naked chest. When had he stripped down to his boxer briefs?

He grinned at her, and she shivered. She loved that grin, the mixture of sexiness with a little wicked thrown in. He quickly divested her of her pants and panties, and then Adam unclasped the front hook of her bra. Her breasts fell heavy and aching. She tried to cover up her stomach, but he pulled her hands back.

"Why are you trying to cover yourself up? You're beautiful."

"I still haven't recovered from the baby. I may be a wolf, but it does take a little bit. Plus I have stretch marks."

"Aren't those called tiger stripes or something like that? You know, badges of courage and bravery?"

She let out a laugh and threw her head back. "How much Oprah have you been watching?"

"Oprah isn't on anymore." He blushed and shut his mouth.

"Oh, my God, you used to watch Oprah? How modern aged of you." She grinned, and he pinched her hip. "Hey! Don't pinch me."

"Then don't make fun of me and my love for Oprah."

"Oh, my God, you love her? I was just kidding."

"I didn't say anything. I have no idea which you mean."