Tung Chih expressed little interest when I told him stories of his ancestors. He couldn't wait to finish a lesson so that he could be with Nuharoo, which made me jealous. I was becoming a tougher mother after his father's death. Tung Chih couldn't read a map of China, couldn't even remember the names of most provinces. He was already a ruler, but his biggest interests were eating sugar-coated berries and fooling around. He had no idea what the real world was like and didn't care to learn. Why should he when he was constantly made to feel that he was on top of the universe?

To the public, I promoted my five-year-old son as a genius who would lead the nation out of troubled waters. I had to do so in order to survive. The more people trusted the Emperor, the more stable the society. Hope was our currency. Behind closed doors, however, I pushed Tung Chih to live up to his role. He needed to rule on his own as soon as possible because Su Shun's power would only continue to grow.

I tried to teach him how to conduct an audience, how to listen, what kinds of questions to ask, and most important, how to make decisions based on collective opinions, criticisms and ideas.

"You must learn from your advisors and ministers," I warned, "because you are not-"

"Who I think I am." Tung Chih cut at me. "In your eyes, I'm as good as a wet fart."

I didn't know whether to laugh or slap his face. I did neither.

"Why do you never say 'Yes, Your Majesty' like everyone else?" my son asked.

I noticed that he had stopped calling me Mother. When he had to address me, he called me Huang-ah-pa, Huang-ah-pa, a formal name meaning "Imperial Mother." But he called Nuharoo Mother, in a voice that was full of warmth and affection. a formal name meaning "Imperial Mother." But he called Nuharoo Mother, in a voice that was full of warmth and affection.

If Tung Chih had accepted my rules, I would have swallowed the insult, because all I desired was for him to be a fit ruler. He could interpret my intentions any way he wanted. My feelings would not be hurt even if he hated me at the beginning. I believed that he would thank me in the future.

But I underestimated the power of the environment. It was as if he were a piece of clay that had been molded and baked before I could touch it. Tung Chih scored poorly on his exams, and he had trouble concentrating. When his tutor shut him inside the library, he sent his eunuchs to Nuharoo, who came to his rescue. The tutor was punished instead of the student. When I protested, Nuharoo reminded me of my lower status.

An-te-hai was the one who pointed out that what was going on had nothing to do with being a parent. "You are dealing with the Emperor of China, not your child, my lady," he said. "It is the entire culture of the Forbidden City that you are up against."

I hated the idea of tricking my son. But when honesty failed, what choice did I have left?

When Tung Chih brought me his unfinished homework, I no longer criticized him. In an even voice I told him that as long as he felt that he had done his best, it would be fine with me. He was relieved and felt less compelled to lie. Gradually Tung Chih became willing to spend time with me. I played "audience," "court room" and "battles" with him. Carefully, quietly, I tried to influence him. The moment he detected my true motives, he ran away.

"There are people who try to make the Son of Heaven a fool," Tung Chih once said in the middle of a game.

Nuharoo and the master tutor Chih Ming wanted Tung Chih to learn the exclusive "Emperor's language." They also designed the lessons so that Tung Chih would focus on Chinese rhetoric and ancient Tang poetry and Sung verses, "so he can speak elegantly." When I opposed the idea and wanted to add science, math and basic military strategy, they were upset.

"It is considered prestigious to own a language," Master Chih Ming explained with pa.s.sion. "Only an emperor can afford it, and that is the point."

"Why do you want to deprive our child?" Nuharoo asked me. "Hasn't Tung Chih, as the Son of Heaven, been deprived enough?"

"It is a waste of time to learn a language that he can't use to communicate," I argued. "Tung Chih must be presented immediately with the truth about China! I am not concerned about how well he dresses, eats or says Zhen Zhen instead of instead of I. I." I suggested that Prince Kung's letters and the drafts of treaties be Tung Chih's texts. "The foreign troops will not leave China on their own accord. Tung Chih has to drive them out."

"It is a terrible idea to do that to a child." Nuharoo shook her head, making all the ornamental bells on her hair ring. "Tung Chih will be so frightened that he will never want to rule."

"That's why we are here to support him," I said. "We work with him, so that he will learn the art of war by fighting the war."

Nuharoo gave me a hard stare. "Yehonala, you are not asking me to disobey the rules and to ignore our ancestors' teachings, are you?"

I was heartbroken when I saw how my son was being taught to misread reality. He couldn't distinguish fact from fantasy. The false notions packed into his little brain made him vulnerable. He believed that he could tell the sky when to rain and the sun when to shine.

Against Master Chih Ming's advice, Nuharoo's repeated interference and Tung Chih's own inclination, I forced my way with my son, which drove him farther from me. I believed that this was of the utmost importance. In our "court" games Tung Chih played the Emperor and I his wicked minister. I mimicked Su Shun without using his name. I even took up Su Shun's northern accent. I wanted to teach Tung Chih not to be intimidated by the enemy.

When the lessons were over, there was never a thank-you or a goodbye. When I opened my arms and said "I love you, son," he brushed me away.

The ceremony marking Tung Chih's official ascent to the throne began when Hsien Feng's body was placed in its coffin. A decree was issued within the court to proclaim the new era, and Tung Chih was expected to issue a decree in honor of his mothers. As usual we received a lot of useless tributes and gifts.

I was aware that Su Shun had drafted this honor. But I was forbidden to learn what was written until the decree was announced. I was tense and nervous, but there was nothing I could do.

When the decree was announced, Nuharoo was honored as "the Empress of Great Benevolence Tzu An" and I as "the Empress of Holy Kindness Tzu Hsi." To anyone who knew the subtleties of Chinese, the difference was obvious: "great benevolence" was more powerful than "holy kindness." We may have both been honored as empresses of the same rank, but the message to the nation was that my position was not equal to Nuharoo's.

The emphasis on her prestige over mine pleased Nuharoo. Although she had been the appointed Empress during Hsien Feng's reign, that didn't guarantee that she would hold the same t.i.tle when the era changed. After all, I was the mother of the heir. The liability of my new t.i.tle was that the nation was led to believe that Tung Chih considered Nuharoo above me-Su Shun got his way.

More alarming to me was that Su Shun had issued a decree again without obtaining both Nuharoo's and my signature seals. Nuharoo didn't want to raise the issue since she had what she desired. But to me this was a violation of principle-Su Shun was failing to properly execute Emperor Hsien Feng's will. I had every right to challenge the decree. However, if I fought, it would give Su Shun a chance to damage my relationship with Nuharoo.

I contemplated the situation and decided to stay where I was.

After the announcement of the honor, Nuharoo and I were to be treated equally. I moved from my quarters to the west wing of the Hall of Fantastic Haze, called the Western Chamber of Warmth, which prompted the ministers to call me the Empress of the Western Chamber. Nuharoo moved to the Eastern Chamber of Warmth, and thus she was known as the Empress of the Eastern Chamber.

On September 2, 1861, the first official decree was formally published. It announced the new era to the nation and the boy Emperor's coming. The decree included the new Emperor's honors to his mothers. The nation was given a ten-day holiday to celebrate.

As the country learned about Nuharoo and me, Su Shun convened the Board of Regents for an audience of his own. He demanded that from now on Nuharoo and I must stamp the decrees that he drafted, without question.

This time Su Shun also offended Nuharoo. An argument flared while Tung Chih and the entire court were present.

"Females stay out of the court's business; that is the Imperial tradition." Su Shun emphasized that it was for the country's benefit that his administration bypa.s.s us. He created the impression that Nuharoo and I were responsible for slowing down the court's procedures and that I, especially, was a troublemaker.

"If we are not to take part in the court's business," Nuharoo said to the audience, "then why did His Majesty Emperor Hsien Feng bother to place the seals in our hands?"

Before Su Shun got a chance to respond, I echoed Nuharoo. "Emperor Hsien Feng's purpose was more than clear. The two grand seals represent a balanced judgment. His Majesty wanted us to work side by side. The seals are to prevent autocracy and"-I raised my voice, speaking as clearly as I could-"to avoid the possible tyranny of any single regent. The eight of you are wise men, so I don't have to remind you of those terrible lessons of the past. I am sure none of you wants to model yourself after Ao Pai, who went down in history as a villain because he allowed his desire for power to corrupt his soul." I glanced at Su Shun before concluding, "Empress Nuharoo and I have decided that as long as we live, we will honor our commitment to our husband."

Before the last word came out of my mouth, Su Shun stood up. His olive complexion had flushed a deep red. His eyes revealed great anger. "Originally I didn't want to expose my private conversations with His Late Majesty, but you have left me with no choice, Lady Yehonala." Su Shun walked toward his men and spoke loudly. "Emperor Hsien Feng had already seen through Lady Yehonala's wickedness when he was alive. Several times he spoke with me about taking her with him. If she hadn't taken advantage of His Majesty's illness and manipulated him into changing his mind, we would be able to do our job today."

"His Majesty should have insisted!" The Gang of Eight nodded.

I was so furious I couldn't speak. I tried hard to hold in my tears.

Su Shun continued, his chest heaving. "One of the ancient sages of China foretold that China would be destroyed by a woman. I hope we do not hasten the day."

Terrified by the expression on Su Shun's face, Tung Chih jumped up from the throne. He threw himself first at Nuharoo and then at me.

"What's wrong?" Tung Chih asked when he noticed that my arm was trembling. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, my son," I said. "I am fine."

But Tung Chih started to cry. I rubbed his back to calm him. I didn't want to give my son and the court the impression that I was weak.

"Allow me to share my thoughts with you, gentlemen," I said, composing myself. "Before forming your judgment-"

"Stop!" Su Shun interrupted me and turned to the court. "Lady Yehonala has just violated a house rule."

I realized where Su Shun was heading. He was using a family rule against me. "Rule one hundred and seventy-four reads: 'A lower-rank Imperial wife will be punished if she speaks without the permission of the higher-ranking wife.'" Glancing at Nuharoo, who stared blankly, Su Shun went on. "I am afraid that I must perform my duty." He snapped his fingers. "Guards!"

Led by Chief Eunuch Shim, several guards rushed in.

"Seize the Empress of Holy Kindness and take her away for punishment!"

"Nuharoo, my elder sister!" I cried, hoping that she would come forward. All she had to do was to say that I had her permission to speak.

But Nuharoo was confused. She stared as if she didn't understand what was happening.

The guards grabbed my arms and began to drag me away.

"Heaven above," Su Shun said, beseeching in Peking-opera style, "help us get rid of an evil fox who has confirmed our ancestors' worst predictions."

"Nuharoo!" I struggled to push the guards away. "Tell them I had your permission to speak. Tell them I am the Empress and they can't treat me like this. Please, Nuharoo!"

Su Shun walked up to Nuharoo, who was frozen in place. He bent down and whispered in her ear. His hands drew circles in the air. His broad frame blocked her view of me. I was sure what he was saying: the faster I was hanged, the better her life would be. He was describing a life for her without rivals. A life where only her words ruled. Nuharoo was too frightened to think. I knew she didn't trust Su Shun, but she might not be able to resist his vision of her future.

The guards dragged me through the hallway. Everyone seemed caught up in the moment. If there were questions, n.o.body asked. I was lost in the crack of time, and I knew I would vanish before people could come to their senses.

I struggled to free myself from the guards. First my arms went limp, then my legs. As my body was tossed to the floor, my dress tore and my hairpins fell out.

"Halt!" A child's voice pierced the air. "This is Emperor Tung Chih speaking."

I was sure that I was hallucinating. My son stepped to the center of the room like a mature man. His manner reminded me of his father.

"Lady Yehonala has no less right to speak in this court than you, Su Shun," my child said. "I shall order the guards to remove you if you cannot mend your behavior!"

In awe of the Son of Heaven, Chief Eunuch Shim dropped to his knees. The guards followed, and then the court, including Nuharoo and me.

The place grew as silent as a still pond. The clocks on the walls started to chime. For a long time no one dared move. The sun's rays shot through the curtains, turning the tapestry into gold.

Standing tall by himself, Tung Chih didn't know what to say next.

"Rise," the child finally uttered, as if remembering a forgotten phrase from his lessons.

The crowd rose.

"I am resigning, Your Young Majesty!" Su Shun was himself again. He took his peac.o.c.k-feathered hat off and placed it on the floor in front of him. "Who will follow me?" He began to walk out of the hall.

The rest of the members of the Regency looked at one another. They stared at Su Shun's hat as if seeing its decorative jewels and feathers for the first time.

Prince Yee, Emperor Hsien Feng's first cousin, made his move. He chased after Su Shun, yelling, "Grand Councilor, please! There is no point in lowering yourself to a child's whim."

The moment the words came out of his mouth, Prince Yee realized that he had made a mistake.

"What did you say?" Tung Chih stamped his feet. "You have insulted the Son of Heaven, and Zhen Zhen here orders your beheading! Guards! here orders your beheading! Guards! Guards! Guards!"

At Tung Chih's words Prince Yee threw himself down and knocked his head hard on the floor. "I beg Your Majesty's forgiveness, for I am your father's cousin and a blood relation."

Looking at the man on the floor with a bleeding forehead, Tung Chih turned to Nuharoo and me.

"Rise, Prince Yee." As if she finally found her place, Nuharoo spoke. "His Majesty shall forgive you this time, but he will not allow rudeness in the future. I trust that you have learned your lesson. Young as Tung Chih is, he is still the Emperor of China. You should always remember that you are his servant."

The members of the Regency retreated. As soon as Nuharoo had Su Shun's "forgotten" hat returned to him, the grand councilor got back to work. Not a word was spoken about the incident.

The body of Emperor Hsien Feng had been scheduled to be taken from Jehol to Peking for burial. The rehearsals for the moving ceremony were exhausting. During the day, Nuharoo and I dressed in white robes and practiced our steps in the courtyard. In our hair we wore baskets of white flowers. We made countless inspections: from the costumes worn by the paper G.o.ds to the decorative accessories for the horses; from the ropes that would tie down the coffin to the coffin bearers themselves; from the ceremonial flags to the selection of mourning music. We examined the wax pigs, cotton dolls, clay monkeys, porcelain lambs, wooden tigers and bamboo kites. In the evenings we inspected the leather silhouette figures that would be used in theatricals.

Tung Chih was drilled to perform the son's duty. He practiced his walks, bows and kowtows in front of an audience of five thousand. During breaks, he sneaked out to watch the marching of the Imperial Guards, commanded by Yung Lu. Every night Tung Chih came to me describing his admiration for Yung Lu.

"Would you come with me next time?" he asked.

I was tempted, but Nuharoo turned Tung Chih down. "It would be improper for us to appear in our mourning gowns," she said.

After dessert Nuharoo excused herself to chant. She had been drawn more deeply into Buddhism since Hsien Feng's death. Her walls were covered with tapestries of Buddha figures. If it had been permitted, she would have ordered the construction of a giant Buddha in the middle of the audience hall.

I was full of unrest. One night in a dream I turned into a bee, trapped inside a forming lotus heart. With my every struggle the lotus seeds popped like little nipples. I woke and found that An-te-hai had placed a bowl of lotus-seed soup in front of me and that my vase had been filled with freshly picked lotus flowers.

"How did you know my dream?" I asked the eunuch.

"I just know."

"Why all the lotuses?"

An-te-hai glanced at me and smiled. "It matches the color of Your Majesty's face."

The feelings I had been experiencing had only deepened. I could no longer deny to myself that they found their focus in the figure of Yung Lu. Listening to the news brought by Tung Chih excited me. My heart skipped when Yung Lu's name was mentioned. I found myself hungry for details as Tung Chih described Yung Lu's mastery of horses.

"You watched him from a distance?" I asked my son.

"I ordered a demonstration," he replied. "The commander was happy when I commended him. Oh, Mother, you should have seen his way with the horses!"

I tried not to ask Tung Chih too much-I was afraid of arousing Nuharoo's suspicion. To her, even thinking about any male other than our dead husband was a sign of disloyalty. Nuharoo made it clear to the Imperial widows that she wouldn't hesitate to order their execution- by dismemberment-if she discovered an infidelity.

An-te-hai slept in my room and was a witness to my restlessness. But he never brought the subject up or mentioned any of my utterances that he might have heard. I knew that I often tossed and turned at night, especially when it rained.

On one such rainy night, I asked An-te-hai if he had noticed any changes in me. Carefully, the eunuch described my body's midnight "uprisings." He reported that I had cried out in my dreams, begging to be touched.

Winter came early. The September mornings were chilly and the air was fresh and clear. With the maples just starting to turn, I decided on a walk that would take me by Yung Lu's training ground. The more I warned myself of the impropriety, the more my desire pushed me forward. In order to disguise the intent of my outing, the night before I told Tung Chih that there was a rabbit with red eyes that I would like to take him to see. Tung Chih asked where it was hidden. I answered, "In the bushes not far from the training ground."

The next day we rose before dawn. After breakfast we set off in palanquins, pa.s.sing the flame-colored trees. The moment we saw Yung Lu's guards, Tung Chih took off and I followed.

The path was b.u.mpy, and the bearers tried their best to steady the palanquin. I lifted the curtain and looked out. My heartbeat quickened.

An-te-hai followed by my side. His expression told me that he knew my purpose and that he was curious and excited. It touched me with sadness to see that An-te-hai still thought a man's thoughts. Indeed, if appearance was the measure, women would think An-te-hai more attractive than Yung Lu. My eunuch had a full forehead and a perfect jaw and his eyes were large and bright, which was unusual for a Manchu. Highly trained in court manners, he always carried himself gracefully. Turning twenty-four the week before, An-te-hai had been with me for more than eight years. Unlike many eunuchs who sounded like old ladies, he spoke in a masculine voice. I wasn't sure if An-te-hai still had a male's bodily needs, but he was a sensuous being. As our time together lengthened, I was more and more struck by the curiosity he showed about what went on between a man and a woman. It would become An-te-hai's curse.

In the morning fog I watched the Imperial Guards being drilled. Hundreds trotted and marched over packed dirt. They reminded me of hopping toads in a rice field during a drought. The air was crisp and the sun was yet to fully rise.

"Watch out for Tung Chih," I told the bearers, and asked to be let out of the palanquin. My shoes collected dew as I slowly walked along a side path. Then I saw him, the commander, on his mount. I took a moment to compose myself.

He sat unmoving on the horse but stared in my direction. The fog between us made him look like a paper-cutout warrior.

I approached him with An-te-hai by my side.