"How dare you whip me!" His expression was incredulous. The little eyebrows met in the center of his frightened face. "No one hits the son of the Emperor!"

I whipped harder. "This is to make you hear the sound of foreign cannons. This is to make you read the treaties!" I felt the collapsing of an emotional dam. An invisible arrow shot through my head. Choking, I continued, "This ... is ... to make you look your father in the face ... I want you to know how he turned into a hollow man."

As if acting under its own power, the whip changed direction. Instead of landing on Tung Chih, it landed on me. The sound was loud and crisp. Like a hot snake, the leather wrapped around my body, leaving its b.l.o.o.d.y trace with every slap.

Intoxicated by the spectacle, Tung Chih fell silent.

Exhaustion overwhelmed me and I collapsed and hugged my knees to my chest. I cried because Hsien Feng wouldn't be alive to educate his son; I cried because I couldn't see myself raising Tung Chih properly with Nuharoo standing between us; I cried because I heard my son shouting that he hated me and that he couldn't wait for Nuharoo to punish me; and I cried because deep down I was disappointed in myself and, more fearfully, I didn't know what else to do.

I continued with the lesson as I held the whip high. "Answer me, Tung Chih. What does the dragon signify?"

"The dragon signifies a transformation," the terrified little man replied.

"Of what?"

"What 'what'?"

"A transformation of ...?"

"Transformation of ... of a fish. It is about the fish's ability to leap over a dam."

"That's correct. That was what made the fish a dragon." I put down the whip. "It was about the effort it made against a monstrous obstacle. It was about the heroic leaping action it took. Its bones were broken and its scales sc.r.a.ped away. It could have died from the effort, but it didn't give in. That was what set it apart from the ordinary fish."

"I don't understand this. It is too hard!"

He was no longer able to follow me, even if I read the same phrase over and over. His mind seemed to have come to a halt. He was in shock. I had scared him. In his life so far, no one had ever raised a voice to him. He always had his way, no matter how demeaning to others it might be.

I was determined to go on. "Listen carefully and you will get it. 'The tiger is the spirit of beasts, the tortoise is the spirit of sh.e.l.ls, and the phoenix is a bird who is capable of rising from ashes ...'"

Tung Chih began to follow me, slowly and painstakingly.

There came a loud banging on the door of the shed.

I knew who it was. I knew she had a spy in my palace.

The banging continued, with Nuharoo screaming, "I am reporting your cruelty to His Majesty! You have no right to punish Tung Chih. He doesn't belong to you! He came through you. You were only a house that once sheltered him. If I find him hurt, you will be hanged!"

I went on reading, my voice clear and resonant. "'In ancient Chinese philosophy the five colors correspond to the five directions. Yellow corresponds with the center, blue with the east, white with the west, red with the south, black with the north ...'"

Nineteen.

THE WILD GRa.s.s around Jehol turned yellow while the court waited for the Emperor to die. Hsien Feng could no longer swallow. The herb soup I prepared continued to be brought to him by the eunuchs, but he no longer touched it. The dragon robe for burial was ordered and His Majesty's coffin was nearing completion.

Yet my son had not been appointed the successor, and His Majesty had not uttered any words regarding the matter. Every time I wanted to see my husband, Chief Eunuch Shim would block me, saying that His Majesty was either sleeping or meeting with his advisors. He made me wait endlessly. Frustrated, I would return to my quarters. I had no doubt that Shim was acting on Su Shun's orders.

I was concerned because Hsien Feng could slip away, leaving me powerless to help Tung Chih. When An-te-hai reported that Su Shun had been trying to recruit him to spy on me, the grand councilor's intentions became clear.

I thanked Heaven for An-te-hai's loyalty. The cost to him was that his name went on Su Shun's list of enemies.

"Su Shun is looking to kick your dog," Nuharoo said during a visit. "I wonder what has made him hate An-te-hai so much." Lifting her eyes from her embroidery, she searched my face for an answer.

I didn't want to share my thoughts. I didn't want to point out that it was not An-te-hai but me Su Shun was after. If I revealed my feelings, Nuharoo would want to interfere and try to get an apology out of Su Shun. She considered herself a champion of justice, but her kindness could do more harm than good.

Nuharoo enjoyed being known for her amiability, courtesy and fairness. But she wouldn't be able to solve this problem. She would only end up making it easier for Su Shun to get rid of me. He would use Emperor Hsien Feng's hand. It would not be the first time. Yung Lu's story about the horrible fate of a certain minister who was disloyal to the grand councilor was but one example. Su Shun might also want to make Nuharoo his ally. She would be easy prey if flattered. The master of tricks could wrap her around his finger. Nuharoo lived to glorify her name, and any attention from Su Shun would be especially appealing. After all, my survival wouldn't be Nuharoo's priority.

An-te-hai stumbled over the doorsill. He reported that it had been decided that I would be "honored to accompany Hsien Feng when he returns to his source," which meant that I would be buried alive when the Emperor died.

I didn't believe it. I couldn't. Out of three thousand concubines I was the only one who gave him a son. Hsien Feng knew that Tung Chih needed me.

Making an effort to stay calm, I asked An-te-hai where he had picked up this information. He said that it came from his friend Chow Tee, the Emperor's attendant.

"Chow Tee came to me this morning," An-te-hai said in a trembling voice. "He told me to run away immediately. I asked what had happened. He said, 'Your days are numbered.' I said, 'Quit joking, it's not funny.' He said he was serious. He had overheard Su Shun's conversation with His Majesty, and Su Shun suggested that His Majesty 'take Lady Yehonala' with him."

An-te-hai paused for breath, and he wiped the sweat from his face with his sleeve.

"Are you sure Chow Tee heard him right?" I asked, shaken.

"Chow Tee heard Su Shun say, 'Lady Yehonala is not the kind who would remain faithful and quietly tend her garden.'"

"Did His Majesty respond?"

"No. And that was why Su Shun pressed. He said that he wouldn't be surprised if you took up with other men after his death. He also predicted that you would seek power through Tung Chih. Su Shun said that you had whipped Tung Chih because he refused to do what you wanted. In the end His Majesty agreed to take you."

I envisioned my eternal dress and coffin being ordered by Su Shun. I could picture myself with the silk around my neck and Su Shun kicking away the stool. Before my body turned cold, he would pour a bowl of liquid silver down my throat, to mold me into the posture he desired.

"My lady, do something before it's too late!" An-te-hai threw himself on the floor and wouldn't rise.

I never dreamt that I would end up being sacrificed. Big Sister Fann's stories were flat compared to what was happening to me. There was no time to shed tears or seek comfort from my family. Su Shun might already be preparing the fire to melt the silver bars into a drink.

I asked An-te-hai why I should trust Chow Tee's words.

"We eunuchs are vines," he said. "We have to locate a big tree in order to climb high. Chow Tee and I understand that only when we help each other will we survive and advance. We have been sworn brothers since we were twelve years old. If there was a fly in Emperor Hsien Feng's room, Chow Tee would let me know. Lately Chow Tee has been worried about his future after the Emperor dies. If lucky enough to be spared from going with His Majesty, he needs to find a new master to serve. He knew this information was valuable and wanted to offer it to you. It was my suggestion, of course."

I told An-te-hai that I had to speak with Chow Tee.

The next day, at An-te-hai's arrangement, Chow Tee came to me under the pretense of borrowing a lamp.

He was about twenty years old and looked plain and humble. His cotton robe was washed white. I had never seen a young face with so many wrinkles. His background was similar to An-te-hai's, and he had been living in the Forbidden City since the age of nine. He was very careful with his words. He confirmed what An-te-hai had told me.

After I sent Chow Tee away I received my son. Tung Chih climbed on my lap and said that he was ready to recite his text. He was very good this time. I praised him as much as I could, but I had to make an effort to block my tears. I couldn't get rid of the image that my coffin was being made. I could actually hear the sound of nails being hammered into wood.

Despite his behavior Tung Chih had grown into a handsome boy. He had my bright eyes and smooth skin. The rest of his features were from his father. He had a full forehead, a straight Manchu nose and a lovely mouth. His expression was usually serious, but when he smiled it was the sweetest. I couldn't bear the thought that Tung Chih would lose both his father and mother at the same time.

As far as I could see, two people would be destroyed if Hsien Feng took me with him. One would be my son, and the other my mother. Tung Chih would be given no discipline, which Nuharoo would do innocently, but Su Shun purposely. The result would be the same-by the time Tung Chih grew up, he would be ill suited to rule. As for my mother, she would be in no condition to stand the blow. My death would spell her own.

Su Shun would lie straight-faced if Tung Chih had questions regarding my death. Su Shun would prove to him that I was a bad mother, and my son would be taught to hate me. He would never realize that he was Su Shun's victim. Su Shun would do everything in his power to seduce Tung Chih, and my son would regard him as his savior.

What could be more evil than molesting a child's mind? Tung Chih would be stripped of his birthright. Su Shun would eventually achieve his own ambitions through Tung Chih. He would run the empire in the name of Hsien Feng for his son. He would expose Tung Chih's weakness and then create an excuse to overthrow him and proclaim himself as the ruler.

The clearer the picture of the future became, the deeper I sank into despair. The news of Hsien Feng's death could arrive at any moment, and this could be my last chance to be with Tung Chih.

I held my son so tightly he complained that I was hurting him.

"Weeping can only cause you to lose more time, my lady." An-te-hai rose from the floor where he had been kneeling. His usually gentle eyes had become hard.

"Why don't you escape, An-te-hai?" I said in frustration. "You have been good to me and I shall bless you."

"I live for you, my lady." An-te-hai banged his head loudly on the floor. "Don't give up yet!"

"Who can rescue me, An-te-hai? The Emperor is too far gone, and Su Shun's spies are everywhere."

"There are two people who might be able to save you, my lady."

Rong and her husband, Prince Ch'un, were the two people An-te-hai had in mind. An-te-hai believed that Prince Ch'un could find a way to His Majesty's bedside. He would take Rong with him so that she could speak for me.

The suggestion made sense. Rong was now pregnant, which added to her status in the eyes of the Imperial family. Prince Ch'un had four daughters but not yet a son. He would do anything to make his wife happy. An-te-hai volunteered to sneak out of Jehol and contact my sister.

A week later, in the early morning, my sister was by my side. Her belly was the size of a lantern. A healthy glow shone on her face. We threw our arms around each other and wept. Rong told me that she had succeeded in her task.

"At first Su Shun wouldn't let us in," she recalled. "Ch'un was ready to withdraw after several hours of waiting. I begged him. I said that I had to speak to His Majesty in person about sacrificing my sister. If I couldn't succeed in making him change his mind, the child in my belly would be affected by my grief. I would have a miscarriage."

Rong took my hands in hers and smiled. "My husband couldn't stand the idea of possibly losing a son. So he forced his way in and saw His Majesty lying on the bed.

"I followed Ch'un in and we wished His Majesty good health. My belly was too big for me to kowtow, but I made myself anyway-I had to show him how desperate I was. I didn't have to pretend. I was truly scared. His Majesty pardoned me and told me to rise. I refused and stayed on my knees until my husband opened his mouth. He told his brother that I was having nightmares, that I couldn't get over my sadness, that he might lose his son to a miscarriage."

"What was Hsien Feng's reaction?"

"His Majesty looked terrible and could barely speak. He asked what my concerns were, and my husband replied, 'My wife dreamt that you had issued a decree to take Orchid with you. She wants to know that it isn't true. She needs to hear the words from your heavenly lips.'"

"What did His Majesty say?"

"His Majesty pointed at Su Shun and said that it was his idea."

"I knew it!"

"Su Shun looked furious, but he said nothing." Rong tucked her handkerchief back into her pocket.

Just then An-te-hai rushed in. "His Majesty has ordered the immediate cancellation of the decree. Chow Tee told me that His Majesty told Su Shun never to mention the idea again."

When I had introduced Rong to Prince Ch'un, I never imagined that they would turn out to be my protective G.o.d and G.o.ddess. Rong told me the danger was not over and that I should be careful. I knew Su Shun would not put down his weapons and become a Buddha. This fight to destroy me had just begun.

Three days went by quietly. On the morning of the fourth day, Doctor Sun Pao-tien predicted that Hsien Feng would not see the next dawn. Su Shun issued an urgent summons in the Emperor's name: a final audience was to be held late that afternoon, when the court should expect to hear His Majesty's last wishes.

I didn't know that I was excluded until I went to visit Nuharoo at noon. She was not in. Her eunuch said that she had been picked up by a palanquin sent by Su Shun. I turned to An-te-hai and told him to find out what was going on. An-te-hai got a message from Chow Tee. The final Imperial audience had begun, and Su Shun had just announced that my absence was due to poor health.

I panicked. In a matter of hours my husband would breathe his last, and the chance for me to act would be gone forever.

I ran to Tung Chih's study. My son was playing chess with a eunuch and obstinately refused to come with me. I pulled the board away, sending the pieces flying across the room. I dragged him all the way to the Hall of Fantastic Haze while I explained the situation. I told him to ask his father to name him the successor.

Tung Chih was frightened. He begged to be sent back to his chess game. I told him that he had to speak to his father, that it was the only way he could save his future. Tung Chih couldn't comprehend. He screamed and fought me. In my struggle to keep hold of my son, my necklace broke and the pearls and beads scattered down the hallway.

Guards blocked our entrance to the hall, although they seemed to be in awe of Tung Chih.

"I must see His Majesty," I said loudly.

Chief Eunuch Shim appeared. "His Majesty doesn't desire to call his concubines now," he said. "When he does, I will let you know."

"I am sure His Majesty will want to see his son for the last time."

Chief Eunuch Shim shook his head. "I have Grand Councilor Su Shun's orders to lock you up if you insist on intruding, Lady Yehonala."

"Tung Chih has the right to bid farewell to his father!" I yelled, hoping that Emperor Hsien Feng would hear me.

"I am sorry. Meeting with Tung Chih would only disturb His Majesty."

Desperate, I tried to push Shim aside.

He stood like a wall. "You will have to kill me to make me renounce my duty."

I got down on my knees and pleaded. "Would you at least allow Tung Chih to watch his father from a distance?" I pressed my son forward.

"No, Lady Yehonala." He signaled the guards, who pinned me to the floor.

Something must have clicked inside Tung Chih's little head. Maybe he didn't like the way I was being treated. When Shim went up to him wearing a false smile and requesting that he go back to his playroom, my son answered, for the first time using the language reserved for an emperor, "Zhen wishes to be left alone to see what's going on here." wishes to be left alone to see what's going on here."

The word Zhen Zhen fixed Chief Eunuch Shim to the spot. fixed Chief Eunuch Shim to the spot.

Tung Chih took advantage of the moment and ran inside the hall.

Hsien Feng's giant black dragon bed was in the center of the throne's platform. Led by Su Shun and his cabinet members, the court ministers and officials surrounded the pale figure under the coverlet. My husband looked as if he had already died. He lay still, with all signs of vitality gone.

Nuharoo was on her knees by the bed, dressed in a beige robe. She was sobbing silently.

Everyone else was also on his or her knees. Time seemed to be frozen.

There was nothing glorious about the heavenly departure. The Emperor had visibly shrunk. His features had collapsed, with his eyes and mouth pulled toward the ears. His dying didn't feel real to me. The night when he had first summoned me was as vivid as yesterday. I remembered the time when he had teased me boldly in front of the Grand Empress. I remembered his naughty but charming expression. I remembered the sound of the bamboo chips dropping onto the tray and his fingers touching mine when he pa.s.sed me the ruyi. ruyi. The memories saddened me, and I had to remind myself of why I was here. The memories saddened me, and I had to remind myself of why I was here.

From the whispering of the ministers I learned that Hsien Feng had briefly stopped breathing several times today, only to revive with a cavernous rumble deep in his chest. Two pillows supported the Son of Heaven. His eyes were open, but they hardly moved. The court was waiting for him to speak, but he didn't seem capable.

Although Tung Chih was the natural heir apparent, it was not specified in Ch'ing Dynasty law that the throne be pa.s.sed by the right of primogeniture. The Emperor's last words would be the only thing that counted. There would be an official box that contained His Majesty's living will. Still, his words would override whatever he had written. Many people believed that the finality of death changed a person's perception, and therefore his wishes in the box might not be his true ones. What worried me was what Su Shun might do. With his wickedness, he could manipulate Emperor Hsien Feng to say what he did not mean to say.

A few hours pa.s.sed. The waiting continued. Food was set out in the courtyard. Hundreds of people sat on their heels, scooping up rice from bowls, staring into s.p.a.ce. Tung Chih was bored and irritated. I knew that he had been doing his best to be obedient. Finally he had had enough. When I told him he must stay, he threw a tantrum. He kicked the bowls out of people's hands.