We were instructed to undress and line up. One by one we were examined by a head eunuch, who had an a.s.sistant recording his words in a book.

"Uneven eyebrows," the head eunuch p.r.o.nounced as he walked past us, "crooked shoulders, a laborer's hands, earlobes too small, jaw too narrow, lips too thin, puffy eyelids, square toes, legs too short, thighs too fat." Those girls were instantly dismissed.

Hours later we were guided to a hall with peach-flower-patterned curtains. A group of eunuchs came holding tapes. My body was measured by three eunuchs. I was pinched and squeezed.

There was no place to hide. "Shrink or stick out your head-either way you won't escape the dropping ax." The head eunuch pushed my shoulders and yelled, "Straighten up!"

I closed my eyes and tried to convince myself that the eunuchs were not men. When I opened my eyes again I found this to be true. In the countryside men drooled at the sight of an attractive girl even when she was fully clothed. Here the eunuchs acted as if my nakedness made no difference. I wondered if they were truly unfeeling or simply pretending to be.

After being measured we were taken to a bigger hall and ordered to walk. The girls who were marked down as lacking grace were dismissed. Those who pa.s.sed waited for the next test. By evening there were still girls waiting outside to be examined.

Finally I was instructed to put my clothes back on and I was sent home.

Early the next morning, I was brought back to the mansion. Most of the girls I had met the day before were gone. The survivors were regrouped. We were instructed to recite our name, age and place of birth and our father's name in a clear voice. The girls who sounded too loud or too soft were dismissed.

Before breakfast we were guided to the back of the palace where several tents were set up in the open garden area. Inside each tent were tables made of bamboo. When I entered, the eunuchs told me to lie down on one of the tables. Four senior court ladies appeared. Their painted faces were expressionless. They stuck out their noses and began to smell me all over. They went from my hair to my ears, from my nose to my mouth, from my armpits to my private parts. They checked between my fingers and toes. One lady dipped her middle finger in an oil jar and stuck it inside my rear end. It hurt but I tried not to make any noise. When the lady pulled her finger out, all the other ladies jumped up to smell it.

The last month went by in an eyeblink. "Tomorrow His Majesty shall decide my fate," I told Mother.

Without saying a word, she went to light incense sticks and knelt down before a picture of Buddha on the wall.

"What's on your mind, Orchid?" Rong asked.

"My dream of visiting the Forbidden City will come true," I replied, thinking of Big Sister Fann's words: A glimpse of such beauty makes one A glimpse of such beauty makes one feel that one's life has been worthy. feel that one's life has been worthy. "I will never be an ordinary person again." "I will never be an ordinary person again."

My mother stayed up all night. Before I went to bed, she explained the meaning of yuan yuan in Taoism. It was about how I should follow my destiny and alter it like a river moving through rocks. in Taoism. It was about how I should follow my destiny and alter it like a river moving through rocks.

I listened quietly and promised that I would remember the importance of being obedient and of learning how to "swallow the spit of others when necessary."

I had been ordered to be at the Gate of Zenith before dawn. Mother had spent her last borrowed taels and hired a sedan chair to carry me. It was draped with fancy blue silk cloth. Mother had also hired three plain-looking sedan chairs for Kuei Hsiang, Rong and herself. They were to accompany me to the gate. The footmen would be at the door before the rooster's first cry. I didn't fuss about the way Mother spent the money. I understood that she wanted to send me off in an honorable manner.

At three in the morning Mother woke me. My being chosen as an Imperial consort had filled her with hope and energy. She tried to hold back her tears as she did my face. I kept my eyes tightly closed. If I opened them I knew that my tears would flow and ruin the carefully applied makeup.

When my sister and brother woke up I was in Big Sister Fann's beautiful dress. Mother tied up the laces. After all was set, we ate porridge for breakfast. Rong gave me two walnuts that she had saved from last year. She insisted that I eat them both for good luck, and I did as she wished.

The footmen arrived. Rong helped me to keep the dress off the ground until the footmen lifted me into the sedan chair. Kuei Hsiang was in our father's clothes. I told him he looked like a Bannerman, except that he must learn to do the b.u.t.tons properly.

The girls and their families gathered at the Gate of Zenith. I sat inside the sedan chair. It was cold. My fingers and toes grew stiff. The gate looked imposing against the dark purple sky. There were ninety-nine copper-colored cups embedded in the gate, like turtles parked on a giant panel. These covered the huge bolts that held the wood together. A footman told my mother that the wall-thick gate had been built in 1420. It was made of the hardest wood. Above the gate, on top of the wall, was a stone turret.

Dawn broke. A company of Imperial Guards poured out of the gate. They were followed by a group of eunuchs dressed in robes. One of the eunuchs took out a book and began to call out names in a high-pitched voice. He was a tall middle-aged man with the features of a monkey, a pair of round eyes, a flat nose, an ear-to-ear thin-lipped mouth and a wide s.p.a.ce between his nose and upper lip. His forehead sloped. He sang the syllables as he made the calls. The tune lingered on the last note for at least three beats. The footman told us that he was the chief eunuch. His name was Shim.

The eunuchs dispensed silver coins in a yellow box to each family after a name was called. "Five hundred taels from His Majesty the Emperor!" Chief Eunuch Shim's voice rang again.

Mother broke down when my name was called. "Time to part, Orchid. Watch your step."

I got out of the sedan chair carefully.

Mother almost dropped the box given to her. She was escorted back into her sedan chair by the guards and was told to go home.

"Consider yourself boarding a ship of mercy on the sea of suffering," Mother cried, waving at me. "Your father's spirit will be with you!"

I bit my lip and nodded. I told myself to be happy, because with the five hundred taels my family would be able to survive.

"Take care of Mother!" I said to Rong and Kuei Hsiang.

Rong waved and raised a handkerchief to her mouth.

Kuei Hsiang stood like a wooden post. "Wait, Orchid. Wait awhile."

I took a deep breath and turned toward the rose-colored gate.

The sun popped out of the clouds as I made my way to the Forbidden City.

"The Imperial ladies walking!" Chief Eunuch Shim sang.

The guards at the entrance lined up on either side, creating an aisle through which we pa.s.sed.

I looked back for the last time. The crowd was bathed in the light of the sun. Rong was swinging her arms with the handkerchief, and Kuei Hsiang held the box of taels over his head. Mother was nowhere to be seen. She must have been hiding inside her sedan chair, crying.

"Goodbye!" My tears fell freely as the Gate of Zenith slammed shut.

If it hadn't been for Chief Eunuch Shim's voice, which kept giving orders, making us turn left or right, I would have believed that I was in a fantasy world.

As I walked, a group of palatial buildings presented themselves. They were solemn in atmosphere and gigantic in size. Glazed yellow roofs glistened in the sunshine. Slabs of carved marble lay under my feet. Not until I saw the Hall of Supreme Harmony did I realize that what I was seeing was just the beginning.

For the next two candle-times, we pa.s.sed ornate gates, s.p.a.cious courtyards and hallways with carvings on every beam and sculptures in every corner.

"You are taking the side ways, which are the paths for servants and court officials," Chief Eunuch Shim pointed out. "No one except His Majesty uses the center entrance."

We walked through empty s.p.a.ce after empty s.p.a.ce. No one was there to see our elaborate dresses. I recalled Big Sister Fann's advice: "The Imperial walls have eyes and ears. You'll never know which wall conceals the eyes of His Majesty Emperor Hsien Feng or Grand Empress Lady Jin."

The air felt heavy in my lungs. I glanced around and compared myself to the other girls. We all had painted faces in the same Manchu style. On the lower lip was a rouge dot, and the hair was coiled around the head in two parts. Some girls wound their tails all the way up to the top of the head and draped them with glistening jewels and jade flowers, birds or insects. Some used silk to create an artificial plate, pinned with ivory clips. Mine was a swallowtail wig, which took Big Sister Fann hours to fasten onto a thin black board. A large purple silk rose was pinned to the center of the board, with two pink ones on each side. Also in my hair were fresh white jasmines and orchids.

The girl who walked next to me wore a heavily laced headpiece. It was in the shape of a flying goose and was draped with pearls and diamonds. Yellow and vermilion threads were braided in patterns. The headpiece reminded me of those worn in Chinese operas.

As a shoemaker I naturally paid attention to what the girls wore on their feet. I used to think that if I knew nothing else, I knew shoes. But what I saw put my knowledge to shame. Every pair of shoes the girls wore was encrusted with pearls, jade, diamonds and embroidered patterns of lotus, plum, magnolia, Buddha's hand and peach flower. The sides of the shoes were crowded with the symbols of fortune and longevity, fish and b.u.t.terflies. As Manchu ladies, we didn't bind our feet as Chinese ladies did, but we didn't want to miss the opportunity to be fashionable, which was why we wore extra-high platform shoes. The intent was to make our feet look smaller, like Chinese feet.

My feet began to feel sore. We pa.s.sed through glades of bamboo and larger trees. The path became narrower and the staircases steeper with each turn. Chief Eunuch Shim hurried us along, and all of the girls grew short of breath. Just when I thought we had reached a dead end, a grand view unexpectedly revealed itself. I held my breath as a sea of golden roofs suddenly spread out before me. I could see the ma.s.sive gatehouses of the Forbidden City in the distance.

"Where you are standing is called Prospect Hill." Chief Eunuch Shim rested his hands on his waist and drew in big breaths. "It is the highest spot in all of Peking. Ancient feng shui feng shui experts believed that this area possessed the most vital energy and spirits of wind and water. Girls, take a moment to remember this, because most of you will never get a chance to see this again. We are lucky to have a clear day. The sandstorms from the Gobi Desert are resting." experts believed that this area possessed the most vital energy and spirits of wind and water. Girls, take a moment to remember this, because most of you will never get a chance to see this again. We are lucky to have a clear day. The sandstorms from the Gobi Desert are resting."

Following Chief Eunuch Shim's finger, I saw a white paG.o.da. "That Tibetan-style temple houses the spirits of the G.o.ds who have protected the Ch'ing Dynasty for generations. Be careful what you do, girls. Make sure you never distract or offend the spirits."

On our way down the hill Shim took us along another path, which led to the Garden of Peace and Longevity. It was the first time I had seen real pippala trees. They were gigantic and their leaves were as green as fresh gra.s.s. I had seen pictures of them in Buddhist ma.n.u.scripts and temple frescoes. They were considered the symbol of Buddha and were rare. Here such trees, hundreds of years old, were everywhere. Their leaves draped the ground like green curtains. In the garden, large, beautiful stones had been arranged in a pattern pleasing to the eye. When I raised my eyes, I saw magnificent pavilions hidden in the cypresses.

After many turns I lost my sense of direction. We must have pa.s.sed about twenty pavilions before we were finally led to a bluish one carved with plum flowers. It had a snail-shaped roof inlaid with blue tiles.

"The Pavilion of Winter Blossom," Chief Eunuch Shim pointed out. "Here lives the Grand Empress Lady Jin. You are going to meet both Majesties soon."

We were told to sit on stone benches while Shim gave us a quick lesson in the expected etiquette. Each of us was to speak a simple line, wishing His and Her Majesties health and longevity. "After expressing the wish, remain silent and answer only when you are spoken to."

Nervousness spread among us. One girl started to cry uncontrollably. She was immediately taken away by eunuchs. Another girl began mumbling to herself. She too was taken out.

I became aware of the constant presence of eunuchs. Most of the time they stood against the walls, silent and expressionless. Big Sister Fann had warned me that the experienced eunuchs were dreadful and that they fed on others' misfortune. "The young ones are better," she had said, "especially the newcomers, who are still innocent. The eunuchs' nastiness doesn't show until they reach adulthood, when they realize the significance of their loss."

According to Big Sister Fann, the powerful eunuchs ran the Forbidden City. They were masters of intrigue. Because they had suffered a great deal, they had amazing endurance for pain and torture. The newcomers were beaten with whips daily. Before taking their boys to the palace, the parents of eunuchs purchased three pieces of cowhide. The new eunuchs would wrap the hide around their back and thighs to cover where the whip would land. The cowhide was nicknamed "the Real Buddha."

Later on I would learn that the penalty for the most serious transgressions by the eunuchs was death by stifling. The punishment would be carried out in front of all the eunuchs. The convicted eunuch would be tied to a bench with his face covered with a piece of wet silk. The process was similar to mask-making. With everyone watching, the executioners would add wet cloths, layer after layer, while the victim struggled to breathe. The eunuch's limbs would be held down until he ceased struggling.

During my early life in the Forbidden City, I cursed such punishments. I was appalled by their cruelty. Over the years my view gradually changed. I found the discipline a necessity. The eunuchs were capable of grand crimes and equal cruelty. The anger they harbored was so uncontrollable that only death could contain it. In ancient times eunuchs had incited riots and worse. During the Chou Dynasty the eunuchs had burned down an entire palace.

According to Big Sister Fann, when a clever eunuch worked his way up and became the Imperial favorite, as Shim had, he would live his life under one person but above the nation. It was this possibility not only of survival but also of becoming a legend that yearly led more than fifty thousand poor families in China to send their boys to the capital.

From Big Sister Fann I had learned to identify the eunuchs' status by the way they dressed, and it was now time to apply my knowledge. Those who held high positions wore velvet robes draped with fine jewelry and were served by apprentices. They had their own tea makers, dressers, messengers, accountants, and figurehead wives and concubines. They adopted children to carry on the family name and purchased property outside the Forbidden City. They became rich and ruled their households like emperors. When one famous eunuch found out that his wife was having an affair with a servant boy, he hacked her to pieces and fed her to his dog.

By now I was starving. The two hundred of us had been divided into groups of ten and then scattered to different corners of the garden. We sat or stood on wooden or stone platforms or large river-smooth rocks. Spread before us were man-made ponds dotted with floating lotus and rippled by rising koi. Between us were carved wood panels and stands of bamboo.

The eunuch who was responsible for my group had a bronze decoration on his hat and a quail on his chest. He reminded me of my brother Kuei Hsiang. The eunuch had a naturally rosy mouth and girlish features. He was skinny and seemed shy. He kept his distance from us, and his eyes constantly traveled between the girls and his superior, a eunuch who wore a white decoration on his hat and had an oriole on his chest.

"My name is Orchid." Whispering, I went up to the skinny eunuch and introduced myself. "I am very thirsty, and I was wondering-"

"Shush!" He pressed his index finger to his lips nervously.

"What's your name? How should I address you?" I continued.

"An-te-hai."

"Well, An-te-hai, could I please have some water?"

He shook his head. "I can't talk. Please don't ask me questions."

"I would stop if-"

"I am sorry." He spun on his heels and quickly disappeared behind bamboo bushes.

How long could I stand like this? I looked around and heard the other girls' stomachs grumbling.

The sound of water from a nearby stream made me feel thirstier. The girls were slowly becoming frozen into an ancient tableau. It was a picture composed of elegant trees, dangling vines, swaying bamboo and young maidens.

I stared at this tableau until I saw a figure moving like a snake through the bamboo.

It was An-te-hai. He returned with a cup in his hand. His steps were swift and soundless. I realized that the eunuchs were trained to walk like ghosts. An-te-hai's soft soles touched the ground while his feet rocked like boats.

Stopping in front of me, he pa.s.sed me the cup.

I smiled and bowed.

An-te-hai turned and walked away before I finished my bow.

I sensed eyes shooting at me from all directions as I raised the water to my lips. Knowing how they felt, I took a sip and then pa.s.sed the cup around.

"Oh, thank you so much." The girl who stood next to me took the cup. She was slender and had an oval face. Her double-lidded deep eyes were bright. From her accent and graceful movements, I guessed that she was from a wealthy family. Her silk dress was embroidered with the most sophisticated patterns, and diamonds hung from her head to her toes. Her headpiece was made of golden flowers. She had a long neck, and her poise seemed effortless.

The cup traveled from hand to hand until there was not a drop left. All the girls seemed to relax a little. The beautiful oval-faced girl with exotic eyes waved at me from her bench. As I approached her, she moved to one side.

"I am Nuharoo." She smiled.

"Yehonala." I sat down beside her.

It was in this fashion that Nuharoo and I introduced ourselves. Neither of us could then foretell that we had just made a connection that would last a lifetime. We were called by our last names in the court, indicating the clan to which we belonged. Without further explanation we understood that we were from the two most powerful clans of the Manchu race: the Yehonala and the Nuharoo. The two clans used to be rivals and had fought countless wars over the centuries. It was not until the king of the Nuharoo clan married the daughter of the king of the Yehonala clan that the two families united and eventually took over China, creating the Celestial Purity, or Ch'ing, Dynasty.

I smelled the scent of lilies from Nuharoo's hair. She sat still and gazed at the stands of bamboo as if drawing them with her eyes. She radiated contentment. For a long time she didn't move. It was as if she were studying the details of each leaf. Her concentration was undisturbed by the pa.s.sing eunuchs. I wondered what she was thinking, if she shared my longing for my family, my anxiety about the future. I wanted to know what drove her to try for the selection. I was sure that it was neither hunger nor money. Had she dreamt of becoming an empress? How was she raised? Who were her parents? There was not the slightest nervousness in her expression. It was as if she simply knew that she would be selected. As if she had come only to receive this news.

After a long while Nuharoo turned toward me and smiled again. She had an almost childlike smile, innocent and free of worry. I was sure she had never suffered. She must have had servants in her house to fan her to sleep on hot summer nights. Her gestures suggested that she was trained in manners. Had she attended schools for the rich? What did she read? Did she like opera? If she did, she must have a hero or heroine that she admired. Suppose we loved the same operas, and suppose we were both lucky enough to be chosen ...

"What do you think about your chance of being chosen?" I asked Nuharoo after she revealed to me that her father was Emperor Hsien Feng's distant uncle.

"I don't think about it much," she said quietly. Her lips opened like the petals of a flower. "I do whatever my family asks of me."

"So your parents know how to read wood grains."

"Pardon me?"

"One's future."

Nuharoo turned away from me and smiled gently into the distance. "Yehonala, how do you see our chances?"

"You are born of an Imperial relative and you are beautiful," I said. "I am not sure about my chance. My father was a taotai taotai before he died. If my family hadn't been heavily in debt, and if I had not been forced to marry my r.e.t.a.r.ded cousin Ping, I wouldn't have ..." I had to stop, because my tears were welling up. before he died. If my family hadn't been heavily in debt, and if I had not been forced to marry my r.e.t.a.r.ded cousin Ping, I wouldn't have ..." I had to stop, because my tears were welling up.

Nuharoo put a hand into her pocket and took out a lace handkerchief. "I am sorry." She pa.s.sed the handkerchief to me. "Your story sounds terrible."

I didn't want to ruin her handkerchief, so I wiped my tears with the back of my hands.

"Tell me more," she said.

I shook my head. "My story of misery would be bad for your health."

"I don't mind. I want to hear it. This is the first time I have stepped out of my house. I have never traveled like you."

"Travel? It was not at all a pleasant experience." As I continued speaking, my mind flooded with memories of my father. The decaying smell of the coffin and the flies that followed it. To remove myself from the sadness I switched subjects.

"Did you go to school when you grew up, Nuharoo?"

"I had private tutors," she answered. "Three of them. Each taught me a different subject."

"What was your favorite subject?"

"History."