"I just want to look at you, savor this. You're so d.a.m.n beautiful."

She snorted a laugh. "I can't beli-" She stopped, and her expression sobered. "Thank you for saying that. I think you're beautiful, too." She reached for his hand and pulled him down to the bed.

He worried about crushing her and was careful to lie beside her rather than on top of her. She rolled into his side and ran her fingers tentatively over his chest, before her hand headed south. He hissed in a deep breath as she wrapped her fingers around him.

"I never thought-" She stopped.

"You never thought what?"

"I never thought we'd be like this . . . together. I've wanted it. I just never thought it would happen for me."

Something about that statement struck him as odd. But he was too tangled up in l.u.s.t and exhaustion to puzzle it out.

"I didn't think it would happen, either," he said. That was unquestionably true. As much as he'd wanted Sa.s.sy over the years, he'd never thought he'd end up in bed with her.

She was starting to say something else, until he brushed a fingertip across her nipple. She exhaled when he leaned over to kiss her breast and work his lips farther south, past her belly. She was breathing hard as he kissed the inside of her thighs, then he was between her legs with her hands in his hair.

He loved going down on her. The sounds she made, the taste of her. Moments later, her entire body stiffened in his arms and she arched her back, coming in a lightning-fast rush. She whispered his name once as he kissed his way back up her stomach to lie beside her. When he gathered her close, she curled into him, sighing once more.

He grinned. A speechless Sa.s.sy was a rare thing.

Rolling onto his back, he pulled her across the top of his chest, nuzzling her neck at the same time. She was limp as he stretched her across his body. He ran his fingers down her back, cupping her a.s.s in his palms. After a moment she sat up, pressed her hips into him, and leaned her head back.

Her hands ended up beside his head, her knees on either side of his stomach. He was directly against the slick heat of her. He wanted to be inside her so much right now that his own hands shook as he lifted his fingers to touch her face.

She opened her eyes and moved against him. "I need to tell you somethi-"

His eyes pleaded with her as he put a finger to her lips. "Tell me later?" He might come before he got inside her if she didn't stop that.

She smiled and leaned down to kiss him, her nipples brushing against his chest, sending a tidal wave of heat straight to his c.o.c.k. As she slid across him, he reached behind her to guide himself inside her.

She gasped and took their kiss deeper, leaning forward on her knees to press herself down centimeter by centimeter. He closed his eyes. It felt incredible even as she paused a moment and took a deep breath. d.a.m.n. She was so very tight. He wasn't halfway inside her, and it felt like- His eyes flew open to see her brow furrowed in a tiny grimace.

G.o.d, no.

Suddenly the odd words earlier made perfect sense. I never thought we'd be like this . . . I never thought it would happen for me. Now he knew exactly what she'd meant.

But . . . she couldn't possibly be. Not after all her brazen talk of the past six months. Maybe it had just been a long time since she'd had s.e.x? G.o.d knew it had been for him.

He held himself back even though his hips naturally wanted to roll forward and press deeper. He studied her face. Her eyes were scrunched closed as she took another audible breath and pressed herself all the way down the length of him, burying him inside her. She opened her eyes to meet his gaze and froze, the expression there telling him everything he suspected.

She'd never done this before.

Sa.s.sy was a virgin. Or had been until about thirty seconds ago.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he whispered.

She swallowed hard, pressed her lips together, and gave her head a tiny shake, tightening those muscles around him that were already so impossibly snug.

And despite what he knew was happening here, he fought his body's natural response, because this had suddenly become all about making her first time special rather than losing himself inside her.

He was Sa.s.sy's first time. If he thought about that too much, he'd lose it.

"Are you okay?" He loosened his grip on her hips and started to pull away.

He needed to get out of her, now. He wasn't even wearing a condom. They'd gotten to this point like it was his first time as well as hers. And there was no excuse for that, except his own stupidity and the fact that he wanted her like he wanted his next breath.

Of course, the damage was already done. This was reckless as h.e.l.l on both their parts. He knew he was clean, and, given the circ.u.mstances, she most likely was, too. But there could be other long-term consequences.

"Wait. Please. I'm okay." She pressed down further against him. "I just need a second to . . ."

She pulled herself up, and the exquisite sensation had him taking a deep breath himself. He knew they needed to stop, to talk. But he had to be as gentle as possible.

"Sa.s.sy, I'm not wearing a-"

She nodded, and that action was more than his body could stand. Of their own volition, his hips rolled forward, pressing deeper into her, once, twice.

"I can't believe you are giving me this . . . gift, but I can't-" He searched her face as he pushed into her a third and final time. Gripping her hips, he pulled back and lifted her up and away from him as he came, in what felt like a free fall from the edge of a cliff.

Sa.s.sY LAY BESIDE Bryan and stared at the ceiling. She was a little scared to look at him. He was on his back, but he hadn't turned to face her yet. She didn't have a clue what to say.

I didn't want to tell you I was a virgin because I didn't think we'd have s.e.x if I did?

That would be stating the obvious. No way he'd have done anything if he'd known. Lying beside her, he was still so very quiet. She had to say something. She just wasn't sure where to start.

Then the moment was gone as he stood and walked into the bathroom without a word or a backward glance.

Her heart stuttered. Without question, she'd gone into this with false pretenses. Was he mad? Sad? Irritated? She had no idea.

She took an audible breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about . . . before," she whispered to herself.

She heard water running. A few moments later, he was back to sit beside her with a warm washcloth. Without speaking, he gently wiped it between her legs.

Somehow the act felt more intimate than what they'd just done. As he finished, she could feel his eyes on her face, but she couldn't meet his gaze. Instead, she felt a lump in her throat.

What could she say to this man?

"Thank you," she finally managed.

Bryan shifted his weight on the mattress. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have made this better for you if I'd known."

She wanted to laugh, but she felt the maddening trickle of tears burning at the edges of her eyes.

"Don't worry. It was fine for me." She heard her own derisive, b.i.t.c.hy tone but couldn't stop herself.

If he continued to be this nice, she'd fall so hard and so fast she'd never recover. She needed to make him mad, to hurt him. It was her old standby and the only way she could think of to protect herself.

"Don't do this, Sa.s.sy. Please." She could see him shake his head out of the corner of her eye, but his tone was filled with resignation, not anger. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

As much as she wanted to protect herself, she couldn't let him think that. "You didn't hurt me," she murmured, turning to look at him. "I just . . . it needed to be done."

"Okay, now you're making it sound like losing your virginity was the equivalent of having a root ca.n.a.l. The sound you hear is my ego shattering." He gave her a grim smile. "Why now?"

"You mean why not in high school or college?" She finally rolled onto her side to look him squarely in the face.

He nodded.

She laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. "My mother was the town drunk and, occasionally, the town wh.o.r.e. I wanted out of Springwater so badly that there was no way in h.e.l.l I was sleeping with anyone in high school. And yes, what happened with Bobby Hughes and company had something to do with it."

Bryan winced, but she kept talking.

"After that I got pretty particular about who I trusted. And I never found the right guy who'd . . ." Her voice trailed off.

Be patient enough to deal with me and my baggage.

Over the years, she'd a.s.sumed there would be ghosts from the past when she finally had s.e.x. But up till this moment, there'd been no memories of that awful night intruding. It had just been Bryan, and despite what he thought, the experience with him had been amazing.

But how she'd ended up still being a virgin at twenty-six years of age was not something she wanted to discuss with anyone, much less the man who'd relieved her of the "burden."

"It needed to be done," she repeated irritably, embarra.s.sed at having to explain.

At the same time she knew this wasn't about Bryan. It was about her and how she'd put up walls to protect herself since she was a teenager. Now it would be about tearing those walls down. She just wasn't ready to begin the demolition project tonight. How she dealt with Bryan had to fundamentally change. But exposing herself to him like that was riskier than anything else she'd ever done. If he rejected her now, she'd never recover.

Bryan's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "But this was a big deal for you. It was a big deal for me, too. To be your first. That's an amazing experience to give me. To give to anyone. I just wish I'd known. I would have . . ." He sighed in what she was beginning to recognize as frustration with himself.

"Worn a condom?" she asked, piling on instead of backing off. It was so much easier to go back to automatic pilot and old patterns than to risk any more of herself.

"Well, yeah." His cheeks turned pink, but he didn't look away from her. "Among other things. Don't worry. I'm clean and tested. I know you don't have any issues with that, but there's the more immediate aspect of all this. Where are you in your cycle?"

h.e.l.l to the no. While she didn't ever want him to think that what they'd just done had hurt her physically, they were not having this conversation.

"If I got you pregnant just now, I'll do whatever you want," he said.

Oh good lord.

She hadn't thought the mortification could be any worse. She'd been dead wrong. He was making her feel like s.h.i.t without meaning to. And it was so not his fault.

He thought he was just being responsible, but she couldn't stand it anymore. He had to stop talking like this. Her options were to lighten the mood, or shut this conversation down cold. Otherwise, who knew what he'd say or do . . . and how much further she'd fall.

"Don't worry. I won't make you marry me." She glanced up at him to see how that hit him.

He never even blinked. "I would, you know. Marrying you wouldn't exactly be a hardship."

She stared at him, completely flabbergasted. What did that mean? He'd said he wasn't looking for anything long-term.

The lump in her throat was back. He was watching with such earnest concern, she couldn't come up with any kind of snappy response other than "Don't sweat it. I'll deal with it."

"But you'd tell me, right? If you were pregnant?"

Probably not. But she couldn't look away from him. She'd been expecting his expression to be one of horror or laughter when she made the marriage comment. Instead, she was stunned by the sincerity in his gaze.

"Of course," she mumbled and stared back at him, at a complete loss over what to say.

She looked around the room, spying a robe hanging on the back of a closet door. Getting up and leaving seemed the best way to escape what had become a most uncomfortable conversation.

"Do you think Bear would mind if I borrowed that?" She nodded toward the garment.

Bryan searched her face once more, the look in his eyes so tender she might start to weep again despite all her efforts to maintain her topsy-turvy equilibrium. He seemed to be trying to decide whether or not to say something more himself. She desperately hoped he wouldn't.

"Hey, Hollywood, you guys awake up there?" shouted Bear from downstairs. "Your friend is ready to talk."

Thank you, Jesus. She was saved, for the time being. Sa.s.sy c.o.c.ked an eyebrow and gave Bryan a rueful smile. "So are you ever going to tell me why they call you Hollywood?"

Bryan exhaled, and the moment and whatever he'd been about to say were gone. But the look in his eyes was heartbreakingly soft.

"That's a long story we don't have time for today. Maybe another time?" He pulled the edge of the spread over her hips, smiled softly, and she was lost.

Who was this man?

"Yo, Hollywood!"

"Be right there," called Bryan. Sa.s.sy pulled the bedspread to her chest as his gaze locked with hers. Now she could feel a blush heating her face.

"I'm sure Bear will be fine with your borrowing the robe." He rolled to a sitting position, tucked more of the covers over Sa.s.sy, and started pulling his clothes back on. Against her will, her heart melted a little more.

Standing, he zipped his jeans but never took his eyes from hers. "You are beautiful, you know." Before she understood what he intended, he was leaning down and kissing her, softly but thoroughly. She was so shocked, she didn't respond, even as he walked away barefoot down the steps.

Chapter Eighteen.

WHAT THE h.e.l.l was he doing?

Bryan shook his head as he walked downstairs. He had just done exactly what he'd promised himself he wouldn't. He'd made the colossal mistake of letting his guard down to the point where he had allowed himself to make love to Sa.s.sy. But try as he might, he couldn't be sorry.

His only regret was that this was going to hurt people. Sa.s.sy most likely and, of course, Trey, if he ever found out. Bryan didn't include himself, because he already knew he was toast. He had accepted that fact when he'd kissed Sa.s.sy the first time in the hotel in Constantine. There was no way he was making it out of this insanity with his heart intact.

By the time he hit the bottom step with those unhappy thoughts, Bear was vibrating with impatience.

"Your friend Nick is ready to chat. We can do this with a voice call or even by video conference, since you are both using data only. There's no way it can be traced tonight. What's your preference?"

Bryan's head was still reeling from the past hour as he sat beside Bear at the desk.