Instant agony radiated up the top of my foot to my ankle. I forced a smile through the throbbing torture. My toe was probably broken; somehow Bee had managed to wedge her stiletto on top of my big toe rather than between my toes.

Great. Just add a limp to the rest of the drama going on in my life.

"You okay?" Trace came up beside me and put her hand on my arm.

I tensed, hyperaware of every single finger that was pressed into my skin. Everything about her reminded me of what I was, what I'd done. Bile rose in my throat as I let out a small groan of irritation at my own weakness. I couldn't control my mind as images of her broken body flashed through my head. I was worse than the devil-I was the devil.

She dropped her hand and looked down. "That looks painful."

"That's not pain," I whispered looking down the hall were Bee had disappeared. "Real pain isn't getting shot, or stepped on, or kicked, or punched. Real pain isn't something tangible, you can't see it, can only feel it as it wraps it's hands around your neck and slowly chokes you to death, it follows you everywhere tortures you with every waking moment, giving you no peace. Pain is allowing yourself to feel guilt, shame, sadness, and even love. Trace, that's what hurts a person.

My foot? That's nothing compared to hearing girls screams every night I go to bed." I looked into her eyes. "Or seeing your face every d.a.m.n day. That's real pain."

Trace's brown eyes welled with tears, long lashes blinked trying to hold the water in as her gaze stayed focused on mine.

She couldn't fix it-I didn't want her to, but at least she knew I was sorry, more sorry than I'd ever be, so sorry that to stand by her was the worst pain of all because it was a constant reminder of the sickness that had stained my soul and taken control of my actions.

"I'm sorry." I shoved my hands awkwardly in my pockets. "That was uncalled for."

"No." She shook her head slowly.

"I think it was the right thing to say."

I licked my lips and nodded, feeling my cheeks stain with embarra.s.sment at what I'd just shared.

"Hey."

Chase appeared and slapped me on the shoulder. "Either of you two seen Tex? Some of the guys are leaving and wanted to say goodbye."

Trace angled her head. "Last I saw he was pushing Sergio down the hallway."

"Oh good."

Chase nodded.

"Another body I'll get to bury."

Trace winced.

"He's kidding." I rolled my eyes.

"Just saw Sergio, he looks like s.h.i.t, I haven't seen Tex though."

"Maybe he's in his room..." Chase looked behind him.

"Or Mo's." I grit my teeth at the possibility. He'd better not be anywhere near her, unless he was making her believe he was a disinterested b.a.s.t.a.r.d with a heart of stone.

Chase grinned.

"h.o.r.n.y little b.a.s.t.a.r.d. Alright, I'll go check."

He ran off leaving me alone with Trace again.

"Wine?" She held out her hand.

I wanted to take it; instead I stared at it for what it was, a peace offering, one I didn't deserve.

"It's just a hand Phoenix."

"No." I grasped her fingers. "We both know it's really not."

CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE.

You may as well have killed me.

Mo MY HANDS TIGHTENED into tiny fists. Without warning him, I sent off a right hook, slamming Tex in the cheek. His body moved to the side, barely. Blinking a few times he looked down and sighed. "I deserved that."

"You deserve a swift kick to the nuts."

"For having s.e.x with you?"

"For leaving afterwards."

"Mo, I never promised-"

Another punch, my knuckles started to bleed as I wailed on him a third time.

Finally he gripped my wrists above my head.

"Stop!" he growled.

I bucked against him, wrapping my arms around his waist. With a moan he lowered his head to mine. "Do that again and you're just going to get more p.i.s.sed with my next actions."

"Go,"

I.

whispered hoa.r.s.ely, injecting all the venom of my hatred for what he'd become into the one word.

"Before I pull out my gun and give you a better reason."

Swallowing, Tex nodded and kissed me softly on the forehead. I nearly burst into tears, probably would have, if the door hadn't been flung open.

"Son of a b.i.t.c.h!" Chase yelled, slamming the door behind him and charging towards Tex.

Tex stumbled away from me as I pulled the bed blankets up to cover my nakedness.

"You're lucky I'm not Nixon,"

Chase seethed pushing against Tex's muscled chest. "He'd put a bullet in your head."

"And what are you going to do?"

Tex took a step towards him. "I'm the freaking G.o.dfather, killing me is like writing your own death sentence."

I gasped at the truth of his words.

What type of monster was Tex turning into? To say that to his best friend? To challenge him in such a way?

Chase chuckled. "Who the h.e.l.l said anything about killing?" He moved so fast my eyes almost didn't track him. Tex was on his back in seconds. Chase hovering over him, delivering blow after blow to Tex's face. When Tex raised his arm to ward off the blows, Chase went in on Tex's ribs, right left, right left.

And Tex let him.

"Chase, stop!" I wailed. "You're going to kill him!"

"No." Chase drove his fist into Tex's side. "I won't."

"Chase!"

The door burst open again; this time it was Phoenix. With a curse he ran to the guys and pulled Chase from Tex's b.l.o.o.d.y body. Chase still tried to lunge for Tex but Phoenix had his arms pinned behind his back.

Tex pushed up to a sitting position, blood tricking from a cut to his left cheek. One eye was already beginning to swell shut. "That all you got, Chase?"

With a roar Chase elbowed Phoenix in the stomach, twisting his arms out of his grip and dove for Tex, this time jumping into the air as his fist landed against Tex's temple.

He crumpled to the floor.

He hadn't even defended himself, and Tex was a relative giant; he could have, easily.

But that hadn't been a Campisi taking the hits, that was Tex, my Tex.

He'd felt guilty, and he'd needed to feel the pain as a reminder. I knew that about him, knew he was taking physical punishment for the emotional damage.

"Enough!" Phoenix roared. "Chase, leave."

"No." Chase heaved, wiping his hands on his shirt. "Not until-"

Phoenix sighed, reaching to the small of his back and withdrawing his gun then pointing it at Chase. "I said leave."

Cursing, Chase stomped out of the room while Phoenix put his gun away and slowly walked over to Tex.

"Is he okay?" I squeaked.

"I hope it was worth it." Phoenix ignored my question.

I reared back. "Worth it?"

"Sleeping with him. I hope it was good, because he's going to have a h.e.l.l of a headache and most likely two bruised ribs."

I choked on a sob, covering my face with my hands. "Nothing's worth him getting hurt over."

"Then stop." Phoenix's voice was hoa.r.s.e. "Stop hurting him, Mo. Stop making him turn into something he can't be. Stop dreaming he's going to come back and save you. There is no white horse, there is no happy ending in this story, alright? You aren't one of the lucky ones and I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you that. But in no way is that man." He pointed at Tex. "Going to say screw it to his own family in order to marry you."

"He could though." I fought the doubt in my head. "I could stay married to him, I could help align the families, like before. You said-"

"Forget what I said," Phoenix snapped. "This isn't a game, Mo!

People's lives are at stake. What if I told you it was Chase or your brother, would you pay attention then? Hmm?"

I shook my head in an effort to fight the truth. "You're lying."

"Am I?" Phoenix threw his hands up into the air. "What could I possibly gain from a lie? When the truth is so d.a.m.ning!" He bit down on his lip and placed his hands on his hips. "Mo, you need to stay out of it. Let him go, if you don't..."

"If I don't?"

Phoenix turned away from me, his face like ash. "Imagine a world where a husband is forced to kill his wife.

Imagine a world where a brother is forced to watch his sister get raped.

That's the world you live in, Mo. That's the world his father-" He jutted his finger towards Tex. "-created. It's his legacy, that's what Tex has to fix. That's what he has to protect everyone from. If he fails to gain the allegiance of Alfonso's men, if he fails in any way to gain the allegiance of the other families, if he shows weakness, that's the legacy you'll be allowing to live, and if for some reason he fails... we're all going to die."

Tex stirred with a moan.

Phoenix knelt down to his side and shook his head. "I won't tell you again, Mo. Leave him alone. Go get dressed, I won't watch. Let me know when you leave and I'll go about getting him cleaned up."

Slowly, I rose from the bed and quickly slipped on a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt.

"Also." Phoenix didn't turn around.

"I need you to get Nixon."

"But-"

"Mo." Phoenix's voice was harsh, edgy. "Get Nixon."

Getting Nixon meant he'd know what happened and I knew I looked like I'd just been with someone, the room smelt like us, I smelt like him. Tears threatened as I walked down the hall and into the Billiards room.

"Nixon?" I pasted a fake smile on my face. "Can I talk to you?"

He flashed a smile. "Of course."