What did Shock have to do with Anka nearly gasping her last breath?

With that growl, Lucan's fingers again tightened on Anka's neck. Sydney stepped in, and Caden thrust out an arm to hold her back. He was about to have a tragedy on his hands. He didn't need two.

"No. Anka. Your Anka," he insisted. "Let her go." Still, the little witch beneath him gripped Lucan tightly and trembled, even as her face turned red and her eyes began to roll back in her head.

Caden grabbed Lucan's wrists, but couldn't pry them apart. Anka drew in a wheezing gasp of a breath-and brought Lucan closer to her. Caden tried to wedge himself between them, but both were frozen into place by determination, emotion, and that blasted magic.

Suddenly, Lucan stiffened. His eyes flew open wide as Anka melted beneath him, either unconscious or .

Dear G.o.d, no.

The expression on Lucan's face mirrored that thought. Caden could see the whites of his brother's eyes for the first time in a month. He focused as if he could actually see.

As if scalded, Lucan ripped his hands from Anka's neck and sucked in a panicked gasp.

Caden rushed closer. Check Anka or restrain Lucan first? Ask questions or just start performing CPR and hope Lucan didn't kill him?

His brother saved him from answering that question by rasping out, "What have I done?" Then he promptly melted into unconsciousness.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN.

CADEN STARED AT HIS brother, who sat on the couch in his family room, cradling his head in his hands. Lucan was alive and lucid . . . and broken.

If Caden had needed more proof of magic's capricious nature, he'd gotten it today.

He didn't ask Lucan if he was all right. Such a stupid question. Caden knew the answer. How did a man face the sort of stunning twist of fate magic had forced Lucan to suffer today, nearly strangling his beloved wife?

Sabelle had arrived in Lucan's bedroom, Bram, Duke, and Ice hot on her heels. Quickly, they'd surmised that Lucan had entered a healthy, restorative sleep. Anka, though pale as death, had depleted her energy.

While Lucan had been trying to kill her, she'd been holding onto him with every ounce of her energy, bravely fighting certain death to perform the helbresele spell. To heal his mate mourning. She had drained herself and nearly died in the process.

The good news was, Lucan came around quickly and a.s.sessed the damage, thrilled to have his mate back. An elated Lucan had curled his body protectively over Anka's, chanting his apology against her lips over and over. He clung to her, trying to share a bit of his energy with her with simple touches. It worked. The bad news? The first person Anka asked for was Shock.

Caden couldn't forget the way Lucan had staggered back, his guilt morphing, blending with betrayal.

Lucan had sat back on the bed, his face sharp with pain. "That's why you smell like Shock. You've been with him."

Anka's amber eyes welled up with tears, and the terrible truth became clear before she said a word.

"I didn't remember you," she whispered. "I stayed with my human cousin, Aquarius. I hoped Mathias would never think to look for me there, in case he wished to torment me further. I remembered almost nothing about myself or my life."

Caden had gone to his brother's side and braced his hand on Lucan's shoulder in silent support. He wanted to be angry with Anka for hurting his brother, putting him through so much, and now betraying Lucan with his greatest enemy. But her sweet face and bowed mouth crumbled into pain and fear and anguish. She'd been through a great deal, too.

Looking back on the incident three hours later, Caden worried. Despite the fact they seemed meant for each other, could all ever be well between them again? Or had blasted magic ruined something wonderful forever?

He already knew the answer to that question for him and Sydney.

"But you remembered Shock." Lucan had tensed beneath Caden's palm. "Before you recalled me." Anka then nodded, and fresh tears fell unimpeded down her pale cheeks. "Once Mathias broke our bond, I remembered nothing. I suspected I'd been mated, but I was weak and needed energy. I remembered Shock's Call."

Lucan looked away, clenching his jaw. Caden was certain that his brother was picturing his wife and his enemy embracing. Sharing pleasure. He hurt for Lucan. Imagining Sydney with another man was like an open wound in Caden's gut.

No one else in the room said a word.

Drawing a few deep breaths, Lucan finally turned back to his former mate. "You remember me now.

Come home."

"I'm not the same woman," the exhausted witch said sadly.

"You no longer need Shock anymore. You have me."

Anka gathered her strength and grasped Lucan's hand. "I do need him. Everything between you and me is a treasured memory. But I need time . . . I can't simply step back into my old life and be the same woman I was."

Lucan grabbed her shoulders. "Because I failed to protect you?" She barely managed to shake her head as tears threatened to overtake her. "What Mathias did to me changed me. I can't just . . . be happy again. I don't know what I want, what to believe."

"You don't have to." He squeezed her hands tight. "I'll heal you."

"I don't deserve you. You don't know what I did with him." Her eyes squeezed shut as shame washed over her.

"Against your will!"

"It started that way. But then . . ." She squeezed her eyes shut as tears streamed down. "I begged him." Lucan swallowed. "He compelled you. Don't think for a second that I fault you. I left you unprotected, and Mathias abducted you. I love you-"

She withdrew from his grasp. "Don't. I came to see you as soon as I remembered. I'm sorry for the way our mating ended. I wanted to make certain you weren't suffering."

"Without you? Every day. I have no one to blame but myself for-" Lucan choked on his next words.

"For Mathias violating you."

"He hurt you, too," she breathed, her eyes nearly closing as her energy waned. "Until today, I never imagined how deeply. Had to perform the helbresele spell." Her eyes slid shut.

"It nearly killed you.

I nearly killed you." Lucan eased her onto her back and leaned over her, stroking her pale curls. "Yet, rather than teleporting away, you've stayed."

Silently, Caden had to agree with the unspoken part of Lucan's sentence; Anka's actions revealed strong feelings for her former mate. But her eyes fluttered open and she crossed her arms over her chest and eased from beneath him.

Confusion overtook Lucan's expression, and Caden's heart broke for him. Though this tense moment wasn't his, he found himself holding his breath, wishing for a happy outcome for his brother. After what he and Anka had endured, surely they deserved as much. But magickind wasn't a Hallmark world.

"I had to make things as right for you as I could," she slurred. "Now I must go."

"No!" Lucan clenched his fists at his sides looking somewhere between blindsided and helpless. "Don't.

I'll care for you."

"And you'll expect everything to be as it was." Her mouth trembled as she began to cry. "I've experienced too much. I've been with Shock. We can't sweep that under the rug. He will always be between us. Maybe he always was."

Lucan looked like he wanted to refute Anka-and couldn't.

"In time, we could recover."

"I'll always treasure our time together. But Mathias . . ." She choked on tears. "You're a wonderful man, but you must see that I'm ruined. I won't make you endure that," Anka murmured, then turned to Bram.

"Will you take me to Shock?"

Though Lucan fought and argued, Anka sent him a contrite stare, then allowed Bram to teleport her out.

Sydney lingered, looking as if she wanted to talk, but there was no need. The regret on her face told him that she understood his reluctance to mate now. He couldn't have ill.u.s.trated it more clearly if he'd drawn her a picture.

Finally, she left with Ice, Sabelle, and Duke.

Then Caden was alone with Lucan, who quickly decided his best friend was a bottle. Lucan hadn't had a sober moment since.

Shadow crept into the room as Caden looked over at his big brother, cradling his head in his hands, a mostly empty whiskey bottle on the table in front of him. Caden had no idea what to say. Plat.i.tudes that all would be well and time healed wounds seemed inane and insulting. He wasn't sure time would heal this wound, ever.

"Don't stare at me. Say something," Lucan growled.

"I don't know what to say."

"I haven't seen you in years. Your presence is a surprise." Lucan laughed bitterly. "One of many. When did you arrive?"

"When your mate mourning began."

A reluctant smile tugged at Lucan's mouth before he took another swig. "Bram come after you?"

"Sabelle, on Bram's orders." "Bet you hated returning." Words couldn't express how much, but saying that to Lucan would only increase his guilt. "I'm fine."

"I'm glad you're back. You can't be truly happy in the States. You loved home so much when you were little."

Loved home? Caden remembered the wonderful summer days before Westin's death. A lifetime ago, really. He hadn't thought of those times in decades, romping with his father and younger brother in the fields, playing magical hero, his mother vowing that would be his future.

How much everything had changed.

"The States are home now."

"You'll be going back, then?" Lucan scowled.

Not until he was certain Lucan was okay and settled. Not until he found some way to protect Sydney from danger. "Eventually."

Lucan sighed. "I see you transitioned. Recently?"

Caden nodded. "Last week. Terrible stuff."

Lucan took another long swallow. "You have a strong signature. Powerful magic. Have you used it yet?"

"Not much." Caden couldn't meet Lucan's eyes. His brother had chosen a magic life for himself, and Caden wondered if Lucan would understand his decision otherwise. "I'd rather not. Magic brings nothing but destruction and heartache-"

"And days filled with endless possibilities. Westin's death wasn't your fault. Or Mum's." Caden looked at him with burning eyes. "Westin should never have died. I should have taken him elsewhere to play. Mum's spell-"

"In both the human and magical world, accidents happen."

"Magic killed him-and took Anka from you, through no fault of your own."

"No." Looking down into the bottle, Lucan hesitated. "I hold the blame."

"What? Don't a.s.sume Mathias's guilt. You couldn't be with Anka all day, every day. You did your best to protect-"

"Not enough. Mathias took her and . . . I didn't save her."

"d.a.m.n magic threw you into mate mourning. If not for that-"

"Even if I hadn't been in mate mourning, I still would have been out of my mind with worry. The truth is, I failed to consider that Mathias might make her a target when I joined the Doomsday Brethren. Now, I'm reaping what I've sown."

Caden wanted to rea.s.sure Lucan that he couldn't have known, but the first rule of combat was to expect the unexpected.

"I haven't a clue what will happen," Lucan went on. "I don't want to give up on Anka, and the fact she hasn't accepted Shock's outstanding Mating Call gives me hope, but I nearly killed her. I didn't protect her when I should have. How can she forgive me?"

No doubt, Lucan still loved her. Profound sadness crept through Caden, and the tragedy wasn't even his.

"I'm sorry."

Lucan shrugged. "Who gave me energy while I was out of my mind?" "We hired surrogates. Do you remember?"

"I remember women who smelled terrible. I remember being angry. I could see nothing, hear very little, but smell guided me. Then I remember a woman who smelled much like Anka . . . at first. The last time she came to me, I scented Sabelle." Lucan winced. "Tell me I didn't use my best friend's sister."

"I'm sorry." Caden could only apologize. Lying would do no good.

Lucan cursed. "I owe her an apology for my rough behavior, I'm certain. And a great deal of grat.i.tude.

She's an amazing woman."

Caden couldn't argue that. "Indeed."

A long silence followed, and Caden reached for his own bottle, swallowing the sting of the alcohol, letting it burn a path from his throat to his stomach.

"Let's talk of something more pleasant," Lucan suggested. "Tell me about the saucy redhead who left with Bram and the others."

Caden tensed. "Sydney Blair. She's a reporter for a human tabloid."