Liu Bei POV

Wu… I could feel the barbs contained in Huang Zu’s words. Of course, I could just be sensitive but I do not think that this is the case given how she worded her reply. I would very much like to say that I could keep it up forever but I did not have the confidence to say it and so, I merely remained silent and let this topic naturally fade away.

Ah, yes. I just remembered that I ought to thank her.

“Ah yes, umm, Lord Huang Zu,” I called out softly and looked over and saw that she did not react but continued anyway, “Though Lord Huang Zu may have her own thoughts on this, I’m actually rather grateful.”

“Un?” Huang Zu did not understand what I meant and looked over. There was a gleam in her eyes as though she had much to say on this, “Why do you have to thank me? I’m just protecting a city that belongs to my state.”

“Be that as it may, Xinye is under my rule after all, and I feel that I should be thankful for all the help that Lord Huang Zu has rendered to me.” I smiled, “But no matter what, once this battle is over, no matter how it ends, Lord Huang Zu must get elder brother to swiftly fortify the main cities once Lord Huang Zu returns to Xiangyang. It’s clear that Meng De intends on taking the whole of Jing state after all.”

“…”

“Un? What’s the matter?” I asked when Huang Zu did not reply and merely looked at me. But when she heard me ask her, she turned away.

“Nothing,” Huang Zu said as she slowed down, “I just feel that Lord Shamoke is really impressive for being able to act like this even though my lord has brought harm to Lord Liu Bei, albeit unintentionally.”

“Ah… That’s not very impressive. Now that I’ve come this far, I can only continue walking down this path after all.” I said as I smiled stiffly and waved my hands.

“Continue walking huh…” Huang Zu repeated. Seems like these words have affected her but I did not ask her why or how.

“My life should have ended in the Battle of Jiangxia. Yet I still continue to walk in the realm of the living.” She continued without my prompting. At this time, her fringe was still obscuring my view of her expression and all I could see was her eyes that seemed to be filled with hesitation. After a moment’s pause, she continued, “To be honest, I was very lost when I first awoke after I was saved. I really wondered if I should continue living back then.”

“What are you talking about? You managed to survive miraculously so you should live–”

“Even for a general who lost a critical battle and all that awaits her is just punishment?” Huang Zu interrupted me with a loud but calm voice and suppressed my view with just 1 sentence.

Yes, for a general like Huang Zu, survival entails punishment when she returns. She lost the battle, the army was practically decimated and the city was lost. The punishment for this cannot be light. So I was very surprised but also impressed at how adamant Huang Zu was about returning to Xiangyang.

“That can’t be helped…” I said and trailed off. I wanted to tell her that she need not return to Xiangyang but she would probably just scold me if I said so and decided against it. But I felt like I could not let this go and an idea flashed in my mind. It was a dangerous one and I hesitated for a moment before asking with trepidation.

“Could it be,” I asked as I looked at Huang Zu, “That Lord Huang Zu is beginning to feel afraid?”

“That’s your

fault.” She replied immediately.

“Me?” I asked as I pointed at myself, feeling surprised.

“I’d already made the resolve.” Huang Zu said as she looked at a small stall by the roadside and continued in a slightly softer tone, “But the longer I stay at Xinye, the more my resolve is eroded–”

“But as the battle nears its conclusion, the fear of being subject to punishment when you returns grows huh?” I interrupted her like how she usually does.

Huang Zu’s shoulders trembled slightly and she replied softly, “That’s what it’s about.”

Stay here then. The impulse to say so rose up once again but I do not know why I could not bring myself to say it. Instead, I said something else, “Umm, if Lord Huang Zu feels that you will only become more fearful and hesitant to leave with time, you may leave before then.”

“Un?” Huang Zu turned around and looked at me, “Does Lord Liu Bei think that I am ineffective and is trying to get rid of me?”

“No no no! Not at all!” I hurriedly looked up and shook my head, and tried to explain myself so that Huang Zu would not misunderstand me, “I was just thinking that, since the battle has not ended and Lord Huang Zu is an outsider, you need not stay and defend the city to the last moment with us. Besides…”

“… Besides?”

I hesitated for a moment but felt that it was time I said this. I always thought that I should let Liu Biao tell it to her himself but we were in extraordinary times now so it’s best that I say it to her.

“Besides, I don’t think that elder brother will blame you.” I stopped when I finished and Huang Zu soon stopped as well and frowned as she turned back to look at me.

“I didn’t tell you this before as I felt that I shouldn’t be the one to tell you this.” I said as I swallowed my saliva and continued, “After I returned to Jiangxia, I discussed the battle with elder brother and the first thing he spoke about was you. Back then, elder brother did not look like he was angry or disappointed. Instead, he looked sorrowful and regretful. He also said that Huang Zu was like his adopted daughter.”

“Eh?” When I finished, Huang Zu looked at me in disbelief. I returned her gaze and nodded.

“Elder brother feels guilty about he has treated you, that he was not able to show you the love and care he would have wanted to for a girl he saw as his own daughter.” Even I was beginning to feel a little embarra.s.sed as I said so and scratched my neck as I continued, “So if you return to Xiangyang, I’m sure elder brother will be overjoyed.”

When I finished, I moved my gaze between her eyes and the ground. Her eyebrows were still creased and she stood there biting her lips. I do not know what she is thinking about but she does not seem to be as happy as I thought she would be.

“Is that so?” She said after giving a long a sigh and nodded, “So my lord thought of me as family huh? I see. I see.”

She then turned around and continued walking while looking down as though she were trying to hold something back.

“Haa…” She gave a long sigh and looked up at the skies. I slowly made my way beside her and saw that she had her eyes closed. When I took a closer look, I saw the traces of tears in the corner of her eyes. Only then did I realise that she was controlling her emotions.

All these years, Huang Zu must have thought that she would never be a part of Liu Biao’s family. Because of that and because of her loyalty to Liu Biao, she continued to quietly work for him and probably planned on quietly dying.

Now that she knows the truth, she’s probably feeling very emotional. But really, there’s no need to hold back and she ought to let it out. Perhaps this is because she has been like this for too long. Like how Gong You and Liao Hua are, I doubt they can change even if they want to. Especially when Huang Zu is so stubborn too.

When I listened closely, I could hear her muttering ‘I see’ over and over under her breath. Instead of emotional, she’s probably moved and grateful, that she has a family and that she’s still alive.

“So please don’t say things like you’ll get punished, or doubt the path that you are walking on.” I said and plucked up the courage to pat her back, “If you want to go back, just hand over the work you’re in charge of to someone else before you leave. Of course, I hope that you’ll keep my secret safe.”

I smiled stiffly as I tapped the ugly gra.s.s hat of mine. It’s important that my survival remains a secret for now so I decided to tell her ahead of time.

“I understand.” Huang Zu said as she lowered her head and shook it, probably to prevent her tears from falling, before hastening her pace, “I’ll do as you said and return to Xiangyang.”

“Huang Zu, slow down, will you?” I smiled as I followed behind after her, feeling that it was about time that I let her go back, “Well then, I’ll have someone take over from you–”

“What are you talking about?”

“Eh?” I was very surprised when Huang Zu interrupted me. When I looked over, I saw that Huang Zu had a smile on, a smile that seemed genuine and extended to her eyes.

“Ah! … May I ask what the problem is?” I got a little too engrossed staring at her and only managed to reply after a moment’s pause.

“I will return,” Huang Zu said as she raised her hand and flicked her hair, “But after I’ve successfully defended Xinye.”

When she finished, she continued walking ahead.

Huang Zu… If you can, I really hope that you can stay.

“But I have to make something very clear.”

“Ah… Un?”

All of a sudden, Huang Zu slowed down and because I was trying to catch up, I ended up overshooting and turned back to look at her. When I did so, I saw that she had a kind expression as she looked at me.