TL: Back to Yun Chang’s side in the next chapter.

When Meng De saw us coming in her direction, she smiled and saluted before she halted her convoy and waited for us to come over.

Her clothing, expression and even accessories were the same as before. But when I looked at Meng De now, my feelings were complicated.

If I said I didn’t bear any grudge against Meng De for attacking and even attempting to eradicate me, that would be a lie. But again, it’s not as if I bear deep hatred for her.

“Meng De…” When I saw Meng De walk over, I went forward and bowed out of courtesy’s sake and wanted to say some words but couldn’t think of what to say, perhaps because we haven’t met for a long while after all. After wrangling about inside, all I could squeeze out was, “Long time no see.”

“That isn’t quite accurate since I have seen you on the battlefield before. You saw me too then right?” Meng De gave a confident smile as she tilted her head to the side.

So Meng De had seen me then huh. Even though we were so far apart.

“We both ran into many unexpected issues huh.”

“Un, to be honest that was the first time I ran into so many things I wasn’t able to foresee.”

Though she said it as though she was peril then, her expression was relaxed as always. I also don’t think that there is anything Meng De can’t foresee.

I’m also really surprised that I can speak so normally with Meng De. We should clearly be drawing swords and clas.h.i.+ng but perhaps wars and conflict have become something normal to us that we aren’t really affected.

“Meng De, you’re…”

“Ah…” Meng De paused for a moment before she took out a piece of silk which had words and a large stamp mark, “I came here to deliver some paperwork to Ben Chu. She’s coming over to Xuchang in a few days so I’m just personally receiving my future partner.”

So she came to see Ben Chu huh. If Ben Chu sees Meng De later, she’ll probably get angry again.

“Xuan De, I really must thank you for this.”

“Eh? Where did that come from?”

Thank me? Why?

“Hm hm, you’re saying such things again huh.” Meng De shook her head, as though she were feeling helpless over my obliviousness.

“Whether you meant to or not, you must have said something to Ben Chu right?”

Said something huh.

“Un, I did say some words that weren’t important.”

“Not important huh…” Meng De continued to shake her head, “Honestly, I haven’t seen Ben Chu acting how she is now in years.”

Meng De closed her eyes as she said so, and seemed to be reminiscing about old times as her brows would twitch and a smile would flash across her face.

“Xuan De, perhaps if you haven’t said those unimportant words, I could have won the war.”

“How could I possibly have caused such a big effect…” I continued to insist on my point but in my heart, I realised that I did realise that I have changed a lot of things. Leaving aside everything else, Ben Chu’s decision to accept Meng De’s proposal to end the war may not have gone the same way if it were left to herself.

“Looks like Xuan De is the same as always even after everything huh. Un? Isn’t this person…” Just then, Meng De saw Zi Long behind me and Zi Long saluted in response.

“This is Zhao Yun Zhao Zi Long, she was previously Gongsun Zan’s subordinate general.”

“Oh~ So this was the warrior who stopped 3 of my subordinate generals then huh?” Meng De’s smile got ever more radiant as she sized up Zi Long.

“The Imperial Chancellor’s warriors are not weak. They just have poor compatibility fighting together.” I was surprised at what Zi Long said but Meng De burst into jovial laughter instead.

“Hahaha, you really are the sort of hero who would serve Xuan De. If only I had Xuan De’s charisma, then my dream of unifying the world would be more probable.”

“Don’t joke around, Meng De.”

She was currently smiling wryly at me. From the beginning up till now, Meng De’s smile had never faded. I don’t know if I’m being too self-aware but it feels loke Meng De is really happy about meeting me here.

Perhaps I’m just thinking too much.

“Ah yes, where is Yun Chang headed now?” Since we met Meng De anyway, I might as well ask her and get a solid grasp on where Yun Chang is headed to now.

“Un? Guan Yu? What’s up with Guan Yu?”

…

“Meng De, don’t play games with me…”

“Hahaha~” Meng De laughed happily again, “Alright, I’ll stop teasing you. Guan Yu has already left Xuchang and should have crossed several pa.s.ses by now.”

I heaved a sigh of relief when I heard this. Leaving aside how her circ.u.mstances are like now, it’s good enough to hear that she’s alive and well.

But then, Meng De started scratching the back of her head uncharacteristically as she continued, “But I forgot to give her a permit so she should be having some trouble at the pa.s.ses along the way.”

Eh?! Oh, right! Isn’t this [Riding Alone for Thousands of Miles]?!

Even for someone like me who doesn’t really know much about the Three Kingdoms, I do know about the part where [Guan Yu Crosses 5 Pa.s.ses and Slays 6 Generals]. I’m not too clear on the specifics but I do know that Guan Yu is supposed to kill 6 people.

I wonder if Meng De knows what has happened… I don’t know what she will think if she knows that Yun Chang has killed her subordinate generals.

“I seek your understanding and forgiveness for any possible transgressions Yun Chang may have caused.” I immediately apologised in advance and bowed deeply just in case something did happen.

“Hahaha, actually Guan Yu has already killed a few subordinate generals of mine. It’s really embarra.s.sing~”

She already knew huh… This is bad. I didn’t think I would meet Meng De after Yun Chang did something. How am I going to make it up to Meng De?

“Xuan De, why are you looking so apologetic? In times of war, anything can happen and it’s not strange for anyone to die at anytime. All I can say about Yun Chang killing some of my subordinates is that I need to recruit stronger people. That’s all. In any case, she also had the help of others.”

It’s not that I don’t understand where Meng De is coming from but I can’t accept it. It’s probably this sort of difference that sets and keeps Meng De and I apart.

“Meng De. I’ve been thinking about such things a lot lately.” I said as I faced Meng De with a serious expression. I’ve been able to realise a lot of things in the battles in this period after all, “I find that my strength is far too lacking. It’s not that I lack troops and generals or land but rather, I’m still not taking things seriously enough. It seems like I still haven’t found the resolve I ought to have as I face the troubled times of this era.”

I’ve begun to realise that whether it was in battles of in military affairs, I’ve not been able to contribute at all. Even in daily governance and administrative matters, I’m a burden. If this goes on, I will not have the means, or reason, to survive in these troubled times, even if I am Liu Bei. And I feel that the source of my incapability is my lack of resolve.

Meng De has always been how she is now, and it’s clear that she has the resolve and the right mentality to face the troubled times. This is probably why she can smile like that.

In comparison, I’m probably less than a water flea.

How should I see my position, and what sort of mentality should I hold?

“What the heck is Xuan De saying huh~” Meng De smiled as she shook her head, “All Xuan De lacks is the right aura about him.”

“Aura?”

Meng De nodded, and her smile became kinder.

“In every battle I’ve fought with or against you, I can feel the auras of Guan Yu, Zhang Liao, and even that of your administrative officials.” Meng De looked at Gong You as she said so, and Gong You uncharacteristically returned the glance head on, “But Xuan De is too kind all the time. Even if you don’t actually have it in you, you should still project your aura on the battlefield.”

(TL: In short, fake it until it becomes real.)

Aura… Is that really it?

Meng De lightly patted my shoulders and flashed a reliable smile at me when she saw me sink into thought.

“One day, we will meet on the battlefield once more. I hope that when that day comes, you can let me feel a more forceful aura, and not the gentle and compa.s.sionate one I’m feeling now.”

I couldn’t fully understand what Meng De said, and looked at her, but she only smiled back and didn’t say any further.

In any case, it’s clear that I can’t stay the same as I am now and should try and do something about it based on what I understand at least.

“I understand, Meng De.” And so, I nodded at Meng De.

When Meng De saw my reaction, she seemed pleased and nodded as well.

“The road ahead is still long so Xuan De doesn’t need to rush. Take it easy.” Meng De pulled on the reins as she said so, “Until we meet again! At the next battlefield!”

When she finished, Meng De saluted me and left without saying anything further.