"I have another confession to make, as if that one wasn't enough...I know." Lexie smiled sadly. She could almost hear Alex now. He always knew how to make her smile even when she was sad.
"I met someone...I didn't mean to. I was scared at first, but it didn't change how I felt about you. You know I will always love you. The s.p.a.ce in here..." Lexie touched her heart. "It just got bigger somehow. I think I'm falling in love with him. It's not the same as when I was with you. It's different, but just as beautiful in its own way. I don't deserve to feel this way again. I know that, but I do, it's what I have been holding onto since Mom died. It's the only thing that has kept me strong enough for Stephanie." Lexie gently traced Alex's name in the cool stone.
"I'm scared what will happen when Jackson finds out I am a piece of the man he hates. How will he not see John Stodden when he looks in my eyes? I don't know how to survive it."
Lexie laid down on the gra.s.s, spreading her hand out to feel the soft blades through her fingers as she continued to tell Alex everything that happened without leaving out a single detail. She needed to tell someone before the weight of everything crushed her. Although some things were hard to put into words, she needed Alex to hear it all. She didn't want to keep any secrets from him. "John Stodden is still out there somewhere. Maybe I should run like my mother did. Leave everything behind. At least then I know the people left in my life will be safe. I don't know what to do."
Lying here on Alex's grave was the closest she could get to him. "Thank you for listening, Alex. I wish you could give me some of your great advice. I could really use it right now," Lexie whispered as she closed her eyes. She was so incredibly tired, and talking to Alex made her feel like she could breathe again. It was peaceful here with him, just like it was when he was alive. Lexie wasn't sure how much time had pa.s.sed when she felt something brush her shoulder. She opened her eyes and looked up at the shadow cast over her. She hadn't even realized she had fallen asleep. For one brief moment she thought she was looking up at Alex until the differences started to register.
"Hey beautiful," Evan said.
"Evan!" Lexie gasped as she pushed off the ground and threw herself into his arms. "I was so worried about you."
Evan whimpered as she squeezed him tight. "Please be gentle. I'm not feeling the greatest."
"What's wrong?" Lexie stepped back and looked him over.
Evan had a pained expression on his face. "I f.u.c.ked up. I was doing good. Jackson and the guys were helping me kick this and...well, I'm trying to get clean again, but it's kicking the s.h.i.t out of me. I'll be fine soon."
"I missed you. I'm so happy you're back." Lexie squeezed his hand.
"Not as happy as I am to be home."
"How did you know where I was?" Lexie asked.
Evan just tilted his head in disbelief.
"Silly question, I guess." Lexie smiled. "Is Jackson mad?" Lexie looked past Evan to see Jackson standing just off the path with a woman in a very short shirt and towering heels. She couldn't help the jealousy that spiked through her stomach at the sight of them standing together, but she immediately stomped on it. She had no room for frivolous emotions.
Looking at Jackson now suddenly made her feel like a mess inside. She didn't want to tell him what the letter had said because she was terrified what it would mean to him. He had a way of reading her that suddenly made her terrified to look him in the eye.
"Naw, just worried," Evan eased her concerns. He held his hand to his stomach and Lexie noted his discomfort and his pale complexion.
"Who's the girl?" Lexie asked quietly.
Lexie looked over at Evan when he didn't answer. A sly smile curled up the edges of his dry lips. "Are you jealous?"
"No, of course not," Lexie said defensively. "Just curious."
Evan wrapped his arm around her and leaned on her a little more than he probably intended. "Her name is Cherry, and don't worry, she's not Jackson's type. She helped us out and Jackson brought her with us because it wasn't safe to leave her behind." Evan attempted a smile, but it turned into more of a cringe. "You'll like her."
Lexie nodded and tried to smile, but being next to Evan was making her emotional.
"I'm so sorry, Lexie. I should have been with you." Evan rubbed her back.
"It hurts so bad. I miss her so much." Lexie leaned into his side.
"Here," Evan said, curling his arm around her and pulling her closer. She felt so much relief knowing Evan was home.
"Evan?" Lexie pulled back when she noticed his body tensing up. She could tell he wasn't well.
"We need to go, Lexie. I would feel bad if I threw up on someone's grave." Evan covered his mouth and took a deep, soothing breath.
"Sure. Can you just give me a second?" Lexie requested.
"Of course," Evan said. He leaned down and placed his hand on Alex's gravestone. "I love you, brother. I miss your sorry a.s.s every f.u.c.king day."
Lexie saw his eyes water before he turned away to head toward Jackson and Cherry. Lexie reached in her purse and pulled out one of the bottles of nail polish she still had in her purse. She wrapped her fingers around one and squeezed it tightly in her hand.
"I love you forever, Alex," Lexie whispered before she set the bottle down next to the gravestone. "And I will never forget the sacrifice you made for me."
Lexie caught up to Evan and wrapped his arm over her shoulder to help support him. "I can't go home like this, Lexie. I was hoping I could crash with you at your apartment."
"Yeah, of course, but I think we would be more comfortable at Mom's place."
"Are you sure?"
"I need to feel close to her right now," Lexie insisted. "And there is far more room there than my tiny little apartment. You can't go home anyway because your parents think you're in rehab."
Evan looked up at her with a raised brow.
"We needed to tell them something other than you can't be contacted because you're being held prisoner by a criminal threatening to kill you. It was the most believable story, anyway," Lexie defended.
Evan just offered her a sad smile.
Lexie look up into the intense gaze of Jackson as they neared. Those beautiful dark eyes were locked on her and the emotion that took center stage was shame. She wanted more than anything to wrap her arms around him and press her lips to his but she didn't have the right to be that person for him anymore. She couldn't pretend because the hope she had held onto by not knowing was gone. She couldn't carry on selfishly and deceive him. She knew she would have to tell him because it would only be a matter of time before he discovered it for himself. She feared the moment he looked upon her with hatred. She knew without a doubt it could break her.
Lexie looked at Cherry when she rubbed her hands together excitedly. "And I thought this little town was going to be boring," Cherry said.
Lexie couldn't help but smile. "h.e.l.lo, I'm Lexie." She could feel Jackson's eyes on her but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge him. The truth hung heavy over her head and she was nervous he could see it just by looking at her.
Cherry was a surprise, to say the least. It wasn't until she was close that Lexie could see the subtle indications that Cherry was not your average girl. Her underlying masculine qualities were discreet, but still very much a part of who she was.
"Oh, I know who you are. I'm Cherry." Cherry held out her hand. "Between Country's loose lips and Duke's brooding, I knew there was going to be a pretty face to go with this story."
Evan sprinted away from them to a row of bushes just off the path and threw up. He clutched his knees as he took deep breaths. "I'm good," he mumbled with a wave before he continued to expel the entire contents of his stomach.
"Country and Duke?" Lexie asked with a smile.
"They earned themselves some nick names along the way," Cherry responded. "Stories for another time." She winked.
"It's nice to meet you, Cherry," Lexie said over the sound of Evan's heaving. "Circ.u.mstances could be better."
"Nonsense, life is full of ugly with a few bits of beautiful thrown in. I learned to roll with it long ago. Come on, doll, Jackson can help Country to the car."
"Lexie?" Jackson questioned.
Lexie looked up at Jackson. He looked uncertain as he waited for her to say something. She felt bad giving him the cold shoulder. She felt a force inside her pull toward him. She was aware of him on every level, and denying it seemed to go against nature. She needed to find a way to put some distance between them until she could think properly and figure out how to approach it. "We should get Evan to my mother's place." It felt like the best option to approach this slowly.
CHAPTER TEN.
Jackson Other than stolen glances, Lexie seemed to be avoiding Jackson. She was so quiet on the drive and Jackson couldn't find the words that seemed appropriate. Cherry sat beside him, throwing curious glances his way. He knew she could feel the tension rolling off him and he was grateful that for once she remained quiet. Evan was lying down in the backseat with his head in Lexie's lap. Jackson glanced back at her and noticed she was running her fingers through Evan's hair. Jackson hated the fact she was touching him. He hated how easy they were with each other. He would never admit the fact that he was jealous of Evan, not even to himself as he shoved the very thought deep inside.
Whatever was going through Lexie's head that was keeping her distant from him, he wanted her to be able to talk to him. He couldn't take her silence for long because it was terrifying.
Jackson pulled up to a stop in front of Lexie's apartment. "That's Molly's car," she said, sitting up straighter. Evan pushed himself up and leaned against the seat with a moan of discomfort.
"Who's Molly?" Jackson asked.
"My mom's best friend. She works at the diner," Lexie said sadly as she grabbed the handle of the door. "I'll be as quick as I can." Lexie patted Evan on the shoulder gently before she stepped out of the car.
"I'm gonna help Lexie," Jackson said, opening his door.
"Um hmm." Cherry raised her brow.
Teddy and Dane pulled up behind Jackson in Cherry's car. "Lexie is just grabbing some things," Jackson called to them.
He followed Lexie up the stairs toward her apartment. Unbeknownst to Lexie, Jackson had already been in her apartment and knew exactly where it was. A lot had changed since then. He would never have thought things would have turned out this way.
When they got to the top of the staircase, a woman with fiery red hair was headed toward them. "Lexie!" she called out. "I heard you were back and I've been trying to find you. You weren't answering your phone. I have been out of my mind." The woman grabbed Lexie up in her arms. She looked up at Jackson, just noticing him for the first time. "Who's this?"
Lexie brushed her hair back from her face as she pulled away from Molly's tight embrace. "Molly, this is Jackson," Lexie introduced nervously.
Jackson looked at Lexie for a moment, trying to read her face. "Her boyfriend. Nice to meet you, Molly."
"You as well. I wish it could be under better circ.u.mstances, but I'm so glad to see that she has someone to help her through this painful time," Molly said, taking Jackson's hand.
"Sorry about not answering my phone, Molly. I've been getting a lot of calls about Mom and I'm not ready to face it all yet," Lexie confessed. Jackson could feel her pain because it reached deep inside him and became his own.
"Let me take care of it, sweetheart. You don't worry about a thing. You've been through enough. Your mother always did so much for me, it's the least I could do," Molly said, placing her hand against her chest. Tears welled in her eyes. "I can make all the arrangements." Molly gently placed her hands on Lexie's shoulders.
"I'm going to be staying at Mom's," Lexie said quietly.
"Okay, dear." Molly leaned in and kissed her gently on the cheek. "You call me if you need anything. I'll stop by with some of your favorite pie later."
"Take care of her," Molly said to Jackson as she walked past him. She placed her hand on his arm. "She needs your strength."
"Yes, ma'am," Jackson said. Molly seemed like a very genuine person and Jackson appreciated the fact that Lexie had people like her in her life. He could tell Lexie cared for her.
Lexie watched Molly disappear down the stairs before she continued to her door. "This is a small town, Jackson. You can't tell people things like that or it will become front page news.
"That I'm your boyfriend?"
Lexie nodded as she slid the key into the lock.
"Are you worried people are gonna judge you for moving on? Or is it that you don't want people to know?"
Lexie didn't answer as she swung the door open and walked inside hesitantly. Jackson knew it was the first time she had been home since before she had been taken and her mother's death. Her view of the world was different now and she was probably realizing how different it would feel.
"I actually like the way it sounds. I've never been someone's boyfriend before..." Jackson trailed off when he noticed how terrified she looked.
"Lexie, what's wrong?"
"I think someone has been here," Lexie whispered.
Jackson looked around the main area and made sure the window were secure. Nothing raised any flags. He pulled out his gun and kicked the bathroom door open to make sure it was clear before he walked into the bedroom Lexie had set up as a studio. Everything looked to be in order to him.
"No one's here, Lexie." Jackson tucked his gun away.
"Some of my pictures have been moved," Lexie said, walking into the main living area. She picked up one of the frames sitting on a small table beside her sofa.
"This was in my studio," Lexie said, holding it up. "And this..." Lexie looked down at a picture of her and her mother. Jackson wasn't sure if it was the aftermath of what she had been through or if her fears were legitimate. He would never put it past John to play games with someone's head. She picked the picture up and ran her finger over the gla.s.s. "Do you think John will leave me alone now that she's gone?" Lexie asked sadly.
"I'm going to stop him, Lexie," Jackson a.s.sured her.
"I can't shake the feeling I'm being watched." Lexie set the picture back down on the table. "He told me that he owns me."
"Listen, Lexie." Jackson placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her toward him. "I'm here. I promise to do whatever I can to keep you safe." Jackson leaned his forehead against hers and pulled her close. "John will never own you."
"Too many people have been hurt because of me."
"Because of John, not you. Don't blame yourself for any of this. You are innocent," Jackson insisted.
Lexie tried to pull away but Jackson grabbed hold of her waist. "Don't push me away, please."
Lexie placed her hands on either side of Jackson's face and he could feel himself want to melt in her hold. She gently pressed her lips against his and he savored the taste of her, not wanting the moment to end. He wanted more, he was desperate for her affections, especially now, but he knew he had to follow her lead. He had never given someone control over him before and he was not used to feeling vulnerable...though on some levels he found it empowering to give part of himself to her, becoming something bigger than himself. He would do anything to protect her. He had a purpose that now gave him hope.
"I'll go get my things," she whispered as she dropped her hands and stepped back. She had built a wall between them. He could feel it and he wanted to find a way to knock it down.
Lexie only took a moment to pack a bag and she was ready to leave. She walked over to the table and picked up the picture of her and her mother, tucking it inside her purse.
He could tell she was anxious to get out of her apartment. She felt unsettled since she walked in and noticed things seemed different. Jackson gave one last look around before he shut the door behind them. Jackson knew he would do whatever it took to make her feel safe again. No one should feel fear in the place they call home. He knew too well how devastating it could be.
Evan was sitting on the sidewalk next to the car when they exited the building. His head was between his knees as he took long, deep breaths. "Thank G.o.d," Cherry said when she noticed them. "We need to get him somewhere soon. He's about ready to fall apart."
"I thought that stuff you got was gonna help? He doesn't look any better than when we weaned him," Jackson asked.
"Yeah, when he's in bed. He can't be up walking around and s.h.i.t." Cherry waved her hands in exasperation. "He needs to be sleeping."
"Let's go." Jackson waved toward Teddy and Dane.
Jackson's phone started buzzing in his pocket. He pulled it out and noticed an unknown caller.