"Ladies," the old man said, standing up and putting a restraining hand on the Indian girl's arm.

"She started it," I said, still holding the magazine above my head like a weapon. Before the old man could restrain her, the girl in the sari leaned forward, almost crawling over the table at me.

"I totally did not, you dumb white girl!"

"b.i.t.c.h!"

She glared at me and spat her next curse at me.

"Dipwad!"

Somehow the world "dipwad" broke the animosity I felt toward her, and I giggled.

"Dipwad?" I said, checking to make sure I'd heard her right. "Where'd you get that that one?" one?"

She shrugged, but there was a sheepish smile lurking at the corners of her mouth.

"It seemed good at the time-"

The old man interrupted her before she could finish.

"Ladies, please, we haven't the time for trivialities. There is much to discuss before Miss Reaper-Jones leaves us."

The girl nodded, and I felt like maybe she wasn't such a b.i.t.c.h after all. I decided she was probably just annoyed about having to sit there in the sun for so long, and had taken it out on me.

"It sounds as if you have already been informed of the tasks, Miss Reaper-Jones, so I will begin there," the old man continued. "I am Wodin of the North. Myself, and the rest of the Board, Persephone and Kali-"

Persephone inclined her head when her name was called, but the girl in the sari only raised an eyebrow.

"I'm Kali," she said importantly, as if I hadn't already figured it out for myself.

No duh, I mouthed back at her. She rolled her eyes in return. I mouthed back at her. She rolled her eyes in return.

It was strange, but I got the feeling Kali actually liked me, and this was only her twisted way of trying to make friends.

"As I was saying," Wodin of the North interjected, interrupting my thoughts. "The Board cannot grant you the powers of your father's office until you have completed the three tasks I will now set forth."

Before he could launch into an explanation of the dreaded tasks, I raised my hand. There was a pause as Wodin of the North was obviously confounded by my action.

"Yes, Miss Reaper-Jones," he said finally.

"Can't we just pretend I'm, like . . . you know, a subst.i.tute teacher, and you're gonna, like, give me my emergency teaching credentials 'cause it's, like, you know, an emergency emergency?"

I knew there was a perfect a.n.a.logy out there for my situation, but somehow I didn't think the one I'd just pulled out of my a.s.s was it-especially given the snickering it elicited from Kali.

"I don't think you understand the gravity of the office," Wodin said sternly. "Your father-"

"Is missing," I said. "I understand. Let's just get on with it."

Kali gave me another covert wink. Obviously, she appreciated my lack of subservience when it came to Wodin of the North.

"Very well," Wodin said, looking nonplussed. "The tasks are as follows . . ."

He nodded to Persephone, who opened her mouth and spoke for the first time.

"Your first task . . ." she began, but I immediately lost the thread of what she was saying because her voice was so incredibly beautiful.

The only way I can describe it is to say that her timbre must have been the very one that inspired Edgar Allan Poe to coin the word "tintinnabulation." Each syllable sounded like a thousand tiny bells ringing in beautiful synchronicity.

As I listened uncomprehendingly to her words, I felt so full of emotion that tears started to roll down my cheeks. Kali made a face and elbowed Persephone in the side. Persephone closed her mouth, giving Kali a questioning look.

"Knock it off, Seph; you're making her cry like the baby she is."

Persephone shrugged, and cleared her throat roughly. "Sorry about that," she said to me in a much more human tone. "Forgot I was using my G.o.ddess voice."

"It's okay," I said, shaking my head. Then, without thinking, I added under my breath, "Where's Jarvis with the Kleenex when you need him?"

There was a small popping sound, and suddenly Jarvis was standing there beside me, holding a Kleenex in his outstretched hand.

"You called for me?" he squeaked, confused.

Actually, he looked more than confused. He looked shocked. shocked.

"What in the name of all that's holy . . ." Wodin began, but let the sentence trail off into nothingness.

I'd obviously committed some sort of terrible Death faux pas by asking for a Kleenex. Maybe the underworld had a thing against name brands. Maybe they preferred I ask for a tissue tissue instead . . . instead . . .

"I promise I'll ask for a tissue next time," I said, taking Jarvis's proffered Kleenex and blowing my nose.

Kali stared at me, her eyes wide.

"How'd you do that?" she said.

"How'd I do what? Blow my nose?" I countered.

"Call your servant into this realm, dipwad?"

There she goes calling me dipwad again. Does the girl not learn?

"I told you to stop calling me names." I stood up and lobbed the Elle Elle in her direction. She ducked, the magazine missing her head by a mile. in her direction. She ducked, the magazine missing her head by a mile.

"You missed," she taunted me.

What she didn't know was that if I had really really wanted to hit her, there'd be a big red welt on her forehead. wanted to hit her, there'd be a big red welt on her forehead.

"Enough!" Wodin shouted. "I will not have any more fighting! Do you understand me?!" Wodin shouted. "I will not have any more fighting! Do you understand me?!"

We both nodded begrudgingly. I was totally happy to leave her alone just as long as she left me me alone. alone.

Wodin continued to glare at both of us.

"Like schoolchildren," he muttered under his breath. I let the comment slide, but I was so not not above sending a shoe in Wodin's direction if he decided to get b.i.t.c.hy on me, too. above sending a shoe in Wodin's direction if he decided to get b.i.t.c.hy on me, too.

"Now," Wodin continued, "I will ask the same question Kali asked you a moment ago. How did you call your servant into this realm?"

"You're not mad about the Kleenex?" I said. Kali rolled her eyes, but didn't open her mouth.

"No, of course not," Wodin said patiently. "We would just like to know how you summoned your man there."

He pointed to Jarvis, who still looked too shocked to speak. I would have to remember this one for the future. It was nice to know that I could shock the little goat into silence when he really got annoying.

"I don't know," I replied. "I wanted a Kleenex, so I said that I wished Jarvis would bring me one."

"She's so full of it," Kali said. "No one just summons people into other realms like that."

"Well, I guess I do," I said, shrugging. Something about the way Kali said that no one else could do it made my chest puff a little.

"I have to concur with Kali," Persephone added in her non-G.o.ddess voice. "The girl must have someone helping her."

"Excuse me, but I did not not have anyone 'helping me,' thank you very much." have anyone 'helping me,' thank you very much."

"She really didn't."

I looked over at Jarvis-who had finally found his tongue, thank G.o.d-and gave him what I thought was an encouraging smile. He c.o.c.ked his head curiously at me-so I guess it might've been more of a grimace than a smile-before turning his attention back to the Board.

"May I have leave to address the esteemed Board?" Jarvis began.

Wodin nodded regally.

"I have known my mistress since she was but small-"

"What am I? Fat now?" I muttered at Jarvis under my breath. He took the opportunity to grind his hoof into my foot. I nearly cried out, but his warning glance shut me up instantly.

"And she has foresworn all magic until-"

But it was another voice that finished Jarvis's sentence.

"Until now."

nine.

The look on Kali's face was priceless-I wish I'd had a camera to catch it. She turned red, then pink, then white, then chartreuse-all in the s.p.a.ce of about twenty seconds. She had the strangled look of a woman who had just seen an exceptionally handsome ex-lover that she still hadn't one hundred percent gotten over yet.

Oh boy, this is gonna be a good one, I thought, mentally rubbing my hands together with glee. I thought, mentally rubbing my hands together with glee.

"Daniel?!?"

Persephone's G.o.ddess voice cut like a knife through the air. Immediately I started to get furious, anger coursing through me like a river. She had stood up beside Kali, and her beautiful patrician features were clouded by rage.

"How dare you come here!" she said.

With these furious words, I clenched my fists and turned around, ready to beat the c.r.a.p out of the b.a.s.t.a.r.d standing behind me, who had somehow royally p.i.s.sed me me off without me even knowing who he was. off without me even knowing who he was.

But the strange thing was that I did did know the guy. I didn't know why I was so angry with him-probably had something to do with channeling Persephone's G.o.ddess voice, I reasoned to myself-but I definitely knew him. know the guy. I didn't know why I was so angry with him-probably had something to do with channeling Persephone's G.o.ddess voice, I reasoned to myself-but I definitely knew him.

"The Devil's protege?" I said before drawing back my fist and slamming it into his nose. He didn't drop like the ton of bricks I'd expected. Instead he calmly put a hand to his nose, felt for any blood, then cracked the offending appendage back into place with his bare hand.

"Nice seeing you again, too," he said as he reached out, took hold of the same hand that had broken his nose, and gave it a lingering kiss.

He looked exactly like I remembered him from my father's study: a yummy, yummy studboy. Trying not to let the curve of his s.e.xy lips drive me to distraction, I looked over at Jarvis, who shrugged.

"I'm charmed," I said sarcastically, keeping my libido in check but wishing wishing my self-control would take a flying leap off the piece of rock we were standing on. my self-control would take a flying leap off the piece of rock we were standing on.

"Daniel, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d," Kali said. I turned to see her planted behind the mother-of-pearl conference table, looking like she wanted to leap over it and give Daniel a piece of her mind.

With her bare hands.

Daniel took that opportunity to give her a wink, which only seemed to further infuriate her. Persephone opened her mouth to speak again, but Daniel put a finger to his lips. Looked in my direction.

d.a.m.n, he is hot, I thought wantonly. I thought wantonly.

"Seph, please, you're gonna make the poor girl break a nail," he said firmly.

I looked down at my nails. d.a.m.n it, he's right. One is already starting to look kinda wonky, all bent back and cracked. d.a.m.n it, he's right. One is already starting to look kinda wonky, all bent back and cracked.

"No nail breaking," I said warningly to Persephone. "Use the indoor voice, or else."

She had the good sense to look slightly ashamed at using me like a human battering ram to beat up the Devil's protege.

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your company, Daniel?" Wodin said crossly. Only he and Jarvis seemed to be immune to Daniel's charm.

Of course, I thought, realizing what was going on. I thought, realizing what was going on. The guy has some kind of weird power over women. Myself included. Probably Siren blood, like Clio. The guy has some kind of weird power over women. Myself included. Probably Siren blood, like Clio.

Which totally explained the s.e.xual craziness I had experienced before. I hadn't been just a miserable horn-dog; I'd been charmed by magic. And by the looks of it, so had Kali and Persephone.

At least I was in good company.

"I have come here in protest," Daniel said. "The Board knows that by all rights I should be the next Death. And here you are, giving some mortal wannabe a chance at my job?"

"Mortal wannabe? Your Your job? What the h.e.l.l does that mean?" job? What the h.e.l.l does that mean?"

Daniel turned on me.