She started to say something, but when her mouth opened, all that came out was a high-pitched squeak.

"Is it that bad?"

More squeaking and a fierce nod.

"Is it your father? Your mother?" She shook her head.

"Nina Two?" Panic bolted through me. "Did she get hurt?"

She shook her head. I was definitely biting at the wrong artery, so I decided to switch victims.

"Your dad took away your credit cards?"

Another shake.

"Your credit cards got stolen?"

Another frantic shake.

"They're closing Barneys?"

She shook her head and relief pumped through me for a split second. But then Nina squeaked again and I was back to Guess That Tragedy.

"Your favorite Prada bag bit the dust?" When she did a frantic side to side, I added, "Come on, Nina. You gotta give me something."

She nodded and seemed to fight for her control. She cleared her throat. Her trembling lips parted and she said in a tense, strained voice the very last thing I ever expected to hear.

"I-I'm pregnant."

"Y ou're what?" I braced a hand against the tiled wall as my knees went suddenly weak.

She licked her lips. "I'm pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Pregnant."

"Pregnant?"

"Pregnant." She held up a hand when I opened my mouth. "If you keep saying it, I'm going to heave."

"But I don't understand."

"Pregnant," she repeated, "as in PG. Preggo. Stuffed full of tiny vamp sp.a.w.n."

"I understand what it means." I grabbed a nearby towel and wiped at my burning eyes. "I just don't understand ..." I shook my head. "How?"

"He kissed my neck and then I nibbled the skin over his pulse beat and that made him go nuts. The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back and he was-"

"I don't mean how as in a detailed play-by-play," I cut in, wrapping the towel around me and stuffing the edge under my arm.

"I mean how as in how could you let this happen? Haven't you ever heard of a condom?"

"Are you kidding? I practically own stock in Trojan. They're great for the occasional human encounter or when I pick up a made vampire. They even worked like a charm when I did that werewolf back in '77. You remember him. The one who taught me how to do the hustle that time at Studio 54."

I shook my head. Anything that involved polyester and a Dorothy Hamill bob I'd much rather forget.

"But condoms are powerless against born vamp sperm," Nina went on. "Those suckers just bit right through it." She shook her head. "I am so screwed."

Born vamp. Pregnant.

The facts echoed in my head and reality struck. "Rob's the father?"

"Nah, it's Brad Pitt. He snuck away and left Angie with the kiddos while we did it on top of the Empire State Building. Of course it's Rob's. That's why I'm so freaked."

"Because you don't love him and the thought of being saddled with his sp.a.w.n is too much to handle, or because you do love him and you're afraid if you go crawling back now he'll think it's just because of the baby?"

"How did you know?"

"I'm a professional, Nina. Understanding vamp nature is what I do for a living."

"I thought you were a matchmaker." "I am, but in order to be successful at my job I have to understand the nuts and bolts of the vampire psyche."

"Now I am going to heave." She turned and walked into the bedroom and I followed. "What am I going to do?"

"First you're going to tell me whether or not you love him." Because while I'd obviously hit it on the head, I'd been whacking both sides so I had no clue which nail we were talking about. "You do love him, right?"

"I didn't think so. In fact, I was pretty sure I didn't. But then I'm in the bathroom the night before last and I'm feeling really sick. I'm thinking maybe Ernesto had the flu or something and I just had some really bad Mexican. But then I woke up yesterday and I was still feeling sick. I called Nina Two and she told me to take a pregnancy test. I thought she was crazy, but the more I thought about it..." She sniffled again. "I figured I'd take one and put my mind at ease." Her gaze collided with mine. "I took five of them and by the time that fifth plus sign appeared, I knew it was true."

"That you were pregnant."

She shook her head. "That I was pregnant and that I loved Rob. See, I wasn't freaked out about the baby. When I saw that first pink plus sign, I actually felt happy."

"That's great!"

"No, it's not. It's the worst thing ever. I can't be happy about this baby and I can't be in love with its father. Rob and I are over."

"Not if you tell him you 're sorry. He'll tell you he's sorry. The two of you will get back together. You 'll have a nice commitment ceremony complete with a champagne reception at the Waldorf and an ice sculpture shaped liked Count Chocula.

You'll honeymoon in Maui. Then you'll come back and I'll give you a nice big baby shower with one of those fab diaper cakes.

You'll have the baby and, bam, you'll live happily ever after." I squelched my own sudden pang of longing and focused on Nina.

She actually looked hopeful, but then her face fell. "That's impossible."

"Which part?"

"All of it. If I tell Rob I'm sorry, he'll think it's because of the baby."

"It is because of the baby."

"Yes, but it isn't because of the baby. The baby just helped me realize my feelings for him. I don't love him just because I'm having his baby."

"So tell him that."

"He won't believe me."

"He might."

"And he might spend the next eternity wondering if I didn't just hook up with him because I needed a father for my child. I have to have this baby on my own." Her gaze met mine again. "My dad is going to s.h.i.t a brick."

I thought of Nina's strict, conservative father (much like my own) and my heart went out to her.

In the born vamp society, procreation was all about family mergers and propagating the species. Love didn't figure in, and so Nina's father would never understand why she refused to name the father.

Unfortunately, the sucker for love that I am, I got it loud and clear.

To make matters worse, Nina's eyes grew bright, and before I knew it, she started to bawl. What?

Nina was a superficial born vamp who shed a tear only when her bank account slipped below an acceptable level or she missed out on one of the shows during Fashion Week.

Stunned, I stared at her for a few fast, furious heartbeats while my brain raced for something-anything-to make her feel better.

"Look on the bright side. Now you have an excuse to buy a new wardrobe."

"I don't need an excuse for that."

"Oh, yeah." I couldn't think of anything else to say so I kept my mouth shut and did the only thing that felt right. I slid my arms around her.

She stiffened at first because born vampires, even BFFs, didn't usually get touchy-feely. My arms tightened and she melted against me. The tears came harder and if I weren't such a bada.s.s vamp, I might have cried too.

For a reason other than the soap residue still burning my eyes, of course.

"What am I going to do?" she finally asked several huge sobs (me) and a couple of hiccups (her) later. She pulled away and stared at me as if I had all the answers.

I had zero, but she was my BFF and she needed a guiding hand.

"First off"-I sniffled and wiped at my own cheeks-"you're going to stop crying. This can't be good for the baby." I steered her toward the bed. "You're going to lie down and get some rest. Where's your luggage?"

"I don't have any. I was so upset and anxious last night that I left home without even an overnight bag."

Which explained the rumpled sweats and zero makeup.

"I took the red-eye and flew into Austin, but it was too early to buy anything. I just checked myself into the nearest five star hotel and slept until sundown. Then I caught a cab here. I figured we could do some shopping later."

I shook my head. "There are exactly two boutiques in town. One specializes in children's clothes and the other is a resale shop."

The color drained from her face. "I think I need to lie down."

"That's a great idea." I steered her toward the bed. "I've got a few errands to run, but I'll be back soon. You can nap until then."

"Resale?" she asked as if trying to digest the information.

"You can borrow something of mine until tomorrow night. Then we'll do a little shopping in Austin before everything closes. I'm sure they have a mall."

"A mall? Now I know I'm going to be sick."

"No, you're not. You're going to calm down, close your eyes and forget about everything but getting some rest."

"But I don't even have a toothbrush." "I'll pick one up while I'm out. Now in." I motioned her under the covers. "And lie on your left side. That helps the circulation to the baby."

"Since when did you become an expert on pregnant women?"

"Since I spent most of my life living with Jacqueline Marchette." Aka the Queen of Guilt. I'd heard my mother's war stories so many times that I now knew more than I ever wanted to know about bloating and fat ankles and raging hormones.

See, having a baby vamp was pretty much like having a baby human. Same restrictions-no feeding on an alcoholic or a chain smoker or a Starbucks addict. Same recommendations-plenty of rest and exercise and extra nutrition. The only difference? The source of the nutrition. "Did you eat?"

"A half a bottle of AB+ before I left the hotel in Austin." She sniffled. "Maybe I should have a snack."

I grabbed the coffeepot and poured her what was left of my own dinner. "Drink up, lay down and close your eyes."

She nodded, drank every drop from the mug I handed her and then snuggled down under the covers.

"Lil?"

"Yes?"

"Promise you won't tell Rob about the baby."

"I won't tell Rob about the baby." About the fact that she loved him? That little tidbit was fair game.

"Scout's honor?" she asked.

"I was never a Girl Scout."

"You wanted to be."

"Au contraire. I wanted to be a Princess Brigitte Little Lady in Waiting (the English translation of a snotty, pretentious French game played by all the servants' daughters back in the old country). I'd been nine and desperate to bond with the other little girls that lived at my family's castle. My mother had been strict about no fraternizing with the humans and so I 'd had to content myself with watching from afar.

"I sat in on one tea party, but my mother caught me and threatened to feed the other little girls to our groundskeeper-he was a werewolf-if they let me join the group." Did my ma have a way with children or what? "She banned them from using the kitchen and they blamed me."

"The b.i.t.c.hes," Nina said, closing her eyes and snuggling down into the pillow. "I wanted to be a Little Lady, too," she murmured as she drifted off. A few minutes later, she was sound asleep.

I tucked the covers around Nina (we're talking the mother of my niece/nephew/excuse to throw a super-hot baby shower) and headed into the bathroom to pull myself together. Drying my hair, I pinned it back with a pink rhinestone clip. After a little mascara and some lip plumper, I wiggled my way into a pair of skinny black jeans, pulled on a Cake tie -dye silk cardigan and tank and pushed my feet into a pair of purple Cheyenne satin flats.

By the time I walked out of the hotel room, I rocked physically. It was the mental I was having trouble with.

Everything was just too weird. Esther was missing. Nina was pregnant and she'd forgotten her luggage and she was blubbering worse than me when I watched The Notebook on DVD. On top of that, I was staying in a room straight out of an Austin Powers movie. And I was wearing a ponytail.