Although I didn't like thinking about all the various other women Noah had slept with before me, I did like knowing I had that sort of power over him.
"You didn't answer my question, though." He placed a kiss on the center of my palm. My heart fluttered with a delightful ache. He looked into my eyes, serious for once, not being his usual guarded self. "Is something wrong?"
I hesitated, not knowing how this conversation was going to go.
"I'm worried about our song."
"Worried how?"
"We just tossed out everything we've been working on. We're starting from scratch. We barely have anything to show for our weeks of work." I hesitated before continuing. "I think we should bring in the other guys."
"No."
His answer was curt.
"I know you don't want anyone to know you're having trouble, but asking the band for help doesn't make you weak or less capable, or whatever else it is you're worried about."
"Always psychoanalyzing me."
"You trust the other guys in the band, right?" I persisted. "Just like you trust me?"
"We can do it by ourselves."
"You need to learn to rely on other people. I know you think you can't. Because of how you grew up. Because of what happened with Lily. But I'm sure if you just told the guys how much trouble you're having, I'm sure they'd be happy to work with you."
"Are you saying you want to quit on me?"
I heard the unspoken words.
Are you saying you want to leave me?
"No. I just don't know how the two of us are going to be able to finish on time by ourselves. I've been working as hard as I can, but I'm not some genius like you or August. We might have to consider bringing someone else in."
"Doubting yourself again?"
"It's not doubt, it's me being realistic."
"I'll think about it."
I threw my arms around his neck. "Don't get all grumpy on me. I like the nice, sweet Noah Hart you were just showing me. Bring that guy back."
"You want nice?" His fingers crept up my inner thigh. "I'll gladly give you something nice. I can't guarantee it'll be sweet, though."
"I'm still wet and sticky from our last go. Give me some time to recover."
Noah almost pouted. It was adorable.
I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the office with glee.
"Come on, Noah Fucking Hart, show me around backstage like the famous rock star you are."
Chapter Twenty-Four.
As it turned out, the others had been looking for us while Noah used me to sate his exhibitionist streak.
"Should we even ask where you went off to?" one of the twins said with a wicked grin. "Or do we not want to know?"
"No, no, let me guess. It's more fun that way." Cameron got in between us and threw his arms around both our shoulders. Noah tried to shrug him off but the bassist clung to him with a tight grip.
"Let me see." Cameron eyed me up and down. "You're looking pretty disheveled with your hair all messed up like that. And you're flushed as hell." Cameron nodded to himself. "I'm gonna go with Noah eating you out." He turned to the others with a knowing smirk. "He's a gentleman like that. Likes to take care of his lady."
The flush on my face burned even hotter.
"Would you shove off," Noah grumbled.
"Well, she certainly didn't give you a blowjob, otherwise you wouldn't be this cranky." Cameron laughed in his face and danced away as Noah threw a punch at him.
"We're taking off now," August interrupted. "After party at some club. Limo's waiting."
The rest of the band followed August like little ducklings. I trailed behind, trying to force down my blush. It was mortifying to know the rest of the band was speculating on my and Noah's sex life.
Did they know about Noah's fuck girls-write songs process? Did they think I was using my body to get ahead in my career?
Technically I was working for Noah. It was like I was sleeping with my boss. But none of them seemed to be judging me for it. Maybe sleeping with Noah wasn't as big a deal as I thought it was.
A small part of me also couldn't help being giddy that Noah hadn't denied it. At the very least, he didn't mind the guys knowing we were sleeping together. That was progress. Maybe we really were in an honest-to-god relationship and not just two colleagues having sex.
When we arrived at the club Cameron exchanged words with the bouncer who nodded at a private entrance at the side of the building. We climbed a set of stairs and found ourselves on the second floor of the club in a large, frosted glass-walled lounge overlooking the dance floor. We could see out, but no one could see in. The room even had its own private bar and bartender.
Natalie and Ivy were already there with their boyfriends, the rest of the members of Feral Silence and a handful of other people I didn't know. I was used to Morris and Ren, but the two other members of their band still made my heart flutter like a teenaged girl. I wasn't as big of a fangirl as Natalie, but I couldn't deny that being in the presence of rock stars was still exciting and nerve-wracking.
Jayce Evans, guitar god with the face and body of a male model, had his arm around a pretty girl's waist. The lead singer Kell Pierce had a manic grin on his face as he snuck up behind a second girl, making her shriek in surprise as he grabbed her and swung her around. A gorgeous young woman with dark, cherry red hair in a leather pleated skirt and combat boots laughed at them while a tall man with crystal blue eyes handed her a drink.
There were a few more people lounging in chairs with drinks in their hand, but by that point I was already overwhelmed.
"Great," Noah murmured with a snort. "The cavalry's here."
"Do you know all these people?" I asked.
"Unfortunately." Noah scanned the room. "Let's sit over here."
Noah situated us at a tall table with bar stool chairs in the corner of the large room, away from the others.
"Why did you sit us so far away from everyone? Are you worried I'm going to fangirl over Feral Silence and leave you sitting alone?" I teased. "You know you're my favorite."
Noah gave me a oddly penetrating look. "Why?"
"What do you mean, why?"
"You always say I'm your favorite. And that my lyrics helped you. But you never really talked about why. Was it just because they were sad?"
His words sent a small jolt of pain radiating through me as memories surfaced. Sitting in my room, curtains drawn, clutching that envelope and listening to his album on repeat as I cried myself to sleep.
"It's not as simple as that."
"No?" he asked. "Then what was it?"
I didn't know what to tell him. I knew he didn't like it when I went all fangirl on him, but I wanted him to understand. My feelings for him weren't just superficial.
I took a deep breath and looked in straight in the eye. "Your music saved me. With my mom..." My breath hitched as another stab of pain spiked through me. My eyes stung, the beginnings of tears threatening to fall. I blinked them back and cleared my throat. "I went through some really hard times," I continued. "Your music, your lyrics, they spoke to me. I know you don't like to hear this, but I felt like you understood me. Knowing that someone else understood what I was going through made it better somehow. It made all the bad things a little less terrible."
"I remember you saying you went through some tough times." He looked chagrinned. "I'm sorry I said all those shitty things to you. About your mom and everything else."
"I know you're sorry. I forgive you. Just don't do it again."
Noah shifted in his seat, looking uncomfortable. "I'm going to get us some drinks."
He grabbed two beers from the bartender and brought them back to our table. I hesitated before taking the beer he handed me.
"Maybe we should lay off the alcohol tonight," I suggested carefully.
Noah squinted at me. "Why?"
"It just seemed like we do a lot of drinking."
"I'm a rock star. It's what we do."
"I suppose." I picked at the label on the beer bottle. "I just wonder if it's too much sometimes."
Noah gave me a curious look. "Are you really so worried about it?"
"A little," I admitted. "The first time we really opened up to each other you said you didn't want to do it sober. And we're always going to a bar whenever we go out. You got drunk at that club and you got drunk at Cameron's party."
Noah eyed me. "I'm not an alcoholic."
"I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying maybe you don't always need alcohol to mask your feelings."
He leaned back in his chair, taken aback. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"I don't know. Maybe. We just finished talking about some heavy stuff and you immediately went to get a drink."
He went silent for a few moments before pushing his beer across to the other side of the table. "Okay. I won't drink tonight."
I met his eyes, surprised. "Really?"
"I'm not saying you're right. But if it bothers you so much I'll ease up."
Relief blossomed in my chest. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
"Does this mean you want to continue spending the night talking about our feelings?" He almost grimaced as he said the words.
"I actually wanted to ask you something about the other guys."
Noah scowled. "If Cameron's being a pain in your ass-"
"No," I interrupted. "It's nothing like that." I flushed, not wanting to bring up the subject, but knowing it had to be said. "They know we're sleeping together."
"And?"
"And you're okay with that?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Just wondering how much of your personal life you want the guys to know about."
"I don't care if they know who I'm fucking."
I swallowed hard before asking. "Is that all this is?"
Noah stared at me, his eyes unreadable. He stared at me so long I began to regret asking. I wanted to take back what I'd said. I shouldn't have tried to have this conversation with Noah. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
"No," he finally said, quietly. "That's not all this is. We're more than that."
The tension in my chest lifted. I felt lighter than I ever had. It was as if I were going to float up to outer space. I couldn't stop the glowing smile from gracing my lips.
"So we're official?"
Noah gave me a small quirk of his lips. "Are you going to get all sappy on me now?"
"I wouldn't dare." I still couldn't help grinning.
"And what's got you looking so cheerful?"
One of the twins approached our table. I couldn't tell whether it was Ian or Damon, but I supposed no one could. He wore faded black jeans with an Iron Maiden graphic t-shirt. His hair was still tufted up from the concert and his eyes were rimmed ever so slightly with eyeliner, amplifying the vivid green.
"It's nothing," I said breezily. "I just got a very good answer to an important question."
Green eyes sparkled mischievously. "Dare I even ask?"
"I'll tell everyone about it soon." I wanted to bask in my and Noah's official relationship status for a while longer before telling everyone. I knew Noah would get a hard time from some of his bandmates. I wanted to spare him for at least a few more days. I could give him that in return for what he gave me.