After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit.

And then after she left, I went to the balcony.

Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at nightat least thats what I told myself.

I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street.

It was quite dark. I couldnt make much out.

It was the darkness of a world without electricity.

But even that kind of darkness made me happy.

a wish that I cant abandon, hm? Like an idiot

I clenched my jawbut still I couldnt hold back the ugly tears. It was only because I didnt have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face.

My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness.

More and more tears flowed down my face.

With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back.

I wasnt ignoring what Tanya said.

It was actually the opposite.

Tanyas words were a signal to me.

Sleeping deep within my heart was.a wish that I couldnt abandon.

I was the idiot.

I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily.

How fragile.

I had realized it. Even though I pretended I hadnt.

I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart.

If I could just face myself, it would be easy.

Why did I rely on him, flirt with him?

Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to?

Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy?

It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking.

But Icould not fail any more.

What I might lose was of too much importance.

The people following me, my territory. And the people who lived on this land.

Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past. Thinking about the desperation of being betrayedmade me so scared.

I dont want that.

Uncertain things that I couldnt confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless againstwhy would I chase after them like this?

Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt.

I like

Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud.

I hadnt said that in front of him.

Because my yearning would never come true.

A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream.

Cinderella was also a noble.

Yuri was also a dukes daughter.

Thats why I didnt tell him.

I couldnt throw away all that was so important to me.

So I hid my true feelings again.

And then, looked away.

Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always.