DD – c49 Complicated Feelings

“Sorry, I seem to have drunk too much.”

I thought Grandfather would be the only one in this morning, but Ryle and Dida were also in. Grandfather tends to be rather zealous sometimes, so the two being brought with him as escorts can’t be helped.

“Tanya, can you make sure these two get plenty of water?”

“Certainly.”

Whilst directing a request to Tanya who had been standing at my side, I sit down in the seat opposite from Grandfather.

“Grandfather, even if it’s you, drinking too much will be bad for your health. Shouldn’t you lessen the amount of alcohol that you drink?”

“Kuh…”

Grandfather grimaced… He does love alcohol after all.

“And so, how much did you drink last night?”

“I was drinking with the guys from the Order and the Army. So…. I may have had too much fun and decided it wasn’t enough, so I took these two and went out drinking.”

“Geez..”

The cause of this is that last decision. Since long ago, Grandfather would take the two out to drink, trying to teach them their limits, but the two would come back unconscious every time. Grandfather has taken a liking to the the two so he sometimes ends up forcing drink after drink on them.

“…Please excuse the interruption.”

“Oh. Tanya, what is it?”

“Rudeus-sama has come to pick up Sir Gazelle.”

“…What!”

Grandfather suddenly panicked. Since Grandfather rarely shows that side of him, I laughed.

“Tell him I’m not here.”

“…But…”

As Tanya was thinking about how to pa.s.s that information to Rudeus, he appeared from behind her.

“So Grandfather… I’ve heard that you drank a store dry again.”

“No, that’s…”

“How many times do I have to tell you to please restrain yourself? You’re a very influential person in this country. It may be peaceful now, but if you were suddenly attacked while you were unconscious, there will be nothing we can do. I beg for you to drink less outside!”

Hearing Rudeus’ argument, it seemed like Grandfather’s shoulders shrunk smaller and smaller. Rudeus is my mother’s brother’s son.. Basically he’s my cousin, the head of household and heir to be of the Anderson House. Incidentally, Marquis Anderson says frequently that since he’s weaker than Grandfather he doesn’t want to be affiliated with the Order or the Army. Similarly, Rudeus isn’t affiliated with either and is simply studying to be the successor. Though I don’t know what he’s studying in particular… As one would expect, he is Grandfather’s grandson. His athletic ability is similar to that of Ryle or Dida, and his physique is slender but well built.

“It’s been a long time, Rudi.”

“It has been a while, Iris. Ah, sorry. Although it’s a long-awaited reunion, we meet because of this kind of reason.”

I’m 2 years older than him, so we met during one year at the Academy. But since we were in different years, meeting him was difficult, and near the end I was also banished from the Academy.

“It’s fine. I was also telling Grandfather that he should drink less.”

“Is that so? I’m thankful that Iris is telling Grandfather the same thing. Grandfather won’t listen to what I say, but surely he’d listen to you.”

“Surely that’s not true. Oh, would you like to have some tea as well?”

“I’d love to accept such a rare opportunity, but I have something to do afterwards. Alright then Grandfather, time to go home.”

“Ugh..”

“Grandfather, thank you for bringing Ryle and Dida home. You should also go home and rest your body.”

“Can’t I stay here?”

While creasing his eyebrows, Grandfather pleaded.

“What’re you saying? We’re going home now.”

Rudeus shot down Grandfather’s plea. As I thought the conversation between them is amusing.

“Iris, let’s have a proper conversation next time.”

With that, Rudeus pulled Grandfather out of the room. I thought to myself, where does Rudeus hide that sort of strength.

Like a tornado that pa.s.sed, the surrounding got extremely quiet.

“… Tanya, could I get one more cup?”

“Certainly.”

As I was planning to take a bit of a longer break, Berne walked into the room.

“Could I perhaps join in too?”

“Of course. Sit over there.”

Upon my words, my excellent maid, Tanya, places a cup of tea in front of Berne.

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a conversation like this.”

The last time we met was when the Foundation Day party was held, and even then I didn’t talk to him. I had my own duties to attend to while Berne was following father around doing work.

“Yes… that is right.”

Berne nodded in affirmation, and drank some tea. The tea fit his palette and his expression relaxed.

“I thought that you’d be going back to your fief soon.”

“Yes. I’ve already been away from my fief for a long time, it’s probably about time I should head back. …So, how have you been, Berne?”

“….I’ve learned a lot working under Father. I need to recover the time I’ve been wasting up until now.”

“It’s not like you’ve been playing around so I think it’s fine, isn’t it? And since it is something unique like academy life, I don’t think it’s too bad.”

I reminisced my previous life. If I remember correctly, school life is one of the vital moments. You don’t realize it until you enter the work force. You work with, study with, fight with people of the same age…You sometimes have bitter moments, but in the end it’s enjoyable. In my opinion, the time when you finally understand the joys of youth is a bit after you finish your school life.

“…But I’ve stolen that precious time from you.”

“…?”

I couldn’t hear Berne as his voice got quieter. His facial expression changed so I understood it was about something bad.

“… Nee-san. I have something I need to apologize for.”

“I was thinking about what you were going to say, but what exactly are you apologizing for?”

Even if I didn’t ask what the reason was, I could see that he was talking about my banishment from the academy.

“… The banishment from the academy.”

I asked the question anyways since I wanted to know his motive.

“You don’t need to apologize for that. It was my fault that I was stubborn. So it was my mistake, not yours.”

“You said that last time too. But I don’t think what you said is correct. At that time I was moving solely based on wanting to be loved by her. Working off of just my emotions lead to where we are now.”

“So what you wanted to show me was that you’re aiming for the position of Prime Minister, and this apology was to show your resolution for it?”

I interpreted his apology as, “I won’t be swayed by my emotions anymore”. He came to that understanding while working under Father most likely.

“That is one reason, but it’s not only that.”

“…What else is there?”

“When I was attracted to her, I moved on nothing else but emotion, similarly, I acted condescendingly to you who acted on her own emotions. You also have a heart of your own, and I failed to understand that your heart must have also been scarred. Knowing that, I’d like to apologize as a family member.”

“….”

I had no words regarding Berne’s reason. I felt a bit cross that he noticed now, but I also felt a bit glad.

Ever since that ending, I couldn’t see Berne as a family member. During that time, during that moment, Berne had chosen Yuri over me.

In my previous life, I thought that siding with the girl you liked was obvious, but at the time my self as Iris was yelling, “Why… Why! Why do you not understand. I just loved him so much. Even you Berne, why would you throw me aside?”. I can understand my feelings more than I can understand myself. I sympathized with the yelling inside of me.

To be honest, I didn’t care so much about Dorsen or Van because they were less involved. But I felt different towards Prince Edward and Berne. Since I was engaged to Edward, I felt attached to him. As for Berne, he was my precious family member. And so when the two sided with her, I felt shocked that I had been tossed away so easily. Furthermore I was disgraced even further by the two.

I was denounced in front of a great number of people. It was good that my memories of my previous life resurfaced then, but if that had not occurred I may have fallen into a state of panic. Then and there, I also swore that I would never fall in love again, and on top of that I would never fully trust people. I was even thrown away by someone I considered family. The event that turned me into who I am made it so that I couldn’t simply forgive him.

The cold part of myself couldn’t help but think “It’s too late now”, but the other side of me wanted to forgive him.

“…I accept your apology; however, I cannot forgive you just yet.”

If it was her… If it was Yuri, would she have forgiven him right away? A useless thought surged through me.

“That is enough for me.”

With that, Berne took my apology as is.