The Soaring Hawk (2)

Having a noisy space suddenly fall silent sends shivers down my spine. It always feels like Im being abruptly transported to a different world, even if I wasnt the reason for the silence.

It was unsettling enough even if I wasnt the cause, but what if I was? I didnt really want to know, but it seemed I might find out today.

Lady Louise.

Oh, Senior?

The classroom went quiet as soon as the Dukes daughter appeared. Wow, I didnt know the classroom could get this quiet. Its amazing.

It was like a hawk had swooped into a gathering of sparrows. The mere presence of one person subdued the entire classroom. In fact, calling Senior a hawk seemed almost like an understatement.

Whats going on?

And why would someone of Seniors stature come looking for me in the classroom? We got somewhat close over the holidays, but it wasnt club hours, and there was no reason for her to be here now.

She was also the Vice President of the student council and didnt usually move without good reason, so what could it be?

Oh no.

I broke out in a cold sweat as I realized a possible reason. There was indeed a reason for Senior to come to a classroom full of first-years.

If it was something about oppa, then neither student council duties nor grade differences would stop her. This was especially true if someone was aiming to be by oppas side.

Have I been found out?

I gritted my teeth. I had resolved not to show my feelings for oppa until she became his official fiance. Acting too hastily might arouse suspicion and incur Seniors wrath and hatred.

But now, it seems like my feelings for oppa have been discovered. I cant figure out how she knew, but her presence here made no sense unless it was about oppa.

No, wait. There might be another reason Im unaware of.

Can I speak with you? Do you have a moment?

Yes, y-yes Of course.

Thank you.

I stammered after just looking into Seniors eyes.

Forget other reasons; it seems like my guess was right. Despite her gentle smile, her eyes were sharp and piercing.

Honestly, she was scary. It reminded me of the first time I saw her. No, this felt even more intimidating than that.

We shouldnt talk about this in front of others. Lets step outside.

Following those words, I cautiously followed Senior as she turned away.

Thank goodness.

Luckily, Irina and Erich were both away on other matters. At least I wont have to worry about them. Thats a small mercy

And a faint hope emerged within me. If Senior were furious, she would have publicly scorned me like a stray cat. But choosing a quiet conversation over open criticism suggested that she wasnt entirely angry.

Its going to be okay.

I reassured myself. If Senior wasnt angry, then it was fine. I wasnt aiming for her position. How could I even dare? Im content with being the second, and Im sure shell approve of it, at least.

Will she, though?

A troubling thought crept in. What if Senior didnt wish to tolerate any other woman at all? What if she wanted to be not just the first, but the only one?

A huge fear loomed behind my slight hope. Please, no. That would mean I wouldnt even be able to confess to oppa and would be cut off at Seniors decision.

I could feel my lips trembling, but there was nothing I could do. If Senior desired to be the only one, then what could I do about it? Did I have the right to ask for concessions from Senior, who loved oppa more than anyone and loved him way before me?

Oh, Enen.

Ill attend church more diligently from now on. Ill make sure to come with Tannian whenever he goes to church.

So please, let Senior accept another woman too.

As I fervently prayed a years worth of prayers, Seniors steps halted in a secluded spot.

This place should be fine.

Her words sounded almost like, This is where youll meet your end.

Lady Louise.

Yes, Senior.

I dislike those who covet what is mine.

Senior said with a faint smile, turning my mind blank.

What did she meant by hers? The first position? Or oppa himself? If it was the former, there was hope; if it was the latter, then it was over. After such a direct warning, I cant imagine what punishment might come if I upset Senior.

My first has always been Carl.

Senior, maintaining her smile, took a step towards me.

The first time I was involved in a marriage talk was with Carl.

Then, another step.

And the first person I ever loved was Carl.

The last step she took brought her within arms reach.

The first gift I treasured was also from Carl.

Senior looked affectionately at the red fan she always carried. So the fan was a gift from oppa I didnt know that.

Carl has taken many of my firsts. So, its only right that I take the position of his first.

Her eyes, which earlier held warm affection, now blazed with an unidentifiable emotion.

It was frightening. I felt an urge to run away right then. But at the same time, a flicker of hope rose within me.

She mentioned firsts.

It was clear now. Seniors non-negotiable line wasnt oppa himself but the first position. As long as I didnt cross that line, everything would be okay.

Then, I know what to say.

I think so, too.

I nodded quickly, speaking in the brightest voice I could muster.

I think its a beautiful thing when people exchange their firsts with each other!

The corners of Seniors eyes slightly softened.

This was it. Im safe.

***

I think its a beautiful thing when people exchange their firsts with each other!

Hmm.

If hes taken your firsts, then its only right for him to give you his!

Hmmmm.

Who else but someone of your stature could match oppa, Senior?

Hmmmmmm.

You two are a perfect match.

Mm.

Its a pass.

How does she always say such beautiful and fitting things?

I felt pleased. Lady Louise was indeed a wonderful junior. She was wise and kind-hearted; she also had a good eye.

But what pleased me the most was

Shes not overly greedy.

Lady Louise respected boundaries.

Having desires was tolerable. Wanting to be Carls wife was a desire, but a cute one at that. After all, it would be strange not to feel that way after seeing him up close.

It was a small, cute desire that didnt exceed bounds. As Carls first wife and someone who must care for the servants of the County of Krasius and the people of Tailglehen, shouldnt I have at least that much tolerance?

Of course. I could always be lenient towards a cute junior who didnt covet my position.

Good.

Once I calmed down, I realized that Lady Louise was actually quite suitable.

She was sincere about Carl and was even prepared to deal with the wrath of the royalties. She wasnt overly ambitious. She understood the situation immediately and responded appropriately.

Yes, she definitely passes. Shes someone who can approach Carl without issues.

Lady Louise. I said I dislike those who covet what is mine, right?

Ah, yes.

But I really like those who know how to respect others.

Louises expression brightened at my words. It seems she understood the meaning behind them.

Ill support you. Give it your best.

Se-Senior

I felt proud after seeing the touched expression on Louises face.

I remembered the times when I just circled around Carl and somehow hoped that my feelings would reach him. I couldnt just ignore a junior who was walking the same path.

Of course, what mattered the most was Carls feelings. If Carl disliked Louise, then there was nothing to be done.

***

Senior left with a gentle face. Unlike her hawk-like entrance into the classroom, her departure resembled an elegant swan.

I bowed several times to Senior as she left gracefully.

She said shed support me.

I had imagined the worst scenarios. Senior might have been furious, thinking I was aiming for the first place, or perhaps because she didnt tolerate the presence of another woman.

But instead of the worst, the best situation occurred. She didnt just tolerate me or accept me; she even offered support.

And then

Give it your best.

She told me to try my best. She permitted me to act.

Can I make my move now?

My heart started to race, and I barely managed to suppress a smile.

I originally planned to lay low until oppa and Senior got engaged to avoid any misunderstandings.

But todays events erased any chance of misunderstanding, and I even received encouragement to act. There was no need to just stand idly by.

So now I

Can I show my feelings to oppa now, and even get closer to him?

Senior had given her permission. It was fine as long as I didnt aim for the first place.

Ahaha.

The laughter that escaped my mouth startled me.

I gently covered my mouth with my hand. Even though no one was around, I shouldnt let myself giggle so openly in the academy.

Pfft- Haha

This was strange. My laughter wouldnt stop even though I was covering my mouth.

No, it wasnt strange. How could I not laugh?

Thank you, Senior.

Thank you for giving me this opportunity.

Thank you, Irina.

Thank you for showing me that there was still a chance.

Wait for me, oppa.

Ive never looked forward to club time as much as I did today.

***

I forgot for a moment that I was stupid and cowardly.

Louise, is something wrong?

Oh, its nothing. Nothings wrong.

I awkwardly laughed at oppas question.

Whats wrong with me? I even got Seniors permission, but what now? I couldnt even say a word.

How should I say it?

I felt embarrassed. I wanted to tell him, but I was too shy.

Why was I like this? Why couldnt I speak when the opportunity was right in front of me?

When I was holding back, I thought I could say it anytime. I thought I had the confidence to confess.

You fool.

I couldnt even take the chance when it was being served to me on a silver platter.

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