Raymond rose and nodded as he smiled at her. He hadn't wanted to fall apart like that. It was just that fear was gnawing holes in his resolve. "Thanks."

: She lifted her shoulder and let it fall, blocking his simple grat.i.tude. "Come on, you don't want to be late." She forced what pa.s.sed for a smile to her lips, though it felt pasted into place.

She desperately wanted to hate him, to coc.o.o.n herself in that overpowering emotion and be invulnerable to any and all feelings that were attempting to break through her ramparts But hatred wouldn't come, wouldn't rise up no matter how much she attempted to summon it.

She couldn't hate, couldn't love. She felt lost and confused

With ambivalent feelings slamming into each other like children piloting b.u.mper cars within her, Sara just shut down emotionally. She walked into the living room, then turned to look at him. "Where's your suitcase?"

"By the door." He indicated the small valise. "I've been ready for hours." He picked it up. Sara moved to take the suitcase from him, then at the last moment decided to give him his dignity.

Raymond looked at his daughter for a long moment, saying things with his eyes he couldn't find the courage to say with his tongue. "Let's get this over with."

She nodded, then opened the front door. Stepping aside, she waited for him to pa.s.s first. A tiny bit of his cologne wafted by her. He still used the same brand. Old Spice. The name popped into her mind automatically and she thought of the old tuneful commercial. The smile she forced this time came a little more easily.

"It'll be all right," she promised softly, shutting the door behind her.

He seemed to brighten at her words, even though there was no way that she could guarantee anything. Neither of them could.

"Are you expecting a phone call?"

Antonio's voice penetrated the thick fog of thought that seemed to be clogging his brain this morning. Pinching the bridge of his nose as if that helped to gather his thoughts together, Nik looked at the man.

"No, why?"

Antonio pointed toward the clock with the cleaver he was using on the row of guinea hens that were lined up before him on the worktable.

"You have been looking at the clock every five minutes. It is not like you: A thought struck Antonio and he suddenly smiled knowingly. " "Did she call in? "

The back doors opened. Two large, wiry men walked in, each carrying a large crate of fresh fish. There were four more crates coming to complete the order. Nik nodded at one of the men. "Who?" he asked Antonio absently.

Antonio waited until Nik turned his attention to him again before continuing. He saw the line of impatience creasing Nik's brow, but it wasn't the first time Nik had been annoyed with him and it wouldn't be the last. With a snap of his wrist he cleaved another hen in half.

"That pretty girl you had coffee with last night. The Italian one." He said it with such gusto that there was no misqing

Antonio's stamp of approval.

Nik crossed to the men who were bringing in the crates. The taller one handed him a receipt mounted on a clipboard to sign. Nik opened the first crate and gave it a cursory look. He'd been dealing with the same market for ten years and was confident of their product. Nodding, he scribbled his name on the form.

"See you Friday," he murmured as the man took back his clipboard.

When Nik turned around, Antonio was standing at his elbow, waiting for an answer. "No." He fairly huffed out the word at the older man.

That only meant one thing. "You made her quit already ?" qtonio shook his head, distressed. "Where have I gone wrong with you, Nikolas?"

Nik waved over two of the busboys and indicated the crates. "Take these into the walk-in and unpack them." He looked over his shoulder at Antonio. The man was following him around, conducting an interview for "The Dating Game" while there were chickens waiting to be boned and orders to be filled. He knew Antonio well enough to know that the man wasn't going to go back to work until he had his answer.

"She didn't quit. She's taking her father in to the hospital for surgery today."

Antonio nodded gravely as he took the information in. Returning to his worktable, he resumed cleaving chickens. "Maybe she needs someone to hold her hand."

Aware that the conversation was attracting attention, Nik moved closer to Antonio. "I offered. She said she didn't: '

Antonio looked at Nik as if the man had just announced that he had bought a controlling share in the Golden Gate Bridge from a street peddler. "And you believed her?" He shook his head and laughed.

"Why shouldn't I?" Annoyance began to infiltrate Nik's voice, partially because he was carrying on the same debate silently in his head that Antonio was insisting on dragging out into the open.

"Because all women need to have a man to lean on nc matter what they say." Antonio smiled, thinking of his wife and the years they had shared, both turbulent and calm. He would have been lost without her.

"And all men like to have a woman in their lives to turn to." He looked at Nik meaningfully

He could just hear what Sara would have to say about the first part of Antonio's comment. "She's not exactly like other women ."

Finished, Antonio set his cleaver down and picked up a boning knife.

"That is exactly my whole point, my friend. You deserve someone who is extraordinary."

Nik raised his voice as someone switched on the mashed potato machine and the low hum pulsated through the area. "I have you, Antonio. I figure that's about all the extraordinary that I can handle."

A loud gasp brought both men's attention around to the stove in the rear of the kitchen. A high yellow-blue flame had suddenly leapt up, surrounding both sides of a pan that Chris was handling.

Stifling an oath, Nik hurried over to the stove, with Antonio on his heels. Chris pulled down the fire extinguisher and aimed the nozzle at the flame as Nik quickly removed the pan. Nik switched off the burner.

Chris let out a deep sigh and let the nozzle fall limply to the side of the metal canister.

"Not quite so high next time, Chris," Nik instructed evenly. "The customer asked for stir-fried vegetables with lamb, not charcoal chips."

Chris ran a jerky hand through his hair as he nodded. He replaced the extinguisher and offered Nik a rueful smile. "Sorry, Nik," he murmured as he took over again.

"Why don't you go to her?" Antonio coaxed as he followed

Nik to the worktable.

"Are you still on that?" When Antonio nodded, Nik sighed. "I'm not sure where she'll be."

It didn't sound like such an insurmountable obstacle to Antonio. "You can have her paged. But she is bound to be in the waiting area."

That was what Nik would have liked to believe, but Sara had made it sound as if she was indifferent to the outcome of the procedure. Nik raised a brow as he looked down at Antonio. "How do you know?"

Antonio spread his hands wide, as if it was obvious to anyone who bothered to look. "I look in her eyes, I know.

Go. Call: He gestured around the kitchen. "There is nothing here I cannot take care of and that I have not taken care of before you knew the difference between a carving knife and a potato peeler."

A protest rose to his lips and faded silently away. Nik debated for a moment, then surrendered to his impulse. The hospital was only five miles away. He was going to see if he could find her.

All moroing he'd been vicariously reliving the time his parents had died. The memory brought with it a sharp ache. Both his parents had died more than ten years ago, yet there were times when he missed them so much that he could hardly bear it. From the very beginning, family ties had been important to him.

Maybe Antonio was right. Maybe it was just all talk with her, all bravado. Maybe she did need someone's hand to hold and was just too proud to say anything. Nik remembered how much he had needed to lean on someone. He couldn't because he was the oldest, the "strong one."

There had been his sisters to care for and no one to confide in. If he had let on to Julia and Jennifer how unnerved and afraid he had been at times, it would have made them feel insecure Their world had been shaken up enough without his adding to it. So he had gone on, silently dealing with his fears, feeling alone.

He didn't think anyone should have to go through what he had by themselves.