The Duke--his aged grand-sire--bore The shame till he could bear no more.

He rallied his declining powers, Summoned the youth to Brackley Towers, And bitterly addressed him thus-- "Sir! you have disappointed us!

We had intended you to be The next Prime Minister but three: The stocks were sold; the Press was squared: The Middle Cla.s.s was quite prepared.

But as it is!... My language fails!

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Go out and govern New South Wales!"

The Aged Patriot groaned and died: And gracious! how Lord Lundy cried!

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REBECCA,

_Who slammed Doors for Fun and Perished Miserably._

A Trick that everyone abhors In Little Girls is slamming Doors.

A

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Wealthy Banker's Little Daughter

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Who lived in Palace Green, Bayswater (By name Rebecca Offendort), Was given to this Furious Sport.

She would deliberately go

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And Slam the door like Billy-Ho!

To make her

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Uncle Jacob start.

She was not really bad at heart, But only rather rude and wild: She was an aggravating child....

It happened that a Marble Bust Of Abraham was standing just Above the Door this little Lamb Had carefully prepared to Slam, And Down it came! It knocked her flat!

It laid her out! She looked like that.

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Her funeral Sermon (which was long And followed by a Sacred Song) Mentioned her Virtues, it is true, But dwelt upon her Vices too, And showed the Dreadful End of One Who goes and slams the door for Fun.

The children who were brought to hear The awful Tale from far and near Were much impressed, and inly swore They never more would slam the Door.

--As often they had done before.

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GEORGE,

_Who played with a Dangerous Toy, and suffered a Catastrophe of considerable Dimensions._

When George's Grandmamma was told

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That George had been as good as Gold, She Promised in the Afternoon To buy him an _Immense BALLOON_.

And

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so she did; but when it came, It got into the candle flame, And being of a dangerous sort Exploded

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with a loud report!

The Lights went out! The Windows broke!

The Room was filled with reeking smoke.

And in the darkness shrieks and yells Were mingled with Electric Bells, And falling masonry and groans, And crunching, as of broken bones, And dreadful shrieks, when, worst of all, The House itself began to fall!

It tottered, shuddering to and fro, Then crashed into the street below-- Which happened to be Savile Row.

When Help arrived, among the Dead

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Were

Cousin Mary,