Chapter 27.14: A quiet life

New Years Eve finally arrived. Rumbling sound of firecrackers outside of the window.

Every New Year Eve, there are only He He and her mother. Unlike other families, where house were crowded with people buzzing around. Because both He Hes parents are orphans so there were no other relatives.

Mothers colleagues often invite both mother and daughter to celebrate Chinese New Year together, especially when Zheng Xies mother were still alive. They were invited every year. But He He and mother are very insistent in this point, so as far as New Year Eve is concerned, it is usually a deserted and quiet night for them. So there were not much significance.

After dinner, both sat on each side of the sofa. He Hes mother had a book in her hand while He He is holding onto a laptop. Both occasionally chat a few words and then occasionally looked up to watch the New Year party.

He Hes mother asked: How come this year you did not buy firecrackers and fireworks?

Economic crisis. National call to save. Mother, you see that house, they had been putting on the fireworks for half an hour. I can watch them for free. Do not need to pollute the atmosphere. He He said while pointing to the window.

He He is very timid. She never dare to set off firecrackers and fireworks. But she likes to see other people to set off fireworks so could not resist buying them. Before, each New Year, she always wait for Zheng Xie to visit their home during the New Year to help her set those fireworks. Years after years.

He He decided to leave on the seventh day to go to C City. Things were all packed. She contracted a very easy job bank. So on one side she can re-adapt to the environment while preparing the exam for university.

He Hes mother said: Although you have always not been on my side, but there has been no lack of care before by Aunty Qian. And there were also Xiao Xie. Now you have another person, I find it hard not to worry.

I am very familiar with the other side. And beside there are many former classmates there.

You have always not like to study, why you want to go back to school?

I am much older now. So I changed my mind.

In additional to the New Years Eve firecrackers, there were SMS noise as well. The phone have been buzzing non-stop. He He open her phone and compile a good greetings SMS. She open her contact and slowly send the greetings out. She paused when she reach Zheng Xies name.

After that night, she had made no contact with Zheng Xie. She had sent a text message to apologies but there were no responds from him. So she did not dare to call him.

She always felt very remorseful. No matter how much she is trying to evade him that night, she should not have said such words. For her own sake, even after so many years, it is hard to treat a person whom have taken such good care of her to be so heartless. She felt frustrated, angry and desperate. Not to mentioned that Zheng Xie is a proud and sensitive person.

If fact, it is really not words from her heart. But in that situation, she is afraid that Zheng Xie would expose her lies and for the fear of any other changes. So without thinking properly, those words had actually came out of her mouth just like a tiny magic beans, once given a little water, uncontrolled soaring. She knew that her outburst were bad but unfortunately it cannot be undone.

She wants to go to Zheng Xie and explained herself that it is not her intention. But then after all, those words were spoken by herself. So she seems to have no explanation.

When Zheng Xie did not return her message, she did want to summon her courage to call him. But somewhere in her heart cold hearted say, it is better to have him willing to think of it as how it was spoken. Instead of letting him felt indebted to her, why not let him stay despair over her words. So at least she would not have to live in fear that because of her mental disorder, she becomes an obstacle to his marriage with Yang Wei Qi.

Every time she meet with Yang Wei Qi, she felt guilty. When she accidentally learned that Yang Wei Qi were collecting the pendant and only had two, she gave her the one that she had just obtained from Zheng Xie. When Yang Wei Qi shown interested in her drawings, she stayed up all night to help her draw.

However, it is clearly that the accident back then was unintentional. Although Zheng Xie is not playboy but he is also not an innocent boy.

Why do I feel guilty toward her for something that I did not do? She depressedly think while biting her fingers.

At midnight, He He lie the bed, listening to the endless sound of firecrackers outside the window, not feeling sleepy at all. The SMS notification continued until half past midnight before it stop. To sleep without harassment, she switched off her phone before heading to bed.

After a while, she got up and switched on her phone. She wanted to dial Zheng Xies number but never had the courage to press the button. She then compose a simple message, only 3 words: Happy New Year and dispatch the message. And then she immediately press to cancel.

He He over and over again toss and turn while lying on the bed. The noise outside is muddling her mind even more.

Finally she got out of bed barefoot, turn on the computer to the mailbox account that Zheng Xie only login once. She wrote and then changed over and over again. After a long time, she finally send over a picture, drawn with her mouse, a painting of two humble kittens. The one on the above she wrote Happy New Year and the other one, she wrote, I am sorry. I am wrong.

Although Zheng Xie may only see the message many months later. Perhaps he will never even read but deleted it. But since she had sent it out and written what is on her mind, she felt a little relieved.