ItwaslateafternoonwhenIgotbacktotheflat.Thetidy,dull,unwelcomingroomshadn'tchangedabit.WhenIlookedatthekitchenIrememberedLynniemakingburntscrambledegg,andIfeltafiercedisturbingwishthatshewouldsoonmakesomemore.

Iunpacked.Theeveningstretchedgreylyahead.

Isatandstaredvacantlyatthebarewalls.

Ifwasagrindingword,Ithought.IfSamHengelmanhadtakenlongertomendthatgasket,Waltwouldhavefoundusontheroadandwouldhavestoppedusgoingtothefarm.IfSamhadmendeditfaster,we'dhavereachedthefarmwellbeforeWalt,andMattwouldhavekilledme,ashe'dmeant.

IfIhadn'tdecidedtorecoverthehorsesbystealingthem,Waltwouldbealive.Theymightcollectivelybeworthnearlyfivemilliondollars,b.u.t.theyweren'tworthWalt'slife.

IwishedI'dneverstarted.

Thegreydayturnedtogreydusk.Igotupandswitchedonthelight,andfetchedtwoobjectstoputonthelowtablebesidemychair.

TheLuger,andthephotographofWaltwithhiswifeandkids.

Thetroublewithbeinggivenagiftyoudon'treallywantisthatyoufeelsomeanifyouthrowitaway.Especiallyifitcostmorethanthegivercouldafford.

Iwon'tthrowawayWalt'sgift.EvenifLynniechangeshermind,I'llsurvive.

Tiredbeyondfeeling,Iwenttobedatten.IputtheLugerunderthepillow,andhungthephotographonthewall.

Andslept.

TheEnd