Cha Hyunseung stood in the street on a rainy night, looking up longingly at the five-story building. From the look in his eyes, one could tell that he was very worried. He could not take his eyes off the light emitting from Na Miyeon’s studio apartment, as though he missed looking at her face, which he had not seen in days.

“Cha Hyunseung?” As Park Jihyuk came out of Na Miyeon’s apartment, he found Cha Hyunseung standing there and called out to him. The latter cocked his head to one side, looking puzzled.

“Are you here to visit Miyeon? She hasn’t been admitted to the hospital, so there’s no need for you to come here,” said Park Jihyuk.

Putting it harshly, that meant that none of her classmates or friends had gone to visit her. They had only told her to take care of herself after finding out that she was down with a cold. However, the image of Cha Hyunseung standing there with a takeout box bearing the logo of a porridge restaurant in his hand, in the middle of the night, looked rather unfamiliar.

“Miyeon is sleeping right now, so even if you go to her apartment, you can’t even see her. Did you buy that for Miyeon?” asked Park Jihyuk, pointing to the bag with the porridge in it.

Cha Hyunseung nodded. He had bought it for her, but he did not think that he could actually give it to her. Feeling embarrassed, standing there pointlessly by himself with numb feet, his face turned visibly red even though it was dark at night.

“Hmm, I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to Miyeon. You can’t give cheap porridge with unknown ingredients to a sick person who isn’t healthy.”

Cha Hyunseung was at a loss for words upon hearing Park Jihyuk speak without malice. He was only a man who was concerned about the woman he loved. For the first time, shame could be seen on his face that was already bright red.

Park Jihyuk stared at Cha Hyunseung and asked innocently, “Did you fall for Miyeon? Well, it’s not surprising, because she’s a lovely girl.”

He spoke casually, as if he had just learned a fact that was neither ridiculous nor jealousy-inducing. The confidence he had that Cha Hyunseung’s feelings had no effect on their love turned into indifference, which soon led to disregard.

“Miyeon is sleeping, so please leave. I have to go back in after smoking a cigarette.” Park Jihyuk smiled brightly as he took out his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and shook it. Even though he seemed rather spiteful, one could also argue that he was just a naive, sheltered young master.

Cha Hyunseung turned around and left with the porridge that he was unable to give to Na Miyeon. As he walked away, Park Jihyuk was busy lighting his cigarette while holding an umbrella, and did not even shoot him a glance at all. A small speck of light shone over Cha Hyunseung’s shoulder as a thin wisp of smoke began to rise. 

At the end of the alley, Cha Hyunseung suddenly looked back after standing at the corner of the alley for a while, staring blankly. Before he knew it, Park Jihyuk had finished smoking his cigarette. He did not see the latter going up to the studio apartment. When he looked up and looked for Na Miyeon’s unit, the light in her apartment had already gone out. He had to put the cumbersome umbrella behind his back in order to look up, as it was blocking the view of her apartment. Without the umbrella sheltering him, Cha Hyunseung lifted his head, allowing the rain to fall on his face.

Raindrops ran down his hair and forehead, pooling around his eyes before dripping down his face. It looked as if he were crying, but the droplets were not tears. He had no expression on his face. He simply looked indifferent. At that moment, he started revealing one emotion through his eyes. Up until now, Cha Hyunseung had only loved Na Miyeon silently from afar. The very first emotion he showed in a long time was despair.

---

“Cut!”

Even though the scene was over, Chae Woojin merely stood there in a daze. Director Choi approached him with caution, seeing how Woojin was unable to come to his senses even though the water sprinkler had been turned off and everyone was already diligently cleaning up. It was a situation where Woojin could not snap out of character even after the scene was over, struggling with the waves of emotion.

Director Choi had seen that happen every now and then, so he went to pat Woojin gently on the shoulder. Woojin only came to his senses after that. He glanced over his shoulder and shifted his gaze toward Director Choi. Director Choi nodded in response to Woojin, whose eyes were filled with tears despite not shedding any during the shooting. It was as if Director Choi had already known what Woojin was going through without him saying a single word.

“Director?” Woojin asked.

“I know how you feel. You must have a lot on your mind right now,” said Director Choi.

It was normal for Woojin to feel disconcerted, when reality did not seem real and he could not distinguish whether the world of the movie he acted in was real or fake.

“Still, no tears. Cha Hyunseung doesn’t shed any tears,” the director continued.

Woojin looked at Choi Yigeon, who was relieved that the tears had not been captured on screen. He asked, “I’m sorry?”

“If your version of Cha Hyunseung were a loser, he might have cried a couple of times. But your version of Cha Hyunseung is a firm and strong man. He wouldn't cry over this.”

Director Choi was speaking to him as if he were warmly coaxing a child. It was very foreign and rather bizarre. Thus, it helped Woojin snap out of his trance and come to his senses, but he could not comprehend what Director Choi was saying.

“Why would Cha Hyunseung be crying?” asked Woojin.

“You’re crying right now, no?” Director Choi asked him a question in response.

“I’m the one crying though, not Cha Hyunseung.”

“Huh? Why are you crying, then?”

Upon hearing Director Choi’s question, Woojin hesitated for a moment and looked around. Even though everyone was paying attention to their conversation, they managed to fool Woojin as they pretended to be focused on their tasks. Hence, he came clean and told Director Choi how he truly felt.

“Earlier on, in the last part of the scene, I was suddenly reminded of the time my ex-girlfriend wanted to break up with me out of the blue. I shouldn’t have done that… I was thinking about something else while I was acting… because it was so sad and full of despair…”

“Ah, I see. So that’s what happened…” replied Director Choi in a staccato tone, like a robot.

In other words, the swooning ‘look of despair’ on Woojin’s face earlier belonged to Chae Woojin himself, and not Cha Hyunseung. In spite of how the shooting had unfolded today, Director Choi was satisfied with that one scene, and was very pleased with the look on Woojin’s face. He kept those thoughts to himself, not saying them out loud.

Looking at Director Choi’s facial expression, Woojin asked in a discouraged voice, “Perhaps we should shoot that scene again?”

“No!” Director Choi cried. 

How can I possibly shoot that again?

 He tried to suppress his thoughts and forced himself to give Woojin a gracious smile. “Even though that wasn’t acting, it wasn’t bad. Let’s just leave it at that.” 

In truth, it was a decision that went against Director Choi Yigeon’s values. Even if it was a memorable scene, based on what Woojin had said, it was not acting. Even though he felt strongly against producing anything that was not real acting, he could not give up on that scene. There was no guarantee that they could shoot a better scene if they were to do it again.

“But it’s very unsettling to me. Even though there were many outtakes today, I want to do a perfect job…”

“It. Is. Perfect. Enough! So don’t have any weird thoughts!”

Directors were people who would do anything to shoot the scenes they wanted. Choi Yigeon realized that he himself was no exception as well. On the other hand, actors could only speak via acting.

Woojin felt that what he had done earlier was not acting—it was only a scrap of emotion. He was a little surprised by his own thoughts as an actor, but he wanted to keep his stance. “It’s not that I have weird thoughts. It’s just really absurd…”

Director Choi covered Woojin’s mouth with his hand and told him that he was already having weird thoughts. That was when Director Choi had suddenly remembered what Woojin had said earlier about his ex-girlfriend breaking up with him. At that moment, Director Choi had a sad look in his eyes, as he looked at Woojin trapped in his arms.

The despair, the only emotion reflected in Woojin’s expressionless face during the last part of the scene, was real. It was terrible how that was nothing but Woojin’s sincerity, which led Director Choi to wonder how that had happened. What kind of love had Woojin experienced at such a young age, for him to have come to know that type of despair?

“Hey everyone, since we’re done with shooting today, why don’t we have a get-together?”

The word ‘get-together’ came out of the mouth of Director Choi Yigeon, a person who hated the culture of Korean get-togethers. In his head, he could not think of anything else to manage this situation in a natural way. All he could think of was a get-together, which would be well-received by everyone in this uncomfortable situation.

Director Choi was not the only person who felt awkward. The people who had been listening in on the conversation between the both of them, despite pretending not to, also felt somewhat awkward and flustered because they did not know how to deal with such sad emotions. Fortunately, everybody was in agreement pertaining to Director Choi’s suggestion for a get-together, and they rejoiced. As they cheered, ultimately, Woojin did not have a choice but to nod, as he could not possibly be the only person to object.

He had learned that once he messed up a scene or shot a scene that he was unhappy with, regardless of how unsettled he might feel, there was no way for him to reverse it. In the early stage of becoming an actor and learning new things one by one, how dangerous was it to have trivial thoughts while acting? Regardless of how good the outcome was, he himself had to bear the shame of knowing the full truth. From now on, whenever he looked at the scene that was taken earlier, Woojin would be secretly ashamed of himself and find it disgraceful. For the first time, Woojin was conscious of how terrifying it was that videos would remain accessible to everyone forever.

***

Choi Yigeon managed to skirt around Woojin’s request to shoot the scene again by using the get-together as an excuse. He smiled for the first time, feeling pleased. He thought about how get-togethers were not necessarily a bad thing, and decided to hold them every now and then.

However, four hours into the event, he realized the culture of such get-togethers in Korea was very tiring and inelegant.

“We’re heading back now, right?” asked Director Choi.

For the first round, they went to a charcoal grilled ribs restaurant. After that, they went to a Korean bar, before going to a karaoke place at dawn. The remaining people who had gone to all three places were staying at the motel.

The two main leads disappeared at some point after they had left the Korean bar. 

Lucky people,

 Director Choi thought. He envied the people who were not present, as he tried to straighten his defenseless body.

Since his co-workers asked when they would have another get-together, Choi Yigeon decided to change his mind about these events again. He told himself that he would not hold one ever again in the future.

 Do you think I’ll show you this unsightly side of me, that’s drunk and disorganized, again?

As he made up his mind, the view before him gradually became more and more slanted as he fell to the side. 

What could this feeling of warm and cozy fabric touching my face be?

He struggled to open his eyes that were about to close. Looking straight ahead, he could see Chae Woojin holding the microphone. Listening to the introduction, it was Yim Jae-beom’s ‘Confession’.

“Nooooooooo~”

How dare you sing a forbidden song at karaoke?

Furthermore, why was a broken-hearted man singing that song? He tried to reach his hand out in a bid to stop Woojin from singing it, but his body would not obey him.

“What should be done~ What should I do?”

When Woojin’s song started, Director Choi lamented to himself about what to do with him. 

Y

ou’re definitely going to feel so embarrassed when you wake up in the morning

. 

But you sing really well.

Director Choi Yigeon looked at Chae Woojin as he slowly closed his eyes. His evaluation of Woojin as an actor was put on hold, as he could not come to a conclusion on whether Woojin was a good actor or a bad one.

However, if he was able to express himself through his acting like the last scene he had shot today, Director Choi was confident that Woojin would become a great actor. Choi Yigeon was someone who considered actors good if they were able to act beautifully, regardless of their appearance.

If what Woojin had said was true, it would mean he had used a trick today. It was such a great scene that Director Choi had approved it, even though it was not actual acting. It was personally a shame, but he had no choice but to give it the green light. It was against his own rules, but Chae Woojin’s appearance that had been captured on camera was truly beautiful.