Chapter 19: Inquiries

"That… uh… Lin… Si Yao…" Su Shuilian had thought for a long time. She spoke up to Lin Si Yao after he accompanied her back to her room after dinner.

Lin Si Yao turned at her voice, his eyebrow raised as he waited for the rest of her sentence.

"That, about today……I'm sorry, I was brash. I forgot that you would also meet a girl that you would admire, and that you would have liked to start a family with…… I…… shouldn't have been so selfish, dragging you to settle down in Fan Hua Town…" Su Shuilian apologized  stammeringly, her words were confusing and didn't even make sense to her.

She was sure that she had a good impression of him. Moreover, they had lived alone in the forest for two months, so of course the idea of being together with him naturally came to her mind. But the reason for that kind of desire… she was unsure of why that kind of idea started to develop.

But when she had blurted out to Aunt Lao that she was engaged with Lin Si Yao, she suddenly realised that he had already occupied a portion of her heart. Unconsciously, her gaze would always follow his tall and st.u.r.dy back. If anything were to happen, she would look into his cool eyes that somehow always seem to calm her down.

It's just that… She was unsure of his reasons. Why did he decide to follow her and stay with her. Su Shuilian was afraid that his reasons were simply because of his debt of grat.i.tude, his fear of leaving a girl to wander on her own, and his inability to refuse her requests.

If those were the reasons, then her decisions were all very selfish. Su Shuilian slumped her shoulders as she subconsciously looked down. She was afraid to look at him; afraid he would let out a sigh of relief and decide to go his separate ways to pursue the woman that he liked.

Her mind began to wander as it continued to guess what Lin Si Yao's answer would be. She just wouldn't look up at his face.

"This is what you wanted?" She heard his voice by her ears, but this time it had a bit more frost in it.

Su Shuilian looked up. What? What was 'this is what you wanted?' All she wanted was him…

Ah! Su Shuilian cover her mouth as she almost exclaimed out loud. Her eyes displayed extreme astonishment. She… she actually wanted him. Not the kind of platonic relations.h.i.+p, but beyond the feelings of friends. She… she liked him. She had subconsciously wanted to be closer to him… for example…their wedding after settling in…

Su Shuilian's face heated up, she quickly moved her hands to cover her blus.h.i.+ng cheeks.

"What is it? Is it uncomfortable anywhere?"

Seeing that she hadn't said anything in awhile, Lin Si Yao walked closer to examine her. When he got close enough to see her flushed face, he thought that she had strained herself outside and had developed a fever. He gently felt her forehead and was relieved it was not hot. But looking at her heated cheeks, Lin Si Yao's eyes flashed with worry. He knelt down and quietly asked.

"No… No, it's nothing." Su Shuilian held onto her face which was rising in heat as she shyly replied.

When Lin Si Yao heard this, he didn't change his expression as he thought for a bit before he reached with his left hand to tightly grasp onto Su Shuilain's hands that were covering her cheeks. With his other hand, he gently lifted her chin and met her misty eyes with his. "Tell me, what is going on."

"I… I….there's nothing…" She turned her face and did not dare to look into his cold eyes.

"Does it have anything to do with me?" Lin Si Yao did not want to make it hard for her, just the small, soft hands in his hand… He did not want to let go. He knew this kind of thing was inappropriate, but he refused to let go. Even if she realised his feelings and is trying to escape, but it was better than restating these feelings in hopes of her reciprocating.

Su Shuilian did not know how to answer. As a girl, she could not just boldly say that she liked him and wanted to be with him. She couldn't say that she did not want him to leave her to have a family with another woman.

"The words you said previously…" Lin Si Yao opened his mouth and paused before adding, "About the girl I admire…"

When Su Shuilian heard this, she suddenly tilted her head up, but then hit her head on Lin Si Yao's hard chin. "Ouch!" she cried in pain as tears almost came out of her eyes.

Lin Si Yao was stunned for a bit before he gently rubbed her swollen forehead. He could not help but sigh; this kind of girl, how could he bear to let her go alone if  they were to go their separate ways in the future.

"You just sai…" Su Shuilian helplessly opened her mouth. He… did he already have a girl that he admired? Was it that Lu Wan'er from before?

Su Shuilian bit her lips as she pushed away her thoughts that had gone bitter. Of course, men would like those kinds of lively, cheerful, and glamorous women. Just like brother Xin Yi… Didn't he also prefer the lively and beautiful Shuiyan over the quiet her?

"First tell me first, what did you previously think of?" Lin Si Yao pulled a stool and sat next to her. He had intended to make sense of this matter today. Even if his feelings were discovered, he could only admit to it. This way, in the future, he can stop his wishful thinking.

"…" When Su Shuilian heard him say this, her previously shameful thought rose again. She was unsure of where to place her hands and legs and her face started to flush again.

"Shuilian" Lin Si Yao said out the name that he had called out countless times in his heart. He asked in a low voice, "can I call you that?"

Su Shuilian's heart shook, but she nodded back in response. When he had said her name, it was like sorcery, causing her heart to quiver.

"I have never given anyone any sort of gifts, let alone jewelry." Lin Si Yao looked straight at her face as he said every word of the sentence. This could be a very long explanation, but for her, he was willing to be patient, as long as she was willing to listen.

"You…" Su Shuilian did not dare to return his gaze. His cold stare was gone and his eyes now had emotions that she would not recognize if she did. However, what was the meaning of his words… unless it is what she thinks it means: that he also liked her.

"You… you just said…. The girl that you admire… is….." She did not want to rely on her a.s.sumptions and wanted him to clearly say it out loud.

"It's you." After Lin Si Yao said these two words, he turned his head away in embarra.s.sment. He feared that he would see ridicule in her eyes and he feared her words of rejection. But of course, for a ruthless killer like him, how could such a honest and beautiful girl such as her like him?

With this thought, Lin Si Yao got up, staggering as he hesitantly made his way out her room. Shouldn't her silent reply already convey that she turned down his feelings?

Just… What is this? Lin Si Yao looked down at the small hand that had tightly grasped the hem of his clothing. Looking up, he saw Su Shuilian's blus.h.i.+ng red face and her shy eyes.

"Me… me too" Su Shuilian gather up her courage as she said out loud the words that had stayed in her heart.

When he heard this, Lin Si Yao's body stiffened. She… what she said before, was it what he thinks it means? Lin Si Yao was afraid to move., He was scared that those words he had just heard were his hallucination.

"You don't believe…" When Su Shuilian did not hear Lin Si Yao's response, her heart grew anxious. She waved her hands in a hurry and grabbed onto his hand, "I really mean what I said, I…"

"I believe." After a while, Lin Si Yao finally found his voice. His low voice was a bit fl.u.s.tered, although that was hard to detect.