Paddy says, Shurrup, and the boy says, Oh, ana whoas goina to make me? Paddy tries a punch but the big boy hits his nose and knocks him down and thereas blood. I try to hit the big boy but he grabs me by the throat and bangs my head against the wall till I see lights and black dots.

Paddy walks away holding his nose and crying and the big boy pushes me after him. Fintan is outside on the street and he says, Oh, Francis, Francis, oh,Patrick,Patrick,whatas up? Why are you crying,Patrick? and Paddy says, Iam hungry. I canat fight n.o.body because Iam starving with the hunger ana fallina down ana Iam ashamed of meself.

157.

Fintan says, Come with me, Patrick. My mother will give us something, and Paddy says,Ah, no, me nose is bleedina.

Donat worry. Sheall put something on your nose or a key on the back of your neck. Francis, you must come, too.You always look hungry.

Ah, no, Fintan.

Ah, do, Francis.

All right, Fintan.

Fintanas flat is like a chapel.There are two pictures, the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. Jesus is showing His heart with the crown of thorns, the fire, the blood. His head is tilted to the left to show His great sorrow. The Virgin Mary is showing her heart and it would be a pleasant heart if it didnat have that crown of thorns.

Her head is tilted to the right to show her sorrow because she knows her Son will come to a sad end.

Thereas a picture on another wall of a man with a brown robe and birds sitting all over him. Fintan says, Do you know who that is, Francis?

No? Thatas your patron, St. Francis of a.s.sisi, and do you know what today is?

The fourth of October.

Thatas right and itas his feast day and special for you because you can ask St. Francis for anything and heall surely give it to you.Thatas why I wanted you to come here today. Sit down, Patrick, sit down, Francis.

Mrs. Slattery comes in with her rosary beads in her hand. Sheas happy to meet Fintanas new friends and would we like a cheese sandwich?

And look at your poor nose, Patrick. She touches his nose with the cross on her rosary beads and says a little prayer. She tells us these rosary beads were blessed by the Pope himself and would stop the flow of a river if requested never mind Patrickas poor nose.

Fintan says he wonat have a sandwich because heas fasting and praying for the boy who hit Paddy and me.Mrs. Slattery gives him a kiss on the head and tells him heas a saint out of heaven and asks if wead like mustard on our sandwiches and I tell her I never heard of mustard on cheese and Iad love it. Paddy says, I dunno. I never had a sangwidge in me life, and we all laugh and I wonder how you could live ten years like Paddy and never have a sandwich. Paddy laughs, too, and you can see his teeth are white and black and green.

We eat the sandwich and drink tea and Paddy wants to know where the lavatory is. Fintan takes him through the bedroom to the backyard 158.

and when they come back Paddy says, I have to go home.Me motherall kill me. Iall wait for you outside, Frankie.

Now I have to go to the lavatory and Fintan leads me to the backyard.

He says, I have to go, too, and when I unb.u.t.ton my fly I canat pee because heas looking at me and he says,You were fooling.You donat have to go at all. I like to look at you, Francis.Thatas all. I wouldnat want to commit any cla.s.s of a sin with our Confirmation coming next year.

Paddy and I leave together. Iam bursting and run behind a garage to pee. Paddy is waiting for me and as we walk along Hartstonge Street he says,That was a powerful sangwidge, Frankie, ana him ana his mother is very holy but I wouldnat want to go to Fintanas flat anymore because heas very odd, isnat he, Frankie?

He is, Paddy.

The way he looks at it when you take it out, thatas odd, isnat it, Frankie?

aTis, Paddy.

A few days later Paddy whispers, Fintan Slattery said we could come to his flat at lunchtime. His mother wonat be there and she leaves his lunch for him. He might give us some too and he has lovely milk.Will we go?

Fintan sits two rows from us. He knows what Paddy is saying to me and he moves his eyebrows up and down as if to say,Will you come? I whisper yes to Paddy and he nods to Fintan and the master barks at us to stop waggling our eyebrows and our lips or the ash plant will sing across our backsides.

Boys in the schoolyard see the three of us walk out and they pa.s.s remarks. Oh, Gawd, look at Fintan and his ingles. Paddy says, Fintan, whatas an ingle? and Fintan says itas just a boy from olden times who sits in a corner, thatas all. He tells us sit at the table in his kitchen and we can read his comic books if we like, Film Fun, the Beano, the Dandy, or the religious magazines or his motheras romance magazines, the Miracle and the Oracle, which always have stories about factory girls who are poor but beautiful in love with sons of earls and vice versa and the factory girl ends up throwing herself into the Thames with the hopelessness only to be rescued by a pa.s.sing carpenter who is poor but honest and will love the factory girl for her own humble self though it turns out the pa.s.sing carpenter is really the son of a duke, which is much higher than an earl, so that now the poor factory girl is a d.u.c.h.ess and can look 159.

down her nose at the earl who spurned her because sheas happy tending her roses on her twelve-thousand-acre estate in Shropshire and being kind to her poor old mother, who refuses to leave her humble little cottage for all the money in the world.

Paddy says, I donat want to read nothing, itas all a cod, all them stories.

Fintan removes the cloth covering his sandwich and gla.s.s of milk.

The milk looks creamy and cool and delicious and the sandwich bread is almost as white. Paddy says, Is that a ham sangwidge? and Fintan says, aTis. Paddy says,Thatas a lovely looking sangwidge and is there mustard on it? Fintan nods and slices the sandwich in two. Mustard seeps out.

He licks it off his fingers and takes a nice mouthful of milk. He cuts the sandwich again into quarters, eighths, sixteenths, takes The Little Messenger of the Sacred Heart from the pile of magazines and reads while he eats his sandwich bits and drinks his milk and Paddy and I look at him and I know Paddy is wondering what weare doing here at all, at all, because thatas what Iam wondering myself hoping Fintan will pa.s.s over the plate to us but he doesnat, he finishes the milk, leaves bits of sandwich on the plate, covers it with the cloth and wipes his lips in his dainty way, lowers his head, blesses himself and says grace after meals and, G.o.d, weall be late for school, and blesses himself again on the way out with holy water from the little china font hanging by the door with the little image of the Virgin Mary showing her heart and pointing at it with two fingers as if we couldnat make it out for ourselves.

Itas too late for Paddy and me to run and get the bun and milk from Nellie Ahearn and I donat know how Iam going to last from now till I can run home after school and get a piece of bread. Paddy stops at the school gate. He says, I canat go in there starving with the hunger. Iad fall asleep and Dottyad kill me.

Fintan is anxious. Come on, come on,weall be late. Come on, Francis, hurry up.

Iam not going in, Fintan.You had your lunch.We had nothing.

Paddy explodes.Youare a f.e.c.kina chancer, Fintan.Thatas what you are ana a f.e.c.kina begrudger too with your f.e.c.kina sangwidge ana your f.e.c.kina Sacred Heart of Jesus on the wall ana your f.e.c.kina holy water.You can kiss my a.r.s.e, Fintan.

Oh, Patrick.

Oh, Patrick my f.e.c.kina a.r.s.e, Fintan. Come on, Frankie.

Fintan runs into school and Paddy and I make our way to an orchard in Ballinacurra.We climb a wall and a fierce dog comes at us till 160.

Paddy talks to him and tells him heas a good dog and weare hungry and go home to your mother.The dog licks Paddyas face and trots away waving his tail and Paddy is delighted with himself.We stuff apples into our shirts till we can barely get back over the wall to run into a long field and sit under a hedge eating the apples till we canat swallow another bit and we stick our faces into a stream for the lovely cool water.Then we run to opposite ends of a ditch to s.h.i.t and wipe ourselves with gra.s.s and thick leaves. Paddy is squatting and saying,Thereas nothing in the world like a good feed of apples, a drink of water and a good s.h.i.t, better than any sangwidge of cheese and mustard and Dotty OaNeill can shove his apple up his a.r.s.e.

There are three cows in a field with their heads over a stone wall and they say moo to us. Paddy says, Bejasus, atis milkina time, and heas over the wall, stretched on his back under a cow with her big udder hanging into his face.He pulls on a teat and squirts milk into his mouth.

He stops squirting and says, Come on, Frankie, fresh milk. aTis lovely.

Get that other cow, theyare all ready for the milkina.

I get under the cow and pull on a teat but she kicks and moves and Iam sure sheas going to kill me.Paddy comes over and shows me how to do it, pull hard and straight and the milk comes out in a powerful stream.The two of us lie under the one cow and weare having a great time filling ourselves with milk when thereas a roar and thereas a man with a stick charging across the field.Weare over the wall in a minute and he canat follow us because of his rubber boots. He stands at the wall and shakes his stick and shouts that if he ever catches us weall have the length of his boot up our a.r.s.es and we laugh because weare out of harmas way and Iam wondering why anyone should be hungry in a world full of milk and apples.

Itas all right for Paddy to say Dotty can shove the apple up his a.r.s.e but I donat want to rob orchards and milk cows forever and Iall always try to win Dottyas apple peel so that I can go home and tell Dad how I answered the hard questions.

Weare walking back through Ballinacurra.Thereas rain and lightning and we run but itas hard for me with the sole of my shoe flapping and threatening to trip me. Paddy can run all he wants in his long bare feet and you hear them slapping on the pavement. My shoes and stockings are soaked and they make their own sound, squish, squish.Paddy notices that and we make a song from our two sounds, slap slap, squish, squish, slap squish, squish slap.We laugh so hard over our song we have to hold 161.

on to one another.The rain gets heavier and we know we canat stand under a tree or weall be fried entirely so we stand by a door which is opened in a minute by a big fat maid in a little white hat and a black dress with a little white ap.r.o.n who tells us get away from this door weare a disgrace.We run from the door and Paddy calls back, Mullingar heifer, beef to the heels, and he laughs till he chokes and has to lean against a wall with the weakness.Thereas no sense in standing in from the rain anymore, weare soaked to the skin, so we take our time down OaConnell Avenue. Paddy says he learned that Mullingar heifer thing from his uncle Peter, the one that was in India in the English army and they have a photo of him standing with a group of soldiers with their helmets and guns and bandoliers around their chests and there are dark men in uniform who are Indians and loyal to the King. Uncle Peter had a great time for himself in a place called Kashmir, which is lovelier than Killarney that theyare always bragging about and singing.Paddy goes on again about running away and winding up in India in a silken tent with the girl with the red dot and the curry and the figs and heas making me hungry even if Iam stuffed with apples and milk.

The rain is clearing and there are birds honking over our heads.Paddy says theyare ducks or geese or something on their way to Africa where itas nice and warm.The birds have more sense than the Irish.They come to the Shannon for their holidays and then they go back to the warm places, maybe even India.He says heall write me a letter when heas over there and I can come to India and have my own girl with a red dot.

Whatas that dot for, Paddy?

It shows theyare high cla.s.s, the quality.

But, Paddy,would the quality in India talk to you if they knew you were from a lane in Limerick and had no shoes?

Course they would, but the English quality wouldnat.The English quality wouldnat give you the steam of their p.i.s.s.

Steam of their p.i.s.s? G.o.d, Paddy, did you think of that yourself ?

Naw, naw, thatas what my father says below in the bed when heas coughina up the gobs and blamina the English for everything.

And I think, Steam of their p.i.s.s. Iall keep that for myself. Iall go around Limerick saying it, Steam of their p.i.s.s, Steam of their p.i.s.s, and when I go to America some day Iall be the only one who knows it.

Question Quigley is wobbling toward us on a big womanas bicycle and calls to me,Hoi, Frankie McCourt, youare going to be killed. Dotty OaNeill sent a note to your house and said you didnat come back to 162.

school after lunch, that you went on the mooch with Paddy Clohessy.

Your mother is going to kill you. Your father is out looking for you and heas going to kill you, too.

Oh,G.o.d,I feel cold and empty and I wish I could be in India where itas nice and warm and thereas no school and my father could never find me to kill me.Paddy tells the Question, He didnat go on the mooch and I didnat either. Fintan Slattery starved us to death and we were too late for the bun and the milk. Then Paddy says to me, Donat mind aem, Frankie, atis all a cod.Theyare always sendina notes to our house and we wipe our a.r.s.es with them.

My mother and father would never wipe their a.r.s.es with a note from the master and Iam afraid now to go home.The Question rides off on the bicycle, laughing, and I donat know why because he once ran away from home and slept in a ditch with four goats and thatas worse than mooching from school half a day anytime.

I could turn up the Barrack Road now and go home and tell my parents Iam sorry I went on the mooch and I did it because of the hunger but Paddy says, Come on, weall go down the Dock Road and throw rocks in the Shannon.

We throw rocks in the river and we swing on the iron chains along the bank. Itas getting dark and I donat know where Iam going to sleep. I might have to stay there by the Shannon or find a door or I might have to go back out the country and find a ditch like Brendan Quigley with four goats. Paddy says I can go home with him, I can sleep on the floor and Iall dry out.

Paddy lives in one of the tall houses on Arthuras Quay looking at the river. Everyone in Limerick knows these houses are old and might fall down at any minute.Mam often says, I donat want any of ye going down to Arthuras Quay and if I find ye there Iall break yeer faces.The people down there are wild and ye could get robbed and killed.

Itas raining again and small children are playing in the hallway and up the stairs. Paddy says, Mind yourself, because some of the steps are missing and there is s.h.i.t on the ones that are still there. He says thatas because thereas only one privy and itas in the backyard and children donat get down the stairs in time to put their little a.r.s.es on the bowl, G.o.d help us.

Thereas a woman with a shawl sitting on the fourth flight smoking a cigarette. She says, Is that you, Paddy?

aTis,Mammy.

163.

Iam f.a.gged out, Paddy. Them steps is killina me. Did you have your tea?

I didnat.

Well, I donat know if thereas any bread left. Go up ana see.

Paddyas family live in one big room with a high ceiling and a small fireplace.There are two tall windows and you can see out to the Shannon.

His father is in a bed in the corner, groaning and spitting into a bucket.Paddyas brothers and sisters are on mattresses on the floor, sleeping, talking, looking at the ceiling.Thereas a baby with no clothes crawling over to Paddyas fatheras bucket and Paddy pulls him away. His mother comes in, gasping, from the stairs. Jesus, Iam dead, she says.

She finds some bread and makes weak tea for Paddy and me. I donat know what Iam supposed to do.They donat say anything.They donat say what are you doing here or go home or anything till Mr. Clohessy says, Whoas that? and Paddy tells him, aTis Frankie McCourt.

Mr. Clohessy says,McCourt? What cla.s.s of a name is that?

My father is from the North, Mr. Clohessy.

And whatas your motheras name?

Angela, Mr. Clohessy.

Ah, Jaysus, atwouldnat be Angela Sheehan,would it?

aTwould, Mr. Clohessy.

Ah, Jaysus, he says, and he has a coughing fit which brings up all kinds of stuff from his insides and has him hanging over the bucket.

When the cough pa.s.ses he falls back on the pillow. Ah, Frankie, I knew your mother well. Danced with her, Mother oa Christ, Iam dying inside, danced with her I did below in the Wembley Hall and a champion dancer she was too.

He hangs over the bucket again. He gasps for air and reaches his arms out to get it. He suffers but he wonat stop talking.

Champion dancer she was, Frankie. Not skinny mind you but a feather in my arms and there was many a sorry man when she left Limerick.

Can you dance, Frankie?

Ah, no, Mr. Clohessy.

Paddy says, He can, Dada. He had the lessons from Mrs. OaConnor and Cyril Benson.

Well, dance, Frankie. Round the house ana mind the dresser, Frankie. Lift the foot, lad.

I canat, Mr. Clohessy. Iam no good.

164.

No good? Angelaas Sheehanas son? Dance, Frankie, or Iall get outa this bed ana wheel you round the house.

My shoe is broken, Mr. Clohessy.

Frankie, Frankie, youare bringina the cough on me.Will you dance for the love oa Jesus so I can remember me youth with your mother in the Wembley Hall.Take off the f.e.c.kina shoe, Frankie, ana dance.

I have to make up dances and tunes to go with them the way I did a long time ago when I was young. I dance around the room with one shoe because I forgot to take it off. I try to make up words, Oh,The Walls of Limerick are falling down, falling down, falling down, The Walls of Limerick falling down and the River Shannon kills us.

Mr. Clohessy is laughing in the bed. Oh, Jaysus, I never heard likes oa that on land or sea.Thatas a great leg for the dancing you have there, Frankie. Oh, Jaysus. He coughs and brings up ropes of green and yellow stuff. It makes me sick to look at it and I wonder if I should go home from all this sickness and this bucket and let my parents kill me if they want to.

Paddy lies down on a mattress by the window and I lie beside him.

I keep my clothes on like everybody else and I even forget to take off my other shoe, which is wet and squishy and stinks. Paddy falls asleep right away and I look at his mother sitting by the bit of a fire smoking another cigarette. Paddyas father groans and coughs and spits into the bucket. He says, f.e.c.kina blood, and she says,Youall have to go into the sanatorium sooner or later.

I will not.The day they put you in there is the end of you.

You could be givina the consumption to the children. I could get the guards to take you away youare that much of a danger to the children.

If they were to get it theyad have it be now.