COLONEL, uneasily, 'Alice, tell her it isn't so.'

ALICE. 'You hear what he says, my pet.'

AMY. 'But you don't deny it.'

COLONEL. 'Deny it, woman.'

ALICE. 'Robert, Robert.'

AMY. 'And please not to call my mother "woman" in my presence.'

COLONEL. 'I--I--I----' He looks for help from Alice, but she gives him only a twinkle of triumph. He barks, 'Child, go to your room.'

AMY, her worst fears returning, 'But what are you going to do?'

COLONEL. 'That is not your affair.'

STEVE. 'I must say I don't see that.'

AMY, gratefully, 'Thank you, Mr. Rollo.'

COLONEL. 'Go to your room.'

She has to go, but not till she has given her mother a kiss that is a challenge to the world. Then to the bewilderment of Steve two human frames are rocked with laughter.

ALICE. 'Oh, Robert, look at him. He thinks I worship him.'

COLONEL. 'Steve, you colossal puppy.'

STEVE. 'Eh--what--why?'

ALICE. 'Steve, tell Robert about my voice being softer to you than to other men; tell him, Steve, about your eyes.'

The unhappy youth gropes mentally and physically.

STEVE. 'Good heavens, was there nothing in it?'

COLONEL. 'My boy, I'll never let you hear the end of this.'

STEVE. 'But if there's nothing in it, how could your daughter have thought--'

COLONEL. 'She saw you kiss Alice here this afternoon, you scoundrel, and, as she thought, make an _a.s.signation_ with you. There, it all came out of that. She is a sentimental lady, is our Amy, and she has been too often to the theatre.'

STEVE. 'Let me think.'

COLONEL. 'Here is a chair for the very purpose. Now, think hard.'

STEVE. 'But--but--then why did you pretend before her, Alice?'

ALICE. 'Because she thinks that she has saved me, and it makes her so happy. Amy has a pa.s.sionate desire to be of some use in this world she knows so well, and she already sees her sphere, Steve, it is to look after me. I am not to be her chaperone, it is she who is to be mine. I have submitted, you see.'

COLONEL, fidgeting, 'She seems to have quite given me up for you.'

ALICE, blandly, 'Oh yes, Robert, quite.'

STEVE, gloomily, 'You will excuse my thinking only of myself. What an a.s.s I've been.'

ALICE. 'Is it a blow, Steve?'

STEVE. 'It's a come down. a.s.s, a.s.s, a.s.s! But I say, Alice, I'm awfully glad it's I who have been the a.s.s and not you. I really am, Colonel.

You see the tragedy of my life is I'm such an extraordinarily ordinary sort of fellow that, though every man I know says some lady has loved him, there never in all my unromantic life was a woman who cared a Christmas card for me. It often makes me lonely; and so when I thought such a glorious woman as you, Alice--I lost touch of earth altogether; but now I've fallen back on it with a whack. But I'm glad--yes, I'm glad. You two kindest people Steve Rollo has ever known.--Oh, I say good-night. I suppose you can't overlook it, Alice.'

ALICE. 'Oh, yes, you goose, I can. We are both fond of you--Mr.

Rollo.'

COLONEL. 'Come in, my boy, and make love to _me_ as often as you feel lonely.'

STEVE. 'I may still come to see you? I say, I'm awfully taken with your Amy.'

COLONEL. 'None of that, Steve.'

ALICE. '_We_ can drop in on you on the sly, Steve, to admire your orbs; but you mustn't come here--until Amy thinks it is safe for me.' When he has gone she adds, 'Until _I_ think it is safe for Amy.'

COLONEL. 'When will that be?'

ALICE. 'Not for some time.'

COLONEL. 'He isn't a bad sort, Steve.'

ALICE. 'Oh, no--she might even do worse some day. But she is to be my little girl for a long time first.'

COLONEL. 'This will give him a sort of glamour to her, you know.'

ALICE. 'You are not really thinking, Robert, that my Amy is to fall asleep to-night before she hears the whole true story. Could I sleep until she knows everything!'

COLONEL. 'Stupid of me. I am a little like Steve in one way, though; I don't understand why you have kept it up so long.'

ALICE. 'It isn't the first time you have thought me a harum-scarum.'

COLONEL. 'It isn't.'

ALICE. 'The sheer fun of it, Robert, went to my head, I suppose. And then, you see, the more Amy felt herself to be my protectress the more she seemed to love me. I am afraid I have a weakness for the short cuts to being loved.'

COLONEL. 'I'm afraid you have. The one thing you didn't think of is that the more she loves you the less love she seems to have for me.'

ALICE. 'How selfish of you, Robert.'

COLONEL, suspiciously, 'Or was that all part of the plan?'