"Taylor, once you are a spook you are always a spook."

Michael Taylor took a deep breath and tapped his pen on the edge of his desk. "You think the CIA is controlling the White House?"

"Yeah. I do. That's not what has me worried." Alex shook her head. "Who is controlling the CIA?" Taylor chuckled. "Something amusing?" Alex asked with some impatience as she watched Ca.s.sidy's car pull into the driveway.

"No. I just wonder why you aren't the one sitting here."

"Me and desks, never a good combination," Alex reminded him.

"Yeah, I know," he laughed. "Surprised you never went to the agency."

"They never asked," Alex said. "I have to go. Taylor?"

"Yeah?"

"Keep Fallon on Tate and Brackett."

"Why? Do you..."

"Get Brady on the congressman's accident."

"Toles..."

"There's more there. I know it. Tate had to have a reason to come to you. Leave Krause to me. Trust me, Taylor. Just trust me."

"You are about the only person I do trust," he said.

Alex laughed as her hand reached for the door. "Yeah."

"Toles, take it easy...will you please?"

"Be careful, Taylor," she said as she hung up the phone.

Ca.s.sidy watched as Alex stood over Dylan in his bed. The agent had been unusually quiet all day and Ca.s.sidy was beginning to wonder what had prompted the change in her lover's demeanor. Alex had been looking forward to Brian Fallon's visit. When Ca.s.sidy returned in the afternoon she was surprised to find the agent nearly silent. At first, she dismissed it as fatigue and physical pain. Alex was always quiet when she was in pain, but when the agent's mood persisted Ca.s.sidy began to grow more concerned. "Alex?" The agent didn't answer. Alex kept her silent watch over the boy. Ca.s.sidy let out a deep sigh and made her way to the agent's side. "Alex?" she whispered as she gently turned her lover. "What is going on?" The agent managed an unconvincing smile. "Alex..."

"I'm sorry, Ca.s.s."

"What?" Alex turned back toward Dylan. "Alex, what happened while I was gone today?" The agent shook her head and Ca.s.sidy gently began to guide her away from Dylan's bedside. "Let's go."

"Ca.s.s..."

"Come on." Reluctantly, Alex followed Ca.s.sidy to their room and took a seat on the edge of the bed. "Spill."

For the first time in many hours the agent smiled. "I'm all right, Ca.s.s."

"Liar." Alex laughed a bit harder. "Something happened," Ca.s.sidy raised her eyebrow.

"I think I'm just tired," Alex said.

"Uh-huh...and I am the Pope."

"Well, in that case Your Eminence..."

"Alex..."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Don't want to talk about it or don't want to talk about it with me?" Ca.s.sidy asked.

Alex pulled the teacher to stand between her legs. "Don't want to talk about it."

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be."

"Alex, you are never this quiet."

"Ca.s.s?"

"Yes?"

"Do you ever wish you could go backward?"

Ca.s.sidy nodded and wrapped her arms around the agent's neck. "I used to."

"But not now?"

"I don't know. When Chris showed up here yesterday, in that moment, yeah...I wished I could go back, but then what did you tell me?" Alex shrugged. "If I did, maybe there would be no Dylan at all; maybe we wouldn't be together now."

Alex rested her head against her lover's chest. The feel of Ca.s.sidy's fingers running through her hair calmed the agent. "Do you trust him?"

"Who?" Ca.s.sidy asked softly.

"Krause."

The teacher pulled back slightly and looked into Alex's eyes. "Pip was a good friend to me, Alex. He saved you...so, yes, I guess I trust him."

"He's in love with you."

"I don't think..."

"No. He is."

Ca.s.sidy smiled. "Well, I love you."

"I know," Alex leaned back into Ca.s.sidy and held onto her waist.

"Alex? Please tell me what's wrong."

"You are the only person I trust, Ca.s.s."

Ca.s.sidy took a deep breath. There were many things that she did not know about her lover's work. She was becoming more aware by the day that Alex's work meant sometimes uncovering truths that were painful. It demanded seeing the worst in people and as much as Ca.s.sidy knew that Alex's job was important, it was also evident that it took its emotional toll. "You can always trust me, Alex...no matter what."

"I know I can."

"You can tell me...you know...anything."

Alex let out the hint of a chuckle and rested her face against Ca.s.sidy's chest. "I think John was working for the CIA when we were in Iraq." Ca.s.sidy remained silent and kissed the top of the agent's head. "I think," Alex increased her grip on Ca.s.sidy's waist. "I think we were responsible for helping to move guns, move weapons to insurgents." Ca.s.sidy let out a soft sigh of understanding and kissed the agent's head again as Alex continued. "I think...Ca.s.s, I think we sold those people the weapons...that day. I think it was us."

Ca.s.sidy felt the warmth of Alex's tears through her blouse. "I love you, Alex."

"Ca.s.s, he knew...he knew we were..."

Ca.s.sidy was beginning to understand just a bit of what was troubling the agent. "Alex, even if....even if that is true, I don't believe that John would ever do anything that he thought would hurt you."

"Doesn't matter, Ca.s.s. Does it? It's like O'Brien, right? He didn't know that Fisher was..."

Ca.s.sidy stopped the agent's thoughts. She pulled Alex to face her and placed a soft kiss on the agent's lips. "Alex..."

"What if I do that?"

"Do what?"

"What if what I am doing...what if it got you hurt; or Dylan?"

A soft smile took shape on Ca.s.sidy's face and she caressed the agent's cheek. "Alex Toles." Alex looked into the teacher's eyes and Ca.s.sidy immediately saw her fear. "You listen to me, right now. Everything you do is to protect us. I know that and so does Dylan."

Alex swallowed hard. "I'm going to quit."

"What?"

"The NSA, Ca.s.s. I'm going to quit."

Ca.s.sidy nodded and pursed her lips. She looked directly into her lover's eyes and shook her head. "No. You are not."

"I made my decision, Ca.s.sidy."

"Alex, I would love to know that you are safe every day. That is the truth. But, you are not going to leave behind something you believe in because something might happen."

"Ca.s.sidy...."

"Alex..."

"What about when we want to have a family?" Alex rose to her feet. "Am I supposed to endanger all of you?" Ca.s.sidy covered her mouth and shook her head. "Nothing is more important to me than you and Dylan. Krause can handle this. There are other things I can do. I'm not...I can't risk...."

Ca.s.sidy crossed the room and took Alex's face in her hands. "I want you to listen to me, Alex."

"Ca.s.s..."

"Please, I want you to listen to me, right now." Alex looked at Ca.s.sidy's expression and reluctantly a.s.sented. "You cannot protect us from the world, no matter how much you try. You didn't create Carl Fisher." Alex started to interject and Ca.s.sidy cautioned her with a glance. "My father walked out the door one day Alex, and he never came back. He drank too much and he suffered the consequence and so did I." Alex listened intently, seeing the conviction in her lover's eyes. "Life happens. I chose you. I love you. I know who you are. Only one thing scares me more than losing you or Dylan," she paused and ensured Alex was looking at her. "The only thing that scares me more than that is seeing either one of you unhappy. You are not Batman, Alex. No matter how much you want to be. But, you are meant to do what you do. You love it. It's part of who you are. I know that too."

"Ca.s.s, all I need is you and Dylan."

Ca.s.sidy shook her head. "Alex, you have us. We love you because you are you. I'm not going to stand here and tell you that part of me doesn't wish you would quit..."

"Then why..."

"Let me finish. I have never been more frightened than I was when I saw Pip's message on my phone; not even when Carl Fisher was standing over me with a knife." Ca.s.sidy stopped for a moment to take a deep breath and took Alex's face back into her hands. "If there comes a time when you want to quit because in your heart that is what you want, I will support you with all that I am. But, I will not support you walking away from what you believe in because you are afraid of losing us."

"Ca.s.s, I just....If I ever hurt..."

"Alex, just love us. That's all."

"I do."

"Then, stop this," Ca.s.sidy said softly.

"I trusted him, Ca.s.s. I loved him like a..."

"And he loved you."

Alex shook her head. "He lied to me."

"Maybe he did, Alex. Doesn't mean he didn't love you."

"He put us all at risk. Even if he didn't intend...I won't do that to our family."

Ca.s.sidy sighed. "When did you decide this? This quitting?"

"While I was watching Dylan."

"And, you think you can just let all this go?" Alex stared blankly at her lover. "Mm-hum...that's what I thought. Alex, that is not in your nature." She kissed the agent and smiled.

Alex took a deep breath and let it out as Ca.s.sidy closed her eyes and leaned into the agent's embrace. "Ca.s.s?"

"Yeah?"

"I blamed myself." Alex swallowed hard.

"I know."

"That day..."

Alex's body began to shake and Ca.s.sidy pulled her to the bed to sit. She had grown familiar with Alex's nightmares but the agent had never truly explained what happened in any detail. "Go on," Ca.s.sidy said gently.

"There was this family...I....well, I worked with their daughter, teaching the young people English; you know?" Ca.s.sidy encouraged Alex with a smile. "Awad, he owned this bookstore. Sabeen and I, we would teach the children there." Alex stopped. "There were always people in and out, so many people." The agent closed her eyes as the memories flooded her consciousness. "It's mostly outside, you know...the marketplace. I was so focused on Sabeen and the..."

"Alex..."