Acting is tough.

This became clear to me the moment I took on this script.

To perfectly encapsulate emotions, and affect the audience without using any powers. Its not easy to do.

.I knew this before, but it was only now that I realized how hard it was.

Especially when I didnt know much about the character.

I thought about trying to immerse myself in the script, but that wasnt enough. Words werent enough. There was something that I was fundamentally missing and couldnt achieve.

I tried tried and tried

But I still failed.

In the end, looking around, and seeing all the eyes that were on me, my chest trembled.

Its almost over.

.I had yet to achieve what I wanted to achieve.

This wasnt good enough for me.

The reactions from the audience werent enough.

I couldnt stop.

Especially not when the play wasnt over.

Immerse.

I needed to immerse myself further.

Hooo.

In the silence that was surrounding me, I closed my eyes and replayed the entire script in my mind.

David.

He was a fool.

A pathetic fool.

Driven by his curiosity, he ended up discovering one of his classmates secrets.

Affection Distortion Disorder. A disease that ate away at ones life the more they experienced a certain emotion.

As long as they avoided experiencing such emotion, theyd be able to live a long life.

But would such life truly be meaningful?

Would one truly be okay with living a life like that?

From the moment that I took on the script, I asked myself such a question.

And the answer came rather quickly

Most wouldnt, but some would. David wasnt such a person. He was someone who wanted to live his life to the fullest, and this was why I struggled to immerse myself.

He was the opposite of what I was.

I lived for my brother, and not myself.

Who cared about how I felt? So long as my brother was okay, what did I matter?

I didnt matter.

It was this fundamental idea of myself that stopped me from immersing in the character. We were just so different that it made it impossible for me to see myself in him.

At least, that was until the very last moment.

Until the last scene.

Despite also having the same disease, David held no regard for himself and tried his best to help Amelia. Even though what he was doing was killing him, he continued to help her.

I didnt understand why he would go to such lengths to help someone who he hardly knew.

The moment he learned about her disease, he couldve just left and moved on with his life. But he didnt. Instead, he stayed with her until his last breath.

Why?

Why did he do that?

But I soon understood. The reason why he did what he did.

It was because

He was alone.

Facing a disease that hardly anyone knew or understood, he could only live his life in silence.

He wasnt so different from me in that regard.

To suffer in silence.

.And it was this understanding that made me understand him more as a character.

Opening my eyes, I looked down at the diary in front of me. It was all that I could see.

Pen in hand, I started to scribble.

<I would give anything to have one more hour. Just one more hour. I want to see her play. Its unfortunate that I dont have much time. My clock is ticking, and I can feel my body starting to give up on me.>

My voice echoed throughout the theater.

At the same time it did, memories started to flash before my very eyes. They were the scenes of the play.

From the first scene where I first saw Amelia to the last scene where she smiled and cried.

The scenes continued to play back and forth in my mind, endlessly, almost like a movie, and before I knew it, I was starting to have a hard time telling what was real and what was fake.

I was slowly starting to immerse myself.

David

I was slowly becoming him.

.

My hand shook. Emotions started to flood my mind.

<She wont make a mistake during the play, right? During practice, she did make a few mistakes out of nervousness. I hope that wont happen I really dont.>

I felt a certain pain invade my chest.

It made my hand shake more as my lips trembled.

Forcefully blinking my eyes, I pressed the pen harder against the paper. It creased a little.

<But I have to say, her nervous face is really cute. From how her eyes dart all over the place to how it becomes fully red>

Hahaha.

A laugh escaped my lips as I wrote. The scene played in my mind, and I found myself unable to stifle my laugh.

<I want to see it again.>

My chest ached again.

It was more painful than before.

As the immersion grew, so did the emotions and pain. I was slowly piecing a completely new identity in my mind.

Scribble~ Scribble~

My hand continued to move despite the overwhelming sensations that I was starting to feel.

.The clock was ticking.

How much longer did I have?

I could feel my body growing weaker by the second. It was starting to get harder to focus, and the memories that were flooding my mind rushed at me at an even greater intensity.

The speed at which I wrote increased as that happened.

I poured everything into the journal.

<No, thats not it. I want to see your face again. I want to see your play. I want to>

.

My hand shook further.

The more I wrote, the more my chest ached.

I started to grow desperate.

It was a terrifying pain that made it hard for me to focus. But I couldnt stop. I needed to finish writing my last words.

I needed to

Kh.

Clenching my teeth, I used every little bit of my power to write the last few words.

I needed to. I had to.

I

Sc ribble~ Scr

<see you.>

Tak.

The pen fell out of my hand.

Suddenly, my vision blurred. I could hardly see, and I couldnt breathe. My head felt light, and my arms grew limp.

As my head rolled up, I saw it.

The thousand pairs of eyes that were locked onto me.

I could see the tears streaming down their faces and the looks of shock in their eyes.

Their looks

They had changed.

Ah.

I smiled then.

But not because of them.

Because of someone else. Her face appeared in my mind again, and at that moment, I realized what the pain in my chest was.

Lvl 1. [Love] EXP + 10%

With the blink of my eyes, the notification disappeared.

As the world grew silent, my mouth opened.

Right, I forgot to say it.

I could hear my voice reach every corner of the theater.

Unlike you

As the world grew dark, I continued to smile.

.It was love, not joy.

My Emotion of Disorder.

***

The entire theater was in a state of silence beside the subtle sobs that came out from some of the spectators. With tears streaming down the faces of some of them, all attention was focused on the lone man who stood by the bench.

Thud!

As the journal in his hand fell, his eyes closed.

From the start of the play, he had not once stood out.

He appeared to be more like the secondary character to the main. She was the star. The one that the audience couldnt take their eyes away from.

.That was until the last moment.

In the last scene, all eyes were on him. Not a single eye was away from him.

He stole the spotlight.

With his lips gently twisted into a smile, he leaned back on the bench with a wistful look.

I-s he dead?

So he never got to see the play?

The realization hit some of the audience like a truck, forcing tears down their eyes.

It was a sight that made people look away, unable to look further as the sight took their breaths away.

And slowly, the lights surrounding the stage faded, covering his entire figure.

Tak

It was then that everyone heard the sound of a single footstep.

As the audience looked, a familiar figure appeared in the middle of the stage. She looked different from the past. She was older, now. Not that much older, but at least in her late twenties.

There was no background, no fancy lighting.

Just her, and the audience.

Drip. Drip!

With tears streaming down her face, she looked at the audience.

[The world is a harsh place.]

Her acting began, and the theater grew quiet.

As if they had been transported to another world, they found themselves unable to tear their gazes away from her. As tears streamed down her face and the face of the audience, she poured everything into her acting.

In that stage, she acted her heart out.

She

Let herself go.

Scribble~ Scribble~

A scribbling sound echoed, and her voice echoed.

<David left when he was 16. Thats where I found this diary and read through everything. That fool even in death, he had that dumb look on his face.>

It masked her main voice.

<Following his death, I never stopped acting. He made me realize that life is worth living, even if its short.>

Her figure shone brightly underneath the stage.

<I became somewhat famous. Well I won quite a few awards, and I cant go out of my house without getting recognized. Thats successful, right?>

She was like the sun.

Shining brightly before thousand.

<But well, I guess my time has also come. Im supposed to turn twenty five in two days, but I know I wont make it. The world already knows about my disease, and they also know that this is my last act. Im glad so many people showed up.>

Amelias movements started to slow down in the middle of the act, evidently because her body was starting to fail.

Despite that, she continued to act.

<It makes me happy that so many people can feel what I feel. What youve made me feel.>

She poured everything she had, and the audience saw it.

Her effort.

<Im so glad that I met you.>

Gradually, her acting started to slow down.

It was reaching the climax, and the voice grew softer as the act ended.

<Throughout the years that passed, I never once forgot about you, David.>

Haa.. Haa

By the time she was done, her breath was heavy, and sweat was pouring down from the side of her face.

But most importantly, she had a smile on her face.

<Because ever since I met you, Ive>

Cli Clank

The lights turned off.

<Never stopped smiling>

***

Story inspired by the fault in our stars and toki doki. Check them out if you have time.